Moon Rise (Twilight Shifters Book 2) (6 page)

"We should be able to tell if we are getting closer or further from whomever is spying on us based upon the length of time it takes for the birds to come back," observed Finn. 

"I am hoping we are getting farther away," said Aein ruefully.

"You and me both."  Finn glanced at where Lars disappeared.  "Is he okay?" he asked.

Finn was relaxed, leaning on his bedroll on one elbow, tearing off a piece from the dried jerky in his hand.  He was so casual, Aein knew that his question was anything but.

"I don't know," she replied.  The light of the fire pitched everything beyond it into a dark haze, and Aein didn't know if Lars was sitting within earshot or far away.  "It has been difficult for him.  I know he will be grateful when this is done."

Finn nodded.  "He's had it rougher than any of us.  I hate that he's going back into the swamp again so soon."

It dawned on Aein that in addition to Finn's argument that she needed wolves around the clock to protect her in the swamp, perhaps he was also so insistent because he was scared of what Lars might do once he faced the fog again.

"He'll be fine," Aein replied, not convinced of her own words, but feeling like she needed to stand up for her friend.

Finn gave her a soft smile.  "It is not weakness to fear the swamp," said Finn.  "I want to make sure he knows we are here to help him, that he doesn't have to put on a strong face if he's falling apart.  I'd rather know the truth and help him than have it destroy him."

Aein rolled onto her stomach and rested her head on her hand.  The grass crunched beneath her.  "I was only there for a few days," she said, "and
I
don't want to go back.  I can't even imagine what happened to him out there alone for those months."

"The shift is probably the only thing that kept him alive."

Aein shrugged.  "He killed people he knew.  I think there is a part of him that wishes he was the one who died."

"I hope he's not carrying around guilt for something he is not responsible for... for something he doesn't even remember."

"But he knows he did it.  And for Lars?  That's enough."

The fire crackled.  "Then we must make sure he knows he is more than that.  His life adds up to more than one chapter, no matter how terrible it might have been.  It is the rest of his days which define him."

"I hope he figures that out," said Aein.

"And how about you?" asked Finn, with the same casual nonchalance.  "How are you holding up?"

Aein stretched her fingers in her hand.  She was still so weak, so unable to fight like she used to.  "It aches," she said.

"But how about your head?" asked Finn.

Aein tried to smile, but failed.  "It aches, too."

"You are more than one moment, too, you know," he replied.  His voice was as warm as the fire they laid beside.

"I keep telling myself that," said Aein.  "But I keep thinking if I had just made a different choice, all of this would never have happened.  I could have prevented everything."

Finn nodded.  "You're right."

His agreement took Aein aback.  "You're not going to tell me that I am being ridiculous?" she challenged.

"Isn't that what you want to hear from someone?  That it is all your fault?  That if you just learn what you did wrong well enough, this won't ever happen again? And what was the lesson?  Not to trust people?  Not to trust those you love?"

Aein shifted uncomfortably.  "That's not what I am saying..."

"If you are responsible, it means that you have some control over this situation.  And isn't that what you want?  The ability to stop it?" asked Finn, gazing at her without judgment. 

His words struck too close to the truth.  Aein's throat tightened and she couldn't look at him. 

"It was my greatest wish when I was in your shoes," he said kindly.

"You've been through something like this?" she asked, unbelieving that someone as strong and put together as Finn could have ever made a mistake as huge as hers.

His brow furrowed.  A log crackled, spewing sparks into the air.  "I'm not much older than you, Aein, and here I am, the commander of the Queen's forces.  Of course.  Of
course
I have made a decision which went disastrously wrong."  Finn ran his hand over his stubble.  His eyes became distant with the memory.  "Your stronghold and mine, this whole wedding business between Queen Gisla and Lord Arnkell, it was because of outside threats.  The Haidra Kingdom has been at war since I was a child.  I was practically given a sword before I was weaned.  My first few battles went well.  I moved up through the ranks as the anointed golden boy.  But then... one time I was supposed to lead my troops on an attack.  I saw an opening, or what I thought was an opening.  Every man under me perished.  The sound of their cries still wake me at night.  I survived, though.  Managed to be in the right place at the right time to kill their king, which won us the war.  I was decorated a hero."  Finn laughed grimly.  "Can you imagine?  Watching your friends get cut down because of a decision you made, and then being rewarded for it?  Every day I woke up and I wanted to die."

"What did you do?" asked Aein.

"Queen Gisla's father sat me down and had this talk with me, the same as I'm having with you.  You think it is rough for people like us?  Imagine if every decision you make causes a chain reaction like that every day.  I had the one battle.  Gisla's father was responsible for all of them.  Sometimes the only comfort is knowing you aren't alone — that there are others who have been through it and they kept getting up and breathing even if they didn't feel like it.  Sometimes they even experience a little bit of happiness again.  Gisla's father promised me that if they could do it, I could do it.  And it means you can do it, too."  His eyes locked with Aein's and a gentle smile crept across his mouth.  There was no mirth to it.  Just quiet understanding.  "You can't prevent a future you can't see.  All you can do is promise yourself that you will do everything in your power, even if it destroys you, to heal the wounds you caused.  There will be people you love who will make terrible mistakes, and you need to be able to show them how to survive.  If you learn any lesson, Aein, learn that.  Learn how to survive so you can pass it on."

Aein wiped the tears from her cheeks.  "If her father meant so much to you, how could you leave Queen Gisla behind?" Aein asked.  "Don't you love her?"  The question came out of her mouth before she could stop it.  Yes, Finn had given her his official reasons, but there was a part of her that wanted him to have a different answer. 

He wet his lips.  "She loves me, Aein," he confessed.  "But she has to marry.  There must be an heir to the throne.  Until there is a child in place to take over when she dies, until that line of succession is secure, the kingdom will fall.  I had to leave so that she could learn to love someone else."

"And you?" she asked.  Aein wanted him to say he came because he needed to be with her.  She wanted him to say that he wanted more.  How could he know her so well and be so far away?  "Have you learned how to do that?  To love someone else?"

Finn smiled again, but this time it was full of mystery.  The whole world seemed to fade outside of his merry blue eyes and there was only the two of them.  Aein's pulse raced as he seemed to gather his thoughts.  His lips parted, as if about to utter everything she wanted to hear.  She ached for him to reach out and gather her up in his arms, to say that he still thought of that night they had on the road together and he was here because he wanted to see if it could last a lifetime.

And then Lars stepped back into the camp. 

He snuffled around the ground and with a huff, curled up beside Aein.

And the moment was lost. 

Finn put his head down and suggested, "We should get some sleep."

T
he hawk continued to follow them and the owl took over at night. Aein, Finn, and Lars had long since abandoned trying to outwit the birds.  No matter what side route they took, no matter how they tried to hide their steps, the birds always found them.

The length of time between when the raptors disappeared and when they arrived at first shortened as Aein, Finn, and Lars crossed into Lord Arnkell's land, and then lengthened as they made their way to the swamp.

"So do you think that means Lord Arnkell is tracking us?" mused Lars as the hawk appeared once more in the sky.  Finn gave a deep throated growl.

"It follows logic," replied Aein, but she almost choked on the words.  There was an insistent voice inside of her that said it was not the case at all.

Places for birds that large to land became sparse.  The pine gave way to the bare branches of scrawny trees.  The birds spent their time circling high overhead.  Aein tried to shake the feeling they were being watched like a buzzard watches carrion. 

Lars ran his long fingers through his wavy, auburn hair.  Even though it was winter, his pale skin had freckled from all the time outdoors.  "You would think Lord Arnkell would be grateful that we're trying to pick up the pieces he dropped."

"Perhaps that is why he has not yet attacked.  Perhaps as long as we are headed towards the swamp, he will leave us alone."

"That would require him to actually feel gratitude," Lars pointed out.  "And I have to say that in all my years living at the stronghold, that was never a quality I saw in him."

Aein couldn't argue.

"I wonder what he wants," mused Lars. 

Aein thought back to the night that Lord Arnkell left her to be ripped apart by the wild wolves.  If it had not been for Lars and Finn, she would have been dead.  While he tied her to the tree, one of his men had eaten a berry from her bag.  She wondered if Lord Arnkell had put the pieces together and figured out why one of his werewolves had gone sane.

Lars shifted in his saddle.  "How much further do you think we have to go?"

"You tell me.  You've been here more often.  I was usually traveling this road on galloping horseback."

"We could gallop a bit," mentioned Lars.

The time on the road seemed both a luxury and a prison.  She could not wait to get off of her horse day after day.  But she knew what waited for them at the end, and that made every moment spent outside of the swamp a thing to be relished and enjoyed.

Finn was busy scouting ahead.  From time to time, he would check in on them, his silvery scar stark against his black fur.  But from his relaxed gait, it felt like there was nothing to worry about.

"Let's go," said Aein.

They clicked their heels and were off at a fast pace.  The wind was in their face.  The gloom of the prior days dissipated.  There was nothing but the joy of the ride.

But that was when the trees disappeared.  They pulled their horses to a walk and Aein chewed the inside of her lip.  She knew they were close, she just did not realize how close.  The land had given way to the marsh outside the swamp.  The dirt road changed to the wooden piers built through the bog.  Even fearless Finn stopped, as if the wolf had to summon his courage to keep going.

Aein squinted.  The falcon was there watching them.  As she urged her horse forward, the falcon took off in the opposite direction.

"It appears it saw what it needed to see," noted Aein.

"Not even a spy is getting paid enough to go into a swamp," commented Lars.

"I suppose they figure whatever we find in there, we deserve," replied Aein, trying to ignore the pounding in her chest.  She looked over at Lars.  He was so pale.  "Are you ready?" she asked.

He nodded.  "It is not going to get any easier."  He reached behind and got his helmet from his bag, fixing it upon his head.  "Would hate to have something drop out of the swamp and knock me out of my saddle..."

They proceeded in silence, the emptiness of their horses' hooves muffled on the wood of the road.  As they approached the mangroves of the swamp, it was like the fog had been waiting for them the entire time.  The old pains in Aein's body began to ache, like a rainstorm was rolling in.  It was as if the fog knew where her weakness was and how to make her hurt.

Lars pulled his horse to a stop and slumped forward.  Aein reached out to him, resting her hand upon his back.

"Are you all right?" she asked, gently.

He nodded, swallowing as if trying to fight down nausea.  "It just struck me harder than I expected," he replied.  There was a vulnerability to him, this big, strong man struggling to find the courage to go back into this place of nightmares. 

Aein stroked his arm.  "Take all the time you need."

The relief washed across his face when he understood she accepted this moment not as a sign of weakness, but as an appropriate reaction to their situation.  He breathed deep.

Finn sat at the entrance to the swamp, waiting for them.  Lars looked up and spotted the wolf.  He shouted, "Show off!" 

Finn gave a bark, and then bent down as if getting ready to play.

"Can't let myself be shown up by some dog," muttered Lars, pulling himself together.  "Let's go in."

He clicked his heels against the side of his horse, who had picked up on the mood.  It shied and tried to dance away, but Lars gripped with his legs tightly and steered it back.  The horse reared up, trying to unseat him, but Lars pressed on.

"Go ahead!" said Lars to Aein.  "Maybe it'll follow if it sees everyone else is going in."

Aein rode her horse towards the entrance, leading the pack horse behind.  It didn't seem to help.  Lars's horse was still bucking, but then suddenly, it bolted.

Blinded by panic, the horse must have thought the bog around them was firm soil.  It ran off the road and the mud swallowed the animal up to its belly.  Lars leaped off to try and remove some of the weight, sinking in to his thighs.  He grabbed the horse's reins and tugged its head back towards the road.  Even though death was at their door, the horse bucked and struggled, preferring to disappear beneath the surface of the bog rather than face whatever was in the swamp.

Aein's heart was in her throat watching Lars fight this struggling animal.  She spurred her horse towards them, hoping she would get there in time.  She leaped off of the back of her steed and ripped through her saddlebags looking for the rope to throw to them. Her hands shook as she opened the ties.  She told herself that Lars did not survive everything he had endured just to die because of some terrified horse.  She told herself that she would get him out.  But the animal would not be calmed.