Moon Bound (Glorious Darkness Book 1) (11 page)

(19) No Place Like Home

|Scarlet's POV|

It feels like all the preparation in the world won't be enough. How am I supposed to prepare myself for meeting him again? How am I supposed to forget all he's done to me and just face him?

Like nothing has ever happened between us when, in fact, so much has.

Breaking me day after day, trying to make me bend under his rule, to become the obedient pup he wanted me to be, using everything he had in his arsenal without even a moment of thought to consider what he was doing to me... All that ever mattered to him was to become the ultimate leader, the one whom no one opposed and I was the one who stood in his way.

Fallen from grace, I was the one who was once supposed to lead the pack he took over. He couldn't just kill me like he killed my father. No, he needed to make me follow.

To say that I am enthusiastic about the prospect of meeting Alpha again will be more than just stretching the truth. It's a complete, undeniable lie.

I'm moved by it. Like a spider caught in the downpour while weaving its web, I'm helpless to stop my descent. But shall I ever fall, I will bring him into the abyss with me. Instead of joy as expected from someone waiting for their mate, dread and anticipation are pounding along with my heart.

The last week has been hectic as we made ourselves ready to reap the fruits of my mistakes. They didn't judge me. I've known they wouldn't and this only makes me feel guiltier. A heavy burden has been placed on my shoulders and, not realizing it sooner, I've unwillingly come to discover I care for someone besides myself. Several someones who've wormed their way into my black heart, the one I've deemed unfit for affection.

No alarm has sounded upon our involvement with the scouting for the pack rogue. No fanfares and no advertisements of the upcoming attack. 

All is silent still. Not even a whisper of a rumor circulating within the group of creatures living amongst the humans in the nearby city. Like the quiet before the storm.

Is he afraid to make his presence known? Is he stalling his hand from taking action? I know well it is not in his style to procrastinate. He squashes threats. He faces challenges. He does not ignore or leave them unpunished.

Jaz is pacing in the room as we wait for Cole to finish the call and bring us the long-awaited news. He's disappeared into his office a while ago and I've been listening to their muffled conversation ever since. We all have.

I recognize his timbre, his smooth, silky voice. I recognize the threat in it even if I can't quite make out the exchange. Whatever they are discussing neither one sounds pleased by the subject or the answers the other is giving back.

Sweeping off the cold perspiration trickling down my neck, once again it feels like Alpha has brought me to my knees. A ghost from my past come back to life.

I never believed in such, but of him, I am convinced.

Now raking that same hand through my mane of a hair, "I should have been the one to talk to him," it's just a whisper, a low, hushed sound like the one of a man, hours away from the dawn of his execution.

"Quiet, Scar. You don't want him hearing you and coming running, do you?" Hunter shushes me, making a valid point like always. This time, however, he's wrong. 

An awareness that's nearly overwhelming, I can feel it. How close he is. 

He's already come, I want to say but, instead, stay quiet.

Mistaking my silence for confusion, "Yes, I'm sure he can hear you and, no doubt, will if you don't keep it down," he hiss-whispers, worry laced in his voice as his eyes go back to tracing his mate's movements.

Her pacing back and forth across the room is giving me a headache. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it.

"The house isn't as sound proof as a packhouse," David agrees. Being the silent, brooding type, this is the first time he's spoken tonight and I am fazed that even he, who usually notices even the slightest change in others, fails to notice the reason for my concern isn't just Alpha. Yet, I can't find it in me to say it aloud.

Do you blame me? Do you want me to leave and spare you the trouble? Do you want me to surrender myself to my tormentor? 

Wondering if they will be talking about that later, when I'm not around, just like Cole and Alpha are talking now, I can feel facial muscles stretching into a grimace. My lips stay frozen.

"Are you fucking deaf or just stupid, Alpha Greene? How many times do I need to repeat myself? No, I am not inviting you for a visit and, no, there's nothing we need to discuss!" Cole's shout comes loud and clear, then silence.

A few minutes later, making his way to the living room, his face is flush with anger. His body is rigid, tension he's bottling up inside for the right moment to let it go oozing out in waves. Marveling at his self-control, both proud and envious of his strength, have I been anything like him they would have never known me, never found themselves in this kind of a mess.

I'm not like him. Reason, control - neither one is a quality I have. And now we are screwed.

"What a thick-headed prick!" he swears, dropping down on the couch. "Should have given me a fair warning about him, Scar."

Managing a small smile, I mumble, "I beg to differ, Cole. I gave you one but no warning will ever suffice where he is concerned."

I take the seat next to him, chuckling out a grim amusement as I do. Did he expect an easy banter and a string of compliments when I told him Regan is as much of an Alpha as they come? Certainly not. Although, Cole being Cole is again getting his undies in a twist by the smallest of matters.

"You know, Cole, if you weren't a half-blood like us, I bet you'd have made one fine Alpha yourself," I point out with a smirk.

"Shut up, Scar!" He strikes me with a murderous look, probably thinking up ways to wipe the smirk off my face but, knowing him as well as I do, I opt for an equally annoying grin. I've hit a sore spot and we both know it.

"Anyway," he sighs, his midnight eyes turning charcoal as a gentle, compassionate expression sweeps across his face. "I need you to prepare, guys. Especially you, Scarlet. He's coming. 
Not asking permission but stating a fact
," Cole spits out the last, pulling off one fine imitation of Alpha. 

Shivering with fear and something else I can't name, conflicted, confused emotions surging through me, I watch Cole hopping back to his feet, dusting himself off as if the very recollection of the call is making him feel dirty, deconsecrated even. Alpha has that effect on people. I probably know that better than anyone.

"When is he coming here?" Adam speaks out from his place at the corner of the room. No longer wearing his easy, usual grin, his face is somber, his hands forming fists by his sides instead of being folded over his chest.

"Tomorrow. The asshole is coming tomorrow," Cole announces drearily, then, with one last nod my way, leaves the room.

For a few long minutes, I stay there with the others. The silence is covering us like a blanket, not warming but bringing a chill to my heart. I can almost hear the thoughts swirling in their minds as the minutes tick by.

It's hard to stand here, witness how the accusation they must feel towards me grow roots.

They are going to talk, strategize and I'm only standing in the way, once again rendered to be the outsider.

Excusing myself, I go back to my room, locking myself inside and sinking into the comfort of my bed, the one my family has failed to provide me in a moment of need. I don't blame them. I can't. I know it's hard for them too. I know they are as scared as I am. Perhaps, I've been wrong to place my faith in them and now they are going to throw me to the wolves, to assure their own survival. 

Only time will show the Moon's plans for me.

I close my eyes in willing surrender to be swept away by oblivion but, for the first time in months, sleep evades me. Instead, I stay awake till the early morning hours, listening to the people I've grown to care about talk about how they are going to protect me.

They are going to protect me...

(20) Lies And Promises

|Scarlet's POV|

Finding your mate is nothing like falling in love.

A stranger who comes into your life and makes you feel things. You don't love him. You don't care for him. You just need him. The same way you need air.

It's nothing like this between Regan and I. He isn't just a stranger I'm forced to get to know. I already know so much about him. I know how much death his hands can bring. I know the way his voice sounds when it is directed towards me.

And I hate every single bit of that knowledge. I hate the spark that can't be extinguished. I hate the shivers he's touch is waking. I hate the scent of his body close to me.

Love is born with time. It grows with care. Withers with lack of affection. This connection never fades.

Like the kiss of the whip - the harder you fight it, the tighter it weaves around you, tentacles nestling deeper into your flesh, piercing your soul not to tear it apart but plant the seed into it.

The soil is fertile. The process - irreversible. You can't stop the Moon from dipping into the horizon and you can't stop yourself from falling under the spell. You don't move on. You don't free yourself. You don't fight it.

Because shall you try, you'll lose it all, reject everything that makes you - 
you,
 deny yourself on the most basic of levels.

You're helpless. He is.

I can see the sentiment etched into him as he makes his way into the house... uninvited. I can see him struggling to deny the need in the shivers raking over his tense body. He's holding on by a thread, his eyes never leaving me as they trace my every curve and feature. A man who's been starved for my love, his gaze is leaving burning trails.

With restraints holding the prisoners in place, this is all artificial. Can he understand it? Can he see it for the curse it is?

Something that holds us down when we want to rise, a burden we are forced to carry along the way instead of choosing our own path.

He needs me, not because he has chosen me and not because he loves me. He needs me just because.

I'm the other half of him, someone who will strengthen him and his pack. There's nothing more to it.

Leading the way to the living room, "This way, Alpha Greene," Cole instructs. I'm following a few steps behind, uncertain if I should be here for the talk in the first place, but staying as per Cole's request.

Truthfully, I wish I was anywhere but with the two males and even though Alpha has come alone, sparing me the pleasure of meeting my ex-pack mates, his presence is equally burdensome. My nerves strained, it's a struggle to control my trembling with need hands.

To weave them around his neck and press my body to his or squeeze... squeeze until he bleeds and chokes for me.

An ache in my heart, the bond is humming with intensity, flaying at my thoughts, images of my mate dying in my hands flashing through my mind. Vicious in its need to have us closer to each other, it's fighting back against the perversity of my hate towards someone I should love.

"Would you like something to drink, Alpha Greene?" Cole offers once Alpha is comfortably seated in the room. "Coffee, tea or maybe juice?"

"Arsenic will be better, Cole. Just give him that," I snicker, ignoring the bond twisting and snapping inside me. "It suits his tastes better than coffee or tea."

I've thought I killed it. It's not dead.

Shaking his head at me, "That's no way to treat a guest, Scar," Cole scolds.

Why, did I say something wrong?

I shrug. "A guest is someone you invite into your home and no one invited 
him,
" I point at Alpha without sparing him a flicker of a glance. He doesn't deserve my notice.

A stir of annoyance nudges at the corner of my mind, the place where I can feel 
him
 through the bond. The hum is louder, the bond nearly screaming at my animosity towards our mate, nearly crying out with the hurt my words are causing him.

Ignoring the pain, I am content with my small victory.

"Be nice, Scar." Yeah, right. Arching a brow, I'm tempted to flip him the finger.

"At least, be civil then," Cole groans.

"If I must," I grumble. "Pineapple juice for me, Cole."

"If I must," he teases, mimicking me.

Moving past him, I reward his response with a smack to the shoulder and take a seat on the leather couch opposite our 
guest
.

"Ouch, that hurt, you know," he complains, massaging the place taken the impact. Serves him right.

"Alpha Greene?"

"I'll have the same as my mate," Alpha grits out, a displeased look on his face.

"Coming right up," Cole chirps like the happy host he is and disappears into the kitchen. I have known him for months and he is probably the closest to me person here, besides Micah, yet the mystery of him is still a puzzle I am placing together.

Having no other choice, I direct my attention to the male I've been left with.

"Long time no see, Alpha." The statement is cold, like a bucket with ice has been poured over me and it can be now heard in my voice. Lacking, devoid of any warmth.

"I wish I could say I'm pleased to have you here but that would be a lie," I add, accusation in every syllable.

Why did he come? What did he expect to find?

The words cut him deeper than I've expected. His face paling, the man guilty as charged, there's nothing for him to say to make it right between us.

"I hate you, Alpha. I want you to hurt. I want you dead. Is this why you came here? To bleed for me, Alpha? To break down and weep your sorrows like a juvenile pup?"

His forest green orbs give me a wary look, a look that says so much yet nothing. He's blocking his emotions now, knowing better than to tempt me with his pain. Unfortunately for him, after two years in his service, I've learned how to read him. I don't need the flow of some pathetic bond to give me hints. He is an open book to me and I know to read the lines as well as in between them. He's still the same. Self-centered, arrogant, asshole... He never stopped to consider me, to understand me like I understand him. Still the monster I knew back then, even if he's playing the 'mate' part in front of me. He hasn't changed.

"I'm a different man now, Scarlet. I've changed from the last time you saw me. I know this is hard to believe but I did change," he tells me. "I came to show you this. I needed to come. I need you."

In another life, said to another girl, these words would have meant so much but not now. Not to me.

Sighing, wishing I could cry in front of this man, wishing I could tell him all that I want to say, I know I can't give him the hope he needs, the hope that one day it will be all forgiven... That we have a future together.

This isn't the man. This is the bond talking. It's not real. These feelings he thinks he has, that need, none of it is real.

Forced upon us. Poisoning us.

"People don't change, Regan," I say softly, quietly. It is the first time I call him by his name and, perhaps, this is what halts the objection, causing him to listen. "People pretend that they do. Just like you are pretending now. You think you've changed for me but have you really? Have you stopped to think about what I want, what 
I need
, the girl you abused from the first moment of notice, and not what your 
mate
 needs?"

He opens his mouth to speak but I raise my hand to stop him. "I know you haven't. You are an Alpha, one of the strongest I've ever met. You can't change that since it's who you are and were raised to be. Just like I can't change who I am." What you made me.

"You're not going to give me a chance, are you?" he questions, brushing a stray tear from the corner of his eye.

"No," I choke out. "Even if I wanted to I don't think I can."

He falls in deep thought. Just looking at me with those sad eyes and giving me his broken smile, probably seeing the real me for the first time since this whole thing happened.

A few minutes later, maybe longer, Cole makes his way back to us, carrying a tray with drinks and dragging his feet on the hardwood floor rather loudly to announce his presence. I don't wonder if he's been listening to us this whole time, giving us the opportunity to come clear while he spied on the conversation. I know he has.

"Drinks are ready," he chimes in, placing the tray on the table and giving me a rather mystified look as if to say, 
What did you do to the poor guy?

"I'm sorry, Cole. I just remembered I have some matters to attend to so we need to postpone our conversation. No need to see me off. I'll find my way out," Alpha says and stands up, strolling for the door with purpose. Just before he leaves, he glances back, spring eyes lighting up with intent and promise. "I'm not giving up on you, love. See you tomorrow."

The words echo in my mind long after he's gone.