Monster (21 page)

Fueled by hatred, by a twisted form of vengeance, Dominic had lived solely for himself, cruelly exploiting and manipulating the people around him to fit to his needs, only to callously discard them when they had stopped being useful to him. And it should’ve been the same with his wife. From the very moment he’d seen this woman, Dominic had set out to have her, and when he finally did get her into his possession, he’d lorded his authority over her with a devilish sadism that would’ve made the Marquis de Sade gleeful. The more she’d resisted, the more aggressive he became, emotionally whipping her with chains that had tethered him. He’d punished her for mistakes she’d never made. Why? Because he’d feared her. She’d posed a danger to his mental stability, to his very foundation… to the little boy he’d hidden beneath the shallow depths of his soul.

“I lived here. But I wasn’t really living so much as surviving. My mother…”he exhaled a sharp breath and drew another back in raggedly; in the excruciating silence of the car it sounded like nails on a chalk board to him. Shoulders raised, brows furrowed and tension ready to go off like a spring trap, he kept his head down unable to look at her, but he saw her hand, delicate, small, and sweetly providing comfort to a man who did not deserve it.

“Tell me, Dominic,” she implored gently only to inaudibly gasp when he unfurled his fist and caught her hand within his own. Interlacing their fingers, he gripped her with bruising strength. Almost instinctively her fingers settled and squeezed back to show that she was there.

“There was nothing good about her, but if she’d wanted, I would’ve stayed, I would’ve loved her enough for the both of us. But she was cruel beyond comprehension. She hated me too much to see or feel anything else. How can you possibly love the product of your rape? That’s why a part of me knew that I deserved what she did. I was a constant reminder of what my father did to her. I can’t remember a day when she wasn’t high. I can’t remember a day she wasn’t screwing some guy to pay for that high. When she was high she liked to play games. Russian roulette: one bullet, a fifty-fifty chance that it had my name on it. I think she liked that game the most. Then there were the burn marks, cigarette burns she’d dig into my flesh until I screamed. I handled the beatings alright. Even the lack of food hadn’t been so bad. But it was the darkness. She had a special room for me, a little crawlspace no bigger than a box. I’d scratch my nails on the door until it they bled, screaming at the top of my lungs for her to let me out.”

Dominic did not allow himself a moment to think; the words came and he permitted them, purging himself of secrets and memories he’d kept for far too long. He told her of waking up in his own filth, surrounded by the stench, while the darkness consumed him, toying with his young mind, driving him further into madness. He shed his pretense, his arrogance, his very pride and laid it out at her feet and dragged a knife from Adam’s apple to navel to reveal the ugliness that dwelled at his core. Dominic bared it all.

“Two million dollars and I was no longer her problem. She didn’t look back, we didn’t exchange words, and the last thing I remember of her is her tattered sweater that smelled of cigarettes and hate. A hate that I have inherited and nourished with rage. It grows in me, Eden. Here,” he touched the middle left side of his chest, “there is nothing here but ugliness.” Voice raw, he released her hand and gripped the steering wheel once again. “I just…I wanted you to know. I wanted you to see.”

For a very long moment afterwards, nothing was said, until she settled her hand on his arm, and Dominic recoiled slightly. When he finally braved a glance at her, anguish twisted his insides. He’d expected revulsion, scorn, or even worse, apathy from her, but what he saw instead was compassion coating her fine-bone features. There had been nothing but softness and understanding in her beautiful amber eyes and Dominic had never felt so underserving, so unworthy of her.

“Thank you for telling me,” she uttered in the silence, her voice soft and gentle. “I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to tell me, so thank you.”

It seemed as though she would say more; she opened her mouth a few times but words failed her. Dominic could not blame her, the fact that she had listened was more than he could’ve asked for. With an imperceptible tilt of his head in acknowledgment, he swallowed around the lump lodged in his throat and started the engine. When her hand slipped away, he fought against the urge to draw it back. But Dominic kept a hand on the steering wheel and another on the gear shift, determined to see them out of this neighborhood unscathed. With just a glance outside, he noted the group of men seated on the playground, their gazes had not left the car since Dominic had pulled into the parking lot. He figured the only reason they had yet to approach was because of the heavily tinted windows that provided them a trace of anonymity. But they would remain idle for long and Dominic wanted to get them out of town before anything happened. With everything else he’d done to her, endangering her life would not be one of them.

Eden tossed and turned, punched her pillow a few dozen times to get rid of the lumpiness, hoping to find a comfortable position to sleep, but her attempts proved futile. No matter how hard she tried, sleep wouldn’t come. But then it really wasn’t from a lumpy pillow or how she couldn’t stay cool despite the centralized air conditioning. The culprit of her sleep deprivation was the chaotic state of her mind, and it was wreaking havoc on the rest of her body. Her mind replayed Dominic’s confession on an endless loop. She’d had her suspicions about his childhood, especially after the little bit Lucas had revealed, but Eden could not have imagined the extent of the abuse he’d suffered. Even now, she shuddered, horrified by the tale he’d recounted in that bleak, detached voice that had seemed too far away for her to reach him. Sitting up, she drew her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. How could a mother treat her own child in such a way? In her turbulent state, Eden tried to imagine the horror he went through, the crippling fear, and the unmitigated cruelty he’d endured, and it made her heart burn. She hurt for him. She hurt for the abused little boy and for the man who carried his scars, scars that were so deeply entrenched they were now permanently rooted in his core.

Eden had a slight understanding of the man now; she understood the reason for the enmity that he’d harbored for so long, not necessarily towards her, but she’d been the most convenient target. By no means did she condone his actions, but understanding led to clarity, and with that lucidity, she was able to feel compassion for him regardless of the part of her that wished to remain angry. How could he trust when his beliefs were rooted in violence, fear, and hate? How could he show affection and love, when he had been so cruelly deprived of it? He’d been a child, simply a child, blameless, innocent, and eternally hopeful when he’d undergone those unimaginable atrocities. If his mother had been capable of betraying him this badly, then what was to be said for the rest of the world?

Eden expelled a breath. She was restless, anxious. Her mind had been in a whirlwind since he’d revealed his past to her, and it didn’t appear as though it was in anyway ready to stop. He’d remained in the car when they’d arrived and had quietly encouraged her to head in. Eden didn’t know whether he’d followed shortly after, but his broodiness had worried her. Still worried her. She’d hoped that he would not do anything rash. He’d all but exposed himself to her, an act that had undoubtedly left him feeling weak and vulnerable. Eden knew Dominic would not tolerate that in himself. Dominic thrived on control, the power he wielded over himself and others was what defined him, but he’d forfeited it all, lowered
his impenetrable defenses for a time so she could see who he truly was, see the depth of emotions that he hid so carefully from the world.

A thought suddenly came to mind. What if he regretted telling her? Worst yet, what if he erected those walls again and shut her out completely this time? Springing out of bed, hasty footsteps took her to the double doors of his bedroom before her mind could even register the action. Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Eden raised her hand and knocked gently yet firmly. She blocked out all rational thought, refused to listen to the part of her that screamed out what a monumentally bad idea this was, and instead concentrated on what she would say to him. Adrenaline had her heart battering incessantly against her breastbone while she shifted anxiously in place. When nothing happened on the second or third knock, something akin to disappointment flooded through her veins. She was ready to turn and head back to her room, figuring she would check on Liam before attempting sleep, when something made her take hold of the gilt handle and pull down. The adjoining door that led to Liam’s room was open, and the soft glow of his nightlight was the only source of light filtering in to the master bedroom. After a cursory look around the bedroom revealed it empty, Eden ambled to the nursery.

She wasn’t a crier by any means, but what she saw brought instant tears to Eden’s eyes, especially in light of what she now knew. Reclining in the rocking chair by the solitary window, Liam lay on his father’s chest in slumber, one of his receiving blankets covering the lower half of his body as he dreamed of sweet things, knowing instinctively that he had his father there to protect him. It was such a beautiful sight that Eden was lured closer, until she stood at their side. Sleep softened the hard lines of Dominic’s strikingly handsome face. Unguarded as he was, he appeared almost serene, and she fought against the need to reach out and touch him. She wanted to erase the slight crease at his brow and trail her finger down the bridge of his nose, to his high cheekbones and sensual lips that were capable of devouring her with such unbridled voracity. Caught once more in the inescapable force of his gravitational pull, Eden drew closer only to gasp when his eyes peeled open and arrested her in their turbulent depths. For a very long moment there was nothing else but the dark green of his eyes and the intensity that suspended the air in her lungs. It was only when he raised his index to his lips in silent commission for her to keep quiet that she drew in breath and looked away. He came to his feet in one fluid motion, ever mindful of the child he held in his arms.

“He was awake when I came in,” he murmured, the gravelly resonance of his tone made it seem like it had been a long while since he’d spoken. Though he’d set Liam down a moment earlier, Dominic remained at the crib, his hand moving rhythmically across the apple of Liam’s cheek. In complete awe of this little boy who was so much a part of him and yet nothing at all like him. It terrified Dominic to even
touch him this way, fear that he would somehow taint him, that his own demons would mar his child’s innocence made him reluctantly draw his hand back. “I wanted to spend time with him.”

“I know,” she said softly. Standing at his side, he felt her like the sun on his skin, her radiating brilliance showering him with warmth. Dominic wanted to submerge and bathe himself in that warmth. He stepped away from the crib, knowing that he would give into impulse if he did not. He put even more distance between them, leaving their son’s nursery and ambling back to the master bedroom. She followed him like he knew she would and idled in the space between the entrance of Liam’s nursery and their bedroom. He could tell that she was anxious about something, subtle signs that he could instantly pick off without even trying. Like the small crease between her brows or the way she absolutely refused to meet his gaze, and then there was the way she would intermittently slide her tongue across her bottom lip that he found incredibly arousing. Just as she was doing now.

To distract himself, he trailed an admiring glance along the contours of her diminutive form and instantly discovered how foolish it was when he found his gaze focused on the satin peach camisole dress she wore and how enticingly it outlined her breasts, stopping a few inches above mid-thigh, putting shapely caramel legs he wanted to slide between on display. Dominic cleared his throat as he felt himself hardening. He slipped his hands in his pockets to hide his growing erection.

“Are you alright?” In making the inquiry, Dominic headed to the sitting area and settled into one of the roll back chairs. Again, impulse gnawed at him to take her in his arms, but his restraint was stronger, but not by much.

“I…uh…yes, I’m alright. I actually came to see if
you
were okay.” She didn’t stand immediately in front of him, but he could see her from his peripheral “I mean I know you’re okay, but I just figured after everything…” Her words trailed off into the silence. He expected her to see the futility of her concern for him, see how wasted it was on such an undeserving man and continue on in her low opinion of him. But Eden was a tenacious little thing. A trait Dominic had come to admire in her. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Dominic tilted his dark imperious head and gave her a perverse smile. “I haven’t been okay for a very long time, Eden,” he said grimly. He wanted a drink, something strong that would lessen the constriction in his chest and allay the feeling of helplessness that he had not been able to shake since telling her of his past. He wanted to run back into that darkness that had consequently become his prison, friend, and master.

“I’m sorry for what you went through,” she said quietly, her voice a caress of compassion that felt so good and so bad in the same breath.

His mouth compressed into a hard line and his darkly handsome features tightened considerably, drawing his brow into a menacing frown. He could only imagine what he looked like. If his appearance was anything like the turmoil raging in him, then Dominic could only surmise that he looked every bit the monster she called him. “It’s fine,” he bit out, harsher than intended.

“No,” she knelt at his side; the tentative touch of her hand on his knee had Dominic looking down into her luminous citrine eyes that were beguiling. “It’s not fine. What your mother did to you was not okay, Dominic. It was cruel and evil and you have to know you didn’t deserve that sort of abuse. No child does,” she whispered emphatically, as if she understood his pain.

“I haven’t gone back there until tonight and a part of me hates that I brought you there,” he confided without rancor. “I should not have said anything to you.”

“Then why did you?”

“Because I break my own rules when it comes to you,” he returned pointedly. “Those memories were mine, and if had any pride, I would not have shared them with you.”

“Your pride hasn’t done us any good so far,” she said with a soft sigh. “You cling so tightly to something so ugly when it’s only hurting you. It’s a burden you weren’t meant to carry.”

“It is nevertheless my burden. My entire childhood was filled with nothing but ugliness. That is all I’ve known. It is who I am.”

“You are not your mother’s mistakes, Dominic,” Eden imparted gently. “I keep thinking about Liam and try to imagine—”

“No!” he spelled out with unequivocal authority. “He will never know such a life. You have given more to my son in the five months since he’s been born than that woman ever gave me in the eight years I spent with her.” His mouth twisted bitterly in recollection.

“Did you love her?”

He gave a sharp laugh. “I abandoned what little love I had left for her the moment she sold me. I abandoned a lot of things in that apartment.”

“Yourself included.”

His large hand cupped the side of her face with a tenderness that surprised them both, and while he waited with bated breath to see if she would pull away, she remained as she was and simply looked back at him expectantly. “I’ve hurt you,” he conceded. “Tell me how to fix it.”

Eden licked her lips. “Apologize.”

He leaned forward until his breath was her own and said with every bit of sincerity and fervor that lay in him, “There are no words that can convey how sorry I am for what I put you through, Eden. What I
did to you is unforgivable. I make no excuses for my actions except to tell you that they were done in fear and weakness. I have made so many mistakes in the last five years in regards to this marriage, but there is nothing I regret more than failing you as a husband.”

Eden’s eyes drifted close as she leaned into his hand and savored this moment. His apology, long awaited, was a balm to a damaged heart, a small but significant step towards mending this chaotically complex relationship. “We didn’t enter this marriage with the best intentions,” she admitted, opening her eyes to find his smoldering gaze intent on her mouth, while his thumb slid languidly across her full bottom lip.

“No, I never did have the best intentions when it came to you,” he said huskily, and just before he claimed her mouth, he uttered the words that sent a current of blazing desire through her bloodstream, “but being in your Eden has made it well worth it.”

He kissed her slow and deep, like mating, it was decadent and carnal. His lips sucked on hers, alternating from top to bottom with every sweet, warm breath they shared. His tongue circled languidly, stroking along hers and took it deeper. He kindled the flames of Eden’s inferno, roused it with this erotic play of tongue, lips and nipping teeth until liquid fire pooled luxuriantly between her thighs. The sensitive tips of her nipples swelled and chafed uncomfortably against her top every time she moved, making her utterly aware of her hunger for him.

She rose to her knees, reached out, and felt the stubble of his jaw beneath the tips of her caressing fingers, and feeling emboldened, drugged possibly by the potency of his kiss, she slid the tip of her tongue along the barely discernible scar at the corner of his top lip. That one move elicited a deep, masculine groan as he buried his hands in her hair and brusquely hauled her to his lap, deftly positioning her so that his thick straining cock aligned snuggly against the thin layer of her panties. “No good intentions here, Eden,” he purred hotly against her ear, bracing a hand at the nape of her neck to hold her steady while the other crept down her back in possessive caress that shot a ribbon of desire along her ramrod spine, leaving goose bumps in its wake. “Tell me to stop.” His urgency came out as a growl as he brushed his lips along the side of her face, his tongue darting out to lick at the racing pulse of her neck.

She was treading on dangerous ground and knew she should stop him. But the truth was that Eden did not want him to. She was tired of fighting this constant battle. Tired of denying herself that one thing she intrinsically knew she wanted. He was the only one who could temper the frantic desire that pulsed inside her. Tossing all conscious thought out the window, she submitted to baser instinct. “Don’t stop.” She barely recognized the breathless, needy sound as her own voice. When her mouth touched his in
soft invitation, he accepted it without hesitation, plunging his tongue between her pliant lips to take the sweetness that he craved.