Monsieur Pamplemousse and the French Solution (23 page)

He should have known better.

For a brief moment Monsieur Leclercq looked suitably chastened. ‘You are absolutely right, Aristide,’ he exclaimed. ‘I am so excited by the turn of events I am getting ahead of myself.’

He struck one of his Napoleonic poses; a pose honed to perfection over the years by taking in the view from his window of the Emperor’s last resting place beneath the golden dome of the nearby Hôtel des Invalides.

‘Pamplemousse,’ he said grandly, ‘I have a plan of campaign! It is my wish to run it up the flagpole and see if, in your view, it flies.

‘If your answer is in the affirmative, then it is really a question of pulling all the right levers, and for that we shall need what is known as a road map.’

Monsieur Pamplemousse gloomily opted for a
glass of champagne. It was a good buck-you-up at any time of the day or night, and he suddenly felt in need of one.

‘Monsieur Leclercq has a plan?’ repeated Doucette over dinner. ‘I don’t like the sound of that.’

‘It is what he calls a “road map”, Couscous,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse. ‘I must say I was a bit sceptical myself at first.’

‘How many weeks will it take you?’

‘That all depends on how many dead ends I come across,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse vaguely. He toyed with the remains of his dessert. ‘It needs to be in place before the start of the racing season in Deauville.’

‘It would never do to miss that,’ said Doucette dryly.

‘It is all mixed up with the annual staff party at his summer residence,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse. ‘As always, wives are invited too, only this year, if all goes well, there will be an extra guest; a very important one.’

‘July? That’s over two months away.’

‘Just think,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse. ‘All that time at home.’ He spooned the remains of the dessert onto his plate. ‘Once again, Couscous, tell me the recipe for this delicious concoction. What is it called?
Crème bachique
?’

‘Bacchus Delight,’ said Doucette, ‘is a baked custard made with half a litre or so of Sauternes, six egg yolks, four ounces of sugar and a touch of cinnamon.’

‘But made with love,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse. ‘That is the most important ingredient, Couscous.’

He gave a sigh of satisfaction. ‘It is good to be home. White asparagus from the Landes with sauce mousseline – one of my favourites; sole, pan-fried in butter, seasoned with parsley and lemon and served with tiny new potatoes; and now Bacchus Delight … what more could any man wish for? Simple dishes, all of them, but as I have so often said in the past, anyone can follow a recipe. It takes love and understanding to bring a meal to full fruition. It is what is known as “the passion”.’

‘If you and Pommes Frites are planning to be around for two whole months, don’t expect to eat like this every day of the week,’ said Doucette, as she bustled around clearing the table. ‘Besides, there are all sorts of things that need attending to. The window boxes could do with a thorough going over for a start. I will make a list …’

‘First things first,’ said Monsieur Pamplemousse hurriedly. ‘It is a matter of priorities.’

‘In that case,’ said Doucette, ‘I suggest you start by telling me exactly what Monsieur Leclercq has in mind.’

‘Ah!’ Monsieur Pamplemousse looked at his watch. ‘Now that, Couscous, is going to take time. Time, and a measure of understanding. Perhaps, as an aid to digesting it all, before I begin we should open another bottle of Meursault? It involves my writing a play.’

Pommes Frites looked from one to the other before settling down in a corner of the room. A good deal of the conversation that day had gone over his head, but he knew the signs. Weighing up the pros and cons and coming down heavily on the side of the cons, it seemed to him his master might well be in need of support before the night was out.

If you enjoyed
Monsieur Pamplemousse and the French Solution,
read on to find out about other books
by Michael Bond…

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MONSIEUR PAMPLEMOUSSE HITS THE HEADLINES

During his time as an inspector with the Paris Surete, Monsieur Pamplemousse had been ‘in at the death’ on more than one occasion, but even he had to admit that the phrase took on an entirely new meaning when he was present at the spectacular ending to
Cuisine
de Chavignol
, France’s premier television cookery programme. Seated in the front row of an invited studio audience, he watched in silent horror as the eponymous host, having downed an oyster in close-up, uttered a strangled cry and slowly but surely sank from view behind a kitchen worktop.

Pommes Frites, sniffer dog extraordinaire, has his own views on the matter: Claude Chavignol was a bad egg if ever he’d seen one. Subsequent events prove him right, and soon he and his master find themselves caught up in a bizarre world of unrequited lust, murder and blackmail in high places.

MONSIEUR PAMPLEMOUSSE AND THE MILITANT MIDWIVES

Having delivered a particularly stirring speech at his recently deceased colleague’s funeral, Monsieur Pamplemousse is more than a little disturbed when the coffin explodes into flames during the ceremony. Luckily his faithful hound Pommes Frites gives out a warning cry just in time, so there are no casualties. But who exactly is behind this explosion – and what was the actual cause of his late co-workers demise? This latest in their wild romps find the entertaining duo meeting a CIA agent masquerading as a celebrity chef with a penchant for Krispy Kremes, causing chaos at a prestigious hotel, and experimenting with a dog translator.

With delectable wit, sharp dialogue and a marvellous sense of timing, this latest in the adventures of Monsieur Pamplemousse and his beloved hound will have you chuckling out loud and crying out for more.

MONSIEUR PAMPLEMOUSSE AND THE CARBON FOOTPRINT

Le Guide
, France’s premier gastronomic guide, is failing to whet the appetite of its audience in America. Bribed by the Director with offers of some time off, Monsieur Pamplemousse agrees to flex his literary muscles in a bid to address the problem.

The result is the ex-detective’s directorial debut, complete with walk-on part for faithful bloodhound, Pommes Frites. Everything rests on special guest, Jay Corby, acclaimed American food-critic, whose good opinion could change their transatlantic fortunes. But disaster strikes on opening night when a manoeuvre with a trapdoor causes Corby to storm out in a rage.

Monsieur Pamplemousse must find him before he ruins everything for
Le Guide
. Once again he can rely on star sniffer dog, Pommes Frites, who is hot on the trail of their only lead, but also the flimsy undergarments of an exotic dancer they’d happened upon in a state of undress earlier that day.

M
ICHAEL
B
OND
was born in Newbury, Berkshire in 1926 and started writing whilst serving in the army during the Second World War. In 1958 the first book featuring his most famous creation, Paddington Bear, was published and many stories of his adventures followed. In 1983 he turned his hand to adult fiction and the detective cum gastronome par excellence Monsieur Pamplemousse was born. This is the seventeenth book to feature Monsieur Pamplemousse and his faithful bloodhound Pommes Frites.

Michael Bond was awarded the OBE in 1997 and in 2007 was made an Honorary Doctor of Letters by Reading University. He is married, with two grown-up children, and lives in London.

Monsieur Pamplemousse Afloat
Monsieur Pamplemousse on Probation
Monsieur Pamplemousse on Vacation
Monsieur Pamplemousse Hits the Headlines
Monsieur Pamplemousse and the Militant Midwives
Monsieur Pamplemousse and the French Solution
Monsieur Pamplemousse and the Carbon Footprint