Moments in Time (36 page)

Tanner laughed, then looked at me, his sly smile curving his tempting lips. “For real?”

“I was in my policy class, in the auditorium. I always sit in the back of the room because I can see better from back there. Someone walked by with something coconut, and the smell made me think of you.”

He snorted. “Coconut?”

“Your shampoo. You’ve got no idea what that fucking scent does to me. I breathed it in as deeply as I could and regretted it almost immediately, because I wound up with a huge boner.”

Tanner grinned and squeezed our cocks tighter together. The precome coating us was no longer just mine. “What’d you do?”

My face heated.

Tanner must have noticed. He ran his free hand across my cheek. “Seriously, dude, what did you do?”

“I put my hand in my pocket, you know, like I was lounging all casual.”

“Jesus. Did you jerk off in class?” His eyes were wide and dark, and I wanted to stare straight into them until everything else disappeared.

“No.”

“But you were stroking? Right there in a roomful of people?”

“There was no one for at least three rows around me. And it was more like barely moving. Maybe rubbing just a little bit. Crazy, I know.”

“Crazy hot.”

My eyes bugged. “Really? I felt like a pervert.”

“I like your pervy side.”

He let go of his cock and focused just on mine, slowing as he stroked base to tip, then down to my balls, pulling my foreskin taut. His other hand trailed down my chest until he reached my dick. Fingertips danced all around the crown as his thumb slicked back and forth across the slit. “When was the last time you jerked off?”

My cheeks burned hotter. “Yesterday.”

“Tell me.”

With both his hands on me, I had to reach over his arm to get to his erection, but I needed to feel him in my hands. Smooth hot skin rubbed against my palm, and I sighed with pleasure.

“Tell me, please.” His voice rumbled with need.

“You weren’t due home for hours, and I knew you’d be exhausted. Plus I couldn’t wait. I’d wanted you since I left you sleeping in the morning.” His dick swelled in my hand as I talked and rubbed. “I smelled like the pizzeria, so I got in the shower.”

“Mmm… go on.” He nuzzled my neck, nipping, then sucking my earlobe so hard my abs clenched.

I focused on not coming, counting my heartbeats until I was under control. “I wanted this. Us.” I shifted so my hand encompassed both of us. “I missed this. So I soaped up the shower wall… then humped it.”

I could feel his lips pulling into a smile against my neck before he inched back and looked at me. “You fucked the shower wall?”

“Yes. It was warm and hard and slick, and I pretended I was frotting against you instead of ceramic tiles.”

Tanner’s breathing had accelerated, and he was thrusting more vigorously inside my palm, making our cocks rub together harder. “Did you come?”

“Like a fucking volcano. All over the wall and me.”

He groaned. “You think about this a lot?”

“Our cocks all hard and hot and sliding together? Uh, yeah.”

“Christ, Collin. I didn’t know you had this kind of dirty talk in you.”

I laughed as much as I could, considering I was having a hard time with normal breathing. “Good?”

“Fucking fantastic.”

His mouth closed over mine.
No more talking.
Soft moans filled the room as our breaths synced and our bodies moved in tandem. The head of his cock pressed against mine, creating friction at just the right spot to keep me going completely out of my mind.

His tongue spiraled mine, his balls, warm and firm, slid against mine, slick from precome too.
Jesus.

Tanner broke the kiss. “I need to watch.”

Our foreheads pulled together like magnets as we both stared down. I don’t know whose cock was redder. Both were thick and swollen, glossy with need. “You’ve got the most perfect cock.”

“Yeah?” His voice was breathy, and I knew he was about to come.

“Fucking beautiful.”

I couldn’t believe it had taken me this long to figure out that talking about sex during sex stoked his fire. He pumped like mad against my dick, then grunted. He swelled, then pulsed, the first shot hitting my chest, the next pumping out of him like lava and running down his fist. The combination of the visual and the extra-loud slapping sound as he stroked his come up and down my length pushed me over the edge. My balls clenched tight, and I sucked in a quick breath as I felt myself let go. Thick white come shot onto his abs, then added to the collection that coated us.

Tanner’s mouth met mine, and he kissed me slow and deep. I wrapped my arms around him, drawing him as close as possible, legs still entwined. “I really needed that,” he whispered.

“Me too.” I stroked his hair. My mind was still numb and tingly from the orgasm, but I wanted to say something. “It’ll be better, you know.”

“What will?”

“Everything. When we move into the apartment, we won’t need to feel like we have to lock every door in sight.”

He nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make a big deal—”

“It is a big deal. And you’ve got nothing to apologize for.”
You wouldn’t have this problem if you were with Wendy instead of me. If anything, it’s my fault.
I cringed as the words rattled in my brain.

Tanner stuck his hand behind the shower curtain. “Still warm. Care to join me?”

I forced a smile as I eased myself off the bathroom floor, untangling myself from his legs.

“There’s nothing in the world I’d rather do.”

C
LASSES SEEMED extra boring because all I could think about was how there were only a few days left until we’d get to move into our new place. I never understood why some people would say they hated change so much.
Now I get it.
I just wanted things to settle down. Everything.

I took the stairs at the dorm two at a time, attempting to avoid contact with anyone in the building. There was only one person I wanted to see, and I knew he’d be in our room.

The second I opened our door, I knew something was wrong. Tanner was pacing around the room looking really wound up. Worry filled me from head to toe.

“I need to tell you something.”

My skin crawled with nerves. I tried to keep my voice steady. “Okay.”

Tanner ran his hand through his hair, then looked at me. “I kissed Wendy.”

Whatever air had been in my lungs seemed to disappear. My head hurt. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t… I mean, we didn’t plan it. It just sort of happened.” He paced and raked his hair again. “She was crying, so I hugged her, and we were sitting on the bed together. I don’t know. She looked up at me with her big sad eyes….”

“And you kissed her. I get it.” I more than got it. It played out in my mind like a fucking movie.

“Actually she kissed me. But I kissed her back.” He shook his head and started pacing again. “It was like, I don’t know—a reflex?”

She kissed him? I knew it. Wendy wants Tanner back.
My stomach clenched, sending a dull ache through my body. “Is that all that happened? You just kissed?”

“No.” He sat with his head in his hands.

Fuck.
“Did you, I mean, did the two of you…?” My eyes stung as I awaited the answer.

“We didn’t have sex. But we could have.” He closed his eyes, tight. “I don’t know what happened. One minute it was a reassuring kiss, then the next we were rolling around on the bed, then clothes started coming off. She wanted to. I knew she did. She was rubbing me through my jeans, and she pulled me on top of her.”

He sounded like he was trying to make sense of what had happened.

I tried to focus on breathing. “Why’d you stop?”

“Why do you think?”

“I don’t know. I mean, you two have history, and you’re obviously attracted to each other.”

“That’s the scary part. It felt so… easy. I mean, we’ve done it before, so it wouldn’t have been a big deal that way, and God help me, the first thought in my mind didn’t even have anything to do with that. All I kept thinking was that Tim had seen us come into the room and that if he heard us having sex—and we all know Wendy’s not exactly quiet in bed—then maybe, I don’t know, maybe he’d get off our backs with all the gay shit. Stupid. I told you. Totally stupid.”

I sat down on the edge of my bed. “It’s not stupid at all. Tanner, you’re not even gay. Not that gay people deserve to be harassed, but you’re not. You like girls. It would be so easy for you to avoid all of this. Get a girlfriend. Take her out. People have short attention spans. They’d move on to the next scandal, and you’d be in the clear.”

Tanner stared at me like I’d grown a second head. “And what about you?”

“I’m gay.”

“I’ve noticed. I meant what about you and me? Collin, I’m in love with you. I may as well be gay.”

“You have choices. Choices that won’t get you beaten up. I just want you to consider your options.” My chest hurt.

“I have. You’re the only option I want. This was supposed to be an apology, and it’s the suckiest apology of all time.” He got down on his knees in front of me so we were eye to eye. “I’m sorry, Collin. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise. I don’t want her. I want you.”

“Don’t you miss girls? At all?”

Tanner flinched. “Miss them? What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re bi. Don’t you miss being with women?”

“I don’t look at it that way, like I’m missing something. I’m happy with you. I love you.”

The words made my heart clench tighter than my stomach. “I know. But still… do you ever question it? Us?”

He paused, and I couldn’t breathe.

“No. Not us. Sometimes I wonder what’s going to happen. What other people are going to do. But I never question how I feel about you.” Tanner’s eyes locked with mine, and he reached up to cup the back of my neck. “You’re all I want.”

I wanted to believe him. A part of me did believe him. But another part knew this was an opportunity. Tanner had options, viable options. He could be happy with someone else. Someone female. I was sure of it. For the first time in a long time, I saw things clearly. Tanner didn’t have to go through what we were going through. That was all because of me.

I forced myself to speak. “I love you too.”

I meant it more than I’d ever meant anything.

“Good.” He massaged the back of my neck and moved closer. “Are we okay?”

I nodded.

His soft breath brushed my lips for one delicious second before his mouth touched mine.

I kissed him back. Hard. Sweet. With as much passion as I could muster. I wanted to savor every second with him. Because there wouldn’t be many more.

I finally knew what I had to do. I just had to figure out how.

F
OCUSING ON writing my paper was next to impossible. Between all the shit going on in my head and all the boxes in our dorm room, I couldn’t concentrate worth a damn. Plus the noises in the hallway were driving me insane. At first I thought maybe maintenance was cleaning the hallway, but the sound was concentrated near our room—it sounded like an animal was scratching at the door. Hoping it wasn’t more artwork being scrawled, I opened the door, and Wendy nearly fell into the room.

“What are you doing?”

“Ta-da!” She held her hands in the spokesmodel pose, gesturing grandly.

“Holy shit. It’s gone.” The awful words were completely gone. “How’d you do that?”

“First I used nail polish remover. Then I buffed it with an exfoliating facial sponge. Then I painted it black.”

“Well, it looks great. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m hoping it saves you guys the maintenance fee. Besides, I kinda wanted to apologize to you anyway.”

I held the door for her to come inside.

She followed me and sat nervously on the edge of the desk, kicking her legs. “I know Tanner told you what happened. It was my fault. And I really didn’t mean it as anything against you. I know that sounds stupid, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I just….”

“You were sad and lonely, and you wanted Tanner. I get it. Believe me, you don’t have to explain.”

Wendy fiddled with the edge of her sleeve. “It just seemed so easy, you know? I love him, and we’re so comfortable together. After everything with Dex, I just wanted simple. No drama. And someone who actually cares about me. Is that too much to ask?”

“Not at all. Everyone deserves that. And Tanner does care about you. He loves you.”

She gave me a wistful smile. “Yeah. As a friend.”

“You two have history as more than friends.”

“I know. To be honest, sometimes I wish you weren’t so fucking awesome, so I could have a shot with him. But I know that’s just me being selfish.”

My brain went into overdrive. “Is that what you want?”

“A nice stable relationship with someone I trust? It’d be like a dream come true.”

“And a lot easier with me out of the picture.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean you and Tanner are going to spend a whole long weekend together.”

“With you.”

I shook my head. “I can’t go. It’ll just be the two of you. Maybe you should see what happens. Think of it as fate giving you guys another chance.”

I was so full of shit I couldn’t see straight.

“What are you saying? That you want Tanner to hook up with me?”

I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, then I nodded.

Wendy’s eyes popped. “For real?”

“Jesus, Wendy, it fucking kills me to see Tanner hurt or upset by something some asshole says to him in passing. None of that started until people found out about me. It’s all my fault. If he were with you, he wouldn’t have to deal with that anymore. You could both be happy.”

“Well, yeah, except for the teeny little issue that he’s totally in love with you.”

“You’re gonna be alone together for days while you’re at the wedding. Maybe he can remember what it’s like to be with someone you don’t have to hide.”