Mixed Feelings (Empathy in the PPNW Book 1) (21 page)

Christina was talking
over Mel
’s rapid
stream of apologies, begging him not to leave even as Shannon was ordering him
to do just that.

Everything blurred together
as the werewolf shoved me through the front door; my resistance was no match
for his strength. The further we got down the driveway, the less I fought. As
we reached the car, I felt mortified, angry, embarrassed. I no longer felt
young, desperate
,
and vulnerable; all I felt
was the burn of my own regret.

Mel let go of me and I
dropped to my feet, realizing for the first time that he’d been carrying me, an
arm around my waist. He tugged my shoulder and turned me roughly, staring down
into my eyes.

When I simply stared back,
unsure of what needed to come tumbling out of my mouth, he lifted a hand and
flicked my forehead.

“
Ow!
” I cried.

“
Gwen?
”

“Yes! Dammit, that hurt.”

“You are one big bucket of
crazy.”

I rolled my gaze to the house
behind Mel, saw Mrs. Carlyle staring at me through the front window. I
swallowed my embarrassment and shifted to place Mel between us as a shield
against her despair.

“Oh my god, did I really just
lose it in front of them?”

“
Yep,
” Mel said, straightening up. He crossed his arms over his chest but
didn’
t
move; he let me use him as a
wall.

“
Oh my god, oh my god,
” I wailed, dropping my head
into my hands. “I should be locked up, or put to sleep. I am a nutcase. I
am—I should be carted off in a stretchcoat.”

“In a what?”

“In a—
um.
” I couldn’t think of the word, so I shook my head,
lifted it
,
and then wrapped my arms
around myself to demonstrate. “You know! One of those things!”

“What happened? Are you okay?”
I twisted
to find Chloe rushing down
the sidewalk toward us.

“
She
’s had another breakdown.”

“
Another
?
”
Chloe demanded.

“Look, we should do this
somewhere the parents can’
t watch,
” Mel pointed out.

“Right,” Chloe glanced toward
the house,
nodding.

“
I
’m driving with Chloe,”
I
said.
“
I don
’t want another—
I can
’t be alone with you right now.”

“
You sure?
”
Mel
asked.

I nodded rapidly.
“Unless something’s going to flip the car, I think I’ll be safe without
you. Let’s just go.” I stepped around Chloe, heading toward her car as fast as
I could manage.

***

We ended up pulling into a
nearby hotel parking lot, driving around the back to park next to each other.
Chloe grilled me the entire time we were driving but I didn’t have much to say.
I couldn’t explain my behavior, or the tiny, screaming part of me that wanted
to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.

Mel yanked open the back door
and climbed in behind me
.

Chloe turned to him.
“
She
’s not saying much.”

“
I
’m not surprised. I think she’s cracked.”

“
I
’
m not
…” I trailed off, lacking an
argument.

“What happened?” Chloe asked.
I remained quiet, but Mel assumed she was talking to him and detailed
everything from finding me crying in the kitchen to my breakdown in the car to
my show at the Carlyles'. Chloe’s worry dissipated as he spoke, hardening into
resolve and making me lift my head to watch her curiously. When Mel finished,
she nodded.

“
We
’re going to Merrin’
s.
”

“I tried calling and she’s
not answering,” Mel offered.

“
I
’ll take care of it,” Chloe said, sliding her phone out of her pocket.

“And how will you do that?”
Mel asked.

Chloe ignored his question.
“You riding with us, or taking your own car?”

Mel was quiet for a few
seconds before
muttering,
“
I
’ll meet you guys there.”

“Then get out.” Chloe started
the car.

Mel stayed stubbornly
motionless for a few seconds
,
but when Chloe put the car
into gear, he did as she ordered. I turned to watch her as she hit a few
buttons and put her phone to her ear. When she spoke again, she was all
business.

“
It
’
s me.
” She was quiet for a moment
but, when she started speaking again, it was in a language I didn’
t recognize. Seconds
later, she hung up
and I felt her try to mold the rigid concern inside her into something softer
.
I didn’t know what had her so serious, but she could
tell I’
d
caught on and didn’t want me
to worry. “
You
’ll be fine.”

Chapter Sixteen

Merrin
opened the door before we even knocked, looked right
at me
,
and said, “There are lots of
you. You have company.”

“
Okay.
” I wasn’t sure what that meant. “
Hi.
”

Chloe shuffled me inside,
left the door cracked for when Mel arrived, and jerked her chin at Evadne. They
shared a look I didn’t understand before I turned back to Merrin. She was still
watching me, her focus much more intense than I was used to from her. A slim
line of curiosity dripped between her forehead and mine and I swatted at it
without realizing it was a feeling and not a spiderweb.

“All of them are asleep. Am I
asleep?” she asked.

“All of who?”

“Let her touch you. Give her
permission.” Evadne gestured at Merrin’s hand with her long blue nails.

I nodded.
“Merrin, you can touch me if you need t
o.
”

She blinked, her dreamy eyes
clearing. “
Oh, Gwen.
”
Her tone was conversational, as if she’d just stated something utterly relevant
to a discussion that we’d been having for hours. Lifting her left hand, she
pressed it to my cheek like a mother looking upon her child. After a moment she
shifted, moving her fingers into a specific pattern along my jaw, cheekbones,
and temple. I saw Chloe bolt toward me but before I could register what was
happening, my eyes rolled back and I felt myself plummet into unconsciousness.

***

My body was on its back on
the floor, head cradled in Chloe’s lap. I knew it was my body and yet I wasn’t
in it. In fact, the more conscious I became of my surroundings, the more I
started to wonder how my body was no longer that of an adult woman.

I was staring at a tiny blond
boy with giant brown eyes that were focused on Chloe’s face. I could hear a
vague, muffled sound that I recognized as speech but couldn’t understand. From
my position
,
I couldn’t see Chloe’s
expression and it made me wonder if she noticed that I was no longer myself.

Shifting my focus was
instant, like changing camera
angles
in a movie. I was no longer
looking at Chloe, but at Mel across the room. I wanted to laugh at the
expression on his face; he was cold and irritated, shivering ever so slightly.
His exposed skin had goosebumps, despite the heavy leather jacket he wore.

His arms were pulled tight
against his chest and he was perched
awkwardly
on
a barstool, like a pro
wrestler asked to sit at a
plastic kids’ table. My focus changed again and I found Merrin sitting across
from the me on the floor, her legs tucked under her butt, her ankles crossed.
Behind her Evadne watched me—the floating me—a small smile on her
stunning face.

She spoke but her mouth
didn’t move. I could understand her, even though her words had no sound and
felt like snowflakes on my eyelids.

“Yours is a funny-looking soul.”

I glanced down at myself and
I saw nothing but the floor and the young boy’s body. The laugh that came from
the fairy was sharp and I shivered, pulling my hands up to
clutch
my ears. If I didn’t get back in my body soon, I was
going to freeze to death.

This time, her mouth moved
and her words were room temperature.
“Pet, she needs to come back.
Any longer and that little boy is going to grow up very confused about his
place in the world.”

I turned to look down at my
body again and found I no longer looked like a small blond boy. I was an adult
woman now: dark chin-length hair, shapely legs
,
and just a little too much pudge around the hips and thighs for my
personal taste. Frowning down at my body, I resolved to let the candy thief’s
lesson be to eat less crap.

I felt a
disorienting sucking sensation, like pressing a
vacuum hose over each of my eyes. It started at my
temples
and moved along my body until I was staring up into
Chloe’s heart-shaped face, her blue eyes comforting.

My hearing popped in and I
heard Merrin mumbling near my feet, followed by Mel’s voice asking if we were
almost done. Evadne hissed a
command
for silence and I cringed,
expecting to feel my ears freeze again.

Chloe
’s hand moved from my cheek
to my forehead.
“
She
’s gone a little cold, is that natural?”

“That’
s my fault,
”
Evadne
said.
She didn’t
sound sorry.

“
Oh, gotcha,
”
Chloe nodded, looking
up at Merrin. “Is she good to go?”

I could feel my body aga
in,
but it felt loose, like I was wearing a jumpsuit that
was three sizes too big. When I tried to touch my face, I overshot and smashed
my knuckle against Chloe’s breast. When I tried to say “
oops,
” it came out a shapeless
moan.

Chloe laughed but I could
tell she was trying not to. Instead of frowning like I wanted to, I felt my
nose wrinkle, my teeth clench.

“
Never mind,
” Chloe said as I
struggled
to make my face work. “
I don
’t think she’
s okay. Gwen?
”

I moaned
up at her again and Chloe rubbed my shoulder.
H
er expression
bloom
ed
into one of shock before I
felt the front of my jacket yanked upward. My body followed it and I found
myself staring at Merrin’s freckled face. Her expression was stern
,
but it was her hand I was suddenly concerned about.

Mel cr
ied,
“What the hell?” as I felt her palm crack against my
cheek, knocking me to the side. My chin barely missed the coffee table
,
but when my forehead collided with the hardwood
floor, I felt normal again. My skin
fit
, my
body was my own, and the stinging in my cheek was exactly where it needed to
be.

“
Thanks,
” I mumbled, just to make
sure I could actually speak. As I got my arms under me, I glanced
over
and found Mel on his feet, his expression tight.

“
Down,
boy. She wasn’t settled.” As Evadne spoke, I felt a
breeze blow past me. Mel took an uncomfortable step back, as if bracing against
the
sudden
onslaught of a blizzard,
and bumped the counter bar.

“I think I’
m okay. Am I making sense?
” As I got to my feet, Chloe
draped a hand on my shoulder and I leaned against her. She nodded, touching my
face before dropping her hand down to my chest. Her fingers tucked into my
jacket and under my shirt, warm against my skin. I glanced down and wondered
briefly if she was getting fresh.

“
H
er heart rate is pretty slow.”

“
It
’ll speed up once you leave. Pet, please let them know where it is
they’ll be going. The—
Chloe
and I need to speak privately for a moment.”

“
Mel?
”
Chloe
asked
,
and before I knew it he was
stepping up next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and taking the burden
of keeping me upright off Chloe’
s
hands.
Chloe
followed Evadne into the bedroom once she was sure I wouldn’
t topple
, but I was still too foggy to think much of their
conference. Surprisingly, standing in Mel’s arms was an altogether pleasant
experience. I tipped my head up to look at him and thought about how handsome
he was and how nice his body felt against mine.

Noticing I was admiring him,
Mel winked and grinned
.
I felt a little spark of my
usual annoyance but most of me was just happy to be touched.

When I looked back at Merrin,
she was staring at me in a way I recognized but hadn’t seen from her before
.
It was a look Chloe had given me many times when I’d
eaten too much candy and made myself sick, but Merrin wasn’t usually aware
enough of my presence to give it. I frowned at her and forced myself to straighten
up, to stop relying on Mel to fight my battle with gravity.

“What’s that face?” I asked.

She shook her head.
“It won’t last.”

At her words, Mel snorted and
announce
d,
“Bite your tongue; Mel
Somerset has no trouble lasting.”

Merrin
said nothing but wrinkled her nose as she tucked a
folded piece of paper into my jacket pocket
.
She headed toward the bedroom just as
Chloe
emerged
.

“Come on, G,”
Chloe said, her voice a song.
“We should hurry up; we’re
headed out to Tacoma.”

Mel and I groaned in disgust
at the same time.

***

Ten minutes later, m
y mind
had cleared enough to
consider my experience in Merrin’s living room. Chloe was driving, Mel had
taken the back seat, and I
stared at each of them in
turn. I wanted to ask what had just happened, where we were going, and what the
hell was going on, but another question elbowed its way to the front of my
psyche.

“I can feel you, but not all
of you,” I said to Chloe.

“You can feel all of me
whenever you want, sweetheart,” Mel announced. To demonstrate, he thrust his
hips toward me as far as the seat belt would allow.

“Not you, moron. Chloe. I
feel like I’ve got all my mental shields up, but…
I don
’t think I do. Not on purpose, anyway.”

“That was Merrin. She had to
do some minor repairs before she could get to communicating with the kids,”
Chloe explai
ned.

“The kids?” I demanded. “What
ki—the kidnapped—
okay.
” I waved my hand in the air,
brought it to my forehead. Rubbing the bridge of my nose
,
I took a deep breath. I didn’t feel the baseline of awful that had been
running through me since the first attack but something still was
n
’t right. I was still missing time and unable to work
through the fog in my mind. “You have to explain what’s going on. I’m lost.”

“There’s a demon kidnapping
children, specifically children with powers. They’ve taken three, tried for one
more.”

“I know that much, though I’d
like to just forget all of this and go bury myself in some sand until it’s all
over.”

“
Shh,
”
Chloe
said.
“Let me finish before you jump out the window and
start digging.
Demons aren’t terribly common and this isn’t the
sort of thing they usually do. Generally their antics just involve conning
people out of their souls, adult people specifically. This one, though, is
taking children. We’re not completely sure why, yet, but the why doesn’t matter
nearly as much as the ‘
how do we
stop it?
’”

“Did Merrin tell you all
this?”

“I told you to let me finish
. It
’
s odd
that the demon wants
children, since anyone under eighteen doesn’t really, um,
own
their own soul. It’s the magic number, literally.
Before you’re an adult, your parents have claim, which means demons can’t get a
child to give up its soul for a piece of candy.”

“
Strange coincidence,
” Mel piped up.

“
Not
one at all,” Chloe said, though she didn’t explain further. “Now for the
important part: the kids are alive. Whatever this demon wants with them, it
doesn’t involve killing them.”

“
Good! Excellent! Let
’s find out where they are
and send Laurel and Hardy their way!”

“
I
’m getting there. When Mel told me about your breakdown at the Carlyles'
place, I started to think that maybe it wasn’t you.
You
’re prone to hysterics and you love a good tantrum, but this was
n
’t normal. Even that time Poopy shoved an entire cake
off the counter and rolled around in it, you didn’t go this nuts.”

I felt rumblings of my
previous rage over Chloe’s cat ruining my day—she’d wantonly destroyed
an
entire, perfectly good cake! That
I had paid for
!
—
burble
in my stomach but I didn’t
say anything
as
Chloe continued.