Mixed Blessings (35 page)

And as she smiled down at the sleeping child, the doorbell rang, and it was her mother.

"How are you, sweetheart?" her mother asked worriedly, and Diana could see in her eyes that she was frightened.

"I'm fine."

"Why aren't you at work?" She sat down on the couch, her knees pressed tightly together in her navy Adolfo suit, her hair freshly done, and both her hands clutching her handbag.

"Don't look so worried, Mom. Everything's okay. I'm on vacation."

"You are? You didn't tell me you were taking a vacation now. Are you and Andy going away?" She knew they'd been separated for a while, but Diana had told her as soon as they got back together. She was good about things like that as a rule, never causing them worry unduly. Only the heartbreak of her infertility had remained a painful secret. But her mother never discussed that with her. She didn't want to pry, or ask embarrassing questions, but Sam had told her that there was no hope Diana could ever have a baby, and her son-in-law, Jack, had confirmed it.

She was about to tell her mother that she and Andy weren't going away, they were staying in town, when the doorbell rang again, and it was Sam with her baby. He was two months old, and looked adorable sound asleep in his car seat. Diana realized as she looked at him, that only days before it would have made her heart ache to see him. Now he was just a sweetlooking, cuddly baby.

"Something wrong?" Sam asked as soon as she came in the door. Diana laughed as she helped her set the baby down, and Sam watched her in consternation. Something had happened to her, she seemed so much less skittish than before, so sure of herself, so undisturbed by the baby.

Sam almost wondered if she was pregnant, but she would never have dared to ask her.

"Nothing's wrong. Mom asked me the same thing. She thought I got fired because I'm home." Sam saw her mother in the living room then, and was even more surprised, as she followed Diana. "I'm on vacation this week and I thought it would be fun to get together. It's nice to see you, Sam." Diana smiled at her, and the two sisters exchanged a look that warmed their mother's heart, she was happy to see it.

Gayle arrived ten minutes after them, complaining about traffic on the freeway, her car, and the lack of parking.

"So what's the occasion?" She looked around the room suspiciously when she saw her sister and her mother. "This looks like a family powwow."

"Well, it's not." Diana smiled easily. "There's someone I want you to meet," she said calmly. "I'll bring her right in. Sit down, Gayle."

Sam was already sitting next to her mother on the couch, nursing her baby.

Diana disappeared for a few minutes then, and without waking the baby up, she picked Hilary carefully out of her basket and put her on her shoulder. She hung there all warm and cozy as Diana clung to her, giving her little kisses on her head as she walked back to the living room, and then she stood there, and they stared at her. Sam just sat there and smiled, and her mother started to cry, and Gayle looked at her in amazement.

"Oh, my God . . . you've got a baby."

"We sure do. Hilary," Diana said as she sat down next to Sam, putting the baby in her lap so they could see her. She was a beautiful little girl, she had perfect skin and lovely features, and tiny little hands with long, graceful fingers.

"She's so beautiful," her mother cried, and then she leaned over to kiss her daughter. "Darling, I'm so happy for you."

"So am I, Mom," Diana said as she kissed her, and then Sam gave her a warm hug, and the two sisters laughed as they cried, and Gayle bent down for a closer look at the baby.

"She's gorgeous," she pronounced. And then she looked at Diana.

"You're lucky, you took the easy way out, no labor, no thirty pounds to lose, no saggy boobs, just a gorgeous kid and your skinny body. If I weren't so happy for you, I'd hate you.

Maybe now we can be friends again. This hasn't been easy for us either, you know." She spoke for all of them, but as always, the tension had been greatest between her and Diana. Sam was always exempt from their fights, she always had been. She was the baby.

"I'm sorry," Diana said, as she looked down at her little girl.

"It's been an awful time, but now it's over."

"Where did she come from?" Sam asked curiously, fascinated by the delicate features.

"San Francisco. She was born at twelve-thirty A.M. on Sunday morning."

"She's terrific," her brand-new grandmother announced, and she could hardly wait to tell her husband, and go out and buy the baby a present.

She couldn't even imagine what Diana's father would think, but she knew he'd be pleased and relieved after all Diana had been through.

The ladies stayed for almost two hours, and then finally they all left, regretfully, after kissing Diana and the baby repeatedly. Andy came home from his errands just as Sam left. He had gone to the office to pick up some papers and explain that he needed the rest of the week off. They had been surprised by his good news, but good sports about giving him the time off, and they told him to take the next week off, too, if he felt he was needed. He had stopped by to see Bill Bennington, too, and told him the news about the baby.

"Does this mean we can go out to play again?" Bill teased.

He understood about Diana having a hard time dealing with Denise's pregnancy. She had been confined to her bed lately anyway, things hadn't been easy. They were afraid the baby would be premature, or she might even lose it. But they were in the home stretch now. Her due date was only eight weeks away, and in another month they were going to let her get up, and it would be all right if she had the baby. "When can we see her?" Bill asked excitedly. He knew they were having a girl, too, and he liked the idea of him and Andy going out with their daughters.

"Maybe we can play doubles in a few years," he suggested and Andy laughed, and then promised they'd drop in on Denise whenever she felt up to a visit.

"We'll call," Andy promised, and then went back to Diana and the baby.

She had given him a long shopping list, and he needed a few things of his own. But he could see when he got home that she had had a great time with her mother and sisters.

"Successful mission?" he asked cryptically and she grinned.

"How did the princess behave?" She was sound asleep back in her basket.

"Impeccably. And they loved her."

"Who wouldn't?" He looked down at her, fascinated by every move she made, every inch of her. He adored her. And then he remembered something else. "Did you call your office?"

"I tried, but none of the right people were there. I thought maybe I should go in and explain it." She had a lot to say to them, and she owed them an explanation as to why this had happened with no warning.

And when she went in late that afternoon, she was impressed by how understanding they were. They offered her full maternity leave, which was five months, beginning at that moment. And as soon as it was over, she had her job back. She was fairly sure she still wanted it, although she had always wondered what she would do if she had a baby.

Early on, she had thought she would give up work, and later she had thought about going back to work, or trying to work part time. She could never have kept her job as a senior editor if she worked part time, but she could have done a lot of interesting things for them. And she just wasn't sure now. She had five months to spend with Hilary and figure it out, and by then she'd know what she wanted.

She thanked the editor in chief for her generosity, and went to pack up her office. They would need it for someone else while she was gone, and it only took her an hour to box it all up and send it downstairs to her car with their porter. And on her way out, she stopped in to see Eloise. She was just taking a soufll out of the oven.

"God, that looks good." The air was heavy with the perfume of her cooking, and when Eloise saw her she smiled.

"So do you. I haven't seen you in ages. Got time for a cup of coffee?"

"Just a quick one."

"You got it."

Diana sat down at the counter, and a moment later Eloise handed her a steaming cup and a small dish with some of the souffi on it.

"I'm not sure about this recipe, try it and see what you think."

Diana took one bite and closed her eyes in ecstasy. "This is sinful."

"Good." Eloise was pleased. "So what's new with you?" She knew what a tough time Diana had had in the past year, they had met occasionally and Diana had filled her in. But she had looked grim through most of it, and she had also withdrawn from everyone she knew. She and Eloise had drifted apart then, but Diana still liked her. "You're looking good," Eloise complimented her. Diana had been looking good ever since she got back with Andy. She seemed to put her life back t gether then, and her happiness no longer seemed to depend on whether or not she had a baby. But she seemed more serious than she had been. Inevitably, there were scars from what she'd been through.

"Thanks." Diana looked mischievous as she sipped her coffee. "We had a baby this weekend." She grinned as Eloise'sjaw dropped.

"You what? Did I hear you correctly?"

"You did." Diana beamed. "A little girl named Hilary. She was born on Sunday, and we're going to adopt her."

"Well, good for you!" Eloise looked thrilled for her. It was the ultimate gift, and she knew how much they would love that baby.

"They just gave me five months' maternity leave. But I'll be back. You can come and visit, and I'll be back by the end of the year. Just don't give up cooking."

"I won't." Eloise looked at her ruefully. "But I won't be cooking here. I just accepted a job in New York. I gave notice this morning.

I'm leaving in two weeks. I was going to tell you as soon as I saw you."

"I'm going to miss you," Diana said quietly. She had a lot of respect for Eloise, and she was sorry she hadn't gotten to know her even better, but so much had been happening in her own life for the past year. There hadn't been much room for friendships, and Eloise understood that.

"I'll miss you too. You'll have to come visit me in New York.

But I want to see the baby before I go. I'll call you this week."

"Terrific." Diana finished her coffee and gave her a hug, and Eloise promised to come by that weekend, and on the drive home, Diana thought of her and how much she'd miss the magazine while she was gone. But by the time she got home, her thoughts were filled with her baby, and the magazine that had once consumed every moment of her time might as well have been on another planet.

In May, Charlie and Beth had known each other for three months, and he felt as though he had known her for a lifetime.

They could talk about anything, and he spent a lot of time telling her about his childhood, and how it had affected him, and as a result, how strongly he felt about families and having a home. He told her about his disappointment with Barbara, and how hurt he was that she had left him. But he understood it better now. He'd thought about it a lot, and he was starting to realize that it had been a mismatch.

But there was still one thing he hadn't told her, and he wasn't sure he ever could. All he knew was that he had no right to marry again, but as long as it never got to that point, he didn't have to tell her. She didn't need to know that he was sterile.

He liked her too much to tell her the truth. He was afraid he'd lose her. He had lost too much in his life, too many people he cared about, to risk losing Beth and Annie.

They spent Mother's Day together, and he took them to brunch in Marina Del Rey. He had taken Annie out to buy Beth flowers first, and Annie had made her a beautiful card at school. That afternooh they went to the beach, and they laughed and played and talked. He was wonderful with the little girl, and when Annie was off playing with some other children on the beach, Beth looked at him and casually asked the million-dollar question.

"How come you never had kids, Charlie?" she asked casually, as she lay with her head on his chest, on the sand, and she felt him stiffen when she asked the question.

"I don't know. No time, no money." It didn't sound like him, and he had already told her that one of his disagreements with his wife was that she didn't want children. He had also explained that she'd gotten pregnant by someone else, and that had ended their marriage. He hadn't gone into the details, that he'd been willing to accept the child, and she'd already had an abortion when he told her. "I don't think I'll ever marry again," he said slowly. "In fact, I know I won't," he said, and she turned to look at him with a shy smile. She hadn't been fishing for a proposal. She was merely curious about his past, and interested in everything about him.

"That wasn't what I asked you. Don't be so uptight. I wasn't proposing to you. I asked why you never had kids." She looked perfectly relaxed, but she could see then that he didn't. She wondered if she had said something wrong, and then slowly he sat up, and she sat up and watched him. There was no point kidding her. He liked her too much. And it would have been wrong to lead her on, and then disappear one day, which he'd thought of doing. He decided he might as well tell her now. She had a right to know who she was wasting her time with.

"I can't have kids, Beth. I found out six months ago, just before Christmas. They did a bunch of tests, and to make a long story short, it turns out I'm sterile. It was quite a shock," he said, still looking devastated by what he told her. And he was terrified of what she'd do now. Probably leave him, like everyone else had. But telling her was the right thing to do, and he knew it.

"Oh, Charlie . . ." she said sympathetically, sorry she'd asked him.

She reached out a hand to touch his, but this time he didn't take her hand in his own, and he suddenly looked oddly distant.

"Maybe I should have told you sooner, but it's not exactly the sort of thing you want to tell someone on a first date." Or ever.

"No." And then she smiled gently, and teased him a little.

"You could have said something, though, and saved us both a lot of trouble with precautions." They had been using condoms, which they both knew was a good idea these days in a new relationship, but she had also used a dlaphraam, and he had never told her not to, which seemed funny to her now, but not to Charlie. "Never mind," she said softly and then she frowned. "So what's this bit about never getting married again? What's that all about?"