Mistress Pat (7 page)

“Oh!” Cuddles shivered deliciously. “Why did they keep such a terrible thing in the castle?”

“Sure, it BELONGED there,” said Judy mysteriously. “Ye wudn’t have thim move it. And it was be way av being frindly as often as not. Eileen McDermott knew her man was alive, shipwrecked on a South Say island, whin iveryone else was sure for a whole winter that he was drowned. She saw him in the glass. And the McDermott av me own time saw a minuet danced in it one night and niver was inny the worse av it. And now I’m getting back to me kitchen. I’ve wasted enough time palavering wid ye.”

“Half the fun of making preparations for anything is in talking things over,” reflected Cuddles, giving the mirror a final whisk. It held no ghosts. But Cuddles felt secretly satisfied with what she saw in it.

Eventually everything was in readiness. The table beautifully set … Pat made Cuddles take off the tablecloth three times before it was smooth enough to suit her … the house full of delicious odours, everybody dressed up except Judy.

“I’m not putting on me dress-up dress till me dinner is out of the way. I’m not wanting spots on it. Whin the last dish is washed I’ll slip up and put it on in time for supper. They’ll see me in all my grandeur thin. Yer table do be looking lovely, Patsy, but I’m thinking it wud look better if that cherry thing didn’t be sitting in the middle av it.”

“I thought it would please Tillytuck. He’s sensitive, you know. And if it is going to bring us bad luck it will anyhow, so what matter where it sits?”

“Sez she, laughing in her slave at the foolish ould woman. Oh, oh, we’ll be seing, Patsy. Joe hasn’t come after all and I’ve me own opinion as to what previnted him.”

Pat looked about happily. Everything was just right. She must run and tie Sid’s neck-tie for him. She loved to do that … nobody else at Silver Bush could suit him. What matter if a cold rain were falling outside? Here it was snug and warm, the smiling rooms full of Christmas magic. Then the old brass knocker on the front door began to go tap-a-tap. The first guests had arrived … Uncle Brian and Aunt Jessie, who hadn’t been asked at all but had just decided to run down in the free and easy clan fashion and bring rich old Cousin Nicholas Gardiner from New Brunswick, who was visiting them and wanted to see his relatives at Silver Bush. Pat, as she let them in, cast one wild glance through the dining room door to see if three more places could be crowded into the table without spoiling it and knew they couldn’t. The Jerusalem cherry had begun its dire work.

Soon everybody had come … Frank and Winnie, Aunt Hazel and Uncle Robert Madison and all the little Madisons, the two stately Great-aunts, Frances and Honor from the Bay Shore farm, Uncle Tom and Aunt Barbara and Aunt Edith … the latter looking as disapproving as usual.

“Raisin gravy,” she sniffed, as she went upstairs. “Judy Plum made that on purpose. She knows I can’t eat raisin gravy. It always gives me dyspepsia.”

But nobody seemed to have dyspepsia at that Christmas table. At first all went very well. A dear, gentle lady, with golden-brown eyes and silvery hair, sat at the head and her smile made every one feel welcome. Pat had elected to help Judy wait on the table but every one else sat down. The children sat at a special table in the Little Parlour as was the custom of the caste, and the cocktail course passed off without a hitch … three extra cocktails having been hurriedly concocted by Cuddles who, however, forgot to put a maraschino cherry on them. Of course Aunt Edith got one of the cherryless ones and blamed Judy Plum for it, and Great-aunt Frances got another and felt slighted. Old Cousin Nicholas got the third and didn’t care. He never et the durn things anyhow. Uncle Tom ate his, although Aunt Edith reminded him that maraschino cherries were apt to give old people indigestion. “I’m not so aged yet,” said Uncle Tom stiffly. Uncle Tom did look surprisingly young, as Pat and Judy were quick to note. The once flowing, wavy black beard, which had been growing smaller all summer, was by now clipped to quite a smart little point and he had got gold-rimmed eyeglasses in place of the old spectacles. Pat thought of those California letters but put the thought resolutely away. Nothing must mar this Christmas dinner … though Winnie was telling a story that would have been much better left untold. Judy almost froze in her tracks with horror as Winnie’s clear voice drifted out to the kitchen.

“It was just after Frank and I were married, you know. I hadn’t really got settled down. Unexpected company came to supper one night and I sent Frank off to the store to get some sliced ham for an emergency dish. I thought it seemed RATHER pink when I was arranging it on the plate … so nicely, with curly little parsley sprays. It DID look artistic. Frank helped everybody and then took a bite himself. He laid down his fork and looked at me. I knew something was awfully wrong but WHAT? I stopped pouring the tea and snatched up a mouthful of ham. What do you think?” Winnie looked impishly around the table. “That ham was RAW!”

Shouts of laughter filled the dining room. Under cover of the noise Pat dashed out to the kitchen where she and Judy had a silent rage. They had laughed themselves when Winnie had first told the tale at Silver Bush. But to tell it to all the world was a very different thing.

“Oh, oh, the disgrace av having Edith and Mrs. Brian hear av it!” moaned Judy. “But niver be hard on her, Patsy. I do be knowing too well what loosened her tongue. And were ye noticing that Cuddles put the slim grane chair out av the liddle parlour for yer Uncle Brian and it cracked in one leg? Ivery time I’ve seen the crack widening a bit and the Good Man Above only knows if it’ll last out the male. And here’s Tillytuck sulking bekase he slipped on the floor and fell on his dog. He’s been vowing I spilled a liddle gravy right in his corner, the great clumsy. But it’s time to be taking in the soup.”

And then, as if it had been waiting for Judy’s words as a cue, the Jerusalem cherry showed what it could really do when it gave its mind to it. It seemed as if everything happened at once. Tillytuck, made sulkier still by Judy’s speech, opened the door and stalked furiously out into the rain. Uncle Tom’s wet, dripping Newfoundland, who had followed the Swallowfield folks over, dashed in. Just Dog simply couldn’t stand that, after being fallen on. He flew at the intruder. The two dogs rolled in a furry avalanche right against Pat who had started for the dining room door bearing a trayful of soup plates full of a delicious brew that Judy called chicken broth. Down went poor Pat in a frightful męlée of dogs, broken plates and spilled soup. Hearing the din, every one, except Cousin Nicholas, rushed out of the dining room. Aunt Hazel’s two year old baby began to shriek piercingly. Aunt Edith took a heart attack on the spot. Judy Plum, for the first and only time in her life, lost her head but lost it to good purpose. She grabbed a huge pepper-pot from the dresser and hurled the contents full in the faces of the writhing, snarling dogs. It was effective. The Newfoundland tore loose, dashed wildly through the dining room, ruining Aunt Jessie’s new blue georgette dress as he collided with her, tore through the hall, tore upstairs, ran into a delicately papered pastel wall, tore down again, and escaped through the front door which Billy Madison had presence of mind enough to open for him. As for Just Dog, he had bolted through the cellar door, which had been left open, and struck the board shelf across the steps. Just Dog, shelf, three tin pails, two stewpans, and a dozen glass jars of Judy’s baked damson preserves all crashed down the cellar steps together!

It seemed that Pandemonium reigned at Silver Bush for the next quarter of an hour. Aunt Edith was gasping for breath and demanding a cold compress. She had to be taken upstairs by Aunt Barbara and ministered to.

“Excitement always brings on that pain in my heart,” she murmured piteously. “Judy Plum KNOWS that.”

Uncle Tom and Uncle Brian were in kinks of laughter. Aunt Frances and Aunt Honor LOOKED “This is not how things are done at the Bay Shore.” And poor Pat scrambled dizzily up from the floor, dripping with soup, crimson with shame and humiliation. It was Cuddles who saved the situation. Cuddles was superb. She didn’t lose her wits for a second.

“Everybody go back and sit down,” she ordered. “Buddy, stop yelling … stop it, I say! Pat, slip up and get into another dress. Judy, clean up the mess. There is plenty of soup left … Pat had only half the servings on the tray and Judy hid a potful away in the pantry. I’ll have it ready in a jacksniff. Shut the cellar door and keep that dog down there until he gets the pepper out of his eyes.”

Judy always declared she had never been as proud of any one at Silver Bush as she was of Cuddles at that time. But just at the moment poor Judy was feeling nothing but the bitterest humiliation. Never had such a shameful thing happened at Silver Bush. Wait till she got hold of Tillytuck! Wait till she could get her hands on that Jerusalem cherry.

In a surprisingly short time the guests were back at the table, where Cousin Nicholas had been placidly eating crackers through all the hullabaloo. Cuddles and Judy between them served the soup. Pat came down, clothed and in her right mind once more. Two cats, whose nervous systems had been shattered, fled to the peace and calm of Judy’s kitchen chamber. The Jerusalem cherry bided its time. The goose-duck-turkey course was a grand success and Judy’s raisin gravy was acclaimed the last word in gravies. The dessert was amazing, though Cousin Nicholas did manage to upset a jug of sauce over the tablecloth. Judy came in and calmly mopped it up. Judy had got her second wind now and was prepared for anything.

Pat sat down for the dessert and there was laughter. People were to seek Pat from birth till death because she gave them the gift of laughter. Though she had secret worry gnawing at her heart. Aunt Jessie had eaten only three spoonfuls of her pudding! Wasn’t it good? And Winnie … somehow … wasn’t looking just right. She had suddenly become very quiet and rather pale.

To Judy’s thankfulness the cracked chair lasted the dinner out, though it creaked alarmingly every time Uncle Brian moved. Then came “the grand dish-washing,” as Judy called it, in the kitchen. Judy and Pat and Cuddles tackled it gaily. Things weren’t so bad, after all. The guests were enjoying a good clan pi-jaw in the Big Parlour and the children were sitting around Tillytuck in the Little Parlour, looking up fascinated, while he told them stories. “Tarrible lies,” Judy vowed they were. But then Tillytuck had once said, “What a dull fellow I’d be if I never told anything but the truth.” Anyhow, he was keeping “the young ones” quiet and that was something.

The dishes disposed of, Pat and Judy began to think of the supper. Judy determinedly set the Jerusalem cherry on the side-board and hid the slim chair in the hall closet. A fresh cloth … the one with daisies woven in it … was brought out and Pat began to feel cheered up. After all, the guests were enjoying themselves and that was the main thing. Even Aunt Edith had come down, pale and heroic and forgiving. Just dog crawled out of the cellar and coiled himself up in his own corner. Silver Bush rang with gay voices, firelight shimmered over pretty dishes, delicious things were brought from pantry and cellar: and Pat thought proudly that the supper table, with its lighted candles, looked even prettier than the dinner table. And its circle of faces was happy and wise and kind.

“What’s the matter with Win?” asked Cuddles, who had decided to help wait with Judy and Pat and have her supper with them in the kitchen later on. “She’s yellow and pea-green … is she sick?”

On the very heels of her question Frank came out hurriedly and whispered something to Pat who gave an ejaculation of dismay.

“I didn’t think it wise for her to come,” said Frank. “But she was so anxious to … and you know … we didn’t expect … THIS … for two weeks.”

Pat pushed him aside and ran to the telephone. Confusion reigned again at Silver Bush. Winnie was being taken upstairs to the Poet’s room. Pat and Judy were dashing madly from place to place. Mother couldn’t stay at the table. Cuddles was left to wait on it alone and did it well. As Tillytuck was wont to aver, she had her head screwed on right. But it was a rather flat meal. No laughter. And nobody had much appetite now, except Cousin Nicholas. A doctor and a nurse arrived in the pouring rain and as soon as possible the guests departed … except Cousin Nicholas, who hadn’t caught on to the situation at all and announced his intention of staying a few days at Silver Bush.

As soon as they had gone, Judy, with a set face, marched into the dining room and carried the Jerusalem cherry out to Tillytuck, uncorking the vials of her wrath.

“Take this THING out av the house immajetly if not sooner, Josiah Tillytuck. It’s done enough harm already and now, wid what’s ixpicted upstairs, I’m not having it here one minute longer.”

Tillytuck obeyed humbly. What was the use of being peevish with the women?

A strange quiet fell over Silver Bush … an expectant quiet. The supper dishes were washed and put away and Judy and Pat and Cuddles sat down before the kitchen fire to wait … and eat russet apples in place of their forgotten supper. Their irrepressible gaiety was beginning to bubble up in spite of everything. After all, it WAS something to get a good laugh.

Tillytuck was smoking in his corner with Just Dog at his feet. McGinty was as near Pat as he could get and Bold-and-Bad and Squedunk ventured downstairs. Dad and Cousin Nicholas were raking over clan history in the Little Parlour. Sid was reading a murder mystery in the dining-room. Things seemed quite normal again … were it not for muted sounds overhead and the occasional visits of the white-capped nurse to the kitchen.

“Oh, oh, what a day!” sighed Judy.

“It’s been dreadful,” assented Pat, “but it will be a story to laugh at some day. That is why things don’t always go smoothly I suppose. There’d be no interesting history. I only wish Hilary had been here to-day. I must write him a full account of it. What a sight I must have been, drowned in soup and dogs! Well, eight of our good soup plates go to the dump and the slim chair is done for … and we’ll have no damson preserves till next fall … but after all, that’s all the real damage.”