Missy's Gentle Giant (16 page)

“But everyone where I live
knows.  It was in the paper.  They dragged out the case and made me
tell the judge—even point to him—the other guy.”  Tears came to her
eyes.  “Everyone knows—except Ben.”

“What they know is you weren’t
guilty of anything.  Perhaps that’s why everyone tried to be over
protective.”  Susan picked up on her emphasis about the ‘other guy.’

“So I could forget, and I did
forget.”  Missy pulled up her knees tighter and rested her chin on
them.  Tears welled into her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks.

“And in doing so, they didn’t
realize you needed to face it, you needed to accept it.”

“When Ben sent me the white roses—” 
Missy uselessly wiped her eyes.  “It was the nicest thing anyone ever did,
but—”

“But what?”

“They were white. 
White!  The color for a virgin!”  Missy buried her face.  “I
told Gonzalo to tell Ben so he’d know the truth—”  She sniffled
loudly.  “But then Ben came barreling up and waking the whole
neighborhood.  When he said it didn’t matter I’d been kidnapped, I—he told
me he cared for me, I knew Gonzalo didn’t tell him—”  Pain showed in her
eyes.  “As long as I can remember my brothers always protected me—” 
She shook her head.  “It was so important to everyone for me to be a
virgin.”  Again she wiped away tears.

“The right man can live with what happened
Melissa.”

“But Ben?  When he was writing
to me, he said he liked the old fashioned customs of my family when I told him
my brothers always went with me to keep me pure.  He—he said when I grew
up he’d marry me.”

“You think Ben can’t understand?”

“Don’t you see?”  Missy
sniffled loudly and wiped her nose with the edge of the sheet.  “I was
waiting—saving myself for him, and then I was ruined!”

“Did Ben tell you so?”

“No but he sent me white
roses.  Gonzalo didn’t tell him, and when he came to the house honking his
horn he told me he wanted to marry me.”

“Maybe he already knew, Melissa.”

“No he didn’t know.”  She
stiffened and held up her head.  “He wouldn’t have sent white roses; he’d
have looked at me different, the way everyone else does.  He didn’t know.”

“I think you’d be surprised at what
Ben knows.”

“What do yon mean?”  Missy
glanced up.

“He knows you can hear.”

“No—no I can’t—”  Missy wiped
her eyes.

“Then why did he honk the horn so
much?”

“He wanted to wake everyone because
he’s Italian—”

“When he kidnapped you, what did he
do?  How did he explain it?”

“He talked to me with his
hand.  When there was light, he—”  Missy stared at the sheet.

“He talked to you while he
kidnapped you?  You were very frightened weren’t you?  Afraid he’d
hurt you like you had been before?  So what did he say to make you not
scream and fight him?”

“Missy!  He said Missy over
and ever.”  Missy looked up and glared at the doctor.  “He said
Missy, but Missy’s dead!  She died when they hurt her!”

“Why did Missy die?”

“Because—because Missy wrote to
Charger—Ben!  Missy was saving herself for him!”  She grew furious
now.  “I told you he promised to—”  Her breath caught.  “When he
picked me up from the bed he kept saying, it over and over—Missy—that’s what he
said—over and over Missy.  Why?”

“Maybe because he doesn’t want
Missy to be dead.  Maybe  because he was trying to tell you none of
it mattered.  Maybe because to him you’re still his pure Missy.” 
Susan’s eyes watered over memories of her own.

“But I’m different now!”

“Everyone is different after so
many years.”

“But I’ve been—”

“Say it Melissa.”

“But I—I’m n—not a virgin!” 
Missy swallowed hard.  “I—I w—was raped!  They pulled me into the car
and took me and they—”  Several minutes passed while Susan listened to the
torment coming from Missy in deep sobs.  “Calling me names—saying terrible
things—telling me I wasn’t normal—that I was different—both of them!”

“Yes, live through it again now
Missy, and face what happened.  But you’re still alive and still here.”

“And I’m—not normal.”  Missy
sobbed.  “No one wants a girl who isn’t a virgin.”  My whole family
always told me no one would want someone dirty.”

“Maybe Ben does; maybe he
understands.”

“No he couldn’t.”  Frantically
Missy tried to wipe away tears and stop crying.

“How will you ever know if you
don’t tell him?”

“I’ll lose him.”  Missy cried
out.

Susan smiled.  “Ah, so Missy
chose to die and forget what happened rather than have her dream ruined.”

Missy wiped her eyes.  “What
do you mean?”

“I mean you prefer to save Missy
for your private dream world.  We all have one you know.  It’s a
special place where we keep private feelings—shattered dreams—sometimes even
painful things we don’t want to think about or remember.

“Everyone has a private
place?”  Missy’s eyes showed surprise.

“Sure do.  Some people won’t
admit it though.  They aren’t strong enough to admit it.  Some aren’t
even aware of it.”

“I thought I was crazy.”

“No, we do it to protect ourselves
to keep from being hurt.” Susan shifted in her chair slowly.  “I’m going
to tell you something Melissa.  It’s really strange Ben called me to take
care of you.  I’m not a psychiatrist, someone who would normally help with
this kind of problem; actually, I’m a pediatrician.  Do you know what a
pediatrician is?”

“A children’s doctor?  He
called a children’s doctor for me?”  Missy blinked.  “Does he think
I’m a child?”

“No, but he wanted you to grow past
this thing that happened.”  Susan shifted again.  “Ben could have
hired a psychiatrist or someone else, but he asked specifically for me. 
But then you see Ben and I have been friends for a long time.”

“You have?”  A wave of
jealousy hit Missy.  “You mean you dated?”

“Oh, he’s taken me many places, but
they weren’t really dates.  No, Ben did much, much more for me, and it
seems he still is.  You see Melissa, I too have a secret place I would
prefer to keep hidden.”  Susan rubbed her forehead.  “Several years
ago I was raped.  At the time I was engaged to be married and was walking
home from class when some hoodlums dragged me into a car, and I was raped—”

“Oh gosh!”

“Yes, well I was a little older
than you, but I still thought my world was at an end.  The guy I was
engaged to walked out on me because he couldn’t understand.

“Th—th—that’s what I—”

“No wait and listen.  I found
out I was pregnant a few weeks later and really thought my world had ended, so
I started taking drugs to forget.  Ben was working on a drug case and when
they busted a place one night he found me all doped up.  He took me home
and spent several days taking care of me while I went through withdrawal. 
Mostly he just held me close and told me I was worth too much to destroy. 
When he finally let me go, I willingly asked him to take me to a drug
rehabilitation center.

“I figured he’d just dump me there
and forget me, but he kept coming around every week or so just to say hi. 
I hadn’t told him about the baby, was ashamed of the way I was growing and
tried to hide it.  One Sunday afternoon he came with a picnic basket and
said we were going out.  He took me down to the beach and we ate and
talked.”  Susan’s eyes teared up.  “Then he did the kindest thing he
ever could.  He told me pregnancy made me even more beautiful.  I was
so surprised he knew.  I cried the whole afternoon.  Man did I cry
all day.  I told Ben everything about the rape, the baby,
everything.  Ben stayed with me until all my tears were gone.”

Tears streamed down Missy’s face
and she sniffled loudly.

“Then he leaned back with a smile
and told me he thought it was strange how children didn’t care who their
parents were, just so they had someone who loved them.  Susan got up and
walked to the window, deliberately turning her back to Missy.  “Afterwards
Ben continued to visit me in rehab.”  Susan smiled.  “Somehow Ben
learned when I went in labor, and he stayed with me holding my hand. 
Later I met John and fell in love.  John and I eventually married, and Ben
gave me away.”  She smiled.  “Thanks to Ben I saw myself as a
valuable person.”  She turned back to face Missy and smiled.

“Ben gave you away like he’s your
father?”  Missy sniffled.

“Yes.”  Susan walked over to
Missy and pulled her into her arms.  Ben was right; she could hear. 
Now they needed to find a way to make her realize it.  Missy cried for a
very long time and then pulled away.

“Oh please, Susan, I—”

“Ben is real now, and he scares
you; doesn’t he?”  Susan pushed.  “He’s no longer just a dream and
he’s making you face what happened.”  Susan got up and walked toward the
door.  “You’re afraid to face the truth because the real Ben might take
away the one you’ve been using to hide behind.  Just like he’s been
forcing you to hear.”

“No—I—it’s not—I just—” Missy
looked down at the sheets as reality hit her.  She started to cry
again.  “I—I guess the only thing to do is tell Ben when I see him,
huh?”  Missy stared at the sheet.  “I mean, if he doesn’t understand,
then he’s not worth it; is he?”

“That’s right, Melissa.  The
clod I was engaged to wasn’t worth all the time I punished myself.  If not
for Ben, I’d have missed John.”

“And your son?”

“John adopted him, so legally he’s
his father.  Ben was right; he loves John because John is his father.”

Missy dried her eyes and tried to
smile.  “Then when Ben comes back, I’ll tell him.”

“If you do, there will never be any
doubts.”

Slowly Missy dried her eyes and
looked up at Susan.  “Has there been word about Ben?”

“Wanda called about an hour ago,
and said he’s just very busy and everything is fine.”

“Then Moreno didn’t hurt
him?”  Missy smiled.

“No, I just heard he has to stay up
there for a while.  Susan got up.  “How about if we go down to
dinner?”  Wanda said something about maybe you could go home tonight as
soon as she checks things out.”

In the living room later in the
evening Missy was curled up on a sofa watching a movie on a giant television
screen when she noticed a man come in and Wanda get up.  Wanda was gone
about fifteen minutes before she came back and nervously sat down.  She
didn’t say a thing.

“Is something wrong?”  Missy
looked up.

“No everything’s okay.”  Wanda
glanced worriedly at Susan and John.

Missy shifted on the sofa and
pretended not to notice when Wanda was called out again half an hour
later.  She glanced up when Susan rose saying she was going to see if they
had any popcorn in the kitchen.  Something was wrong.  Her bones told
her something was wrong.  Wanda didn’t come back this time.  She
looked over at John reading a magazine.  Instantly fear seeped into
Missy.  She shifted again and glanced up at the clock.  It was
getting late.  Missy watched Susan bring in a bowl of popcorn and sit down
by her husband.

“What happened to Wanda?” 
Missy felt sudden fear.

“Oh she had to go out.”

“Is something wrong?”  Missy
began to shake.

“No, she’s just gone to get someone
because—”

“Of me?”  Missy shook more
now.  She swallowed hard and fought tears.  “What’s happened? 
Something’s happened to Ben.  Where is he?”

“No Missy, Ben’s doing all right.”

“I want to talk to my
mother.”  Missy sat up stiffly.  “Suddenly I don’t feel safe here
anymore.  Something’s wrong.  I want to talk to Ben—or my mother.”

“Look Melissa—”  Susan rose
wearing a smooth smile.  “Everything’s all right.”

“Did Wanda go to get her
husband?  Ben was supposed to come home tonight.  Where did Wanda
go?”

“I’m not sure, but Ben wants you to
stay here until he—”

“I want to talk to my
mother!”  Missy jumped up.  She shook all over.  “Something’s—”

The front door opened
suddenly.  “Everything’s all right.”  Gonzalo reached out for Missy,
pulled her into his arms and his smile widened.  Wanda was behind
him.  “I’ve come to take you home.”

Missy leaned against him. 
“Gonzalo, is everything really all right?”

“Yeah.”  He smiled. 
“Wanda just came to get me.  Ben thought you might be afraid to go alone
with her, so he told her to come and get me and take you home.”

“And Ben?”  Missy relaxed more
in her brother’s arms.

“He just can’t get back yet—said I
should come and get you so you could be at home.”

“You talked to him?”

“No Wanda did.  He said the
guys are in jail and everyone is safe now.”

“I was so scared!”

“Yeah well—” Gonzalo smiled. 
“Come on Melissa, I’ll get you home and you’ll feel better.”  He glanced
at everyone.  “Thanks for bringing me to get her.”

Missy let Gonzalo lead her out of
the house and to his car.  Still worried, she stared out the right window
while he drove home.  Something was still wrong.  She could feel it
in her bones.  Ben had promised to take care of her.  He promised no
one would hurt her as if he’d be there to protect her, but he was gone. 
He said he’d be back and take her home.

Tears flooded her eyes when she saw
her house, and Gonzalo barely stopped before she jumped out of the car and ran
in to her mother.  She cried but it wasn’t just because she was glad to be
returned.  She also cried because she knew something was wrong.  And
her mother’s tears?  Were they because she’d been missing?  Her
brothers sure were glad to see her like she’d actually been lost, all except
Gonzalo who wandered off to the kitchen.

“Mama what’s wrong?” Missy sat on
her bed.  “Why are you crying?”

“I’m just glad you’re home
safe.  I was so worried.”

“But Ben told me you knew where I
was.”

“Yes, but it’s not like having you
here.”  Her mother forced a smile.  “Rest now Melissa, I’m sure you
must be tired after your ordeal.”