Missionary Position (6 page)

I loved getting inside men’s pants.

Sighing, I dressed in a pair of black trousers and a flowy tunic decorated with a peacock pattern. Mature, classic, and flowy—very me.

My plan crumbled when Gerhard showed up wearing jeans and a navy polo shirt. If possible, he looked better in jeans than he did in his suits. Gone were the polished banker shoes, replaced by gray Vans. A classic tank watch decorated his wrist instead of the cufflinks I wanted to undo with my teeth.

I was in trouble.

When he warmly greeted me with the double cheek kiss, his five o’clock shadow scraped deliciously across my jaw.

Big trouble.

My cheeks heated and I resisted the urge to try for the triple kiss, planning to miss his cheek. Of course, before I could pucker up, he pulled away, complimenting me on my shirt.

Regaining my composure, I thanked him and asked, “Where are we going?”

“To eat a multitude of foods you won’t be able to find in Ghana.”

“I approve of your mission.”

He smiled at me before licking the corner of his mouth. “What mission would that be?” He raised his eyebrows.

“The feed Selah all forbidden foods mission.”

“Ah, right. Well, next stop on the food mission, the traditional
Rijsttafel
.”

“Sounds very Dutch.”

“It means ‘rice table’ and it’s Indonesian. How do you feel about spicy?”

“Love a little spice,” I flirted.

“Good,” he replied, giving away nothing.

Dinner equaled a table full of small dishes, most of which were spicy, saucy, and delicious. Pickles, various sauces, veggies, and mysterious condiments filled the bowls crowding any remaining table space not occupied by our wine glasses. It was a feast.

A feast of confusion.

Yep. Still no clue.

We flirted and talked. His eyes twinkled, and my cheeks hurt from smiling.

And still no idea.

It didn’t matter. I had one of the best nights in memory. I laughed, he laughed. I snorted, he laughed harder. I spit spicy
sambal
into my napkin, and he almost spit out his water. The restaurant had cleared out when we finally paid the bill.

Stumbling outside, still laughing, I rubbed my belly and called uncle. “No more. No more food. No more laughing. I can’t take any more.”

Gerhardt wiped a stray tear from his face and nodded silently, his shoulders shaking with laughter. “Okay. I admit defeat.”

I pulled a tissue from my purse and waved it, which only made him laugh again.

We were punch drunk on each other, walking crookedly down the sidewalk, gaining odd looks from fellow pedestrians.

After a handful of minutes of silence, broken only by the occasional residual giggle or snort, I realized we were walking in the direction of my hotel.

Perhaps I was about to solve the mystery of Gerhard and what got him hard.

THE SAYING ABOUT assuming and asses rang true again.

Good news¸ turned out Gerhard was straight.

Bad news, I found out at the airport.

After our walk to my hotel, I failed in my mission. I, Selah Elmore, writer of erotica, expert in naked humans, chickened out.

I decided I didn’t want to know.

We had a connection and not enough time.

I’d had years of no connections. Online dating, speed dating, mixers, bar pick-ups, grad students, divorced, widowed, perpetually single for obvious reasons … I had a long list of no connections. Sex? Easy. Having the ability to put up with someone enough to have a relationship? That was the part I could never seem to figure out. Or want. Friends in marriages and long-term relationships always talked about the work which went into keeping love alive. Blech.

I had enough work.

I had enough distractions.

I didn’t have enough of whatever I had with Gerhard.

He walked me to my hotel steps, double-Dutch-kissed me goodnight, and confirmed dinner for the next night. He didn’t push or ask to come up. Neither did I.

Younger Selah yelled at me for cock-blocking us. What was the point of traveling the world if it wouldn’t include international relations? What happened to adding Holland to the United Nations of Peen?

Gerhard happened.

Damn him and his perfect suits.

I sat in the departure lounge and thought about him. Every tall blond man earned a double-take from me, followed by disappointment each time.

For our last dinner, we ate all of the cheese in Holland. Fried, baked, aged, fresh—the many faces of cheese. It was gluttonous and perfect.

He told me how unexpected I was. I took it as a compliment.

He said he enjoyed our time together. I agreed.

He asked if I would keep in touch. I promised.

I still chickened out.

Young Selah gave me death stares as only a former goth girl could.

He offered to bring me to the airport. I accepted. His sleek, black BMW cut through the traffic while I sat in the passenger seat and lost my nerve.

Finally, outside departures, he leaned down to give me the double-kiss.

And missed.

His aim was off.

His aim missed the corner he would have hit had he overshot the cheek.

Gerhard Hendriks kissed me. Full on the mouth.

He kissed me softly, lips closed, with faint pressure, but enough I felt it down to my toes. One hand reverently cupped my cheek while the other clasped mine.

Softly, barely more than a breath, he whispered against my ear, “I hope our paths cross again soon.”

He walked backward to his car, his eyes still on me. I stood at the curb, mouth open, nodding.

Gerhard wasn’t gay.

I was an idiot.

Now I had six hours on my flight to Accra to stew about missed connections.

A six hour flight and six months in Africa to moon over the Dutchman.

I picked up the in-flight magazine and found the map of Africa. Kenya wasn’t impossibly far away from Ghana. Using my fingers, I discovered the distance was the same as Portland to New Orleans. Not impossible.

Sighing, I closed the magazine and opened up my laptop. If I couldn’t pursue the real Gerhard, I could use him for inspiration for a new novel.

“AKWAABA” SHOUTED THE colorful mural on the arrival building when I stepped off the plane’s stairs on the tarmac at Kotoka Airport in Ghana’s capital.

Eight o’clock in the evening and warm, humid heat enveloped me. Thankfully July was reportedly one of the cooler months. By cool, temperatures hovered in the eighties between periods of rain and dust. Mixing rain and dust equaled mud. I looked down at my silver sandals and mentally apologized, knowing they wouldn’t survive the next six months.

“
Akwaaba
,” the man inside the terminal welcomed me. While he reviewed my vaccinations card, I absentmindedly rubbed my left shoulder where I received seven, or maybe nine, shots for this trip. After verifying I had my Yellow Fever inoculation, he smiled and waved me through to baggage.

Outside customs, chaos ruled when the trickle of passengers met a wave of greeters, family, friends, drivers, children, hucksters and sundry others. I looked for a card with my name amongst the churning sea of people and luggage. After a moment of searching, I spotted a man with a broad face below a high forehead and hair graying at the temples, wearing a colorful shirt and holding a card proclaiming “Dr. Elmore”.

I pushed the heavy luggage cart, which held my life for the next six months, toward him through the crowd.

“I’m Dr. Elmore,” I explained when I reached him.

A huge smile greeted me. “
Akwaaba
! I’m Kofi, your driver.” His enthusiastic handshake matched the wattage of his smile.

“Coffee?” I puzzled out loud.

“
Maa jo
. I am Kofi, like the former UN Director Kofi Anan,” he proudly said the name of Ghana’s most recognized citizen.

Gerhard had taught me several phrases over dinner last night.
Maa jo
meant good evening.

“
Maa jo
,” I repeated.

After another smile and a brief discussion over who should push the cart, Kofi politely took over and led me into the thick heat of evening in Accra.

“
Eti sen
?” he asked how I was as he drove through thick traffic.

“
Eh ya
.” I hoped it meant I’m fine. I trusted Gerhard to have told me the correct response. For all I knew, I could be saying “monkey sex.”

In perfect English, Kofi complimented me. “You speak well.”

This made me laugh. “That’s about the extent of my language skills.”

“It’s more than many
Obruni
speak when they arrive. You’ll do fine in Ghana, Dr. Elmore.”

I beamed over his compliment. “Selah. Please, call me Selah,” I corrected him. I could tell I’d become friends with this kind man.

On the short drive to my hotel, modern banks, Western-looking hotels, and gated mansions alternated with cramped adobe and tin roofed buildings. We passed wide tree lined boulevards and dark, narrow dirt streets, which were essentially pathways. Trucks, buses, and passenger vans crammed with people, their roofs piled high with luggage and goods, crawled rather than sped toward the center. At times we merely inched forward through the crowded streets.

“What do you call those?” I gestured out the window, counting no fewer than eight people inside the van stopped next to us.

“Those are
tro-tros
, the most common way to travel for Ghanaians. Not so good for single
Obruni
women.” Kofi’s smile left his face.

I heeded his warning. He didn’t mean I was spoiled, but my place of privilege as a white Westerner couldn’t be ignored. I rolled down my window. Diesel fumes and dust carrying the acrid smell of smoke assaulted my nose, and I coughed.

“You will get used to it, Dr.—Selah. I promise. And when it gets to be too much in Accra, you will visit Cape Coast or Volta for fresh air.” He named two of Ghana’s most popular tourist destinations.

“I’m here to work, to study at the museum.” I needed to qualify my presence, another white face, in this place with a long history of colonial rule, a point of the Atlantic slave triangle.

“And you will do good work, Dr. Selah. I know.” His smiling eyes met mine in the rearview mirror. “We are here.”

My gaze broke from his to look out the window. At the end of an unpaved road sat a low coffee-colored building surrounded by lush plants.

“Ama’s Hotel,” he answered my unspoken question.

KOFI HAD BEEN warm and kind, but he was nothing compared to Ama. Everything about her exuded warmth, comfort, love, and home. Upon greeting, she hugged me. Not one of those awkward, stiff hugs between strangers, but a side shoulder hug meant to express her joy at my arrival. Why she would be joyful at the arrival of a tired, slightly smelly—pouting over a man—grown American woman, I didn’t question.

The patterned green skirt she wore highlighted the wide expanse of her hips and bottom. With her generous bust and curves, she was Venus in the flesh, adorned by gold bracelets and a rainbow of a scarf wrapped around her head. She asked me questions about everything while she led me from the main building down the open stairs and to a narrow dirt pathway. Somewhere beyond the single story row of rooms, waves crashed against the beach. Once inside, she pointed out the air conditioner—only to be used while I was in the room—the shower, and how to turn on the hot water heater next to it, and a bottle of water next to the sink for teeth brushing. She warned me twice to keep the door closed to avoid both mosquitoes and friendly lizards.