Read Mission: Earth "Fortune of Fear" Online

Authors: Ron L. Hubbard

Tags: #sf_humor

Mission: Earth "Fortune of Fear" (33 page)

BOOK: Mission: Earth "Fortune of Fear"
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With considerable satisfaction, I stood back. I ad-mired my handiwork. No Earth Boy Scout could have done better. I had earned my merit badge.
Very shortly now, Miss Pinch would be babbling the combination to that safe. I would have money. And I would be on my way to avenge myself on Heller.
The Apparatus had never had a better pupil than myself!
Today I was going to triumph! Marquis de Sade, pay attention!
Chapter 8
No psychiatrist ever gazed at the lacerated brain of a patient with more pleasure than I enjoyed when I saw the look in Miss Pinch's eyes after she came awake.
She had struggled up through the haze of gas into the horror of seeing her dear Candy, gagged and writhing, defenseless on that couch.
Miss Pinch had yanked at each chain in turn with no more result than a worm trying to lift the world. Less. She couldn't even flex her muscles!
You would have expected recriminations, revilement and vituperations. You would have expected things like
"Inkswitch!" and "You (bleep)!" and "I'll have your (bleeps)!" I know I did. But nothing passed those deadly, compressed lips. Not one word. The eyes were saying it all!
I put my hands on the lapels of the Ninja kimono I was wearing. I rocked back and forth on my bare feet. I smiled at her in a deadly way. She was faced with a master psychologist about to outdo the Marquis de Sade. I was in no hurry. We had the whole night. No screams would penetrate these walls-that I knew too well. No sudden rescue would occur. But still, just looking at Miss Pinch, I had to cover up a feeling of ill ease. Act casual and relaxed. That was part of the plan. But don't forget for a moment, I whispered to myself, that you are looking at one of the most tricky and dangerous creatures alive: not only was she a woman, she was also Miss Pinch!
I would be fair. Before I began on Chapter Two of the Apparatus field manual on torture, I would start with Chapter One: Pretend a friendly attitude at first, it increases the eventual shock of horror which is to come. But sometimes they break at once.
"Miss Pinch," I said, "I cannot tell you how glad I am to see you again. And to observe how healthy you are." Good stamina makes them last longer. "But I am a great admirer of yours. I have often thought of you for hours on end. So come, let us be friends right from the start, here. If you give me the combination to that safe, I will simply take my money out and be on my way. You've often said it yourself: it is my money. This isn't even robbery. So how about it? What is the combination?"
Her lips sealed even tighter.
Ah, well, there was no hurry. I went out into the hall and picked up the groceries so no caller, looking in, would see the disarray. I brought them back. I put the pizza in the freezer and the cans of beer in the Iron Maiden fridge to cool. A homey, domestic touch.
I looked at Candy. She was throwing her head from left to right, eyes wild, trying to spit out the gag. I trailed a finger down her throat and then made a mysterious circle with it before her face. Incomprehensible.
Miss Pinch lay there, tight-lipped, staring.
I loosened Candy's gag and took it off. She instantly screamed. Good.
I wandered casually around the room. Two sets of eyes followed me. Drag it out. Don't let them know what you're really going to do.
Candy stopped screaming. I got out a beer. I opened it. I extended it to her. "You usually have a beer this time of day, Miss Licorice. No? Well, you probably would rather have it in the usual place, now that you are screaming." I walked over and laid it against her foot. I moved it up and down a bit.
Candy screamed.
"You're really in good voice tonight," I said. "But come, dear Candy, you are in no danger at all. All Miss Pinch has to do is give me the combination to the safe and I will go away so peacefully, you'll never know I was here." I moved the beer can up and down.
"Pinchy!" cried Candy, looking beseechingly at the bed, "For God's sake, give him the combination to that safe."
Miss Pinch compressed her lips more tightly.
I pried open Candy's mouth and poured a small amount of beer in it. She choked. She spat it out. She turned her head to the bed again. "For God's sake, I don't know what this monster means to do! Please, please, Pinchy! PLEASE!"
I put the flat of my hand on Candy's chin and began to rotate it gently. She stared at me in horror. She looked down and saw how naked she was. She strained at her bonds.
I moved my hand to her stomach and rotated it around. Then, circle by circle, I went lower and lower. Just before I touched between her legs, I stood back. I took a sip of beer.
Casually, I wandered over to the record cabinet. I put the beer down and began to go through the collection.
Two sets of eyes watched me, two birds staring at a snake.
I read record labels. I went further and further down the stacks. Then I saw a pile that was at the extreme bottom and the back, covered with dust. Aha! These must be records they hated and never played. In a cloud of dust, I took them out.
LOVE SONGS!
The very thing! How they must despise them, to bury them so deep! I slid them out of their jackets and stacked them on the automatic spindle. I dropped on the first platter.
"What are you going to do?" screamed Candy.
The music had begun. I gestured at the devil-mask speakers. "Let this be your theme song for tonight, Miss Candy Licorice."
The drum began a pound, pound, pound.
A tenor began to love-croon:
When I gaze into your eyes,
I see love, love, love.
When I try you on for size,
I feel love, love, love.
When I press your gushing breasts,
And I feel your thighs' caress,
I feel love, love, love.
Go into me!
Candy began to thresh about. Her eyes got wilder and wilder. She screamed. Then she turned her head sideways. She shouted, "For God's sakes, give him the combination! He's going to rape me!"
Miss Pinch compressed her lips tightly. I looked at her. I said, "She is absolutely correct."
I opened up the front of the Ninja robe and stood, facing Candy.
Candy stared at me. Then she screamed, "Jesus Christ!"
I walked over to her. I looked at Miss Pinch. I said, "You're the one that's making her suffer. All you have to do is give me the combination."
Miss Pinch's lips shut tighter. Her eyes fixed on me. It was a battle of wills.
I put a knee on Candy's couch. I looked again at Miss Pinch.
Nothing but tight lips.
Candy was threshing her head from side to side, frantic!
I put my other knee on the couch.
Candy screamed!
I looked at Miss Pinch.
Tight, closed lips.
Suddenly something stopped me.
I stared at Candy in amazement.
She stared back at me in terror.
I had to keep my mind on the real business here. I looked at Miss Pinch. I said, "Your little wife here is a virgin! If I keep on, she isn't going to be a virgin anymore. One last chance. Tell me the combination to that safe or I open this one!"
Miss Pinch's lips were even tighter shut.
I said to Miss Pinch, "It's you that's doing this."
The devil-mask speaker grinned.
"Here goes!" I said.
Candy screamed louder than the music, by far!
She threw her head back and went unconscious.
The turntable went round and round.
Miss Pinch's eyes were unreadable.
The turntable went around and around.
Candy came to. She glanced sideways at Miss Pinch and then began to moan.
The beer can tipped over and gushed its foaming contents across the floor.
Candy screamed.
The legs of the sofa did a jumping waltz.
Candy's eyes rolled up into her head, leaving the whites showing.
She slumped.
She was out cold.
Miss Pinch's eyes were unreadable. Her lips stayed sealed.
Candy's hair was trailing down to the floor. She was totally unconscious.
I stood up, pulling the robe around me.
I opened another can of beer. I took a sip. I walked over to the foot of Miss Pinch's bed. "You see what your stubbornness has done. You have caused poor Candy to break the most sacred Psychiatric Birth Control laws. You have caused her in your crass unfeelingness even to betray the holy name of Rockecenter. There she lies, no longer an innocent virgin." I pointed to her trailing hair, which flowed down from her unconscious face. "Alas, you forced her to be violated. She is a fallen woman!"
Miss Pinch said nothing through her compressed lips. Any reaction was utterly undetectable. What a heart of stone!
But I was not baffled very long. I knew what would frighten her. I said, "Even though you are a monster, Miss Pinch, I cannot help but feel compassion for you. Should you persist in this foolish attitude, I cannot answer for the dire consequences to you personally."
No change in the way she looked at me.
I felt some qualms. Good Gods, this woman must be made of solid brass!
I said, "More blood may still be spilled today. You better give me that combination before this gets out of hand."
Stony silence.
"Very well," I said, "you are reaping a whirlwind around your own head."
I walked over to the record player. I made sure the next record was ready to drop.
I took a sip of beer. Then I went over to the bed and got up on it on my knees. I held the beer can high and let the foamy liquid pour upon her stomach.
"You better give me that combination, Miss Pinch!"
No change in her eyes and lips at all. Not even a flinch!
The record dropped. Violins whined and sobbed.
I was opening up my robe. "Not much time left!" I said.
Miss Pinch looked at me. No change.
The devil mask grinned and a male crooner began to sing:
Sweet little woman,
Please marry me.
Man and wife together,
How happy we will be.
And then we'll have some kiddies,
Maybe two or three.
So here's the ring and there's the church,
Oh, come, my honey be.
She was trying to get some slack in the chains and lift herself higher on the bed.
The sock hung on the sword-rack points as I said, "If you don't speak, then here we go!"
Her hand was convulsively gripping the chain.
The turntable was suddenly stuck in a groove on a replay of the record:
How happy we will be...
How happy we will be...
How happy we will be.
"Hey!" I said, "YOU'RE A VIRGIN!"
Her eyes were wild. She was trying to fight upwards.
"Oh, to Hells with the combination!" I said. "This is too good!"
The devil mask grinned as she screamed.
Her eyes rolled all the way up in her head. She conked out.
The turntable went round and round. It had gotten off the groove now and had jumped to the rest of the song:
Oh, sweet woman, I am your guy,
Sex
with you and me,
Is pie and ecstasy.
Oh, sweet woman,
Come to your man,
You are my bed and butter,
So drink me if you can!
Miss Pinch had regained consciousness. She was tugging at the chain with a hand that convulsed rhythmically.
The turntable shifted to a new song. A woman's husky voice filled the room:
Long and slow, And up we go,
The moanin' and the groanin'
Is because I want you so.
Long and slow,
And down we go,
The beggin' and the pleadin'
Is to make you do it mo'!
Long and slow...
A beer can, teetering back and forth on the stereo, suddenly exploded. Foam flew all over the room.
The feet of the bed leaped up into the air and chattered back against the floor as Miss Pinch screamed in deafening crescendo.
The record player had shifted back to the first song:
Sweet little woman,
Please marry me.
I got up off the bed. I wrapped my robe around me. The record player was crooning:
Man and wife together,
How happy we will be.
And then we'll have some kiddies,
Maybe two...
I batted the needle ferociously and it scratched off with a squawk.
I glared at the two unconscious women, out like lights.
"(Bleep) you, Pinch," I snarled. "Have you defeated me AGAIN?"
Chapter 9
I felt like shooting both of them. In fact, that was probably what it would come down to now.
I happened to look down at myself.
Blood!
I was in the peculiar situation of having to get rid of the evidence before I committed the crime. One maidenhead murder was bad enough, but two in a row had left enough evidence to convict me of the Jack the Ripper crimes. One forensic test and I'd be found guilty!
Normally, I am not considered a very fastidious person. In fact, there are those who would go so far as to infer that, like the Apparatus, I am downright dirty.
But there was no help for it: prior to completing this slaughter, I had better establish my innocence. I'd better shower quick to cover up the tail-I mean trail.
I glared at the two still-unconscious females. I gave the Ninja robe a disgusted hitch. I marched into Candy's room and closed the door behind me.
BOOK: Mission: Earth "Fortune of Fear"
11.2Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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