Missing Ellen (14 page)

I could hear Carrie’s party before I even saw her house. It’s just as well there’s an old lady who’s mostly deaf on one side of her, and a guy who works night shifts and is never home on the other, because otherwise her parents would be
getting
an irate phone call or two the next day. The music was so loud the house was practically vibrating. I stood on the doorstep, feeling nervous. I hated going in to parties on my own, not knowing if I’d have someone to talk to. I couldn’t believe Ellen had let me down.

I glanced down at my red top and felt a bit more confident – it really was lovely, Ellen had fabulous taste. And she was right too about the jeans and ballet flats. Not too dressy, but not too casual either.

Could anyone even hear me ringing the doorbell? I couldn’t hear it from outside, but whether that was because it wasn’t working, or because of the squeals and general mayhem inside, I wasn’t sure. 

I was just pressing my nose up against the glass to look into the hall when the door opened and I stumbled in. Oh great, just the classy entrance I was hoping for.

‘Maggie, I can’t believe you’ve been drinking already, that’s so not like you!’ Carrie squealed, pulling me into the hall. ‘Where’s Ellen?’

‘She’s coming a bit later,’ I said.

‘She’d better, everyone’s dying to meet the band. Plus the guy to girl ratio is all wrong!’ Carrie was screeching into my ear, and I couldn’t help recoiling from her beer breath. She laughed as if she’d just said something hilarious. It looked as if she was the one who’d overdone it already.

‘Go into the kitchen, grab yourself a drink … oh look, more party people, hurray!’ She made a dive for the door.

Right. Kitchen. I’d been in this house a million times, but it looked weirdly different. Carrie had closed all the blinds and replaced the ordinary white light bulbs with red and blue ones. The result was almost cave-like – I felt like I was heading into the centre of the earth as I made my way to the kitchen.

The first person I saw was Siobhan Brady. Wearing a very short black dress and stiletto heels that made her look at least five years older, she was perched on the kitchen table
surrounded
by Jacci and the rest of her faithful followers. She seemed to be in the middle of some story and the other girls were hanging on her every word. 

I was about to just back quietly out of the kitchen, but Siobhan spotted me.

‘Hey Maggie. All alone tonight? Where’s her majesty?’

I said nothing. I wasn’t going to get sucked into Siobhan Brady’s little mind games.

‘Hey, I’m just kidding. I don’t know why you waste your time on Ellen anyway. She’s such a loser.’

The other girls tittered appreciatively.

‘She’s my friend,’ I said quietly.

‘Where is she then?’ Siobhan demanded. ‘Carrie said you were getting a lift with her.’

‘There was a change of plan. She’s coming later.’

I looked towards the doorway, hoping Carrie would come in and rescue me, but she was ushering a gang of new arrivals into the sitting room.

Siobhan slowly got down from the table and detached herself from the group. She towered above me in the heels.

‘You’re wasting your time with Ellen,’ she repeated. ‘She’s a drunk and a slapper.’ Putting her face right next to mine, she lowered her voice and said into my ear, ‘And you should hear the things she’s been saying about you behind your back.’

Siobhan smelt like heavy perfume and something
alcoholic
. I resisted the temptation to pull away from her. ‘Like what?’

A nasty smile crossed her face. ‘Oh, just little things. Like how you’re a complete walkover and you drop everything
when she clicks her fingers.’

‘You’re lying,’ I snapped, but even as I said it I felt a cold fear deep inside. I WAS a walkover; I did drop everything when Ellen wanted me to – but did other people see me that way? Did ELLEN see me that way and repeat it to other people? I always just thought she was thoughtless, but what if she was really just using me and laughing about me behind my back?

‘Ask anyone,’ Siobhan said, indicating the other girls with a casual wave of her hand.

‘Oh, like your little groupies are going to say anything
different
,’ I said, my voice shaking in spite of myself.

Siobhan shrugged gracefully, making the silver beads of her necklace clack against each other. ‘Believe what you want Maggie, I’m just trying to give you a friendly warning.’

I’d heard enough. I turned and fled out of the kitchen in search of the only safe refuge at parties – the bathroom. But there was someone in the main bathroom, and three other girls I didn’t know were waiting outside.

By now the tears were flowing down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop them. One of the girls waiting on the stairs stared at me, and I turned away. I needed to be on my own.

Carrie’s parents’ bedroom was always off limits for parties, but I hoped maybe she had forgotten to lock the door. I tried the handle and was so relieved when it turned. I slipped inside and locked the door behind me, then rushed into the
en suite and locked that too.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Just as well I had taken off the mascara or it would be running down my cheeks by now. I looked such a mess as it was. Taking a few deep breaths, I splashed some cold water on my cheeks and tried to get rid of the redness. I found some powder in my bag and put it all over my face.

I stood up on the toilet seat and looked out the tiny window, hoping to see Pete’s car, but there was no sign of it. I took out my phone and sent Ellen a text saying, ‘Where are you?’

I waited a while but there was no answer. I knew I couldn’t stay in the bathroom all night, but I really didn’t feel like facing Siobhan again.

Right. Deep breath. I’d just keep away from Siobhan. There were enough people at the party that I wouldn’t have to see her anyway. Maybe Liam would be there.

I opened the door of the en suite and immediately realised there was someone banging on the bedroom door. My heart sank.

‘Who the hell is in there? It’s off limits!’

Eeek – it was Jane, Carrie’s big sister. She was seventeen, and was usually to be found hovering in the background at Carrie’s parties, keeping an eye on things.

I opened the door cautiously. ‘Sorry, Jane. There was a queue for the bathroom. I didn’t think you’d mind.’ 

‘Oh it’s only you – that’s OK then. Come out quickly, I want to lock the door before anyone gets any ideas.’

Carrie appeared behind her. ‘The way Tara is snogging Jack I reckon they’ll be looking for a room any minute,’ she giggled.

Jane pulled the door closed behind me and turned the key in the lock. She put the key in her pocket. ‘Oh God, I think there’s someone in my room too. It better not be Tara and Jack – Mum would freak.’

She rushed off to investigate, leaving me and Carrie alone.

‘Where has Ellen got to? I thought she’d be here by now,’ Carrie said.

‘So did I,’ I told her.

‘I hope she’s still coming. I’ve been telling everyone about Pete and the band. Come on, let’s go down to the sitting room.’

Carrie stumbled on the stairs and I grabbed her arm to steady her. I wondered just how much she’d had to drink, and if Jane knew.

We got downstairs and Carrie said she was going to get another drink, so I ended up going into the sitting room on my own. I didn’t ask her if Liam was there. I wanted to see him, but I didn’t want anyone to know that I did.

Who WERE all these people? This was supposed to be an end of term party, but apart from Siobhan and Co. I hadn’t seen anyone from school. I recognised Carrie’s cousin Tara
by her blonde hair – the rest of her was buried underneath the guy who was snogging her on the couch. Another couple were similarly occupied in the armchair by the fireplace, and a gang of boys were crowded around on the window seat drinking cans of beer and shouting to make themselves heard over the thumping music. I looked desperately around for someone to talk to, but the boys were the only ones not engaged in exchanging saliva, and there was no way I was walking up to a group of boys I didn’t know. Oh, God.

Just then I felt a hand on my elbow. ‘Hey, Maggie.’

It was Liam. I’d never been so glad to see him in my life.

‘How’s it going?’ he asked.

‘So far it pretty much sucks,’ I said. ‘Carrie’s running around like a headless chicken, Jane’s panicking over people getting into the bedrooms, Siobhan’s bitching away as usual and Ellen’s not here yet.’

Liam grinned. ‘Not quite the night out you were
expecting
then. My useless friends aren’t here yet either. Let’s go out to the garden will we? It’s a bit quieter.’

I was only too glad to agree.

I wondered if anyone would see us (me and Liam. Together. Alone.), but there was no one who knew us in a position to take any notice. We passed Carrie who appeared to be throwing up in the downstairs toilet. Jane was holding her hair back and scolding.

The kitchen was now jammed and I couldn’t see Siobhan
anywhere, much to my relief. Liam held the back door open for me. Jacci and a few other girls were standing on the patio smoking, but they took no notice of us. Liam ushered me down to the back of the garden where there was a bench tucked away in a corner. A trellis, covered in ivy and purple clematis, hid it from view of the house.

My heart was beating so fast it actually hurt. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I had imagined this moment so many times, being alone with Liam – him
choosing
to be alone with me – and now I didn’t know what to say, could not begin to acknowledge to myself what I wanted to happen.

Liam was quiet too. I sat down on the bench, but he stayed standing, leaning against the trellis and studying one of the large purple flowers as if he was trying to count the number of petals. I smoothed my top down over my jeans and
examined
my fingernails.

Eventually Liam spoke, but it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. ‘So what are we going to do about Ellen?’

I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach. Oh God, I was such an idiot. Here I was thinking it was me he wanted to be with, and all the time he just wanted to get me on my own so he could talk about Ellen. I was absolutely mortified and felt grateful he wasn’t looking at me just then, because I was sure my face must be on fire. Thank God I hadn’t said anything. 

I tried to focus. ‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘She just won’t listen.’

‘Is she coming later?’

‘She’s supposed to be. Pete is giving her a lift.’

Liam’s face darkened. ‘That jerk. I don’t know what she’s doing with him. I can’t believe he just dropped her off at the cinema last night when she was so upset.’

‘I know.’ I stared into the distance, blinking hard to try to stop the tears that were building up. It was hard to
concentrate
on what he was saying because it was so different from what I’d been stupid enough to hope for.

‘Do you think her mum has any idea what’s going on?’ Liam asked. ‘She was already in bed when I took Ellen home.’

‘Her mum is not exactly with it at the moment,’ I said. ‘I mean, with the separation and everything, she’s got a lot on her plate.’

‘If that was my sister hanging around with someone like Pete my mum would hit the roof,’ Liam said.

He sat down beside me. It was a small bench, so there wasn’t a lot of space. I was painfully aware of his jeans
touching
against mine, but I didn’t want to move.

‘She’s lucky to have a friend like you,’ Liam said softly. He was gazing at me now. I wanted to look somewhere,
anywhere
, but at him, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away. A lock of hair fell over his forehead and I longed to reach up and brush it away.

Suddenly Liam’s hand was on my face, his fingers lightly
brushing along my jawline. I was frozen to the spot, gazing up into his big brown eyes.

‘I just wish …’ Liam let the sentence trail off, still touching my face. I could hardly breathe.

‘There you are!’

It was Ellen, her voice harsh, accusatory. Liam immediately took his hand away and sat back.

‘What are you two up to?’ Ellen demanded.

‘Nothing,’ I stammered.

‘I’ve been looking for you everywhere, Maggie,’ Ellen said.

‘Well you can’t have been looking for that long,’ I said. ‘I’ve been all over the house in the last twenty minutes, and we only came out to the garden about two minutes ago.’

‘Oh sorry … did I interrupt your little tête-à-tête?’ Ellen said snidely. ‘Want me to go away so you can pick up where you left off?’

‘It’s not like that, Ellen,’ Liam said, standing up.

‘What’s it like then?’ she demanded. ‘Tell me, because it seems pretty obvious to me.’

‘What do you care anyway?’ Liam said.

‘I don’t.’ Ellen turned as if to storm off. He put out a hand to stop her. ‘Ellen, we’re worried about you. We both are.’

Her eyes flickered from him to me and back again. ‘Well, don’t be. I don’t need you two acting like some sort of
overprotective
mother hens. I’ve already got two parents
breathing
down my neck all the time.’ 

‘If that was true we wouldn’t be so worried,’ I said. ‘I
suppose
they have no idea what happened last night.’

‘No, why would they?’ Ellen said. ‘Unless you want to run off telling tales to them.’

‘Ellen, that’s not fair,’ Liam said. I felt a small thrill that he was sticking up for me. ‘It’s thanks to Maggie and me that you didn’t get arrested last night.’

‘God, the two of you are so boring, would you ever just live a little?’ Ellen said. ‘So what if I got arrested, it’s like a rite of passage, isn’t it?’

Liam held up his hands as if to say he gave up. ‘Fine, next time I won’t bother, see how you like the inside of a police cell.’

‘Oh, get over yourself,’ Ellen snapped. She turned and stormed off back towards the house.

I looked at Liam but he just shook his head and walked off after her. I stayed where I was for a few minutes, thinking I’d better let Liam talk to her alone for a few minutes.

When I went back in the party seemed to have taken on a totally different vibe. Pete and the band had taken over the sitting room and replaced Dancing Queen with some sort of heavy metal rubbish. Pete was drinking one of Carrie’s beers, and one of the other guys was offering his naggin of vodka to any passing girls. The party, which had been a bit messy but still definitely teenage, had become something else, and I felt an unexplained but real sense of fear.