Missing Child (31 page)

‘How are you doing, Paula?’ Noah asked.

Paula shook her head but did not reply. She walked to the living-room door with them. ‘Dan,’ she said, ‘I’m going upstairs. I’m very tired. Call me if you need me.’ Without another word, Paula began to trudge up the staircase.

How could you not have known? Caitlin wondered again, as she watched her go. You were so busy paying attention to your beautiful house and your gourmet meals and your executive job that you couldn’t see what was happening right there in front of your face. But then Caitlin chided herself. Paula didn’t need anyone else to pass judgment on her. Her suffering would last a lifetime. Obviously, she knew now that her husband had been depraved and had preyed on children, including her own, right under her nose. Paula must have asked herself that question a thousand times in the last few days. How could I not have known?

Caitlin and Noah looked in at Dan. He was still bruised and bandaged, but he was sitting up in a recliner in the living room. ‘Come in,’ he said. ‘Excuse me for not getting up, but it’s still painful.’

‘No problem,’ said Caitlin, taking a seat on the couch. Noah sat down beside her and planted his feet widely apart on the floor.

‘You look better,’ Noah said, and there was an accusing note in his voice.

‘I’m getting there,’ said Dan.

It was almost as if the death of Westy Bergen had released Dan from the fugue state where he had been suspended since the beating he took at his father’s hands. While he was still in the hospital his mind seemed to clear, and the first question he had asked was about the condition of Haley. The bullet had lodged near her spine, and the doctors had at first been worried that she might suffer paralysis. Happily, her surgery was successful and she was expected to fully recover. Westy’s other victim, Officer Wheatley, was still in a serious condition in the hospital.

The first question Dan had answered was to tell the police the whereabouts of Geordie. Now Geordie was on an airplane, coming home in the company of two federal agents. Dan and Caitlin had wanted to go and get him themselves but they were told, gently but firmly, that they could not take custody of him until his plane landed in Philadelphia.

That landing was only an hour away. Noah and Caitlin were spending this last hour before their reunion talking to Dan in his house in Philadelphia where he was recuperating, out on bail, facing kidnapping charges. Other than revealing Geordie’s location and apologizing to them, Dan had not been able to talk to them since his arrest. This meeting today was tense, but necessary.

Paula was staying in the house with her son, going through the motions of taking care of him, but she was a shell of the woman who had once taken such pride in her perfectly calibrated life. Noah and Caitlin hadn’t known whether or not she would be present at this meeting. Obviously she had decided, by going upstairs for a rest, to avoid listening, once again, to her son describe the hellish circumstances that had led to their family’s destruction.

‘I’m glad you two are here,’ Dan said. ‘I have been wanting to explain to you what happened.’

‘We know most of it,’ Noah said abruptly.

‘Noah,’ Caitlin said quietly. ‘Let him tell us.’

‘Thanks, Caitlin,’ said Dan. ‘It’s hard to know where to start. First of all, I know that it’s going to be hard for you to believe, but I didn’t know what my father had done to me. There was a huge gap in my own life. I don’t understand how it is possible but I had no memory of any of it. I had completely repressed it. I didn’t remember a thing until the birthday party. When Geordie was opening his presents and my father gave him those binoculars, it was like being struck by lightning.

‘I watched Geordie opening the present and heard my father say that he was going to take him birding, and suddenly I got the most blinding headache and stomach pain that I had ever experienced. I was reeling when I left the party. I was supposed to go back to Philly but I was in too much pain and I literally couldn’t see to drive. I had double vision from the headache. My date went back on the bus and I stayed at Haley’s.

‘It was the worst night of my life. The images started to tumble into my conscious mind. I couldn’t believe I was having these . . . disgusting thoughts about my own father. Just the two of us, hiding in the duck blinds and rocking the canoe. I was ashamed of myself for being able to imagine such things. Sometime near dawn, I began to understand that it was real. That this had really happened. To me. That he took me birding and while everybody thought we were out there looking for lifers and making tick lists, he was busy . . . using me for sex.’

Tears came to Dan’s eyes and ran down his cheeks. He did not bother to wipe them away. ‘I couldn’t tell anyone – not even Haley. I only could think of one thing – he was about to start on Geordie. He was announcing his intentions with that gift of the binoculars. As soon as I set eyes on them it all came flooding back. I had to act. After that sleepless, sickening night, I went to Geordie’s school, and I told him that I wanted him to come on a surprise vacation. A special birthday present. And then I took him.’

‘Why didn’t you just tell us?’ Caitlin cried.

‘Obviously, I wasn’t thinking straight,’ Dan admitted. ‘I realize that now. I was distraught and I didn’t think about the consequences. I didn’t think about anything, except saving Geordie.’

‘You could have called the police,’ said Noah.

‘And accused my father? Without even speaking to him? Without warning my mother? You know, I never even considered it. I couldn’t. I needed time to think. To think about what to do. But I knew I had to get Geordie out of harm’s way until I figured it out. I took him straight to the airport. We flew to Puerto Rico. I left him with Ricardo’s Ortiz’s mother, Soledad. Thanks to Ricardo’s success in baseball she has a big house on the beach. It’s a family compound actually. Children and grandchildren everywhere. Most everyone in Ricardo’s family speaks only Spanish, so I knew they wouldn’t be too aware of a kidnapping in New Jersey. Anyway, I’ve known Soledad for twenty years. I knew Geordie loved being at the beach, and I knew he would be safe in her house. I told her that I needed her to protect him. She didn’t ask me any questions. I offered her money, but she wouldn’t take it. She always told me, after I helped Ricardo get into the big leagues, that there was nothing she wouldn’t do for me. So, I called in my marker.’

‘But you let Geordie call me,’ said Caitlin.

‘I wanted you to know he was safe. I bought the phone in Chicago, when I was there for the Phillies–Cubs game. Ricardo is now a coach for the White Sox, so he’s based in Chicago. I met him at the stadium and I gave him the phone. He flew to San Juan that night. I told him to let Geordie use the phone for just a minute. I told him how to explain it to Geordie. Ricardo did exactly what I asked.’

Caitlin thought about the plane, which was on its way to Philadelphia from San Juan at this very moment, carrying Geordie back to them. There had been moments when she had lost all hope and thought that she would never see him again. But he was in the sky, right this minute, on his way to them.

‘Frankly, I was stalling, avoiding what I had to do. After Caitlin came to my house that day, trying to find Geordie, I knew. That’s when I came up to Hartwell and met Noah at the cemetery. I wanted to tell you, Noah, but I hadn’t seen my father yet so I couldn’t. After I left you, I went and I met him in the workshop. That was his idea. I wanted to face him, and that place – another favorite spot for his attacks – all at once.

‘Well, you know the rest. First he denied it. But I wasn’t going to let him get away with it. My whole life has been ruined by what he did.’

‘I thought you said you didn’t even remember it. How did it ruin your life?’ Caitlin asked.

Dan hesitated and cleared his throat. ‘I never understood what was wrong with me. I have never been able to . . . connect with a woman the way other men do. Sexual acts are something brutal to me. After it’s over I feel . . . anything from distaste to hatred for my partner.’

‘This is too personal,’ Noah said uneasily.

‘No, it’s important,’ said Dan. ‘I took your son. You need to know why. It invades every part of your life. It destroys your . . . faith. It ruined my marriage to the one woman I really loved.’

‘Haley,’ said Caitlin.

‘Haley,’ said Dan.

‘She still cares for you,’ said Caitlin.

‘Obviously,’ said Dan. ‘She nearly died trying to protect me.’

‘Maybe there’s still hope for you two,’ said Caitlin. ‘When you . . . you know . . . afterwards.’ She didn’t want to mention prison.

‘That’s a nice thought,’ said Dan grimly. ‘But I don’t kid myself. I probably will never be able to overcome it. At least now I know why I am the way I am.’

‘Did you tell your father that?’ Caitlin asked.

‘When I told him what I remembered, my father tried to convince me I had imagined it. When I wouldn’t back down and started to walk away, he attacked me with a hammer. He tried to kill me.’

‘Jesus,’ Noah exclaimed.

‘I guess he thought he had killed me. He managed to get me in the car and lug me over to your house so that Noah would be blamed. He left me there in the bushes.’

‘He’ll never hurt anyone else,’ said Caitlin.

‘I’m so sorry for what I put you through,’ said Dan. ‘All I could think of was that I had to protect Geordie. I didn’t want him to be ruined because I did nothing.’

‘You put us through hell. I don’t forgive you for that,’ said Noah.

‘I understand,’ said Dan.

‘I believe you, Dan,’ said Caitlin. ‘I know you did it for Geordie’s sake.’

There was an awkward silence among the three of them. Noah looked at his watch. ‘We need to get going. We want to be there waiting when he gets off the plane.’

‘Thank you for coming to see me,’ said Dan.

Noah did not reply, but Caitlin walked over to the recliner and took Dan’s hand. Dan held her hand for a minute.

‘Caitlin, come on,’ said Noah.

Caitlin and Noah went out to the car. Caitlin got in on the passenger side and Noah drove. As he pulled out of the parking space he said, ‘His lawyer is going to claim post-traumatic stress as his defense, you know.’

‘Well, if ever anybody had reason to claim post-traumatic stress, it’s Dan,’ said Caitlin. ‘That is as good an explanation as I could imagine.’

‘I was hoping he would take a plea so we wouldn’t have to go through a trial.’

‘Maybe he needs to explain what he did out loud. In the light, so to speak.’

‘Hasn’t our family been through enough?’ Noah cried.

‘What would happen if we refused to press charges?’ Caitlin asked.

‘It doesn’t work that way,’ said Noah.

‘What if he hadn’t remembered, Noah? What if Dan hadn’t acted and Geordie had become Westy’s next victim? I keep thinking about that. We might never have known. Geordie might have suffered like Dan did. Like Travis did.’

‘Travis,’ said Noah, and there was a tragic note in his voice.

They drove in silence for a few minutes, through Society Hill to Columbus drive. They wound their way through South Philly and out onto Route 95. The highway passed over the gray, industrialized part of Philly which smelled of oil refineries. Caitlin looked over at Noah. ‘It was a stupid thing to do,’ she said. ‘But I believe him when he says that he was desperate. He was trying to save Geordie.’ Caitlin turned away from him and looked out at the bleak landscape passing by. ‘Maybe I understand it better than you,’ she said. ‘Having made the wrong choice myself, keeping a secret when I shouldn’t have.’

Noah did not reply.

‘There’s no doubt that Dan has suffered.’

‘No doubt of that,’ said Noah.

‘Did you ever think there was anything . . . strange about Westy?’ she asked.

Noah shook his head. ‘I had no idea. God, poor Travis.’

‘Don’t remind me. When I think how unfairly I treated him,’ said Caitlin. ‘I feel like I was so impatient with him. So unkind. When I think about the things that were weighing on him. I just hope I will be able to make it up to him.’

‘You? I used to ask Westy to pick Travis up for me. Days when I was too busy. I handed my sister’s son over to a predator. I will never get over the guilt. If I had paid more attention . . .’

‘Don’t, Noah. You couldn’t have known. No one knew. Anyway, Naomi tells me that the therapist is optimistic. Just the fact that Travis didn’t repress it is good. And knowing that nobody’s going to kill Champ has definitely helped.’

‘No escaping that mutt,’ said Noah, and his voice choked up.

‘We just have to start over now,’ she said. ‘And do better.’

Noah looked at her briefly. ‘I really wasn’t fair to you. I even accused you.’

‘Well, I gave you a good reason not to trust me.’

‘Why didn’t you just tell me?’ Noah asked.

Caitlin had thought a lot about the answer to that question. ‘I missed the moment when I should have told you. That critical moment. The first time we met, I should have said it first thing. But I was ashamed and the words stuck in my throat. Before I knew it, we were laughing, you and I. And it wasn’t long after that . . . I knew you were my happiness. You and Geordie. And I wanted my happiness. Selfishly, I just wanted it to last. I thought I could just keep the secret and make it up to you both. Make up for your loss. Make your lives happy again.’

‘Penance,’ said Noah.

‘No,’ said Caitlin with a sigh. ‘Penance implies sorrow and suffering. All I had with you two was . . . joy.’

Noah was quiet for a moment. Then he said, ‘Me, too.’

Caitlin pressed her lips together and blinked back tears.

‘We’ve all made mistakes,’ he said.

‘Can you forgive mine?’ she asked him.

‘I’m not great at forgiveness,’ he said. ‘Lawyers, you know. We always think we’re right.’

They both smiled.

‘But I’m trying to learn. I’ll start with you.’

‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

‘I’m trying to find a way to forgive Dan,’ said Noah. ‘God knows, he was a victim, too.’

‘So many victims,’ she said. ‘Emily. Westy was so afraid that she would give away his secret that he chased Emily right out in front of my brother’s truck.’