Missing (46 page)

Jacqueline’s hands were over her face. ‘You thought I’d harm him,’ she said brokenly. ‘You thought …’ She lifted her head, and registering how Vivienne was shaking, she said, ‘Yes, of course you did. Look at you. It’s why you didn’t tell Miles you’d had him, you were afraid of me.’ Her eyes were swimming in tears. ‘I can’t be trusted with my own children, so why would you trust me with yours?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Vivienne said sincerely. ‘I just … Oh God, Jacqueline, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s all right, I don’t blame you. You’re not the first.’

Feeling even worse, Vivienne said, ‘Why don’t we go downstairs? I’ll – I’ll make some tea.’

Jacqueline took a breath, attempting to pull herself together. ‘I’m sure you’d rather I left,’ she said, and walking past her she went to pick up her bag.

‘No, please have some tea,’ Vivienne heard herself say.

Jacqueline turned round. ‘I don’t need your pity.’

‘That’s not what I’m offering.’

‘Then what? Friendship?’ She smiled, almost mockingly. ‘You already have everything that should be mine …’

‘No, I have what you turned your back on,’ Vivienne told her. ‘Miles loved you. Kelsey still does.’

At the mention of Kelsey, Jacqueline’s eyes turned away. ‘You’ll take better care of them than I can,’ she said. ‘Time has proved how incapable I am.’

‘Don’t turn your back on Kelsey,’ Vivienne implored. ‘She’s fourteen years old …’

‘You’ll be a much better influence on her than I can …’

‘How can you say that when you don’t even know me?’

Jacqueline’s eyes were sad yet ironic as she said, ‘Almost anyone would do a better job than I have, and if Miles trusts you, there doesn’t seem any reason for me not to.’

‘But you’re her mother.’

‘And not the kind she deserves. She needs a good role model, someone she can confide in, who takes an interest in who she is and what she does in a way I never have. Tell me you won’t do that.’

‘What I will or won’t do isn’t the point …’

‘Oh yes it is. Knowing Kelsey will be taken good
care
of, and not only by her father, is what’s setting us all free. Surely you realise that.’

Afraid of how final this was starting to sound, Vivienne’s voice rang with anger as she said, ‘She doesn’t want me! She wants you. For heaven’s sake, at least speak to her on the phone, and tell her you’re all right.’

Jacqueline only shook her head.

‘Please,’ Vivienne urged, fighting to keep Rufus from springing out of her arms.

Jacqueline watched him, appearing both amused and troubled. ‘He’s getting hungry,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t keep you any longer.’

‘No,’ Vivienne protested, as she began walking towards the stairs. ‘I can’t let you leave here without at least knowing where you’re going.’

Jacqueline stopped. ‘I chose to disappear,’ she said, ‘because I didn’t want to be me any more. For the past fifteen years I’ve been the woman who lost her son; who never stopped looking for him; who refused to give up the hope of finding him. I’ve been pitied, laughed at, scorned, shunned … I’ve even been accused of killing him.’ She dropped her head for a moment as though too tired to go on. Then, hooking her bag higher, she started down the stairs.

Going after her, Vivienne said, ‘Do you still have the mobile phone you registered at my address? Can we contact you on that?’

‘I don’t want to be contacted.’

‘Then why come here?’

When she reached the bottom Jacqueline looked up, her eyes stopping at Rufus. ‘To see you and him,’ she said simply, and leaning forward she kissed Rufus on
the
cheek. ‘You’re a very special little boy,’ she whispered.

As she started to open the door Vivienne darted forward to cover her hand. ‘No!’ she cried, more determined than ever. ‘I’m not letting you go anywhere until you’ve spoken to Kelsey.’

Jacqueline turned to her. ‘You see, you’re already looking out for her,’ she said.

‘Then help me. Don’t just walk out on her. Please talk to her. Tell her she matters. Every child deserves that from their mother.’

Jacqueline’s eyes were untroubled as she said, ‘It’s good to know I’m leaving her in capable hands.’

‘I don’t want her,’ Vivienne insisted. ‘She’s yours. Why would I care what happens to her?’

‘You just do.’

‘You owe her, Jacqueline.’

Jacqueline’s head went to one side.

‘She didn’t ask for any of this. She’s just a child, about to become a woman. You must realise how much she needs you.’

‘She’ll do much better—’

‘Stop making excuses and hiding behind your pain. You can do this, Jacqueline. You can speak to her, and at least try to explain why you find everything so hard.’

‘She knows.’

‘No, she guesses, because you’ve never talked to her about it. She needs to hear it from you, why you’re so afraid to be a mother, but that you love her anyway.’

‘She wouldn’t believe me …’

‘For God’s sake, at least
try
. She’s going through a terrible time and you’re the only one who can really help her. Miles does his best—’

‘OK, you’re right.’

Thrown by the sudden turnaround, Vivienne gasped on the breath she’d taken, and rested her head against Rufus. ‘Does that mean …?’ she whispered, daring to hope.

She heard Jacqueline swallow. ‘Yes, I’ll talk to her,’ she said.

‘Thank you,’ Vivienne breathed. ‘Not for me, for Kelsey.’

Jacqueline’s smile was edged in sadness. ‘I hope she’ll thank you,’ she said, ‘but I don’t think she will.’

‘She doesn’t need to know it was my suggestion.’

‘No, it’s probably best she doesn’t.’

Vivienne stood aside. ‘You can use the phone upstairs in the sitting room,’ she said. ‘It’ll be more private,’ and holding tightly to Rufus she watched Jacqueline start back up the stairs, still hardly able to believe that any of this was actually happening.

Sounding as stunned as Vivienne had expected on being told about Jacqueline’s visit, Miles said, ‘Where is she now?’

‘Upstairs talking to Kelsey on the phone,’ she replied. ‘Please tell me I did the right thing in persuading her to call.’

‘I’m sure you did. I’ve no idea what the outcome will be, but Kelsey needs to hear her, if only to feel satisfied her mother’s really still with us.’

Deciding not to tell him how uneasy Jacqueline had made her about that, at least not yet, Vivienne said, ‘Will you contact the police? Or shall I?’

‘I’ll do it, but they’ll want to speak to you – and her. Do you think you can keep her there?’

‘I don’t know.’ She looked up at the sound of voices
approaching
the front gate. ‘Alice and Angus have just arrived,’ she told him, opening the door before they could ring.

‘Good, because if Kelsey lays into her mother the way only Kelsey can,’ Miles was saying, ‘there’s no knowing what kind of state she might be in after. Incidentally, do you realise it’s Jacqueline’s birthday today?’

Vivienne’s heart contracted. ‘How could I have forgotten?’ she murmured, knowing it was because so much else was going on, but nevertheless … ‘That means it’s Sam’s sixteenth. Do you think it’s connected to why she came here?’

‘I’ve no idea. I gave up trying to work out what’s in her head a long time ago.’

After handing Rufus to Angus, she pointed him and Alice through to the kitchen, saying to Miles, ‘Where are you now?’

‘The London side of Reading. I spoke to Theo a few minutes ago, he’s still with Kelsey, so if you can keep Jacqueline there for another half an hour I’ll come straight to you.’

‘I’ll try.’

‘If she insists on leaving, at least get her to tell you where she’s going.’

‘I’ll do my best. Is it a good idea to let her know you’re on your way, or will that …’

‘No, don’t mention it. You say she seemed calm, but we’ve no idea how long that will last, or how it might change, and knowing I’m about to arrive might trigger something you won’t want to deal with.’

Unsettled by the warning, she said, ‘I’ll leave you to contact the police now, and unless you hear from me again to say she’s left, I’ll see you in half an hour.’

At that Alice turned round, a picture of astonishment.

Vivienne held up a hand to stop her and put a finger to her lips. ‘Jacqueline’s up there,’ she whispered, pointing to the ceiling as she clicked off the phone.

Alice’s jaw dropped as she gave a slow blink, while Angus stopped cuddling Rufus to stare at her.

With an apologetic grimace Vivienne said, ‘I’m afraid the explanation will have to wait, in case she comes down.’

‘But what’s she doing up there?’ Alice demanded under her breath.

‘Phoning Kelsey.’

This time Alice turned to Angus, as though expecting him to step into the breach, but he appeared equally bereft of words.

‘Coffee?’ Vivienne offered. ‘I’ll make some fresh.’

Alice sank down at the dining table. ‘How long’s she been here?’ she asked, keeping her voice low.

‘Half an hour or so.’

Alice glanced at Angus again, still not quite able to take it in. ‘So where’s she been all this time?’ she asked.

‘I’m still not sure exactly.’

‘Is she all right? I mean, stable?’

‘She seems it. At the moment, anyway. Miles is on his way. He left Devon early, because Kelsey’s in Kensington … Ah, that could be the police,’ she said as her mobile started to ring.

‘Ms Kane? It’s DI Sadler,’ the voice at the other end told her. ‘Mr Avery’s just informed me that his wife is with you.’

‘That’s right, Inspector. She’s still speaking to her daughter at the moment. Can I ask her to ring you back?’

‘I’d be more obliged if you could keep her there,’ he
retorted
dryly. ‘We’re contacting the police in Richmond to let them know where she is. Do you have any idea yet where she’s been all this time?’

‘Not really, but I think mainly around this area.’

‘Is she all right?’

‘She seems to be, but I’ve only met her once before, so I don’t have much to go on. Certainly she doesn’t seem very like the woman I’ve heard so much about. She was very gentle with my son, and there’s been nothing aggressive in her manner—’ She glanced up at a noise on the stairs, and seeing Jacqueline coming she was about to say she’d pass him over when she realised it might not be a good thing for Jacqueline to know the police were on their way. So putting a formal note into her voice she said to Sadler, ‘Thank you for your call. If you text me your number that would be very helpful,’ and ringing off without saying goodbye she gave Jacqueline a smile of reassurance as she reached the foot of the stairs, and beckoned her into the kitchen.

‘How did it go?’ she asked, the bizarreness of the situation making her slightly light-headed as Jacqueline came towards her, carrying the wig in one hand and her bag in the other.

Jacqueline was about to answer when she spotted Angus and Alice. ‘I’m sorry, I’m intruding,’ she said, taking a step back.

‘Not at all,’ Vivienne assured her. ‘Let me introduce you. Alice and Angus Jackson, this is Jacqueline Avery.’

Angus came forward to shake Jacqueline’s hand, while Alice remained utterly flummoxed. ‘Pleased to meet you,’ Angus said, still holding onto Rufus.

‘Thank you,’ Jacqueline replied, and smiled as Rufus made a lunge towards her.

‘I’m making coffee,’ Vivienne told her. ‘Will you have some?’

‘Actually,’ Jacqueline replied, ‘I’ve just told Kelsey I’ll go over there.’

Amazed – and then alarmed, considering what had happened the last time Jacqueline staged a reappearance in Kelsey’s life – Vivienne blurted, ‘Are you sure? I mean …’

Jacqueline nodded. ‘I’ve said I will, so I think I should.’

‘Why not have a drink, or some lunch before you go?’

‘No thanks. I’m not hungry and I should leave you to your friends.’

‘Oh, we don’t mind if you stay,’ Vivienne told her hurriedly, knowing she was making a complete mess of this. ‘And I have plenty of food in.’ Thank God she couldn’t see the empty fridge.

‘No, really. I’d rather be going,’ Jacqueline said quietly. ‘It’s a long walk to the tube—’

‘Then let me drive you,’ Vivienne jumped in.

Alice was staring at her as if she’d gone mad.

‘You don’t need to,’ Jacqueline replied. ‘I enjoy walking.’

‘No, I insist,’ Vivienne said, earning herself another bemused blink from Alice. ‘My friends will stay with Rufus, won’t you?’

It was left to Angus to assure her they would.

‘You just have to heat up his bottle,’ Vivienne told them, reaching for her keys, ‘and help yourselves to anything else. You know where everything is. Oh, you’ll need to give him his lunch, so I should write down what he has,’ and quickly pulling a Post-it towards her, she scribbled the words
Call Miles on his
mobile
,
before turning back to Jacqueline and saying, ‘Are you ready?’

Appearing slightly dazed, Jacqueline nodded, and after an awkward glance at Alice she went to give Rufus a kiss before following Vivienne out to the car.

Chapter Twenty

‘HOW LONG AGO
did they leave?’ Miles asked Alice when she got through to him.

‘About ten minutes,’ she replied. ‘I’ve been trying to reach you, but kept going straight to voicemail.’

‘I must have been in a down area. If you can, call Vivienne and tell her to take the long route via Cromwell Road. It’ll give me a chance to get there first.’

‘Where are you now?’

‘Just coming off the Chiswick flyover, so probably not too far behind. I’ll call Theo now and ask him not to leave should Jacqueline show up before I do.’

‘Theo?’ Alice repeated blankly.

‘He’s with Kelsey.’

Alice had no words.

Accelerating hard through a set of amber lights, Miles said, ‘Is Rufus OK?’

‘He’s fine,’ she assured him, her eyes softening as she turned to look at him. ‘Angus is giving him some milk, which he’s making a lot of noise about. I mean Rufus, not my husband. Is there anything else we can do?’

‘I don’t think so. Just try to speak to Vivienne without alerting Jacqueline.’

After disconnecting, Miles sped on towards a set of
red
lights, and coming to an abrupt halt began searching for Theo’s number. ‘Is Kelsey in earshot?’ he asked when Theo answered.