Miss Taken (10 page)

“Excuse me, but I said my mum can give you a
lift,” Kyle said very politely.

My mother’s ear, which could not decipher her
own daughter’s words even though they were spoken directly into the
receiver, had no trouble hearing his offer. “Is that Kyle?” she
said. “Tell him that would be lovely because really Janie it will
be hard for me to leave right now.”

I hated it that she was imitating the way
Kyle talks. And I really hate it when she calls me ‘Janie.’

Resistance was useless. A few icy words
crossed my lips. It’s a shame that I don’t remember what I said,
because I vowed they would be the last ones I would ever speak to
that traitor. I hung up without saying goodbye.

To Kyle I said, “That will be lovely,”
followed by a full showing of all my teeth to demonstrate what I
really thought of his offer.

Next awkwardness: the silent minutes as we
waited for Kyle’s mother. Fortunately, the urge to cry had passed
and I was now just seething with rage.

“So, uh, he was pretty steamed, huh?” Kyle
said.

My estimation of Kyle’s intelligence was
dropping precipitously. Only an imbecile would bring that up right
now. I turned on him with a fury that few had ever seen.

“What the hell is the matter with you?!”

Kyle should consider himself lucky the window
didn’t shatter over him. The pitch and volume of my voice as I
screeched that out even shocked me.

As my words echoed down the hall, it reminded
me that I had recently asked myself the very same question and had
not come up with any satisfactory answers.

“I’m sorry, Jane. I didn’t do it on
purpose.”

Kyle’s answer didn’t satisfy either. “You
didn’t kiss me on purpose?! What happened? Did a meteor crash into
the back of your head and propel your face into mine? Do my lips
contain some magnetic property that I am unaware of?”

Kyle was balanced on the far edge of the
bench. One more scream and he would fall right off.

I warmed up the vocal cords.

Kyle cut me off. “Well, the second one, sort
of. But what I meant was, I didn’t know he was going to walk by at
that exact instant.” For once he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. His
eyes were open wide, as if trying to stare down a cobra.

Very slowly and cautiously, he scooted the
rest of his butt back onto the bench. He must have decided I wasn’t
going to strike him.

He might be wrong.

Kyle said to the floor, “I’ve been thinking
about how to kiss you for a while.”

My blood was pounding from all the yelling,
but now my fickle heart did a little skip. It has come to my
attention that although the brain is often touted as the command
center of the body, that many organs - my heart in particular -
seem to be under some other control, possibly an alien intruder who
seems intent on ruining my life.

Kyle continued, “I’m really sorry I screwed
things up for you. I guess this means you wouldn’t consider going
out with me tonight?” He was still talking to the linoleum, but was
also throwing occasional glances at me out of the corner of one
eye, the greener one. His nose was wrinkled in an adorable
manner.

“What?” I was going for pure outrage, but my
unfaithful vocal chords cracked so I don’t think it came across. I
was more definitive. “No. No, I absolutely will not go out with you
tonight.” I crossed my arms and turned, deciding further eye
contact was a bad idea. My blood pressure was high enough as it
was. The idea of having a heart attack over this stupidity reminded
me of Ned’s dad who had had a heart attack for similarly stupid
reasons, and then I was back on the verge of tears again.

To stop that from happening, I got up and
checked out the parking lot. It looked like a few flakes of snow
were coming down, but it may have just been grit in my
contacts.

“So when do you think your mum will get here
so she can give me that lovely ride?”

Kyle followed me over to the window. He stood
much closer than necessary. “I dunno. Soon, I guess.” He said it
gently, even after I had spoken to him so sarcastically. It knocked
out the last little pebble that was holding back the dam of
tears.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I called out,
practically running away. And, I should add, in the wrong
direction.

When I finally found a girls’ room, I kicked
the door open with a blow that would have wowed more than one
ninja. After checking that all stalls were empty, I let it all out.
I was a little afraid my shrieks would alert teachers, but I guess
they clear out pretty quickly on Friday afternoon.

My violent emotional storm was mercifully
brief. I had cried myself out in five minutes. I marveled that my
contacts did not get washed away from the sheer volume of liquid.
Those are some tough little bits of plastic.

I washed my face many times, and nearly did
lose a lens doing that, but it didn’t help. My red, puffy eyes
would tell all. I hoped that Kyle’s mum had come and gone.

I sat on the radiator, wondering if I had
enough change to call my mom again when there was a knock at the
door.

Kyle.

“Hey, Jane,” he called through a crack in the
door. “My mum’s here.”

Oh god. I could not face him like this, let
alone his mum. I didn’t answer, hoping he would go away.

He didn’t.

“Jane,” he called, opening the door wider. “I
know you’re in here.”

My nose was running. I sniffed. “How do you
know?”

“Well, there’s the telltale evidence of you
speaking to me now. But besides that, I watched you go in, and I
watched you not come back out.” Okay, so that did not require a lot
of brains to figure out.

He opened the door all the way.

I sniffed again, not having any tissues
handy. “I don’t feel well,” I said, hoping the ten-watt light bulbs
were helping to disguise my face.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle said again. I wished he
would stop it because it was making it very difficult for me to
stay mad at him.

“Why don’t you just go?” I asked, water
droplets dangerously close to leaking out of my eyes again.

“C’mon,” he said, walking into the bathroom.
“It’s Valentine’s Day and it’s cold outside and you don’t want to
be stuck here any longer and you don’t want to walk home either.
Let me give you a lift,” he said, cleverly sidestepping the fact
that he was not the one driving.

Which only reminded me that my former
boyfriend could drive and was probably out driving right now.

I felt a certain coolness in a vertical line
on my cheeks.

Oh god.

Kyle went into a stall and got me a wad of
toilet paper. I snatched it from him and quickly mopped up the
excess moisture. “You’re not supposed to be in here.”

Kyle shrugged. “It’s just a restroom.” Then
he started looking around. “It’s a lot tidier than the gent’s,
though, I’ll give you that.” He sat next to me on the radiator and
nodded approvingly at the cleanliness of the girls’ room.

It was all so absurd, I laughed a little. It
came out as a half-sob since I was still all choked up with snot. I
wiped my face again. “Okay, well, this is where the tour ends. I
guess we shouldn’t keep your mum waiting.”

Kyle smiled at me and looked like he was
about to take my hand, so I folded my arms up tight under my arm
pits. I got a ring caught in a loop of my sweater which allowed
Kyle the time to catch up and gallantly open the door for me.
Pretending the door had opened automatically, I marched out without
acknowledging him. Also, I didn’t want him to see me struggling to
unhook my ring and offer to help. The very last thing I needed was
for him to get his hands anywhere near my boobs, even if they
aren’t as exciting as Mirabelle’s.

Strange but true scientific fact: Snowflakes
form when the temperature inside a cloud falls below freezing. Ice
crystals bump into each other and stick, forming a unique
snowflake.

My heart felt like it had ice crystals
forming in it, but not the kind that form pretty snowflakes. More
like the kind that happen when you go out and die alone on the
tundra.

It wasn’t grit in my lenses. Snow had dusted
the ground while I had been giving Kyle a tour of the girls’ room.
It was very pretty. Between that and the crisp air, it was like
maybe nature was trying to help me wipe the slate clean.

But I wasn’t in the mood to wax poetical
about any natural beauty on this day if the sign was going to be so
ambiguous. How do I know that it didn’t include erasing my
boyfriend entirely from my slate?

Eyeballs prickling once more, I dropped the
door on Kyle and marched purposefully toward a vehicle waiting at
the curb. I wanted to get to the car first so I could get a
strategic position in the back seat where I would be hidden from
his mum. If I could do that, I might make it home with a few
vestiges of pride.

Following the rules of my usual luck, it
didn’t work out the way I planned. Kyle insisted that I sit in the
front, seconded by his mum. I was already half-way into the back of
the car so I had to get out again. My bag, which got snagged on the
lever that releases the front seat, suddenly slid off. I tumbled
backwards and slipped on the snow, falling straight into Kyle who
had to put his arms around me to keep us both from hitting the
ground.

Eyelids brimming as I waited for him to climb
in, I got angry at the weather for not being cold enough to freeze
salt water. I said hello to his mum without looking at her and then
sat with my head facing rigidly straight forward, as if our safety
depended upon it.

While it was nice of Kyle to put his mouth to
good use for once and explain to his mum that I wasn’t feeling
well, I still not opposed to giving him a knuckle sandwich to chew
on for the way he had used that same mouth to screw things up with
Ned.

“Oh, love, I’m sorry to hear that. Would you
like to stay at our house till your mum can come get you? You can
wrap up on the sofa and watch some telly and I’ll fix you up a nice
cuppa. How does that sound, yeah?”

Kyle’s mum was definitely from some other
country. Whether or not it was also an island was uncertain, since
technically even Australia is one. But I wasn’t in the mood to
engage in idle geographical chitchat right now.

These two were just killing me with kindness,
so I had to be firm. All I really wanted was my own couch and telly
and cuppa, whatever that was. If I couldn’t have Ned,
lavender-scented laundry and jazzy music on the weather channel
were all that I needed.

I didn’t tell them this, however. Even if I
wasn’t ever planning on dating Kyle, there was no reason to have
his nice family thinking I’m weird.

Although I would have liked to spring out of
their car before it came to a full stop, I thanked Kyle’s mother
politely and mumbled something to Kyle. I hope neither of them were
listening too closely because I cannot be absolutely certain it
didn’t contain obscenity.

Then, since they were so gosh-derned nice and
insisted on waiting until I got inside, I had to pay extra
attention to the steps so I didn’t slip again and end my
interaction with them in maximum humiliation.

Strange but true scientific fact: Although it
weighs less than a pound, the human heart pumps an average 2000
gallons of blood more than 60,000 miles each day. That is more than
twice the circumference of the earth.

As I shut the door behind me, I was shaking
so hard, I found I was unable to make it down to the basement where
my therapeutic laundry pile awaited me and collapsed on the living
room couch instead.

I lay there, my body numb and yet pulsing. It
was like what I would imagine a person might feel after being
electrocuted.

Some time went by. The front door opened. An
ice age may have passed, or it might have only been twenty minutes.
In my current state, I really couldn’t say. The one thing I did
know immediately was the identity of the intruder. The heel clicks
gave her away.

All I can say is, she had some nerve showing
her face here so soon after insisting how busy she was. The acid
comments I was about to impart on that subject were washed away by
the cold fear that the school had already contacted her regarding
my run-in with Mrs. Rochel (RWR).

All vital signs stopped as I listened for
what I dreaded was going to be a pronouncement that would affect
the rest of my life.

“So, what’s Kyle’s mom like?”

Anger, hatred, disgust, the full array of
negative emotion coursed through my body. In 0.5 seconds, my heart
went from a frozen block to a lit bomb ready to burst from my
chest. Worries of school suspension evaporated. I could only stare
in disbelief, unable to comprehend her callousness in the face of
the biggest calamity of my life. Her cold-heartedness galvanized me
into an upright position. I even broke my resolution to never speak
to her again, but this was important.

“Mom. I was supposed to go out with Ned
today.”

“Oh, yes, well, is he coming to pick you up
later?”

“No. He isn’t,” I replied through gritted
teeth.

Clueless mother of mine was starting to catch
on. “Did something happen?”

“Yes, something happened! Kyle happened! He
kissed me right in front of Ned! Ned was so furious he took off
without even listening to me! Then your precious Kyle had the nerve
to ask me out on a date!”

I hadn’t really wanted to give Mom the whole
scoop, it just sort of came out.

“First of all, young lady, there is no call
for shouting at your mother. Second, it sounds like Ned is
overreacting.”

Long have I suspected my mother of having
more in common with the tin man than just helmet hair. I now had
confirmation that she had no heart at all when she asked, “So, are
you going to go out with Kyle?”