Miss Manners (29 page)

Once Felicity had watered down her excitement she cleared her throat, then attempted to resume a
straight face. ‘So, do you think that’s fair?’

I stood in silence, smiling on the inside.
‘Of course. I mean, that’s the least I can do,’ I said, hugging her. ‘Congratulations, Felicity! I’m so happy for you!’

But then I remembered that the dresses were no longer in our living room.
‘What happened to the dresses? Did you get them finished on time?’

‘
Just about,’ she said with a smile. ‘I woke up at six this morning, worked flat out till nine, then posted them off. So now I’m free all day!’

‘
Wow! You must’ve been as quiet as a nun, because I didn’t hear a thing,’ I said, impressed.

Next, Tara stepped forward.
‘And now for
my
conditions,’ she said, looking stern.

But Tara was obviously a better singer than she was an actor, because her face soon broke into a smile.

‘You have to turn up at my first ever live gig!’ she said, her voice raising in decibels.

‘
What?’ I said disbelievingly. ‘You got it?’

‘
I got it!’ she screamed. ‘I got my very first live gig! I was in the studio with my agent, Ben Morrison, all day yesterday, negotiating contracts, recording a few tracks, discussing future projects. Plus, he’s so hot, which always helps to get the creative juices flowing, if you know what I mean?’

‘
So that’s where you were all day!’ I said, nodding. ‘I must’ve left about thirty voicemails on your phone! I thought you were so mad at me that you couldn’t bear the sight or sound of me.’

‘
Well, I was,’ she admitted. ‘But that wasn’t the reason I didn’t answer my phone. I had to put it on silent.’

Giles entered the room a moment later.
‘Adam Knight for you, sir,’ he said, his white-gloved arms floating rigidly either side of his body.

As Adam entered, the room fell silent.

‘So, what should I call you, then?’ I asked, turning to face Adam. ‘Brian? Adam?
Sebastian
?’

‘
Look, I’m sorry for acting like an idiot at the academy.’

Well, at least he had the decency to apologise. It look
ed like the academy had done him some good in the manners department.

‘
Well, in that case, I’m sorry for accidentally bashing your nose during dance class,’ I conceded.

‘
Oh, and just so you all know,’ he said, smiling and raising his eyebrows at everyone, ‘I never kissed Pinkie. She kissed me.’

‘
Well, now we know.’ I half smiled, trying to remain aloof.

‘
You’re not still wearing that perfume, Go Away, are you?’ he asked cheekily.

‘
That depends on how close you stand to me,’ I said, raising an eyebrow.

‘
I’m wearing Come Here, so you can stand as close as you like to me, darling,’ Felicity said seductively.

As I raised a curious eyebrow at Felicity, she flashed me a he
’s-so-hot-he’s-burning-a-hole-in-the-atmosphere look. So I looked at Brian instead. Now,
he
was hot.

Tara and Felicity spent the next hour or so being taught all the
waltz and minuet dance moves by Brian and Adam, whilst I sank into a beanbag and smiled.

6 MONTHS LATER

Well, it goes without saying, I didn’t win the Miss Manners contest. Frunella Fudge did. In light of my
unmannerly
antics, I had been disqualified. But, to be honest, she was probably the only person who really deserved to win it, considering she was the only one who’d actually stayed true to herself.

A
pparently, after I’d left the building, there was quite a scene between Pinkie and Genevieve. According to sources, before the compère announced the winner, Pinkie and Genevieve had both walked towards the podium simultaneously, each believing that they had won it. As the two socialites, one dark and one blonde, came face to face with one another, they launched into yet another cat fight.

As for now, however, Pinkie and Genevieve have become best frenemies,
like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Pinkie is no longer considering re-auditioning for
Legally Blonde: The Musical
, but rather, can you believe it,
Twelfth Night: The Musical
. Oh, and she now carries a BlackBerry. As for the diary, she’s publishing it next year.

Genevieve, on the other hand, has opened her own caf
e, which has been aptly named La Croix.

Oh, how I was glad to see the back of such a
fake world, which had no place for reality. Although the original message I had been given was to stay true to myself, I had, in fact, become even truer to myself, in the sense that I had found myself – I found who I was, who I am and who I want to be.

In terms of the love prediction, well,
our landlady Minky is now dating Stanley, since I introduced them at one of his gigs, Tara is dating Beanie and Felicity is dating Adam. And as for me, I’ve been on a lot more exciting adventures with Brian, who is even insisting on taking me to see New York! I still feel queasy whenever I see loved-up couples on the Tube, but that’s just a bad habit.

Regarding the whereabouts of Mojo, well, that remains a mystery. But, you never know, we may cross paths someday when the winds change.

As for my parents, who’d been backpacking for almost three months, they didn’t really have a clue about what I was getting up to. As far as they knew, I still worked as a sales assistant at Harrolds. So you can imagine their shock and horror when I told them that I was, in fact, going to my very own book signing, which, coincidentally, was on a Monday.

Seriously, sometimes I feel streets ahead of my parents, just like Einstein must have done when his friends kept saying,
‘The universe is straight, Albert, take it from us,’ and he was secretly thinking, ‘I know it’s curved. I’ll show you one day.’

So, anyway, thanks to winning the Bloggie Award, I was offered a publishing deal, which meant that I was now officially an author.
When I got the call from the agent, I must have looked like Kevin McCallister after an aftershave burn. But, incredible news aside, it meant having to face my old boss, Bill.

As I approached
Toy Kingdom on the fourth floor, I felt like Neil Armstrong when he said, ‘One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.’ Walking into the place this time round felt like going back to high school after ten years.

As I stepped into the heavily decorated, Halloween-themed store, I was immediately swamped by hoards of people demanding an autograph. Unfortunately, I don
’t think the silent ringing phone trick would have worked on that crowd.

As I quickly sat down at the signing desk, I heard Bill shouting orders from across the room. He hadn
’t changed a bit. Our eyes met for a split second, and Bill, instead of barking orders at me like he used to, actually half smiled instead. It was the kind of smile that said ‘Well done’.

But then
I noticed a girl standing beside the table, dressed as a pumpkin. I blocked out everyone else, all the chatter, laughter and screaming, and focused on the poor girl. I picked up my book,
Miss Manners
, then walked over to her.

‘
What’s your name?’ I asked.

‘
Ellie,’ she mumbled from somewhere deep inside the puffy orange costume.

So
I wrote down her name in the book, signed it, then handed it to her.

‘
Read chapter two,’ I said with a sympathetic smile.

The girl beamed, her face gleaming.
‘Thank you,’ she murmured shyly.

Six
months ago, I had no job, no car and no money. But now I have all three. And then some.

I had managed to land a job at
Couture
as a junior features writer. On top of that, I had accrued a new friend (Felicity Diamond), a hot boyfriend (Brian Fairfax) and, more importantly, a sense of who I really am (Anna Borgström) along the way. You win some, you lose some, as they say.

Meanwhile, Brian had
wangled himself the role of reviewer at
Fairfax Traveller
magazine. Considering he’d been given the opportunity to travel the world, I was, naturally, a little jealous.

As for Sophie, well, no one really heard anything from her since the night she revealed herself to be an opportunistic, money-hungry snake. Some say she
’s published her Dictaphone extracts in an online blog, but no one knows for certain.

Tara recently signed a record deal with Beanie
’s record label, Carpe Diem, and has almost finished recording songs for her first album,
Bold and Beautiful
.

Felicity ended up winning the Alexander McQueen Award, which, as a result,
got her a deal with Topshop, where recreations of the award-winning Aphrodite, Antoinette and Cleopatra dresses sold like hot cakes on the day of their launch.

As for me, well, I managed to buy back my beloved Mini
Cooper. And, although I may not have my own office yet, I already feel like I do. I mean, everyone here is so wonderful, and no one ever brings up the unnameable Incident Number Two.

Oh, and by the way
, good news – today I was called in for a meeting in Romilly’s office, who announced my next major assignment.

But that
’s another story.