Miriam's Secret (27 page)

A few moments later Wayne appeared from the barn and headed toward Miriam, who was speaking with two girls she decided could be twins. They'd introduced themselves as Naomi and Miriam Kuntz.

Mahlon walked up, and Shirley turned on her sweetest smile.
He gave her only the briefest of nods and turned to Betty. “I can't find my glove. Did you get it out after we arrived?”

Betty motioned toward the side of the barn. “Over there. I set it out with mine.”

Mahlon appeared relieved. He turned to go but paused and looked at Shirley. “I'm glad you're here, and your sister Miriam too. Betty will keep you entertained, I'm sure.”

Shirley hid her disappointment.

“Brothers,” Betty muttered. “They're so helpless sometimes.”

“
Yah
,” Shirley said, feeling an unexpected desire for her own brothers. They were anything but helpless, she thought with a smile.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

L
ater that evening Shirley held the reins in the soft darkness of the prairie night as Sally's hooves beat a steady rhythm on the road home. Usually Shirley would have enjoyed the sound, but tonight it—along with everything else—grated on her nerves. How could her first evening with the Clarita community's young people have been such a total flop? Nothing really happened. There had been no rudeness or unkindness shown to her. Perhaps the total ordinariness of the evening had been what disappointed her. She'd been shown no special attention by any of the boys, even Mahlon Troyer. Did they think she was unworthy of attention? Had they even noticed her?

She tightened her grip on the lines. This was a new experience to say the least, and she hadn't taken well to it. Never before had Miriam been the center of attention at a youth gathering. This was definitely not what Shirley was used to. But it's
gut
for me, Shirley chided herself with a quick glance at Miriam seated
beside her. Miriam seemed lost in a cloud of happiness. Why shouldn't she be thrilled? Wayne Yutzy had hovered over her all night to the point that Miriam seemed to have lost her resistance to him. And after those first moments when they'd arrived, even Betty had spent most of her time in conversation with Miriam.

Shirley pushed her bitter thoughts away. This was the right kind of experience for her. She needed a little humility in her life. Besides, Miriam needed this moment of glory without her sister tainting her joy. With that thought, Shirley brightened as best she could and forced herself to chirp, “What a
wunderbah
evening, don't you think?”

“That it was.” Miriam's face beamed. “All the folks were so friendly.”

“I know.” Shirley let the silence fill the buggy again.

For a few minutes Miriam gazed across the darkened prairie. “It's almost too much to believe—that we really are in a place where everything is so different. No one cares about money around here. I'm sure they've all heard about the farm, but it wasn't mentioned once. I think Aunt Fannie might be right about Wayne. He doesn't seem to care either.”

“They
are wunderbah
people.” Shirley kept her voice steady.

“I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself.” Miriam glanced toward her.

Shirley forced a quick smile. “Betty Troyer talked with me right away.”

Miriam sighed. “Betty…I know. She's Mahlon's sister. They're both so nice. He'll warm up to you before long.”

So Miriam had noticed his lack of attention. Shirley said quickly, “It's a relief really. No boys hanging around me. It was…different.”

Miriam laughed. “Come to think of it, that was true for you tonight. My, how our roles have switched.”

“It's
gut
for me.” That wasn't a lie, Shirley told herself. She really did think it was okay…or she
should
at least tolerate it with good grace. Which was about the same, wasn't it?

Miriam's mood darkened. “Do you still think Wayne's sincere? I doubted him, but you believed in him. I'm slowly changing my mind. Have you changed yours at all?”

Shirley reached over to squeeze Miriam's arm. “
Nee
, and don't you doubt that man for a moment. You deserve the good that's happening to you.”

“I don't know about that.” Miriam settled back into the buggy seat. “It's so new…and kind of scary…and unbelievable.”

“Believe it because it's true!” Shirley said as they turned into the driveway.
You believe it too, Shirley
, she told herself as they climbed down from the buggy.
This is your new life
. But pain twisted inside her despite her best efforts.

“I'll put Sally away,” Shirley offered once they had the horse unhitched and out of the shafts.

Miriam nodded and disappeared into the darkness as she walked toward the house.

Shirley found a flashlight under the buggy seat before she turned off the buggy lights. She steadied the beam on the barn door and led Sally forward. She followed willingly enough. Shirley had the harness off the horse moments later and put a scoop of oats in Sally's stall bin. Grabbing a currycomb, Shirley gave the horse a fast brushing. “That'll tide you over for the night.” She gave the horse a pat on the neck.

Sally nickered as if saying thanks.

Shirley laughed. “You're welcome!”

Shirley left the barn, closed the door, and then turned off the flashlight. Above her a great splash of stars twinkled. They were brighter than the stars at home, she thought. But then everything seemed brighter around here. With a sigh, she paused
beside the buggy for a long look upward. This was the underside of heaven, someone had once said. Maybe it was Miriam, but she wasn't sure. It could have been almost anyone. It sometimes seemed that all the women around her in Possum Valley were more mature spiritually than she was. Shirley had always known that, but she'd made up for it by depending on her beauty and good nature for advantages. After tonight that obviously wasn't going to be enough here.

Thoughts of Jonas raced through her head. She ought to call him. He would give her the attention she craved. His voice would fill with joy at the sound of hers. He'd ask, “How are things going, Shirley? Having a good time?”

She would probably spill her heart to him. What would that gain? “Then surely you're coming back soon,” he'd say. And she would weaken. Her heart would leap in agreement, and soon she'd be on the bus back to Ohio. Everyone would understand. Miriam could stay and have her little heaven on earth. So what was the problem?

She put the flashlight back under the buggy seat and took one last look toward the heavens as she walked to the house. She'd have to make a practice of this—spending more time alone under the stars. That would be a pleasant practice on the prairie—once she'd developed the necessary discipline to do it regularly.

The front door squeaked when she entered. The soft glow from a kerosene lamp came from the kitchen doorway. Who would still be up? Certainly not Aunt Fannie. She'd be in bed with baby Jonathon in a crib next to her. Miriam should be upstairs by now. Uncle William was an early riser, so he would be long asleep by now.

With a soft step, Shirley peered through the kitchen doorway.
Miriam was sitting at the table with a letter in front of her. Her face was lined with worry when she glanced up.

“What is it?” Shirley approached and stood beside her sister.

“A letter from Ivan.” Miriam held up the paper. “Aunt Fannie didn't want me to see it before the youth gathering.”

From the look on Miriam's face, Aunt Fannie had decided correctly. Shirley pulled up a chair. “What does he say?”

“Read it for yourself.” Miriam pushed the paper across the table.

Shirley squinted at the smeared handwriting. The man wasn't the best or neatest scribe. She focused and read silently.

My dearest Miriam,

I know you think I have no right to such an address, but please hear me out. The news of your departure was quite a shock to me. It was so sudden and so soon. I had thought we would speak again about the matter between us. I can't believe you considered me so lightly that you left without even one word of goodbye. Surely you can understand how I feel.

I admire and respect you greatly. So if you would, please give this letter serious consideration. I had hoped to talk with you in person here in Possum Valley, but you have left us with only the option of letters. I'm not much of a letter writer.

I'm so sorry about any hard feelings I may have caused between us, Miriam. I'm trying to understand how my actions might appear to you. I dated Laura instead of you after our
rumspringa
time, but let's not
cut off the friendship and possibilities that remain between you and me. How awful that would be. Can't you see that?

I value your friendship greatly. I hope you will at least write back. This silence that now hangs between us isn't for the best. I know I haven't always acted as I should have, I willingly confess that. But I assure you that the affection we used to share was real. My heart was genuine.

You are a jewel, Miriam. You're precious, and you will make a great
frau
someday. I know it may seem like a lot to ask right now, but will you at least answer this letter and tell me your thoughts? That would be a great comfort to me. I'm sure it would ease the uncertainty that grips my heart.

Your great admirer,

Ivan Mast

“What do you think?” Miriam asked before Shirley had time to gather her thoughts.

Shirley wanted to say,
You should write back at once, and maybe we can both go back to Possum Valley
. But that wasn't the right choice, she was sure. And Ivan hadn't really expressed love for Miriam. “I don't know, Miriam. He hasn't broken off his relationship with Laura. There's nothing in there about that.”

“Maybe he wants to be sure about me first? If I accept his affections, then he'll break if off with Laura. Could that be it?”

Shirley nodded. “There you have it. He's putting you last. If you don't respond, at least he has Laura as his backup.”

“That confirms what I've thought all along. It's the farm Ivan is interested in. If he has to settle for me over Laura in order to get the land, that's what he'll do.”

“I see how it can look that way,” Shirley forced herself to say. Perhaps Miriam had been right about Ivan. He was trying to play both sides.

“Well, thanks for your help.” Miriam rose. “Maybe we ought to get to bed. Morning will be here soon enough.”

Miriam slipped the letter into her dress pocket.

The storm might be over for tonight, but Shirley knew Miriam wouldn't let this go so easily. “You should burn that letter,” Shirley said at the stair door.

Miriam shook her head. That was a radical move and wouldn't solve anything. “I'll have to write him back,” she said softly. “But I don't know what I'll say.”

“You'll think of the right thing. You always do.”

“Thanks, Shirley,” Miriam whispered at the top of the stairs where they parted ways.

“Good night.” Shirley closed her bedroom door. Moments later she slipped under the quilt on the bed and, between the window drapes, watched the stars twinkle until she fell asleep.

Chapter Twenty-Eight