Minecraft: Diary of a Minecraft Zombie Book 5: School Daze (An Unofficial Minecraft Book) (3 page)

Saturday

I went back to Steve to ask more advice about how to get out of camp.

“Congratulations on your win,” Steve said sarcastically.

I just looked at him, depressed.

“Now what am I going to do?”  I said.  “My Mom and Dad are now going to give me two weeks at camp, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t worry. You still have plenty of time to mess things up,” Steve said.  “Don’t you have any big exams coming up soon?”

“Yeah! I have a big scare exam on Monday.  Hey, if I mess that up, then my parents will ground me for sure,” I said. 

“But the only problem is that the exam is going to be graded on how well we can scare villagers.  And villagers are real easy to scare.”  They’re scared of everything,” I said.

“Well, if you make them laugh, then there’s no way they can be scared,” Steve said.

Wow.  Steve is a genius.  Where does he come up with this stuff?

“That’s a great idea.  But I’m going to have to come up with something to make them laugh,” I said.

“I’ve got a great routine for you,” Steve said.  “Every time I do it, it always makes my friends laugh.”

“Thanks, Steve.  I really appreciate it.”

So Steve showed me his routine and we practiced it for a few hours.

Man, I can’t wait to do this routine on my scare test on Monday.

I’m going to have those villagers in stitches.

Summer vacation, here I come!

Sunday

Today I spent the whole day practicing the comedy routine at home in front of a mirror.

I never thought of myself as a comedian. 

I tried to tell a joke once…

It went like this…

“Why was the Zombie afraid to cross the road?

Because he lost his guts!”

I love that joke!

But I don’t know why, but every time I tell it, nobody laughs.

But I know since Steve came up with the routine, it’s got to be funny.

The good thing is that there’s not a lot of talking in this routine, just silly movements.

And I could tell while practicing in the mirror, that it’s going to be really funny.

I can’t wait to try it on the villagers tomorrow.

Monday

I woke up late today, so I had to rush out of bed and head out straight to school.

I didn’t even get a chance to eat breakfast.

I didn’t care because I was just so excited to mess up my scare exam, and get my life back this summer.

I just made it to Ms. Bones Scare class when she said, “Kids, remember, this exam will count toward 50% of your grade.  So make sure you give it your all when you go out and scare those villagers today.” 

“Not me,” I thought.  “I’m going to get those villagers laughing so hard, they won’t be scared at all.”

When we got to the village, all the other kids picked a villager to scare.

And the other kids did really well. 

But now it was my turn.

I picked a villager that I saw picking crops.

Steve also gave me some music to with the routine, so I turned on the boom box and I jumped out of the bushes.

“Everybody Dance Now!”

I started doing my routine, and it was good!

I was all up into my routine, when more and more villagers started gathered around me.

I was really getting into it.

Soon, the entire village was gathered around me, and they were into it too.

“Hey guys, check out what Zombie is doing!” One of the mob kids said.

Then all of the mob kids jumped out of the bushes at once.

All of a sudden, the entire village went crazy and the villagers started running and screaming.

“It’s the Zombie Apocalypse!” A villager yelled.

“AAAAHHHH!!!” was all I heard, as all of the villagers scattered to their homes.

Ms. Bones was shocked.

“You scared the entire village all at once!”  She said.  “That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen!” 

Then she said, “You get an A plus for your scare test, and for the class.  Congratulations, Zombie!”

Man, I really hate my life…

Tuesday

Today my parents took me to the “Drool and Gruel” diner to celebrate getting an A+ on my Scare exam.

“Son, you never stop surprising us,” Dad said.  “We talked to your teacher and she said that your reenactment of the Zombie Apocalypse was the best thing she had ever seen.  You scared every villager in that town.”

“Thanks Dad,” I said as I buried my sorrow in a Drool Shake.

“Honey, tell him the surprise,” Mom said.

“What surprise?”

“Well son, Ms. Bones was so impressed with your work that she spoke to the Principal.  And the Principal agreed to sponsor you for an extra week of Camp as a reward.  Isn’t that amazing?!!”

I threw up my Drool shake.

“Look how excited he is Honey, he can’t even keep his Drool shake down,” Mom said.

Life is so unfair…

Wednesday

Well, even though it’s been a crazy few days, the one cool thing is that yearbooks come out today.

Man, I can’t wait!

I’ve been looking forward to seeing my yearbook picture since we took our pictures.

I bet I’m going to look real good, too.

Maybe, I’ll even look like an 8th grader!

I’m going to get everybody to sign my yearbook too.

They’re probably going to write something like “The coolest Zombie in school,” Or, “The Zombie most likely to succeed.”  Or something cool like that.

Mom said that yearbook pictures are great because it’s a way that people can remember you for the rest of your life. 

When she pulls out her yearbook I can tell it brings back really great memories for her…Even though it was a really, really, really long time ago.

Dad told me not to get my hopes up too high, though.

I think it’s because my Dad’s yearbook picture looks like he was one of the nerdiest kids in school.

“Your yearbook pictures are only a snapshot of a very short period of your life,” He says.  “You always outgrow those pictures anyway.”

I don’t know how much I believe that last thing he said. 

Under his yearbook picture it said, “The most likely to work in a Nuclear Waste Plant.”

I think I’m going to get extra pictures made to give out to people.

I’m going to get some for grandma…

I’m going to get a few for Sally…

And I’ll probably need a few for my photo spread in ZQ magazine…

Thursday

OMZ!

My life is officially over.

As soon as I opened my yearbook I saw my picture…

I couldn’t believe it…

I looked terrible!

My picture was so awful, that all the kids in school were laughing at me when I walked down the hallway.

When I wasn’t paying attention, somebody wrote in my yearbook, “The Zombie most likely to be mistaken for a human.”

Somebody else wrote, “The Zombie most likely to work at the Chum Bucket.”

And somebody even wrote “The Zombie most likely to host American Idol.”

When I got to class, Ms. Bones had all of the yearbook pictures scanned on her laptop.

So she had a giant picture of somebody in the class projected on the screen every few seconds, with a speech bubble asking the class a question.

When my picture came up, the question next to it said, “How scary am I?”

All of the mob kids burst out laughing.

It was the most embarrassing day ever…

Friday

I went to see Steve today.

Even though being a Scare school Zombie kid is really tough, it’s really great to have a friend like Steve I can talk to.

“What’s the matter Zombie?”  Steve said.  “You look really blue.”

“Really?  I’m usually a nice shade of green.”

“No, I mean you look really sad.”  Steve said.

“Yeah, this is going to be the worst summer ever!”  I said.  “Not only are my parents going to send me to camp for three weeks, but I got my yearbook pictures back and they’re the worst ever!”

“Really? Let me see.” He said.

I gave him my yearbook and he took a look at it.

Then he burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny you know,” I said.

“Sorry.  I didn’t mean to laugh.  It’s just that you look like a really famous person from where I’m from.”  Steve said.

“Really?  He looks like that and he’s famous?”

“Yeah, he’s really popular too,” He said.  “But you’re lucky.  At least it’s not as bad as my picture.”

Steve showed me his yearbook picture.

“Whoa.”

“Yeah, I like to make funny faces for my yearbook pictures,” He said.  “I just figured that if I can laugh at myself, then I really don’t care if other people laugh at me either.”

“But don’t you care that this is the way people are going to be remember you for the rest of your life?” I said.

“My real friends are going to remember me for more than my dumb yearbook picture,” He said. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…You know, now that I look at it, my yearbook picture is kind of funny,” I said.

And we both started laughing.

Man, every time I talk to Steve, I always feel better.

I don’t know how I would’ve been able to get through my Zombie middle school life without a friend like him.

I just wish he could help me find a way out of going to camp…

Saturday

I had a “day-mare” today that my parents abandoned me at camp.

I walked into a room where some mob kids were quietly making some lanyards, and macaroni pictures. 

All of a sudden, the kids grabbed me and wrapped the lanyards around my neck.

Then another group of kids glued macaroni and googly eyes on my head in the shape of a smiley face.

I ran out of there and I ran to the camp cafeteria to hide.  Then, while I was there, the camp food suddenly came to life and attacked me.

I ran as fast as I could into a group of camp counselors.

“Help me, please,” I said.

“Sure, we’ll help you.  We love helping ourselves to the kids at camp…”

Suddenly, all of the camp counselors turned human, and they started saying, “Braaaaiiiinnnss!” 

They wanted to eat my brains!

So, I ran to the nurse’s office to get help.  The camp nurse pulled out a huge tongue depressor and said, “Open your mouth and say Ahhhh!”

Right before my eyes she turned into a rotten flesh eating witch that wanted to have me for lunch.

“Watch me open my mouth and say AHAHAHAHA!” She cackled, as her mouth opened up really big and she swallowed me whole!

Then I woke up.

Oh man. I’ve got to find a way out of this camp situation, I thought.

If I don’t, I’m going to be eaten by the camp counselors, the nurse or the cafeteria lunch.

There’s got to be a way that I can flunk out of a class and get my parents to punish me by taking camp away.

But the only thing I have left for the school year is my dumb presentation for Mob history class.

The only problem is that it doesn’t count that much toward my grade.  So even if I skip it, I’ll still pass the class.

But you know, we’re supposed do our presentations in front of the whole school assembly.

And everybody, including the Principal and all of the parents are going to be there.

I bet if I make it the dumbest, craziest and the most diabolical presentation ever, they’re going to have to flunk me.

But it’s got to be really bad.  So bad, that I might have to change schools after I do it.

Now I just have to come up with an idea for my presentation. 

I bet you Steve will have a great idea…