Mine to Lose (19 page)

The lights are set perfectly to provide
the ambiance we were going for. The tables are ready, each decorated with tea
light candles surrounding the floral arrangements and all place settings have
been set. There is a small dance floor, although I doubt anyone will be
dancing. Trey figured with an open bar, people might get crazy enough to head
that way, so we asked Lisa to set one out anyway. The photographer must have
arrived while I was getting ready because he has his camera placed to the left
of the entrance, exactly where I wanted him. He spots me eyeing everything and
mistakes me for a guest. “Would you like your picture taken?”

“Oh no.” I shake my head and laugh. “I’m
working this evening.”

“Yes.” I hear Trey’s voice behind me.
“She’ll take one with me.”

“Trey,” I drag out in warning. “I need
check in with my staff.”

“I’m sure you have five seconds to take a
picture with your friend,” he reminds me, to which I roll my eyes and sigh in
defeat.

The photographer poses us in a close
embrace, which doesn’t feel terribly uncomfortable. We are so close that I can
smell his cologne that smells of musk mixed with something else I can’t quite
place. I fight closing my eyes to inhale because it’s too perfect. I finally
relax, allowing a smile to appear when he turns his mouth to my ear, causing me
to take a sharp intake of air when he whispers, “You look beautiful.”

My throat goes dry and my head spins from
his words. This is not good. I have a job to do, and I need to stay focused.
The photographer calls for our attention and we smile in unison before I
politely thank Trey and excuse myself. Before I can rush off, his arm that is
around my waist squeezes just slightly prodding me to look at him. He looks
concerned, but I assure him that I’m okay.

“Well, since you can’t be my date
tonight, may I at least give you a ride home?”

“I have my car, but thanks for the
offer,” I reply. I step away from him because I need space from the things he’s
doing to my senses, but the disappointment is evident on his face. His hands
are tucked in his pockets and he seems to be mulling over my response.

I start to walk away but look back once more.
“Trey?” I wait until his eyes meet mine before finishing. “You look beautiful,
too.”

I rush off before I say anything else, leaving
him standing openmouthed.

* * *

Elle certainly gave me the best of the
bunch for the evening. They made sure that everything went according to my
timeline and helped ensure that things flowed smoothly. Before dinner was
served, Trey took a moment to thank his clients for attending and remarked that
he hoped those who are not yet familiar with his work would be intrigued by the
end of the night. I overheard several guests commenting on how great the room
looked and raving about the food. There was no doubt, Trey was right in asking
for a dance floor; as the night progressed and drinks were poured, the stuffy
crowd let their guard down and started dancing like no one was watching. I
couldn’t help but laugh at the moves a few put on display. But when the music
would slow, I would make myself scarce because the melancholy tunes would
inevitably make me sad.

As guests were leaving, two impeccably
dressed women approached me, inquiring about my name and wanting a business
card, and I was only too happy to oblige. I gave them as much information as I
could in the short time I had with them, but I knew that Elle would be pleased.

Returning to the main hall there are a
few stragglers that remain and I stand there assessing how long the take down
will last when I hear someone clearing their throat. I have to admit I’m not
the least bit surprised to find Trey with his tie off and top button undone,
appearing very pleased.

“So how do you think it went?” I ask him,
even though I already know the answer.

He looks past me, at the almost empty
room and looks deep in thought. He shrugs his shoulders seeming suddenly
unimpressed. “It was okay.” I give him a playful shove and he laughs. “I’m
kidding. Damn. So sensitive.”

I open my mouth to respond, but he grabs
my hand before the words come out. “C’mon. You owe me a dance.”

“Trey, I’m working,” I complain while he
tugs me along behind him anyway.

“Fine, then you’re fired. Now dance with
me,” he demands with a mischievous grin.

“You can’t fire me, I don’t work for
you,” I remind him.

“See, you
can
dance with me then,”
he declares, proud that he tricked me. “Just one song.”

“Do I have to?” I whine pointing to my
feet. “I’m dying here, these shoes are killing me.”

He bends down and reaches for my foot,
causing me to grab hold of his shoulders for balance. He makes quick work of
slipping my heels off before I can protest and stands up with a pleased grin. “Problem
solved.”

Deciding there’s no way to talk him out
of it, I let him lead me to the dance floor while a song I recognizes plays in
the distance. “I love this song,” I tell him, as he pulls me into his arms.

“I’ve never heard it. Who is it?” He has
my hand, wrapped in his, and held close to his heart, his other on the small of
my back. It’s so easy to get lost in his arms, but I do my best to keep my head
on straight.

“It’s the Avett Brothers,” I tell him,
fighting the urge to close my eyes and disappear in the moment.

We move together easily in small
movements, and he’s careful not to step on my bare feet. My short stature is
assisted with the four inch heels that I’m wearing, but now my head rests right
at his chest, a little too intimate for my liking. I pull my head away to gain
some space and look at the mess that is waiting for me. I can feel his eyes on
me and I am timid when I finally make eye contact.

“Thanks for everything you did tonight.” He
smiles with appreciation.

I hate compliments, and tend to make
jokes, why should now be different. “I was just doing my job.”

“Well,” he starts quietly, “you did
great.”

“Thanks,” I respond with a smile,
admiring his obvious good looks.

“If it’s too soon, just let me know.
Okay? But now that I’m no longer your client, and you are single, how ‘bout
letting me take you out?”

“Trey-”

“Just a date, Em. Let me take you out
tomorrow night and treat you to a fun time.”

I close my eyes and remember everything
that happened last night. Ryan and I are done. He’s the one who ended it, and
even though I know there is still something between us, because I felt it, it’s
over. When I open my eyes, Trey is waiting for my answer with a lopsided grin.
I have no reason not to give it a shot. There is something between us, there
has been for a while, even when I tried to deny it. Ryan and I are over, his
choice, not mine, and I suppose it’s time for me to move on.

“Alright. Sounds great.”

Before I can register the movement, he
kisses me and tightens his hold on me while we finish the dance. The gesture
feels familiar; as though it’s something he’s done to me for years. It feels
intrusive and comfortable at the same time, and once again, my head is
spinning.

Last night was exhilarating, the hustle
and bustle of running an event all on my own was only surpassed by the
accolades I received on my voicemail a few minutes ago. I slept in until nine
this morning; I don’t know when the last time that happened. I guess I was so
exhausted from everything that had happened over the last two days, my body
just wanted rest. I got in late enough that I was able to avoid Joss and go
straight to bed. When I peeked out to see if she was up this morning, I noticed
that her keys were gone, so she must have slipped out while I was still
sleeping. I’m not ready to deal with her and her attempt to reconcile Ryan and
me, yet. I didn’t even give her time to explain why he was waiting around to
talk to me.

The loud grumbling of my stomach reminds
me that I haven’t eaten since before I got to Ivy Glen yesterday, so I make my
way to the kitchen to get some cereal and coffee. While waiting for the coffee
to finish brewing, I look at Joss’ calendar that is plastered to the fridge and
eye what she’s got going on. I can’t help but laugh at her star on Thursday,
the mark that shows her period, it explains so much. Mid laugh, I stop abruptly
and run to my bedroom to pull up my own calendar on my cell. I mark it every
month.

When was my last period?

I start shuffling through the month on my
calendar and realize I’m late.

“Shit!” I yell, just as I hear the front
door open and shut.

“What’s going on?” Joss asks, walking
over to my room.

“Nothing.” I shake my head dismissing
her. “I’ve just got someplace I need to be.” I pull on my yoga pants and a
t-shirt, not even bothering to wash my face or brush my teeth because I have
one thought in mind.
Get to the store.
Joss is watching me scramble
around the apartment like a crazy person, and keeps trying to ask if I need
help, even apologizing for the other night; I don’t listen. I shove my boots on
and throw on my coat before grabbing my keys and my purse. I hurry out of the
apartment leaving my best friend home alone and stunned.

One of the perks of living in Joss’ area
of town is that there is a convenience store within walking distance. The December
air is cold, and under any other circumstances, I’d probably be freezing my ass
off, but right now, I’m so hopped up on adrenaline that I’m almost sweating as
I hurry down the street. When I walk through the door, the cashier looks at me
as though he’s scared of me.

“Pregnancy test?”

“Second aisle toward the back,” he says
to my back as I head in that direction. I locate the box and get queasy at the
thought of being pregnant and realize I can’t go home with a test in hand for
Joss to see.
We’re doing this
Juno
-style
, I tell myself, locating
a restroom in the back of the store. I’m sure the poor fella up front isn’t
thrilled, but if this turns out the way I think, I’ll be buying more than a
test before I walk out of here.

I rip open the box and read the
instructions before sitting on the toilet. When women do this on television,
it’s much funnier, because all I can manage to do is piss on my hand while
trying to get the stick in the stream for five seconds. This isn’t rocket
science, but I’m making a mess of it. I grab a square of toilet paper and set
the test on top of it on the sink while I pull my pants up. Three minutes is
all it will take for me to know if what I think is true. Three minutes, and I’m
going to have to figure out how to tell my ex-fiancé that I’m pregnant with his
kid. Three minutes is a long-ass time to wash your hands, look at your haggard
reflection and think about how much everything is going to change when time’s
up.

I chance a look and see one line and
exhale a huge sigh of relief. “I’m not pregnant,” I whisper aloud, relieved. I
pick up the stick to throw it in the trash when I see the faintest of a second
line start to darken.

What?

I grab the instructions back out and look
at the picture that reads, “Pregnant=Two lines.”

Different things jump out at me, starting
to make sense. Lisa commenting on how I look different; she never said
glowing
,
but she was going on and on about it. My food poisoning incident from last
week, maybe it was just morning sickness. I’ve felt queasy a few times, but I
just chalked it up to nerves about last night; never in a million years would I
guess I’m pregnant.

Holy Shit.
“I’m pregnant,” I admit to my reflection, fighting
my emotions.

When I finally emerge from the bathroom,
the cashier is doing his best to avoid eye contact because I’m pretty sure he
knows what I was doing. I grab some junk food and soda, along with the empty
box and drop it on the counter in front of him and he doesn’t say a word about
my disappearance in the back.

“Nineteen oh five,” he says when he
finishes ringing everything up. I hand him my credit card and try to keep from
crying as I sign the receipt.

There’s no rush to get back to the
apartment, but the slow walk is painful and cold. A million thoughts run
through my head. Why did this have to happen? What am I going to tell Ryan?
Will he want to be in the baby’s life? Do I even want a baby? I don’t want Ryan
to be with me because we have a kid together. The tears are making their way
down my face, and I wipe my runny nose on my sleeve like I used to when I was a
kid. My first instinct is to call Langley, but when I reach for my phone from
my purse, I remember that I dropped it on my bed in a hurry when I was looking
at the calendar.

The walk home feels like hours, but I
look up from my dazed state, standing in front of my building. When I get to
the door, I start to put my key in the hole when the door flies open.

“Will you please talk to me and tell me
what’s going on?” Joss demands with a worried look.

“Joss, I’m fine. I’m really tired and
just want to go back to bed.”

“Why did you run out of here in such a
hurry?”

I’m not ready to tell her about the
pregnancy yet, so I do what’s become natural as of late; I lie. “I thought I
forgot some things from work at Ivy Glen, but someone else got it.” Apparently
my lying has gotten better because she doesn’t bat an eye when the words come
out of my mouth.

“Can we talk about the other night?” she
asks, following me to the couch.

“I’d rather not right now. I have a lot
on my mind.”

“Well, can we at least hang out tonight?”

Crap.

“Um, actually I have plans,” I admit, not
looking her in the eyes. In the middle of all this, I completely forgot about
tonight. She watches, waiting for me to offer more so I throw myself against
the back of the coach and groan, “I have a date with Trey, alright? I’d
appreciate you keeping your mouth shut about it.”

I can tell Joss is disappointed, hell, if
she were excited about it, she’d be trying to dress me now. Instead, she leans
back and exhales, fighting against saying something that she shouldn’t. There’s
nothing to say really, because tonight will be my first and last date with
Trey.

“Look,” she finally says when she turns
to face me, “I know you’re pissed at me and you have every right to be-”

“Well, thank you for your permission,” I
respond humorlessly.

“That’s not what I mean, all I’m going to
say is that I did what I did, because I really thought all you two needed was
to talk.”

“I love you, but you need to back the
hell off. Okay? Whatever is going on between Ryan and me, or rather not going
on, is none of your business. I mean it. Can you just leave it alone now?”

“Yeah. Alright. I’ll leave it alone. I’m
gonna say one more thing, and you might get pissed, but whatever.”

“Fine, hurry and say it before I stop
speaking to you again.”

“From what you’ve told me, Trey is a nice
guy, but you’ve known him what, a few months? You just got out of this thing
with Ryan, so take it slow. Okay?”

She has no idea how slow I’m going to
take it, as in, we’re never leaving the station. “I’m in no rush for anything.
Trust me.”

* * *

Trey called earlier today to let me know
that he would pick me up at six thirty. I almost backed out by telling him that
I didn’t feel well, but something told me that I needed to enjoy one last night
out before I start telling everyone what’s going on. Besides, he promised me a
night of fun, and I really need this. I just need to remember not to drink
anything, and hope that nothing makes me nauseous. He said to dress
comfortably, which is perfect because I can wear my favorite jeans with my
cream colored off the shoulder sweater. I’m not sure if this is an indoor or
outdoor thing, so I need to remember to bring my jacket with me.

My makeup is done but I keep running back
to the mirror to figure out what I want to do with my hair. I pull it into a
ponytail, only to remove it and tousle the ends because neither look is making
me happy. I’m not nervous about this date; I’m looking forward to it, if only
because I won’t have another one for a very long time. I figure this is as good
as it’s going to get, so I grab my jacket and purse before walking into the
living room.

Joss is heating something up in the
microwave and looks over to see me dressed and ready to go. “You look good, Em.
I mean, like, you look happy or something.” There it is again; thank God no one
can put their finger on it yet. “Where’s he taking you?”

“I have no clue. He said dress casual,” I
inform her as I dab lip-gloss on.

“By the way,” she says turning to me,
“your sister called a bit ago, but I didn’t get to the phone in time. I’m not
sure if she left a message.”

I pull my phone out to check for missed
calls, and there’s one from her, but no message. “Huh, I didn’t even hear my
phone ring.” I toss my phone back into my purse. “I’ll call her later. She
wants me to go home to help with her wedding plans. I don’t think she realizes
that I’m not all excited about wedding plans at the moment.”

“Why don’t you just tell her that?”

“Because she’s my sister and I really am
happy for her, and Reid is a great guy. I’ll be fine,” I assure her, just as
there’s a knock at the door. I move to answer, but Joss puts her hand up,
halting me.

“Don’t be so eager; you act like you’ve
never been on a date before,” she teases.

“No one has
dated
as much as you,”
I remind her and she laughs as she throws the door open.

“You must be Trey, c’mon in.” She steps
aside to give him space. “I’m Joss,” she says as she closes the door behind
him.

“I’ve never seen this guy before, Joss.” My
eyes are wide with concern and she looks worried. “Just kidding. Have any
problem finding the place?”

We both start laughing while Joss shoots
daggers in my direction. She should know better than to just open the door to
strangers like that; serves her right, and I still owe her for what she put me
through the other night. Trey walks over to officially introduce himself to
Joss, who turns to mush when he shakes her hand. The first time I laid eyes on
the guy, even though I didn’t know who he was, I knew he was her type.
Her
type being male and alive.

We talk for a few minutes before he
announces that we have reservations at a restaurant and I find myself suddenly
famished. Lucky for me, we get to a quaint Italian place, just outside of town,
and our table is ready when we arrive. Every time I’ve been with Trey, it’s
been work related, but tonight the conversation is easy. We joke as though
we’ve known each other forever and there’s no mention of relationships, Ryan or
work; it’s a true get-to-know-you first date.

“Where do your parents live?” An innocent
first date question, but for me, it’s a nasty story.

“No clue where my father is, he left a
long time ago. My mom lives in Provo, that’s where I grew up.”

“Your sister’s really nice. How long have
she and Reid been together?”

“You remembered his name?” I ask
rhetorically. “They’ve only been together a few months, but she said they just
knew they were meant to be. She’s getting married in February.”

“Wow, they’re wasting no time.”

“Yeah, my mom isn’t a big marriage
supporter. She and my dad had a rocky relationship, so now she thinks it
doesn’t work for anyone.”

“She never wanted to remarry?”

“She’d say no, but the string of guys
she’s dated says otherwise. She throws herself completely into it on the first
date, and is crushed when it ends. Then she drinks for a month solid before
landing the next winner.” I’m not sure why I just admitted all of that to him;
I just seem to have word vomit right now. He nods his head, acknowledging my
admission before he speaks.

“She dating anyone now?”

“Why? You interested?” I tease with a
laugh, “Yeah, apparently some loser. Lang doesn’t like him at all, and I
haven’t had the pleasure. I don’t know what it is about him, but she thinks
this guy is bad news.”

I hear my phone buzz in my purse so I
excuse myself to look at the screen and it’s from Langley.