Mindfulness (14 page)

Does the thought of speaking in front of a group of people make you go weak at the knees? Whether it's giving a speech at a social occasion or at a business presentation, many people find public speaking terrifying.

“I'm sure I'll leave out something important”, “I'll talk too quickly”, “I'll mumble”, “They'll all know I'm nervous”, “I'll know, just by looking at their faces, that people are bored”.

Getting caught up in images and feelings in your mind that create anxiety will undermine your confidence. And yet, confidence is exactly what you need; you need to believe that you can do it.

It goes without saying that you should plan what to say and in what order to say it.

If you know your topic well, you're more than halfway there. Why? Because if you know
what
you are going to say, then when you're giving the talk, you can simply focus on
how
you say it and engaging the audience rather than jumping ahead of yourself and worrying that you're going to forget something.

So, you should decide first what the main message of your talk is and second, what the main points that you want to make are.

You should also rehearse your presentation – to yourself first and then in front of a friend or colleague. Ask for honest feedback – what is good and what can be improved?

Managing your thoughts is just as important as rehearsing. If you make a mistake in the rehearsal, for example you forget to include an important point, instead of catastrophizing – “Oh that was awful, I'll never be able to do this presentation properly” – think of ways to get round the problem.

The most fearful moments of any presentation are the few minutes before your stage entrance. Avoid tormenting yourself with unhelpful thoughts. Instead, use positive self-talk: “I can do this. It will be fine”. Breathe. Use a breathing technique that works for you.

Never read from a script. This might help avoid hesitations and rambling deviations but it's difficult to communicate well with your audience if your head is stuck in a piece of paper! There's no need to memorize your entire speech or presentation word for word. The real pros deliver their material by writing down key points, sub topics and examples to cover on prompt cards.

If you are using PowerPoint slides, these can serve as your prompts and as a guide for the audience. But too many presentations and speeches are boring monologues filled with endless PowerPoint slides. A monologue, where you do all the talking and/or everyone stares at the screen, puts all the responsibility for informing and entertaining the audience on you.

Engage your audience – ask them questions and find other ways to get them to participate. This will stop their minds from wandering and keep them focused. Having the group involved paces the presentation, keeps it in the moment, stops you rushing ahead. It also gives you time to reorganize your thoughts if things are going off track.

Keep to the time allowed but avoid rushing through your presentation; try to speak fairly slowly and pause after each key point. Pausing at the end of key points helps to emphasize each separate point you are making. Listen to Barack Obama – he does this very effectively.

Stick to the plan for the presentation, don't be tempted to digress – you will eat up time and could fail to make all your points.

Avoid moving about too much. Although some movement helps to keep the audience engaged, pacing up and down can be distracting.

At the end of your presentation ask if there are any questions. Listen carefully. If a question is complicated, rephrase it to simplify it without changing the meaning. For example: “I think you're asking me two things. Firstly, are confidence and self esteem the same thing? Secondly, if they are separate things, can you have one without the other? Am I right, is that what you want to know?”

*****

Have you been asked to chair a meeting? Too often, meetings are boring and unfocused; they get bogged down in detail or derailed by side issues that drain everyone's energy and deter decision making. These meetings are mindless!

Instead, they should be about encouraging people to be open to each others' views and experiences and to move forward with clear action points.

Annie was part of a residents group that had raised funds to buy the local community hall. Annie was keen that once the hall was refurbished, a playgroup was reinstated. Jo, who was chairing the meeting, asked if there were any different views.

Louise said that she felt a playgroup would dominate daytime use of the hall.

Also, in the last few years several nurseries had opened in the area. Perhaps something else would be appropriate – a parent and toddler group maybe? Initially Annie found it difficult to let go of the idea of a playgroup – in fact the main reason she'd got involved in the group was because she wanted other families to benefit in the same way hers had. However, she quickly recognized that her ideas and feelings were part of the past; it was better to let them go and move forward.

How can you make sure the next meeting is an opportunity to share ideas and opinions, ensure that objections get heard and responded to and that plans and decisions are made?

Here are some tips to help you take a mindful approach to meetings.

Be sure that it clearly and succinctly sets out the aims of the meeting; the issues to be discussed and the decisions to be made. This helps to ensure that everyone knows what the point and focus of the meeting will be.

A few minutes before the meeting, centre yourself. Stop what you are doing and breathe. This provides an opportunity to create a mindful space and remove any distractions – emails to write, phone calls to return etc. – that may make it difficult to be fully present in the meeting. One technique that may help is to write down on paper the task or issue you were in the middle of and then put it to one side. This simple act has the effect of allowing the issue to be laid aside until you pick it up again when the meeting is over.

Begin the meeting by restating the intentions and objectives of the meeting. “The purpose of this meeting is to decide … and …”.

For some meetings, it might be appropriate to suggest that “We make decisions based on what we know
now
with the understanding that if new information comes to light later, we can change and adapt accordingly.”

Keep the focus of the meeting, avoiding any discussion of topics unrelated to the stated purpose. If the meeting starts to veer away, suggest a “parking space” – a visible space where other issues are written down for discussion at another time.

Don't let things drag on; know when to stop someone. If there's been a long discussion, a disagreement or things are getting heated, propose the action that could be taken next: “Would it help if …”, ”How about we …”, or “Can we at least agree that …”.

Use the mindful listening techniques from the last chapter. If you are unclear, paraphrase what you have heard and ask for clarification. Ask for examples to illustrate or back up points or ideas.

Encourage questions for clarification, but be aware of questions that simply take the focus of the discussion off the point.

Ask the quieter members what their responses, ideas and opinions are. If other people aren't being heard say “I'd like to hear what … thinks”.

As the meeting comes to a close, ensure everybody is clear about what will happen next, what people have committed themselves to and what the intended outcome is. Manage a meeting mindfully and it's more likely that something worthwhile will be achieved.

• Prepare for meetings, interviews and presentations. Rather than worry about it, identify what might happen that you can prepare for now.
  
• Listen to other people's questions, ideas and suggestions. Use mindful listening techniques. Don't let your thoughts distract or influence how well you listen. If you are unclear, paraphrase what you have heard and ask for clarification.
  
• Just before an interview or presentation, use positive self-talk: “I can do this. It will be fine”. Breathe. Use a breathing technique that works for you.
  
• Explain your thoughts and ideas clearly and calmly. Try not to mumble or rush.
  
• When things don't go well, don't spend the rest of the day going back over things you should or shouldn't have done. Instead, focus on what you've learnt from the situation that you can put to good use next time.
  

Two monks are sitting side by side, meditating. The younger one is giving the older one a quizzical look, to which the older one responds, “Nothing happens next. This is it.”

It's true. Mindfulness isn't about getting somewhere. It is simply a matter of knowing where you already are; that you're already there.

Awareness – being conscious and alert to thoughts, experiences and events that are happening right now – is, of course, one of the key principles of mindfulness.

So too are acceptance and acknowledgement; being able to understand that things are (or are not) happening and that thoughts, feelings and actions, etc. are just that: thoughts, feelings and actions.

Along with awareness, acceptance and acknowledgement, you will have read in this book that other aspects of mindfulness, such as focus and engagement, patience and trust, all contribute to helping you to live in the moment.

Hopefully you will you will have discovered a range of ideas and suggestions to help you apply these mindfulness principles and techniques.

It's important to emphasize, however, that it doesn't matter where you start and which aspect of mindfulness you use. What
is
important is simply to remember to start putting one of those aspects into practice!

Try out different strategies at different times and in different situations. Take a “beginner's mind” approach; open yourself to new ways of thinking and doing. Be prepared for new possibilities in familiar situations.

Remember, noticing and doing things in a new way puts you in the here and now because you are more aware of what's happening right now.

Be patient with yourself as you learn how to be more mindful; it takes time, genuine intention and commitment. But also don't forget that mindfulness is the ultimate mobile device – you can take it with you anywhere and use it at any time.

Just know that each time you are mindful in one situation, in the short term you'll manage that immediate situation calmly and clearly – and you'll feel more grounded and centred. Then, in the long term, each time you are mindful, you will be developing a way of thinking and doing that will become normal for you; your usual way of thinking and behaving.

With time you'll automatically bring mindfulness to your thoughts, words and actions and ultimately everything you do, so that whatever you think and do, mindfulness becomes how you live your life.

And remember, life unfolds in the present. There is never a time when your life is not now, in this moment. The present moment is life itself!

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