Miller, Raine - The Undoing of a Libertine (Siren Publishing Classic) (9 page)

“Because of Pellton today? I don’t care about him, and I stopped him before he could…hurt you.” He stroked her cheek with a knuckle. “No one will ever hurt you again. I’ll protect—”

The door burst open, and both of them turned to see Mr. Russell stride into the room.

“What is the meaning of this? Greymont? What are you about young man—dallying with my daughter in the dark of night? It is bold of you!” Mr. Russell glared at Jeremy, but Georgina could detect the triumph in her father’s stare.

Jeremy jumped to his feet, bowing his head in deference to the older man. “Apologies, sir. Mr. Russell, I can assure you I have only the most honorable intentions toward Miss Russell.”

“It’s a good thing, Greymont, for you have compromised her and I’ll accept nothing less than an offer.”

“Of which I am fully prepared to put forward. I called Miss Russell here tonight to ask her the question directly. I would have gone to you next, sir.” Jeremy turned smiling eyes on her and held out his hand.

She felt tears well up, making her vision swim, shook her head, and devastated the man she wanted but could never have. It wasn’t in Georgina’s destiny to have him. Fate had stepped in and demanded payment.

“I cannot marry you, Mr. Greymont. It is impossible.”

“Why can’t you?” Jeremy asked, puzzled by her refusal, a frown slashing his brows.

God, her heart hurt. This must be the pain of it breaking. “I told you before, I am not fit—”

“Georgina! Hold your tongue, girl!” Mr. Russell shouted threateningly from the doorway.

“Papa! I won’t mislead him. I will not do it. Not to him.” She felt such anguish in this moment. It felt like she had left her body and looked down on herself as she spoke the horrible words that would kill her chance for a happy life.

“What is it? Why do you refuse me? Georgina?” Jeremy sounded different now. Doubt had crept in.

“I—I am not—”

“Goddamnit, girl, silence yourself!” Mr. Russell exploded, red-faced and shaking.

“No, Papa! I cannot. He deserves to know what he would be getting in a marriage with me!” She faced her father bravely, knowing she would pay later for this defiance.

Jeremy sounded truly worried now. “What would I be getting, Georgina?” He swallowed hard, his throat flexing.

She turned to him and took a deep breath. “I can barely look at you and say the words, so great is my shame. But you deserve better than me. Much better.”

“What would I be getting, Georgina?” He repeated the question, this time with the sharpness of daggers flying across the room.

She gulped a deep breath and said it quickly, before she lost her nerve. “You would be getting a ruined bride—who’s no longer chaste—and unable to—unable to bear the touch—to do her duty in marriage. I cannot do it. I am as I said before, not fit for you. I am ruined.”

She saw the sting flash in his eyes and a flinch as he comprehended her ghastly confession, and she had to cover her mouth. Georgina’s pain was naught compared to the ache of hurting him, but she could do nothing else. Her heart squeezed up tight, closing itself off.

The hysterical idea of flinging herself down to the floor and begging him to marry her anyway, despite her disclosure, flashed as a possibility. But that was simply a panic reaction. She could never do such a thing to Jeremy. He deserved someone who could be a true wife to him and give him the heirs he needed.

This hurt. So badly. The anguish terrified her in its intensity, but that must mean it was a worthy sacrifice—she was doing the correct thing. Yes. This was how it must be. Georgina would sacrifice her happiness to ensure his. Knowing the loss of Jeremy Greymont would be always be felt with great regret, but also knowing in her heart, that this night, she had done the right thing in letting him go.

Chapter Nine

When we two parted

In silence and tears,

Half broken-hearted

To sever for years…

—Lord Byron, “When We Two Parted”
(1816)

Jeremy felt the breath leave his body. It eked out of him slowly, letting him feel the loss at its most painful depths.

Georgina’s sorrow-filled eyes had glowed at him in the dim of the room, and he’d never forget how she’d looked. Like a princess. So soft and alluring in her nightclothes with her hair spilling down over one shoulder. A tragic, but exquisite princess in his eyes.

Right before she had said the words that broke his heart, he’d felt the coldness of dread seize that beating muscle which gave him life, felt it turn brittle, so that when he did hear those terrible words, it just splintered all apart in an instant. Like an icicle dropping onto a rock and shattering into oblivion, as if it had never been, at one time, whole and shimmering.

His chest ached. He felt sure there must be a blade still embedded there after slicing him open, slowly being turned to ensure a maximum degree of suffering. He knew the need to lash out at something.

Georgina fled the room first, a desperate attempt to hold on to her composure for dignity’s sake, her final words to him being, “I am so sorry, Jeremy. Forgive me.” And then she turned away. Turned from him and was gone.

Mr. Russell followed his daughter out, having the grace to look shamed for his duplicity as he departed.

The keening of the library door closing on its hinge screamed through the silence of the cold room. But even the chill of the room could not compare to the coldness in his heart right now.

Being so close to getting what he desired and having it snatched away was cruel.

I cannot marry her. She will never be mine.
I’ll never hold her in my arms or sleep with her or be inside her. I’ll not touch her body or kiss her or make any babies with her.

His body gulped in some breath, and he dropped to a chair, his legs unwilling to hold him up. Jeremy couldn’t believe it. Georgina was supposed to be the girl for a libertine rip like him. He’d found her amid the bleak matrimonial landscape he thought never to make much sense of, let alone have to wade through. She was good and beautiful and gentle, but not weak. She’d have tamed him, made him decent, an upstanding citizen, worthy of respect. She’d been his miracle. Perfect.

No. He gritted his teeth until his jaw ached. His image of her had been perfect, not her. Georgina was flawed just like everyone else. Now he knew why the girl he remembered from long ago was so changed.

Not chaste.

Why had she said she could not bear his touch?

Ruined.

Well, someone had touched her well and good. Who in the goddamn hell had she fucked? And why? Her lover hadn’t offered marriage? Maybe he was already married, this man who’d had her. Or below her station. Jeremy thought he might be sick. Right here on the Turkish carpeted floor, amid the leather tomes of Oakfield’s elegant library.

What in the hell will I do now?

He had been so sure of everything. Sure he would have her. Sure she would have him.

The pain cut too deep, rendering him incapacitated for coherent thoughts, so he just keep repeating the same truths over and over in his head, willing his mind to accept what his heart could not.

Jeremy packed his things quickly, determined to go at first light. Myers could head out in the coach behind him. He was going to London anyway. He had to get away from here before he did something stupid, like go up to Georgina’s room and seduce her. Oblige her to accept his touch and see if she still felt like refusing his offer. He could go up to her room right now and cause a commotion. They’d be found in her bedroom together, and that would be all society required. He wouldn’t even have to fuck her. He’d sure like to though. Maybe it would tamp down all this ragged anxiety he’d been holding in.

He could make Georgina marry him. He could force it right now. Her father didn’t seem to mind much about the quality of the candidate as long as the bastard offered marriage.

Jeremy crashed down on the bed, feeling like a five-year-old and fitting because his best toy had been snatched away by a playmate. No, he wouldn’t go to her room. That would be supremely stupid.

She doesn’t want you.

In the dark, cold gloom of an otherwise comfortable guest chamber, Jeremy embraced sanity and faced the brutal truth. He couldn’t take advantage of Georgina like that. He remembered the broken look on her face when she’d told him. He could never do such a beastly thing to her. It would put him right on par with Pellton now, wouldn’t it? And she’d said she was incapable of doing the one thing—the only thing really—that any woman he called wife must be able to do. Accept him into her bed.

There
was
something that needed doing before he left this place though. So just before dawn, Jeremy pounded on the door with vigor, his fist ready.

When Tom Russell opened that same door, groggy with sleep and standing in his nightshirt, a punishing right hook shot out and connected squarely against Tom’s jaw. Jeremy’s hand stung from the strength of the blow he delivered.

“What in the bloody hell was that for?” Tom sputtered, rubbing his maw.

“Fuck you, Russell! You knew about Georgina and led me here! Damn you to hell, you bastard! What kind of a pathetic friend are you anyway?”

“What has happened? Greymont? Tell me!”

“I offered for her last night, and she has refused me. Said she was no virgin and could not fulfill the duties of marriage. Now why in the hell is that? Can you tell me true, Russell? No lies or fabrications this time. The truth will do nicely, you conniving, bloody prick!”

Defeated, Tom dropped his head. “I’m sorry. ’Tis only because I hold you in esteem, and know you’ve always liked her, that I thought you might be able to overlook her—her state of shame. She is blameless in it, Greymont. Blameless I tell you, but rather the victim.”

Jeremy froze, coldness seeping into him, like ice water poured down his back. “What? Did someone do her wrong?”

Tom nodded. “Nearly five months ago. She had been out riding and stopped to water her horse. She doesn’t remember everything, which is probably a blessing. A man she didn’t recognize passed her, greeting politely, but then doubled back, taking her unawares. He covered her eyes with something, but she remembers a red coat, she is definite about that. When her horse wandered home alone, I went out and found her.”

Tom looked frayed, recalling the details. “It was very bad what he did to her. Vile, cruel…very bad…” Tom sat down wearily. “She must have fought with all of her strength because he beat her brutally before doing his worst. I hardly recognized it was her when I saw what he—”

“Stop! I don’t—I don’t want to hear any more!” Jeremy dropped his face into his hands and scrubbed back and forth.
It hurts to know! I cannot bear to hear it!

His mind reeled wildly at the images which came to him anyway. Georgina fighting and losing, her hurt and terrified— “Wait! Who did it to her? Tell me you caught the piece of shit that hurt her.”

Tom shook his head. “We tried but turned up nothing. We thought the red coat might indicate a possible regimental on leave or deserting, but we never got even a hint of a trail on the bastard. All investigating had to be done furtively for Pater is determined to keep her attack a secret. He is petrified of bringing a stain to our family name. ’Tis why he wants her married and gone from here. Pater thinks he is protecting her—that a respectable husband and her own children will cover up what’s happened to her. No one knows but you, Greymont.”

“I think Pellton knows.”

“No.” Tom was adamant. “He can’t possibly. He is only here because he needs a young bride for want of an heir, like you. Father’s known Pellton for ages and thinks my sister is out of her mind to turn him down—and the title of baroness as well. Georgie won’t have him though, which is good for I don’t think he’d treat her well.” Tom looked reflective. “I thought for sure she’d accept you though. She likes you. I know she does! She’s always spoken of you admiringly over the years, Greymont, you know?”