Military Romance Collection: Contemporary Soldier Alpha Male Romance (162 page)

Her arms came up around his neck, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. It infused him with energy, and Joseph took her gently by the shoulders, peeling her away from him. He almost relented, letting her stay in his arms like that, but there was something more he needed to say. He crooked a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to his so he could meet her gaze.

“Cora, if I could give you the world, I would. I always tried to give you everything I could, even if it was just a game that took you away from the hardships we both had. But I can’t offer you what you need.”

Her lower lip trembled. “Why not? Am I not good enough for you?”

He gawked at her. “How could you say something like that? It’s me, Cora. I’m not good enough for you.”

“You’ve always been good enough, Joseph.” He barely heard her, the words lower than a whisper, and before he could think, he brought his lips down to hers. They were as soft and pliant as he’d always imagined, and the heat that sparked between them was enticing. She opened to him like petals to the sun, and she tasted of sweetness and desserts. She pushed up on her toes, leaning into him and wrapping her arms around him once again, and Joseph held her tightly against him, reveling in the intimate moment.

But too soon, it was over. The gravity of the situation fell on him like an anvil, and he ended the kiss. She panted for breath, and he watched the way her bosom moved with the effort. But even more of a temptation was the swollen redness of her lips and the heat and longing in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he growled, wishing he hadn’t tasted her at all with the knowledge it would be the first, last, and only time.

She shook her head. “Don’t apologize, Joseph. Just tell me you felt what I felt.” Her voice was still airy, and it worked wonders on his body. But he could not allow his emotions to control his actions.

With trembling fingers, he caressed her face once more and told her, “You should go home, Cora, back to your parents. I need to finish my work and take care of my sister. I’ll be at your house tomorrow, in the gardens. For now, go back, and do as you must.”

She didn’t seem to know what he meant, but she nodded reluctantly. With one last stolen hug, she turned on her heel and walked away slowly, turning to look over her shoulder several times. Finally, she came to the fork in the road and waved. Joseph waved back, wishing there would be a time when he would never have to say goodbye to her. What a dreamer he was! It was time to face reality, and he decided to start now.

Chapter 15

Lillian Caldwell’s family had far surpassed the opulence of Hattie’s coming out, and Cora remained in her small bubble, outside of the social circle. She didn’t see a point of this particular party, since Lillian and Will Barton announced their engagement, which would be celebrated on another occasion.

“Would you like to dance?” Charlie asked, obviously noting her nonplussed attitude.

What else was she to do? She nodded silently and let him lead her to the middle of the crowd for a waltz. She’d practiced the steps daily over the past two weeks, determined that when she was forced to have her own ball, she would not embarrass her parents. It came automatically now, with little concentration, and her mind wandered.

She had seen little of Joseph since he’d kissed her, and she longed to feel his lips on hers again. Just having Charlie hold her now in the form for a dance felt wrong compared to the way Joseph’s arms had warmed her. She closed her eyes and smiled, the image of his face coming to mind. On the rare occasion they had exchanged a wayward glance, his knowing smile had set her chest on fire, and her heart had nearly pounded out of her chest.

The dance ended, and Cora sighed again, the thought of Joseph caring for the ailing Grace disturbing her. She wanted to fix his life, to fix
their
lives, but all hope seemed to be out of reach. As Charlie excused himself to speak to his father, Cora barely noted the girls headed her way, too lost in thought and a fantasy that could never become reality.

“Cora Ashton, you are the luckiest woman alive!” Hattie gushed.

Cora frowned at her, confused, and Greta nodded, clapping her hands in agreement. “Oh, I am so jealous! Charlie Cantrell is probably the handsomest man within a hundred miles.”

“Five hundred, at least!” Dolores argued.

Cora wasn’t particularly thrilled with Charlie, and she wondered if she could turn him toward one of these anxious, adoring young ladies. He wasn’t a bad man. He simply wasn’t the man for her. “We are only courting,” she said blandly.

But Greta rolled her eyes. “Are you blind and deaf? Goodness, how could we all know that Charlie Cantrell is going to propose to you, and you don’t have a clue?”

Cora’s heart stopped beating. Propose? It had only been a matter of weeks that Charlie had begun courting her, and already he wanted to ask for her hand in marriage? In a panic, she couldn’t breathe, and she felt lightheaded. She put her hand to the wall to steady herself, and Hattie grabbed her shoulder to assist. “You really didn’t know, did you?” she asked Cora. “Oh, she’s so overcome, she can hardly stand!”

The other girls giggled, and Cora couldn’t argue with them. She was certainly overcome with emotion; it just wasn’t the emotion they believed. And she was so blindsided by the news it left her speechless and gasping for air. “Maybe we should take her outside to get a breath,” Dolores said, wringing her hands worriedly.

Cora waved them away. “I’m quite all right. I need to find my parents, that’s all.” She wanted to get out of this dress that made it impossible for her to get a good breath. These clothes were hazardous to her health, and she thought wildly that, with Joseph, she would not only be happier but healthier.

She stumbled through the crowd, finding her mother and father standing with a group of other parents, and she pulled them aside. At first, her mother glared at her, but once she noticed Cora’s distress, she softened slightly. “Did you not think to mention that Charlie intends to propose to me?” she hissed.

Her mother’s eyes danced. “Oh, it’s delightful, isn’t it? All the other young ladies are so jealous. You have truly done well, caught the attention of a wonderfully handsome and wealthy young man.”

“What if I don’t want to marry him?” Cora asked.

“Is something wrong?” her father asked, turning away from the group.

Her mother waved him away. “Nothing, dear. Cora just heard some very wonderful news, that’s all.” Giving Cora a warning look, she took Cora’s arm and drew her further away from the crowd. “I suggest you not make a scene, Cora. Not now, not when he proposes, and not when the engagement is announced. This is what is best for you.”

With hatred consuming her, Cora shot back, “No, Mother. It’s what is best for
you
. It’s what makes you look good for obtaining such a popular, rich husband for me. I know what is best for me. I’m an adult, and while you may be able to force me into a marriage I do not want, I will not allow you to persuade me that it is what’s best for me.”

She turned away and stormed out of the ballroom, to the patio, where Frances caught up with her. “Cora, tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been acting strangely lately, and I feel like you’ve pulled away from me. Let me be an ear for your troubles.”

Cora debated, but if there was anyone she could trust, it was Frances. With a smile of appreciation, she told her friend, “I can’t tell you here. But perhaps we could go for a stroll tomorrow and steal away from listening ears.”

Frances smiled, mischief in her eyes. “I know a perfect place.”

Chapter 16

Cora’s mother pointed a finger in her face. “Your little tantrum last night was unacceptable! I will have no daughter of mine acting like that!”

“Apparently, you will have no daughter of yours seeking happiness, either,” Cora threw back, hands on her hips. When had it come to this? Angry, spiteful words and constant battles with her mother? “I wish Father had never gotten rich! It’s turned you into a monster!”

Her mother gasped and then narrowed her eyes. “Of course! You would be more than happy to go back to that hovel and consort with the filthy, disgusting poor. I’m surprised Charlie wants to marry you. You have no class.”

Scathed and hurt, Cora ran from the house. She hurried around the back into the gardens, a place her mother never bothered to go anymore. Whether it was because she thought it too dirty or because she feared that coming anywhere near Joseph would cause her to catch the plague, Cora didn’t know or care. Now, she knew she needed to find Joseph. She had to speak to him.

They had kissed, and she had felt much more than friendship spark between them. And now, Charlie’s proposal hung over her head like an ominous, dark cloud. She could not accept it unless she knew whether or not Joseph had felt the same connection. And if he had, there must be a way to be together. Cora refused to believe that no one had ever broken the unwritten rules of Society to find love and happiness.

She found Joseph working more dirt over the top of some of the vegetables she’d asked him to plant. They had gone in late in the season, but he was determined to make them grow appropriately for her. She knelt beside him, not caring if she got mud and dirt on her dress, and he stared up at her, first with a smile, and then with the concerned expression that had him looking this way and that to assure no one saw them.

Cora winced. If nothing else, she was going to discuss with her father that she should be allowed to speak to their friendly gardener, an old childhood friend. “Joseph, we must talk.”

He shook his head. “There is nothing to talk about, Cora, not now.” He sighed. “I wish there was something I could say to change your life, to end your unhappiness, but there isn’t.”

“Yes, there is,” she insisted. He couldn’t see past the lines that had been drawn, and she wanted to shake him until he confessed that he wanted to be with her.

But before she could say anything further, Joseph cleared his throat and said, “You see, Miss Ashton, the carrots planted late in the season tend to peek above the ground early. In doing so, they lose their ability to properly mature, so I must smooth another layer of soil over them to assure they continue to grow properly.”

He stood and brushed off his hands on his pants, and Cora did the same, turning to see who had invaded on their privacy. There was no other reason for the abrupt change of subjects. Surprisingly, it was Charlie, wearing a broad grin as he approached, and Cora supposed she should be grateful it was not her mother.

“Thank you, Joseph,” she said formally, but he was already walking away. To Charlie she said, “I didn’t expect you today.”

He came forward and took her hands in both of his. “I wanted to speak to you about our engagement.”

Cora would have sputtered if she could have found her breath. “Charlie, I…”

“I know you are nervous about the proposal. I only want to make you happy, Cora. Please bear that in mind.” His eyes were troubled. “Should you choose not to accept, please let me know in advance so I am not made a fool.”

Cora felt terrible. “Charlie, I don’t wish to make anyone a fool.”

He seemed relieved. “That is good news.” He kissed her cheek and said, “I must be going. I have a meeting with some of my father’s business acquaintances, and I’m almost late. But I had to speak with you.”

She nodded. “Go, then. I’ll be quite allright here.” She ushered him away and hung her head. She should have turned him down right there, but she still didn’t know if she had the strength to go against her parents’ will.

“You should accept his proposal.”

Cora jumped and spun to face Joseph. She hadn’t heard him come up behind her, and his low, flat tone showed absolutely no emotion. “Why? Why should I marry a man I don’t love?”

“Cora, it is not every day you find a man who has feelings for you and can take care of you. He worries about you making him look the fool, but you would be the fool to turn down such an opportunity, Cora.”

She stared at Joseph in disbelief, feeling tears prickling at her eyes. “What about us, Joseph?” she whispered, begging him for an admission, something to give her reason to break free from her cage.

But he turned his head and averted his eyes. “There is no ‘us’, Cora. There is you, a woman of marrying age, and there is me, a lowly gardener and farrier without a penny to his name or an ounce of pride. There never was, or will be, ‘us’.”

The finality of his words was like a blow to the stomach, and Cora was consumed with emptiness and overwhelming sadness. She didn’t stop Joseph as he walked away down the slight slope toward the berry bushes, though she wanted to desperately. She would demand honesty, throw herself into his arms and kiss him until he could no longer deny that he wanted to be with her.

But she couldn’t do it. Instead, she turned and walked despondently toward the house, ignoring her mother as she entered and going straight to her room, where she finally shed the hot tears of a love she would never know.

Chapter 17

Barely able to hold himself together long enough to finish his work for the day, Joseph stormed away from the Ashton house. Rounding the corner, he took off at a dead run, hoping to expel all of his anger and disappointment with the burst of energy. He didn’t stop until he reached his shack, resenting the falling, rotting boards he still needed to replace and the drafts that were probably the culprit for making his sister too weak to overcome her ailments.

He stopped outside to close his eyes and take a deep breath, resolving not to upset Grace, if she was even awake. He managed to put on a calm demeanor like a sheath of cloth over a menacingly sharp sword, and he stepped inside quietly. To his surprise, Grace was having a rare moment of lucidity and even a bit of energy. She smiled at him as he approached, though the smile faded, replaced by concern.

“Joseph, what’s wrong?” she asked in the hoarse whisper that had become her usual voice. The rattle in her chest came through with the words as well.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about me, Grace. How are you feeling?” He touched her forehead, finding it still hot as a glowing ember.

“Better than usual, but it will pass.” There was acceptance in her eyes now, and in her tone, and Joseph thought just how strong she was. He could no more accept that he was going to lose his sister than he accepted the thought of being poor for the rest of his life. “Joseph, talk to me. Tell me what troubles you, while I can listen and understand. Maybe, before I slip away again, I might actually offer advice to my little brother again. It’s been so long.”

It made him smile. “I am truly fine, Grace. I’m simply having some trouble with a bout of selfish desire. That’s all.”

“Has Cora accepted the marriage proposal, then?”

The question stunned Joseph, and he stared at his sister, speechless. She chuckled softly, which made her cough, and the cloth she put to her mouth came away with small spots of blood. Hiding it quickly – but not before Joseph noticed – she told him, “Sometimes, when you think I’m sleeping, I’m only resting and willing myself to remain here, with you. In those moments, I listen to the troubles you share with the sister you believe cannot follow. I know you love her, Joseph. I’ve known you loved her before you knew, when we were just children.”

Clenching his jaw tight, he shook his head. “What I feel doesn’t matter. I didn’t deserve her then, and I could never hope to now.” He could work the rest of his life to achieve success and wealth and never begin to provide for a woman as someone of Charlie Cantrell’s means could. And never would Cora’s mother approve of him, even if he had more money than all of her wealthy companions combined.

“That isn’t true,” Grace argued softly, placing an icy hand on his. The skin covering it was nearly translucent, thin and pale. “Your feelings are as important as anyone’s. Money does not dictate who matters most or whose feelings should be disregarded. Does Cora care for you?”

Joseph didn’t want to answer that question. She had made it clear she believed she cared for him. But how could she, when she had options like marrying into the Cantrell family? An older, established family of considerable wealth? “I don’t know how she could,” he groused. “Charlie Cantrell is a good man. And he cares for her in a way I haven’t seen any other rich man care for a woman whose hand he intends to ask for.”

“I’m sure there are many good men in this world, Joseph. But that does not mean he is the right man for Cora.” Grace rarely made eye contact any more, the effort costing too much energy. But now, she leveled a serious gaze that held Joseph’s eyes captive, and he realized how much light she still had in those golden brown orbs. “If you love her, and she loves you, you cannot let this go. Give her a chance. Give her the option, and let her choose what she believes is best for her.”

“I can’t give her what he can,” Joseph whispered.

“You can give her more. Mama and Papa had nothing but their love for each other, and they were happy until the day they died. What does money mean if you cannot be happy?” She gave his hand a light squeeze. “You are willing to work toward a lofty goal, Joseph. You want to better yourself. Why would you act any differently in your personal life? You have to chase all your dreams, not just selective ones. You do no one any favors, least of all yourself, if you don’t pursue everything your heart desires with all of your determination and strength.”

She coughed again, and this time, it lasted for long minutes. Joseph brought her honeyed tea, and she sipped at it with his help to hold the cup. He gave her a fresh cloth and took the one now covered in blood. But she touched his arm and would not let him walk away yet. “Promise me, Joseph. Promise me that, whether I am here or gone, you won’t let anything stop you from going after what you want most in this world.”

He couldn’t promise that, and yet, he couldn’t disappoint his sister. If that was her last wish, he would at least honor it to the best of his ability. Kneeling beside her, he clasped her hands and kissed them. “I give you my word, Grace. I will always chase my dreams.”

With a smile, she slipped into a deep sleep, the kind he knew would last hours, and she would awaken with no recollection of who or where she was. He stayed there a moment, watching her, and then he stood, looking around and trying to figure out just how he could uphold his vow when he refused to step in the way of a life of comfort for Cora.

Chapter 18

As Cora strolled among the roses, the only place she found any comfort these days, she stole glances at Joseph, hard at work in the vegetable garden. They had barely spoken for three weeks, and Cora felt he was giving her the cold shoulder. He was very formal with her now, no longer friendly or taking a moment to reminisce with her in quiet moments.

But she remembered. As she stared at his back now, watching him rake at weeds, the back of his shirt drenched in sweat, she recalled a specific time that she’d nearly forgotten before, one that made her heart ache and her gut twist in longing and regret. It was one of the many times they had stolen away to the woods. Grace had stayed behind, claiming she didn’t feel well. Now, Cora suspected she had been trying to give the two of them time together alone, hoping they would find something beyond their easy friendship.

Cora had been maybe eleven, and they had climbed trees, picked berries, and played with frogs. They were tired, and they would have to turn back soon if they intended to be home by dark, so they had laid down to rest by the stream. Cora had closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying being completely surrounded by nature and feeling protected from the world outside. But she’d heard Joseph sit up. “What are you doing?” she asked on a yawn.

“Nothing,” he’d answered too quickly. “You’ll see.” With a sigh, she had laid her head back and waited, wondering what he would have to show her. The minutes had seemed like hours, but eventually, he said, “Sit up, Cora, and face me.”

She had, frowning in curiosity, especially at the broad grin that crossed his face, the prominent dimple showing in his cheek. “There it is,” she’d giggled. “My mark on your cheek.”

He rolled his eyes and winked, teasing, “I would have you match it on the other side, but you might not press hard enough. Or maybe, you would press too hard and put a hole in the side of my face.” They laughed, and he told her, “Close your eyes and hold out your left hand.”

She had done so, but rather than placing whatever it was in her hand, he had turned her palm down and slid something warm onto her ring finger. “You can look now.” She tilted her head to consider the band woven of dandelion stems, a thick ring around her finger. She gazed at him, silently asking what it was for. “That binds us together, always. No matter where we go or who we marry, we will always belong to each other first.”

How she had wanted to kiss his other cheek then! It was the most thoughtful present she’d ever received, and Cora knew now that she had already fallen in love with Joseph, even as a child. Now, there seemed to be a barricade standing between them, with a tiny hole in the wall that they spoke a few words through, on the rare occasion they both passed that opening at the same time.

What would it take to knock down that barricade? Was it even possible?

Cora turned away from Joseph, knowing if she stared too long, he would feel her eyes on him and turn to gaze back at her. She couldn’t bear it now, not knowing that, in a few hours, Charlie would be asking her hand in marriage. She swallowed past a lump in her throat. Perhaps she should try to appeal to Joseph one last time, in hopes that the imminent change would prompt him to act.

But he’d made himself clear the last time they’d truly spoken, when she had admitted to wanting to be with him. He had refused her, and the rejection still stung. With the love she felt for Joseph, she could not survive another such rejection. It would shatter her into a million pieces that could never be glued back together.

Supposing she should begin the long, involved process of dressing for the special evening, Cora sulked all the way to her room, where she found Edith laying out the pieces she would be wearing. First, she would bathe in perfumed water and oil, and Edith would style her hair. Then, she would stuff herself into all the undergarments, followed by the heavy dress. At least, she thought, she didn’t have to don a jacket. She would have suffocated by the time dinner was actually served.

“Edith, what should I do?” she asked as the maid opened the laces on the back of her day dress. Relief flooded her as air filled her poor, suffocated lungs.

“You should do what is best for you, Miss Ashton.” Edith wasn’t going to give her any real advice. She wouldn’t be held responsible for Cora’s discontent or her mother’s ire. “We all know ourselves best, even if we don’t always realize it at first.”

Trying a different tactic, Cora asked, “If you were in my place, what would you do?”

Edith chuckled, tugging on her hair. “Miss Ashton, I cannot even imagine being in your place. But if a young, handsome, rich man expressed interest in me for more than my father’s money, I would do everything in my power to assure I didn’t lose his favor.”

Did everyone have the same values other than her? Cora couldn’t believe how many people put money over love. No one ever told her that she should take the opportunity if love presented itself, only looks and wealth. Cora said no more, though. She had to make her own choices, and she accepted that, tonight, she would be forced to make one of the biggest decisions of her life.