Midsummer's Eve (33 page)

“You shouldn’t have been there.”

“My parents were away. Jacco and I went on our own.”

“My dear child …”

“We thought it was adventurous … at first. But I am glad we were there. I think we saved Digory.”

I told him then how we had gone out, witnessed the horror of that night and hidden Digory so that his fate should not be that of his grandmother.

“I learned something that night,” I said. “I learned about people. I suppose those are the sorts of things one ought to know.”

He put his arm round me and kissed me. Then he said: “I’ve always loved you, Annora.”

I did not answer. I felt almost happy—as I had never thought to feel again, sitting there with his arm about me and the wonderful knowledge that he had not been there on that terrible night. It had been someone else in that robe. Why had I not thought that there could be more than one robe? I had come to a hasty conclusion which had embittered me for years and had changed my life in a way. Who would have believed that such a thing could have happened in one night? But I had already been made aware of how suddenly tragedy could strike and how quickly life could change.

He kissed me gently.

“I have been thinking a great deal about us, Annora. What is going to happen when you return?”

“I am dreading it. I can’t imagine the place without them.”

“It is something you will have to face. It will be hard at first.”

“I know.”

“I shall be near,” he said. “I’ll be there to help you. You’ll need help in many ways. You have inherited Cador. Do you realize what that means?”

“I haven’t thought much about that side of it.”

“I guessed not. In a way it will help you. You’ll have so much to think about. You’ve got to forget the past. You have to realize that everything is going to be different now. Your father cared a great deal about the estate once he came into it, and Jacco was being trained for when his time came. Now you have to take that responsibility.”

“I was always interested in it … at one time more than Jacco was. I used to go round with my father …”

“It will not be easy for you, but I am there … close. I want to be even nearer. Annora, we could be married.”

I was silent. I was still thinking: he was not there. All these years I have misjudged him. I ought to have known he couldn’t have been there. I wanted to make up to him for all the years of mistrust.

I thought of all the loneliness of returning to Cador without my family, and I saw at once that I had to stop brooding. I had to go on. And here was the way. I had lost my dear ones but I should not be alone.

I turned to Rolf and said: “Yes, we could be married.”

Now that I had made the decision I felt better. I had a new life opening before me. Everything would be different but I should have someone to love me.

I used to say to myself, It was what
they
wanted. They had always been fond of Rolf. Rolf would know what should be done about the estate. His own lands bordered on Cador. We should join up. We should be as one.

Helena was delighted. She liked Rolf very much. I think she was perhaps a little envious comparing her own marriage with my prospects. But her great comfort was Jonnie. At least he had come out of all that had happened to her.

Slowly we made our way towards England.

We were docking at Southampton and were rather glad of this. It meant that we should go straight to Cador without calling in at London which would have been the natural thing to do if we had landed at Tilbury.

Helena was not really prepared to see her parents yet and I felt I did not want to talk of my loss to them. I knew how upset Amaryllis would be at my mother’s death, for the ties between them which had been made in the days of their childhood had never been broken.

How moving it was to see Cador again and as I gazed at those ancient towers I had to suppress my unhappiness. I had to keep reminding myself that I had to make a new start. This great house and everything that went with it was mine. I had a great responsibility towards a good many people therefore. I had to stop mourning. There would be so much to learn but, I reminded myself, I should have Rolf to help me.

There was a warm but subdued welcome from the household. Mrs. Penlock burst into tears. I gripped her hands and told her we had to go on. Several of the others wiped their eyes and Isaacs said in a shaken voice: “We are glad you are home, Miss Cadorson.”

I thanked them as best I could and I know my voice shook. I had schooled myself for this for I knew how emotional it would be.

I said: “I intend that everything shall go on as before.” They cast down their heads and I went on: “I will talk to you all in the morning.”

Jonnie was a great help. Faces brightened as they looked at him. He studied them all with curiosity and through her tears Mrs. Penlock exclaimed: “The little duck!”

So there I was back home, longing to be alone in my room and yet dreading it, for during that first night, memories would be as vividly with me as ever.

I have to put it all behind me, I kept telling myself. I have Rolf now. He will help me. Perhaps in time I can be happy again.

I rode round the estate the very next morning and called at several of the farms. Mrs. Cherry had nine children now; she was larger than ever and still laughed at every sentence she uttered. Even when she referred to my loss, her laughter was not far off. It was a habit. And the Tregorrans were as mournful as I remembered.

“These be bad days, Miss Cadorson,” said Jim Tregorran. Miss Cadorson, I noticed, not Miss Annora.

They seemed bewildered. I supposed it was difficult for them to think of me as their landlord.

The first days were difficult. People were embarrassed. They wanted to tell me, I knew, that they mourned the loss of my parents and brother deeply, but they did not know how to do so.

Perhaps if I could have spoken of the tragedy it would have been easier. But I could not bring myself to do it at first. Perhaps later, I thought.

I went down to town. I rode along the quay. They touched their caps to me. Jack Gort was weighing fish from his tubs; he said, “Good day to ’ee, Miss Cadorson. Glad to see ’ee back.” He did not mention my family, but I saw the sympathy in his eyes. Old Harry Gentle lifted his bleary eyes from the nets he was mending and said: “Welcome home, Miss Cadorson. Nice to see ’ee back.”

Jim Poldean who was cleaning his boat sprang on to the quay to take my hand and shake it. He did not say anything but his expression told me how sorry he was.

They all felt they wanted to convey their sympathy; they had respected my father; they had been fond of my mother and Jacco. But they did not know how to express their feelings in words and I was afraid to talk in case I broke down. Being home seemed to bring them so much nearer, to make me so much more aware of all I had lost.

And as I rode back I thought: These were the people who drove Mother Ginny to her death.

Which one among them had been wearing a grey robe?

And there it was back again and with it a fearful apprehension.

But he wasn’t there, I kept telling myself. He was in Bodmin.

Soon he would be with me always. He would help me. I had been right about him when I was a little girl. I had thought he was wonderful then. Of course he
was
wonderful. He was good and kind, clever and resourceful, the sort of man who was born to be a leader.

When the news broke that I was to be married to Rolf there was general approval.

“This be very right and proper,” said Mrs. Penlock. “’Tain’t natural for a woman to be the squire. If God had intended it He would have made women men.”

I thought that an odd sort of reasoning and I was glad that I could smile at it.

“Well then,” said Isaacs, “I reckon Cador and Manor ’ull be one. That be spreading it a bit. Looks like nearly all the Duchy ’ull be Cador-Manor land.”

That amused everyone very much.

I wished I could go quietly into the kitchen as I used to and listen to their talk when they forgot I was there.

I did hear one of the maids say: “If they wasn’t to wait the year ’twouldn’t do no harm. After all, this be special with her having known him so long and being all alone like.”

“Mind you,” said one of the others, “’twould have to be a quiet wedding.”

They were all very interested, which was not surprising because their livelihoods were tied up in Cador land. That made me feel a great responsibility, which was good for me and brought me out of my brooding.

I went through the books with Bob Carter, our manager, who had looked after everything during my father’s absence. I told him that everything appeared to be in excellent shape. He was gratified and said he hoped there would be no changes on the estate.

“I don’t see any need to change anything, Bob,” I said. “I have a lot to learn, but you can explain to me what I ought to know.”

“That I will, Miss Cadorson.”

And after the first shock of homecoming with its inevitable memories, I began to feel better.

Rolf took me round his estate. I was amazed at the size of it.

“It’s flourishing,” he said. “Luke Tregern looked after it well while I was away.”

He told me that when the manager had retired Luke Tregern had taken over his post.

“Luke has done marvels,” he went on. “I felt I could leave him in charge while I was away and I was not wrong.”

I saw Luke in the office seated at a table working on some papers. He looked very smart in a velveteen jacket and gaiters, with a cream-coloured cravat. He stood up and bowed as I entered.

“Good morning, Luke,” I said.

“Good morning, Miss Cadorson, and welcome home. My deepest sympathy for your loss.”

“Thank you, Luke. Mr. Hanson tells me you are doing a very good job here.”

“I trust so, Miss Cadorson. It is what I strive for.”

He was handsome in a way and his clothes and manner rather indicated that he was aware of it. That was nothing to complain of, of course. In fact it was pleasant to meet someone who obviously cared about his appearance.

We chatted a little about the estate and then Rolf and I left.

“He’s different,” I said.

“Yes. I saw it at once when he came looking for a job. He’s got drive, he’s ambitious, Luke is. I think he’ll get on.”

“I should think so. He already has. From gamekeeper to manager is quite a step.”

“You’ve got your good Bob Carter. Don’t grudge me my Luke.”

“I don’t. I’m glad for you.”

“It will be fine when we run the two together, Annora.”

“Yes. I believe I am looking forward to that.”

I was. It was gratifying that the people on the estate thought my coming marriage to Rolf was a good thing—which meant good for the estate as well as for Rolf and me. They believed and so did I that in the circumstances it was the best thing that could have happened.

When Aunt Amaryllis heard that we were home she wrote that she must come to see us; and in due course she arrived accompanied by her lady’s maid.

My pleasure in seeing her was mixed with great sadness. She was very emotional; and I kept remembering stories my mother had told me of their childhood.

Her reunion with Helena was very moving. She had been so anxious about her daughter, I knew, and she told me how grateful she was to me for looking after her.

I replied that Helena had, at times, looked after me.

And we cried together.

But she was delighted with her grandchild. She could not keep away from him.

“You must come home,” she said to Helena.

“I want to stay with Annora … just for a little while,” Helena told her. “We have been through so much together. She has helped me through.”

“I should have been with you, my dearest child. Bless you, Annora my dear. Such dreadful things to happen … and all at once.”

How right she was! One thing had followed on another. It had been a disastrous chain of events.

“Your father would want you home,” said Aunt Amaryllis.

“Would he?” cried Helena. “It’s going to be difficult to explain.”

“And your husband, Matthew. What of him?”

“He’s in Australia. He will come home when he has collected the material he needs.”

“Doesn’t he want to see you … and the baby?”

“Mama,” said Helena, “it is no use pretending. Matthew married me to help me. That was all. It is difficult to understand if you don’t know him. He’s that sort of person. He wants to do good for people. That’s why he is going to write this book. He is a man who has to have a cause. I was in a difficult position and he saw a way of helping me out. He’s a very rare person. But he is not Jonnie’s father.”

“Was it … John Milward?”

Helena nodded.

“Oh dear, what a terrible muddle. Your father could have sorted something out for you, you know.”

“He wouldn’t want me home. It would only add to the scandal about us.”

“Oh, he’d deal with that. There are so many malicious people in the world. He’s just been driven out of political life, that’s all. It’s a great loss to the country. He says it is very unprofitable in any case.”

“But what about his business … all those clubs?”

“It’s still as it always was.”

“My mother told me that you were involved in Uncle Peter’s business, Aunt Amaryllis,” I said.

“Oh, just money and all that. He always insisted that I had my own income. He invested it for me. He says he has made me much richer than I was when I married him.”

“But the money comes from …”

“He explained all that to me. His clubs are very necessary, you know.”

“Necessary?”

“Well, it is not very nice to talk about, but there are aspects of human nature which young girls wouldn’t know about. These baser sides to men’s natures have to be satisfied or there could be real trouble. People get frustrated. In that way they do terrible things … run amok. There is rape and other things too terrible to talk about. Your uncle, Annora, is doing a real service.”

I looked at her in amazement. My mother always said she was besotted about her husband and if he told her black was white she would believe him. She saw him as perfect and nothing could ever change that. How right my mother had been. I could imagine Uncle Peter’s explanations to her, telling her of his nobility in running profitable clubs which kept just on the right side of the law and which were really a benefit to humanity—profligate humanity, it was true—but they had to be considered for the good of the community at large.