Midnight Squad: The Grim (14 page)

           
Elizabeth‘s voice cracked while she choked back tears,
“Sergeant Reaper, we’re about to inject you with a bio-sealant. The doctor will
be filling your wound with it. Don’t worry, it’ll seal the wound and speed the
recovery. It’s completely safe.” I know I should probably be concerned, but
they gave me the good stuff. The pain meds had me so high it was impossible to
stay focused. They pushed the bio-sealant dispenser nozzle into my shoulder. I
don’t care what they say; it still looks like a caulking gun.

           
The nozzle pushed into my wound and pain pulled me out of
my dreamy haze, but only for a moment. I screamed, “Jeez Doc, your caulk is
killing me!” The doctor’s bedside manner left a lot to be desired; she just
kept pumping the bio-sealant into me. It was a clear liquid that seemed to
expand as it entered my wound. It also burned and itched. Luckily, the pain
meds were working overtime. They didn‘t seem to take the pain away anymore.
They just made it where I didn‘t care that it hurt. “Shit doc, your caulk is
getting bigger. Your caulk is hurting me!”

           
I could hear Penny, DD, and Katy giggling. Elizabeth was
biting her lip trying not to laugh.
Danika
and Janine
stared at me with tears running down their cheeks. I didn’t see Alhambra
anywhere; that almost made taking a bullet worth it. The doctor didn’t seem to
appreciate my sense of humor. “Will you shut up so I can treat you?” She
twisted the nozzle and pain seared through my shoulder. I screamed, “Doc! You
gotta
be more careful with your caulk! Don’t you know how
to use your caulk? Hey, does your caulk come in different colors? Is the black
caulk bigger, or is that just a myth?” The Doc growled in frustration. By now
everyone was laughing except her. It only pissed her off more, which meant she
was even rougher with me. I wanted to shut up, but the meds just kept my mouth
moving. “Doc, we hardly know each other and you’re already taking your caulk
out and trying to stick your caulk in me. I don’t know if I can handle your
caulk!”

           
The Doc cursed and I felt another sting of a needle. I
was quickly fading out. The Doc grumbled, “Finally, I didn’t think this idiot
would ever shut up!” I knew I wasn’t going to stay conscious long. I drew every
ounce of energy in my reserve. I wasn’t certain I’d ever wake up again. I
opened my mouth to give my final words just in case I didn’t make it. I tried
to speak, but I could barely make a sound. I gestured for them all to come
closer. They were still too far away so I motioned for them to get closer.
Finally, I motioned one last time, and the Doc leaned in to hear what might be
the last words I ever said. The others pressed in as well, and with the last
ounce of energy I could muster before slipping into unconsciousness I
whispered, “Caulk.”

           
I opened my eyes, and immediately had to shield them. The
bright light stung my retinas like a million tiny bees had formed a conga line
on my eyeball.
“Ouch, Jesus!
Somebody turn off the
light.” My hands tried to block out the light, and even with my eyes clenched
shut and hands practically welded over them, I could still see bright red
through my eyelids. Mercifully, after a few moments, the light dimmed, and
eventually it faded enough that I could open my eyes without wincing in pain. I
was still having trouble seeing, all the color seemed bleached out of everything,
but after blinking a couple of times it began to look more normal.

           
Somehow I was in a rowboat in the middle of a huge lake.
The shoreline was barely visible, but even then I had to
squint
a bit to make out any detail. Flowers covered the land, but I was so far away I
could only make out the blurry mesh of colors. The water was crystal blue. It
matched the cloudless sky.
A bright beautiful world that
somehow seemed familiar.
It was perfect, but a strange thought kept
creeping into my mind. How can it be so bright, and yet I can’t see a sun
anywhere?

           
“Beer?”
The voice startled me.
At the front of the boat sat a man. How did I miss seeing him? We’re on a tiny
boat in the middle of nowhere? I remember
laying
on
the ground bleeding, and now I’m here. What the hell is going on? I did the
only thing I could think of. I turned to the man and hoped he’d have some
answers because I had a big bag of nothing. His skin was so dark that I
couldn’t decide if it was because he was born that way, or if he just had a
dark tan. His long curly hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and was wearing
a long white dress shirt unbuttoned that exposed a very hairy chest that
trailed down to his white drawstring pants. As bizarre as it sounds, he looked
like the world’s richest hippie. In his hand was a cold frosty brew.

           
I took the bottle, “Thanks.” I drank it down. It tasted
wonderful, cool and refreshing. The man just sat there waiting on me. Finally,
after I had my fill I stared back. “Joseph, or can I call you Grim?” He smiled
at me waiting for a response. I got the vague feeling that even though he
asked, he was just being polite, and it wasn’t really a question. I nodded.
What else could I do?

           
“Grim, I just wanted to check on you. You’ve had me
worried.” I laughed, “Check on me? Buddy, I don’t even know you. Why would you
care about me?” I watched as a gentle smile moved onto his face. “Why wouldn’t
I care about you?”

           
“You don’t know me.” I snapped

           
“Don’t be silly. I’ve known you since the beginning.” He
said.

           
“Ok, listen. I’m sure this mystery man routine gets you
the ladies, but it’s getting real tired, real fast. So unless you just want me
to toss your ass overboard little man, I suggest you start giving me some real
answers.” I was starting to become irritated. The man may have brought some
beer, but good…no great…okay the best beer ever still only cuts you so much
slack.

           
His lips twisted into a playful smirk. The water began
opening up from right below us. The boat quickly descended until we were on the
bottom of the lake. Water surrounded us on all sides, and it stretched up into
the sky. “Jesus Christ on a cracker! How‘d you do that?” I screamed. If the
water closed up we’d both drown before I ever had a chance to reach the
surface.

           
“Is there anything too hard for God? Besides, parting the
waters is kind of an old trick, but you people still like it anyway. Think of
it as my version of “what’s that behind your ear?” Hey it’s an oldie, but
there’s nothing wrong with sticking with what works.” I watched as fish swam
around us. It was like being in a reverse goldfish bowl. The fish were outside,
and we were stuck inside. “You expect me to believe you’re God.
The Big G.
The creator of all
things…bullshit!”

           
“I can hope you’ll believe. In case you haven’t noticed,
I am the eternal optimist. I keep giving all of you chances, and as a whole,
you all pretty much screw the pooch. So honestly, as hopeful as I am, I expect
you’re going to chalk this up to hitting your head on the ground one too many
times, or maybe that bullet has you hallucinating from blood loss. My personal
favorite is when people say it’s all a dream caused by their last meal. No, it
wasn’t a vision from God. It was just cold pizza, and tight underwear.” Great,
God’s a smartass.

           
“There is no God. If there ever was he‘s long dead.” I
can’t believe I’m arguing with my imagination. He just laughed, “Well you sound
really sure of yourself. Nietzsche would be proud. Of course he’s not around
here is he? Where is Nietzsche now? He’s dead, but I still remain.” The only
thing worse than arguing with your imagination, is losing the argument.

           
The water seeped back under the boat and we rose back up
until we were floating at the surface. I took a deep sigh of relief. “Ok, for
arguments sake let’s say you are the big J.C. I have to say buddy, you’ve
really done a shitty job with us. Everywhere you turn there’s pain, suffering,
disease, greed, and death. You’re supposed to be all-powerful. You’re supposed
to be good. With all that’s gone wrong in our world, how do you expect anybody
to believe that
crap.
”

           
“Faith.”
He said it like
answered everything. “Bullshit!” I growled back wringing my hands in
frustration. “Faith isn’t an answer. It’s an excuse. We’re dying, and you don’t
even care.” I was practically spitting my words at him. Faith doesn’t feed
starving children. Faith doesn’t cure AIDS. Faith doesn’t stop a bullet. “What
good did faith do when my father died in a training exercise? What good was his
faith when my mother had to raise me alone for years?”

           
His eyes softened. The man looked so sad, “Grim. Faith is
the only answer. It was faith that comforted your father through his last
moments. It was the faith that he’d see you and your mother again one day
allowing him to go in peace. Your mother kept her faith as well. She cared for
you, and as tough things were, she still had faith that I wouldn’t forsake her.
Hugenia
still holds onto her faith that she’ll
someday see your father again. No matter how bad things got for her,
Hugenia
never lost faith in me. She believed that I’d see
you both through all the hardships.
Hugenia
doesn’t
believe I’ve failed her. She sees
Wilson,
and their
children as proof that her faith was well placed. She gave thanks every night
for how wonderful a father Wilson has been to you, and what a great husband
he’s been to her.
Hugenia
knows in her heart that I
love all of you, and her faith has never failed her yet.” His words settled
like bitter medicine in my stomach.

           
“People have faith in me because they know that no matter
what happens I still have faith in them. I know none of you are perfect. As for
power, I could take away every evil horrible thing away in the world. I could
take away sickness, starvation, disease, and death. All I’d have to do is take
away your choice. The only thing that makes you special is your ability to
choose. No one should force you to do
good
. You should
choose to do
good
. No person should force you to
believe in me. You get to choose to believe in me. You don’t have to put your
faith in me. You get to choose to put your faith in me. If I take your choice
away so that there can be nothing wrong or evil, then there can be no good.
There would be no belief, and even worse, no faith.” Jesus shuddered at that
thought, and then leaned back against the boat to stretch out.

           
I sat there dumbfounded. Jesus, enjoying the silence got
even more comfortable. He flopped both feet up on the edge of the boat. I
stared at his sandals hoping that there was a better argument. Finally
frustrated I whispered, “It’s not fair.”

           
“Fair? Fair!” Jesus sat up. He leaned forward. The
muscles in his jaw flexed in real palpable anger. “Fair? You should all be
thankful I’m not fair. Do you know what would be fair? Fair would be punishing
you all for your sins, but if I did that then who would ever make it into
heaven. Don’t you realize that none of you would ever have a chance if I were
fair? The only people that could enter heaven would be infants, and that’s
pretty much it. The rest of you would rot in hell, because that’s what is fair.
Do you realize how many sins any given person commits in their lifetime? You
say I don’t care, but if I didn’t sacrifice myself for all of you, then none of
you would have a chance.” He was frustrated with me, but he kept his calm. It
was as though he’d had this conversation a thousand times before.

 
I grumbled, “Yeah, but you made the rules. You
loaded the dice. It still isn’t fair.” Jesus’ eyes flashed anger. He hissed,
“Let me show you fair!” The light left the sky. It became pitch black, and then
the water began to glow. It started a cool blue, but slowly turned a blood red.
I looked down into the water and saw shapes rising up. It took
awhile
but the shapes started to take form. Hundreds of
bodies rose slowly to the surface. Finally, they all stood on the water’s
surface, all their eyes on me.

           
“What’s this?” I asked. My throat was tight. Jesus
whispered, “Everyone you’ve ever killed. I’m only showing you this. I’m not
even going to show every sin you’ve ever committed. Just the one that I think
will make my point most clear.” I couldn’t breathe. My eyes turned from face to
face of my victims. When I stared too long they slowly grew disfigured. Some
developed bullet wounds; some grew burns on their skin. Water poured out of
some of their mouths, and they began to bloat as if they’d drown. “I’m not
going to apologize for this. I’m a soldier. They were the enemy.” I tried to
sound certain, but near the end my voice was just a squeak.

           
“I’m not asking you to apologize. People make their own
decisions, and they have to live with them. If you really believe in the fight,
then fight with all your heart. Fight until there’s nothing left. There’s no
sin in fighting for what you believe in. Anyone that fights
for
an ideal fights
with a clean conscience, but if you have any doubt about
what you did. Then it’s murder as simple as that, and murder is always a sin.”
I stared at the bottom of the boat. I couldn’t meet the eyes of any of the
dead.