Midnight (McKenna Chronicles Book 1) (47 page)

“Hi,
yourself.”

I
smile into the phone, my heart thrilling in a perfect drum at the sweet sound
of his voice. Other than a short text letting him know I’d arrived safely, we
haven’t spoken since I left him at the airport. “It’s so good to hear your
voice. I miss you already.” It’s the truth. I want to be with him.

“I
miss you too, baby. Georgia would be much more stimulating if you were here
with me.” His tone is a testament to his need.

I
groan into the phone. “Colin.”

We’re
silent for a moment before he changes the subject. “What are you doing?” It’s
such a natural question to ask; it just throws me that Mr. McPerfect is calling
to ask it.

“We’re
singing songs by the fire.”

“Singing
songs?”
                        

“Yeah,
it’s something we’ve done by the fire forever. What are you doing?” Whatever it
is, I know I’ll wish I were there. I love my family, I do. I just want to spend
every minute with him.

“Waiting
for John to get here to work on a speech for next week.”

“I
wish you were here with me.”

He
takes his time to respond. “I do too.”

“You
work so hard. Will you get a day to relax sometime soon?” I’m saddened by
what’s ahead of him tonight; he’ll work until the early hours of the morning
and sleep for a few hours before getting up to do it again tomorrow. He won’t
allow himself anytime to relax.

“Soon,
I’ll work some downtime in the schedule. We’ll talk about it when you get
back.”

I
can’t help my smile. “I look forward to it.” After a heartbeat, I change the
subject. “I didn’t realize John was going with you to Georgia. Did Ella come
too?” I try to sound casual.

“Yes,
she’s here meeting with the volunteer groups.”

“Oh.”
I’m jealous she’s with him and I’m not. It makes me mad at myself to feel like this,
because I know Colin doesn’t have feelings for her.

“Charlie,
don’t worry about Ella, she won’t be here when you get back. She just came in
because we have strong supporters in Georgia. She wants to spend some personal
time with them as a thank you for all of their hard work.”

“I’m
not worried, really. I just want to know who’s keeping you company while I’m
away. I worry about you.”

I
hear a faint knock, and a moment later John’s voice sounds through the speaker
of the phone.

“I’ve
got to get going, baby. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

“I
love you.” It’s whispered as my heart falls.

“I
know.” His voice is soft like mine. He stays on the phone for a just a moment
longer and then he’s gone.

My
eyes tear, feeling ripped apart from him again.

~

Later
Ali and I lie awake, chatting about everything, including Colin. “Charlie Anne
Carter, you really do love him!” she squeaks.

“Yes,
I really and truly do.” Hanging my head down into my hands, the fear comes
back, reality too much to ignore. How is this ever going to work?

“What,
Charlie? What’s wrong?”

“Don’t
you see? Colin and I aren’t going to work. We’re too different.” My voice
shakes as the words fall off my tongue sadly.

“No,
I don’t see that. He’s a man; you’re a woman. You love each other. That’s not a
hard equation to figure out.”

“Oh,
Ali. It’s not that simple. I wish he loved me, but it’s not possible.” I tell
her about his wife and baby. Her eyes grow wide but she doesn’t interrupt. “The
hardest part though is this,” I sweep my hands up and down the front of my body
and face, “I don’t fit into the White House crowd. I don’t know how to act,
what to say, what to wear. He should be with someone like Ella Montgomery
or Raquel Meyers.” My stomach churns at the thought. “They were bred to be with
someone like Colin, flawless manners, well-coiffed hair.”

“Did
you just say coiffed? Who says coiffed?” I throw a pillow at her head, but she
quickly deflects it with her hand.

“I
do, okay? And, yes, perfect, everything about them is fucking perfect. I bet
they wake up and look ravishing every damn morning.”

“Alright,
first, stop talking like gram. Ravishing is taking it too far. Second, stop
right now with this bullshit. You're a fit for whatever and wherever life takes
you. Why are you so down about this?”

“I
don’t know.” I sink on the bed staring unfocused at the white ceiling. “He’s
perfect, Ali. Colin McKenna is gorgeous and good, pure, honest—the list is
endless. And I’m . . . well, I’m not. I’m so afraid my past will hurt him.”

“But
you told him, right?”

“Yes.
He doesn’t take it seriously.” Ali’s eyes widen in shock. “No, no, he believes
me and he’s horrified by it, he just thinks it’s a non-issue.” My voice is
befuddled because it’s exactly how I feel: I’m mystified he doesn’t realize how
badly I could hurt his career.

“Charlie,
have you ever thought maybe it is? Maybe it is a non-issue and you need to let
it go. Put it behind you and don’t let it hurt you anymore.”

I
contemplate her words. They're similar to what I asked Colin to do two nights
ago in Florida.
Leave the past where it is so we can have a future together.

~

The
sun is bright in the sky the following morning. Peeking at the alarm clock on
the nightstand, it reads eleven. I can and can’t believe I slept so long. I
haven’t crashed like this since college; however, I haven’t slept through the
night since February.

Falling
back into my pillow, I let myself think about Colin for a few minutes. I miss
him so much and it’s only been twenty-four hours—how am I going to get through
another five days? I snuggle down into the worn T-shirt I stole from him that
still holds a hint of his musk.

Warming
up my laptop, I decide to send him a quick e-mail.

To:
Colin McKenna

From:
Charlie Carter

Subject:
Good Morning SHSM

Dear
Colin, I slept through the whole night. That hasn’t happened

in
a long while because I’ve been sleeping with a super-hot sex

machine
for a while now. Although I feel well rested, my

muscles
miss waking with the knowing ache of over use.

I’m
thinking of you, CC

Unexpectedly,
a minute later my inbox pings. The subject makes me smile.

To:
Charlie Carter

From:
Colin McKenna

Subject:
Good Morning Beautiful

My
dearest Charlie,

In
my dreams last night I felt your kisses, your heat and your

hungry
body against mine. I woke this morning with a very

simple
and pure need for you, my body craving your touch, my

ears
missing your voice, and my mind longing for your insight.

Tuesday
is a year from now. I wonder if you want me, in the

way
I need you.

Very
simply, your love is a testament to the growing and burning

need
I feel when your name crosses my lips and my heart.

-Colin

Holy
Shit. I can’t believe he wrote that. Before I can process it my inbox pings
again: another e-mail from Colin.

To:
Charlie Carter

From:
Colin McKenna

Subject:
SHSM

P.S.
I do hope the super-hot sex machine is at least making the

sleepless
nights a worthwhile event.

I
miss you, Colin

I
rest my hand over my heart. My sweet, sweet Colin.

To:
Colin McKenna

From:
Charlie Carter

Subject:
Every Single Minute

Dear
Colin,

Every
single second that fills each minute, growing into hours,

Days,
and weeks, is more than I ever hoped to have. Tuesday is an

eternity
away.

I
love you so much, CC 

Almost
immediately he sends a response.

To:
Charlie Carter

From:
Colin McKenna

Subject:
Every Single Minute

Baby,
I feel the same way. I have to go. I will surely be distracted

by
thoughts of you and your aching overuse while I speak

about
the hazards of global warming.

I
long to be with you, CM

I
re-read the whole string of e-mails over and over again. Falling back into my
pillow, I pull it on top of my face to muffle a groan. I want to drive to the
airport and hop on a plane to meet him but I won’t, no matter how much I need
him. I want to be here for my grandma and her birthday party tomorrow. I can do
this. I can make it until Tuesday.

~

The
day passes in a blur. Ali, Mom and I shop in town, trying on summer clothes and
beachwear. Ali insists I try on a two-piece bikini, but I doubt I’ll wear it.

“Buy
it. You look fantastic. Besides, Colin won’t let you out of the hotel looking
like that. The first time you put it on for him you’ll end up in bed, not the
beach.” She laughs at my shocked expression.

Turning,
I look at my butt in the mirror. “I will admit Colin is a much more effective
workout than Pilates ever was.”

“Is
this a good time to tell you
I told you so
?” She smirks.

Rolling
my eyes, I say, “You’re right, Ali, but you know it had to be with the right
man. I wouldn’t feel like this with anyone other than him.”

“I
know. He’s the perfect guy for you, Charlie. Honest, caring, strong . .
. you finally found him.”

“Well,
let’s see how long it can last,” I respond with sudden melancholy.

“Stop.
There's no reason to think it won’t last forever.”

Forever.
One day at time is much easier to consider. 

When
I come out of the dressing room in the next outfit, Ali’s face says it all.

For
the first time in my life I second-guess my style choice. My life has taken a
turn into a very conservative world and it’s not a place I’m familiar with.

I
wouldn’t consider my style daring. I’ve always worn exactly what I like and
what makes me feel good, choosing to wear a slim-cut silk and lace camisole
under a cardigan sweater, versus the matching sweater tank. I pay little
attention to fashion trends or what other people are wearing. Now that I’m with
Colin, will I have to change?

Ali
scolds me when I come out of the dressing room in a nondescript black,
short-sleeve, very boring dress. Her wrinkled, scrunched nose is enough to tell
me it’s awful. Ultimately deciding to be myself, I pick up a few outfits I like
very much and I hope Colin will too.

After
stopping for party-necessary items to decorate the house for gram’s birthday,
we head home just in time for dinner. The only thing accomplished after we eat
is food prep and cleaning the house, sliding into bed at quarter after eleven. I know Colin is up working, so I send him a quick e-mail.

To:
Colin McKenna

From:
Charlie Carter

Subject:
Counting Down the Minutes

Dear
Colin,

It’s
night again and you are on my mind, as you are

so
often throughout the day. My bed is empty when I so badly

want
you to fill it, feel you next to me. I miss your strong arms

around
me and your lips on mine.

I
miss you and love you, CC

There
isn’t an immediate response as there is so often, so I close my eyes, wondering
what he’s doing. Is he working or sleeping? Or is he with someone? I
immediately push that aside. One thing I’m certain of is Colin’s need for me.
Not love, but need. I have no doubt he’s monogamous, our strange and electric
connection consuming both of us. Other people pale in comparison to the strong
drive we have to be together. I smile and drift into a peaceful sleep with
thoughts of Colin dancing in my head.

~

The
sun on Saturday morning streams through the window, lifting me from a dream of
Colin. I try very hard to sink back into dreamland, not ready for the day to
begin, but stay in the night where he's with me.

When
I’m most assuredly awake, I check for an e-mail from him. My heart skips a beat
when I see the icon indicating an unopened message that came sometime last
night.

To:
Charlie Carter

From:
Colin McKenna

Subject:
Sleepless Nights

Dearest
Charlie,

I
have had a long day, solitary and reflective. I

found
solace in your words, your voice a whisper in my ear of

memories
that bring my blood to boil. The passion I have for you

cannot
be tamed. I need you.

-Colin.

His
message is so sad. I hate that he’s lonely. I don’t write back, choosing to
call instead because I want to hear his voice. With no answer I’m forced to
leave a message.

“Hi,
it’s me. I just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you. I miss you.”

Lounging
in bed a little while longer, I read through all of his sweet messages, which
will have to tide me over until we connect later today. When I’m done its past
nine and I’m feeling well rested for when I do see Colin again. I shower and
get ready early so I can help my mom cook for the party this afternoon. The
weather is exceptionally nice for May in northern Michigan. With the sun out
we’ll reach close to eighty degrees. It’s going to be a beautiful day and
party.

I
decide to loosely French braid a horizontal section of my hair framing my face,
ending the braid at the base of my head to mix it with the waves that remain
free. I create a pretty, intricate knot of loose curls and braids at the nape
of my neck to keep it all in place. When I’m through, my hair is reminiscent of
a Grecian goddess. A new pair of slim magenta pants end above my ankles, the
same color as Colin’s tie, and a loose sequined black tank is my outfit of
choice.