Midnight Ballerina (34 page)

“Well, I’m glad you got to spend time with your family. What about Carter? Did you two hang out at all?” I tried to sound casual when I asked her, but I knew that was impossible. My whole body felt rigid while I waited for her answer and we came to a stop at the carousel where her luggage was supposed to be.

“Um…I saw him a few times. There’s something you and I need to talk about but I’ll wait until we get to your truck.”

Yeah, that didn’t really help to relieve any of the mounting tension. Why did I bring up Carter? Well, that was easy. Because I needed to know if she’d been hanging out with him while she was back home. I knew he had a thing for her and I didn’t trust the guy at all. Monroe, on the other hand, I think I trusted, but you never know. People could turn on you so quickly and I knew that first hand

I helped Monroe with her bags once she spotted them and then I hurried her along to my truck as quickly as I could. Once we were inside, I started it up but turned off the radio and stayed in the parking spot that I was in. “Okay, what’s going on?”

She licked her lips, turning sideways in her seat to look at me. “I know things are getting a little bit more serious between us, Miller. So I thought I should tell you something because you might not want to be with me anymore,” she finished quietly.

“Monroe, I couldn’t imagine what would make me not want to be with you anymore, unless something happened between you and Carter.” I slammed my hand down on the steering wheel, my temper starting to flare up, but I was trying to keep it under control until she said what she needed to say.

“Nothing happened between me and Carter, Miller. I swear. Not that Carter didn’t want something to happen, because like I already told you, he has this notion in his head that we’re meant to be or something all of a sudden. Carter’s always been a part of my life, but I don’t see him the same way that he sees me.” She squinted her eyes slightly and it made me wonder if there might be a little part of her that still wondered if something was possible between the two of them someday, but I tried to ignore it. “I just hope I’m not getting ahead of myself here by telling you this, but I think you should know. I have no idea where our relationship is going to go, no one does. I’m still young so I haven’t thought about it too much, but it’s always been there in the back of my mind since I found out.”

She was over-talking now, so I was going to do what I always did when she got like this and stay quiet. I could tell she was nervous about telling me whatever it was she needed to say, so I grabbed onto her hand and she managed to give me a shaky smile.

“When I was in high school, I used to get the most horrible periods. Every month, I would be in the school nurse’s office, throwing up because my cramps were so bad. So, eventually my mom took me to the doctor and after some testing, they came to the conclusion that I have endometriosis and they put me on birth control. The birth control is supposed to help relieve some of the symptoms and it has seemed to help somewhat, but I still get pretty painful ones from time to time. I tried going off the birth control for a while just because I didn’t like some of the effects it had on me, but all of those symptoms just came right back, even more painful than before.”

“Okay, what does that have to do with our relationship exactly then? Are you trying to tell me that I need to take care of you every month when you get your…ya know?”

“My period,” she finished for me, chuckling lightly. “No, that’s not what I’m trying to tell you. I’m trying to say that there might be a possibility that I won’t be able to have kids someday. Now, I know we’re nowhere near that step in our relationship, and I hope I’m not scaring the hell out of you by even mentioning it, but I thought you should know.”

“Okay.” I squeezed her hand and leaned over to kiss her forehead before starting up the truck and throwing it in reverse. “Should we grab something to eat, and do you want to go back to your place or mine?”

“That’s it?” she asked, sounding confused as hell. I was still trying to sort through everything in my head that she’d just told me but I did know one thing—I would take Monroe any way I could get her.

“That’s it, Monroe. That’s not a deal breaker for me. I don’t know why you would think it would be. I’m with you for you, no matter what sort of issues you have going on. I’ll be here if and when you need me.”

“Okay.” I glanced at her and was glad to see a smile on her face once again.

“How ‘bout we stop in and visit Mamaw at the restaurant? I think she wanted to see you once you got back. I guess I can share you for a little bit.”

“You can share me? I didn’t know I was a toy that you could
share
,” she teased.

“Don’t you worry. We’ll be doing plenty of playing later tonight and there won’t be any sharing going on then.”

“Miller,” she squeaked and I turned to see her fanning herself. “You’re getting me all hot and bothered over here. Stop it.”

“Good, that’s what I was going for.”

I TURNED DOWN the music that I had been blaring when I saw Nina standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the frame. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I had it up so loud.”

“Don’t you worry about that. I just like to watch, you have such clean lines. I bet it feels good to be dancing again.”

“Thanks. It does.” I nodded my head and took a long swig out of the water bottle that I’d set in the corner. “But I’m not so sure my body agrees with me yet.”

I’d been back in Georgia for a few weeks, and once classes started back up, I also began working at the dance studio. Right now, I was co-teaching a few classes with Nina, easing myself back into the dancing world gradually, and I loved every second of it. As soon as I started working at the dance studio, it was like all of the pieces of my life fell perfectly in to place.

“What do you think about choreographing a few pieces on your own? Have you ever done that before?”

“No, but I would love to. Are you sure you trust me doing that?”

“Of course. Remember, you come Miller recommended. That boy has always had an eye for things, you included. Now, are you sure I can’t talk you into some tap dancing?”

“No way, me and tap just don’t get along. Nothing but a headache to me.”

Nina laughed. “All right then. Well, I’ll leave you be for a bit before the next class starts up. Work on some stuff and let me know what you come up with.”

Dancing was all about creating and telling a story and the only one I thought of that I could create at this time in my life was one of happiness. Even after being out of the dance world for such a short amount of time, it seemed like it had changed drastically. Ballet was a little funky now, combining the classical teachings that I’d been taught since I was a little girl with more contemporary dance, making it pretty interesting for me to watch as Nina evolved her classes around the changing times.

I tried to clear my head when I was spinning around the room, but all I could think about was Miller. I guess he was a good muse to use for inspiration. I’d been worried when I told him about my endometriosis. I didn’t know how he would react, and he didn’t even blink when I told him. When I first found out that I had endometriosis, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, basically a label to slap on the unbearable periods that I had monthly.

It didn’t hit me full force until I was sitting in the waiting room at my doctor’s office one day, there for a checkup, and I started to talk to the lady that was sitting next to me. She made a few comments about how they really needed to get a TV or some magazines in the place because she was here so often and then she broke down in tears.

She was all alone and everyone else that was waiting for their appointments chose to ignore her, so I lent a shoulder to cry on and then she told me her story. She had endometriosis and had been trying to get pregnant for years. Her marriage dissolved eventually under the stress of not being able to get pregnant. She’d remarried and was now with a more supportive man, but the stress and financial burden was getting to them both. She had decided that her appointment that day would be her last attempt at trying, they just couldn’t go through the disappointment any more. All of the procedures they’d tried had just ended up failing and their bank was drained.

Her story broke my heart and I wished that I could do something to help her, but all I could do was listen and offer my sympathy. I’m sure she didn’t want my sympathy, I’m sure she’d probably heard it all before, but that was all I had. I never saw that woman again, but I hoped that she had finally found some happiness, either being able to finally get pregnant or by adopting, like she had mentioned briefly.

But that woman really made things realistic for me. Kids wouldn’t be in my future for a while, but the possibility of never being able to have them, was always there at the back of my mind.

I thought things between Miller and I would end, and when they didn’t, I thought maybe things would be weird. They weren’t. They were better, if that was possible. We spent New Year’s Eve together, just the two of us, because Tanner and Amelia both had plans of their own. I missed my best friend, but I liked being able to spend that time alone with Miller. Plus, he made it special.

Ever since I got back, on a daily basis, he found some way to show me that he loved me without saying the words, which actually seemed more meaningful to me than if he were to say them because it was always something creative. Some of the most memorable ones so far had been post it notes in the shape of a heart on my computer screen with words directly in the center, waiting for me when I arrived to work one day. Another day, I had a to-go cup of hot chocolate sitting on my desk, since he knows that I can’t stand coffee, and those three words were etched out in the foam. I couldn’t even drink my hot chocolate because I didn’t want to ruin it.

My favorite though had been on New Year’s Eve. Just at the stroke of midnight, Miller turned off every single light in the room before casually plugging a cord into an outlet and then coming back to sit next to me on the couch where I was curled up with a glass of champagne. I spit out my last sip when I realized that he’d taken the time to spell out “I love you,” with Christmas lights, directly over the mantle above the fireplace. He was always so blasé about it every time, too. Like it wasn’t a big deal that he’d put so much thought into this daily ritual.

Someone clearing their throat made my feet come to a stop and I spun my head toward the door, smiling when I saw who was standing there. “I thought you were busy with work.”

“I was,” he said, closing the space between us to bend down and kiss my nose. “But Mamaw needed some help over at the restaurant and I figured you probably didn’t eat anything yet, so I brought this by.” He held up a bag that I hadn’t noticed before.

“Well, thanks. I am pretty hungry. I think I’ll have a little time to eat before the next class starts up.”

He was still staring at me with those warm brown eyes, a slight smile on his face. “What?”

“Nothing, I’m just glad I got to watch you dance for a bit. You seem so happy when you’re doing it.”

“I’m not normally happy?” I teased as I grabbed my water bottle and dropped down to the floor to open the carryout box that was in the bag.

“Well, yeah, but even more so when you dance. You’re completely in your element. I could watch you dance all day long.”

“Oh, really? Maybe I should give you a private show later.” I wiggled my eyebrows and he laughed, dropping down onto the floor next to me.

“Only if it’s a naked one.” I smacked him on the shoulder, but his comment gave me an idea. I’d seen the way he looked at me that night at Pure, the heated stare of his eyes on every part of my body, after he had pulled me into his office. He said that he wanted to see me in that outfit again, just not in public and for no one else’s eyes, but I didn’t know if he was serious. I think I would have enough confidence to do something behind closed doors, just for him, but I wasn’t sure before how Miller would feel about that due to his mom’s background.

Now, I think I could do it.