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Relief settled over Jeremy’s face. Craig had expected the death of his eight year relationship to overwhelm him with sadness or grief, but in the retelling, all he felt was freedom; pure liberating freedom.

Jeremy pushed a piece of food from one side of his plate to the other. “So you laughed in his face. I wish I had been there.”

“I shocked myself.” Craig replayed the moment in his mind, a weak chuckle escaping from him. Mimicking Robert, he repeated his words. “No one makes a fool of 148

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Robert Howell. Who says something like that?” Craig chuckled some more, but there was little happiness behind it.

Jeremy laughed with him, but he seemed tired. He put his fork down and faced Craig. “Thank goodness you have a place to stay.”

Craig smiled. “Yeah. I have some pretty good friends.” He sat quietly for a few minutes thinking about how different his life was today compared to yesterday.

Jeremy moved food around his plate a little longer without eating. “Well, I’m done.

I guess we should pay the bill and head out.”

Craig’s control over his emotions faltered. He had no idea when he would see Jeremy again, if at all. He desperately wanted to postpone the moment of departure as long as possible. “Wait. You said Andrew came home and had changed his whole outlook. Did he tell you what caused him to realize he had taken you for granted?”

Jeremy froze, staring at him with wide eyes. “He did.”

“And…” Craig felt a twinge of aggravation. He didn’t understand why he had to drag this out of Jeremy.

“I’m going to tell you, but I want you to prepare yourself to hear some unpleasant information. I’m not sure I should bother since you said you and Robert are over, but if the roles were reversed, I’d want someone to tell me.”

“Tell me what?” Craig’s anxiety flared.

“Andrew told me Robert and he had sex on Friday night. The next morning Robert said they should dump us because they would make a powerful couple, or some shit like that.”

The anger he had suppressed roiled to the surface. How could Jeremy sit there telling him that he and Andrew were going to work on things when he just told him Andrew had fucked Robert? It made no sense. Instead of standing up and walking out of the restaurant, instead of reaching across the table and grabbing Jeremy by his shirt to shake some sense into him, instead of bursting into tears, Craig buried all of his feelings, bottling them up and corking the top. The emptiness which had been filling him earlier was still there, but instead of feeling like a threatening void, now it felt like a blissful comfort. His next words, the tone of his voice, reflected his sense of controlled impassion. “That sounds like Robert. He fuckin’ cheated? I knew he was a bastard, but I never thought—” What did I think? He’s probably cheated tons of times before.

“Are you all right? You look like you’re a million miles away.”

Craig lifted his gaze and faced Jeremy. “I’m fine and even more sure I made the right decision.”

“I’m so sorry, Craig. You don’t think…do you think he might have been stupid and put you at risk for…diseases?”

He and Robert had gotten tested after they had been together and monogamous for six months. Exposure to disease was certainly a concern, but he doubted he needed to worry. One thing he knew for sure about Robert was the most important thing in the 149

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world to him, next to money, was himself. “He would never do anything to endanger himself so I think I should be fine, but you make a good point. I should probably get tested to make sure.”

Jeremy’s tension melted away. He seemed to be as comforted by Craig’s confidence as Craig. “You’re not mad I told you, are you?”

“No, of course not. Friends do that for one another, right?” Craig wondered if the two of them would ever be friends again.

Jeremy looked at him. “Yes. They do.”

The waiter approached the table with the bill. Craig threw his card down before Jeremy had a chance. “Let me get this.” He paid and the two of them walked outside.

He gave Jeremy a hug, headed down Second Avenue, and turned the corner.

Once he had turned the corner, he took a few more steps, then grabbed hold of the railing lining on of the building stoops, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Tears began to flow down his cheeks as he tried to regain some semblance of control over himself.

He had put Jeremy’s needs before his own and didn’t regret his choice. Jeremy was too special to have to face added guilt.

But the sense of loss, of losing Jeremy yet again, filled him until he could think of nothing else. He was a fifteen-year-old kid chasing a retreating car all over again, only this time, the second time around, it was even more painful. Now that he knew how Jeremy completed him, brought out all of the qualities which he had always counted on growing up, admired in himself, losing him felt like he was losing a piece of himself.

* * * * *

The air had cooled and raised good-bumps where it touched Jeremy’s skin. He watched Craig walk away and stood frozen for another moment after he turned the corner. Craig had been truly understanding, making the conversation easier than he dared hope. The thought of Craig putting his own needs to the side so Jeremy wouldn’t have to suffer weighed on him and he decided to walk for a while to reflect on his conversation and to clear his head. Relief should have been the emotion filling him, having done the right thing, but he only registered emptiness, like a part of him had gone missing.

He couldn’t be around Craig. The whole weekend, his only thoughts centered on kissing Craig, grinding against him, the sweet-salty taste of Craig in his mouth. He had even masturbated imagining what would have happened if they hadn’t stopped at oral sex. He couldn’t have those thoughts in his mind if he wanted to make things right with Andrew. Ten minutes into his walk, his mind more cluttered, not less, he decided to hail a cab.

When he got home, Andrew sat by the table overlooking Central Park. Jeremy’s breath caught in his chest. Andrew normally came home much later. Before Jeremy could take another step, Andrew crossed the room and grabbed him in a hug, kissing him sweetly on the mouth. “Hey, baby. I missed you.”

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Jeremy smiled and gave Andrew a kiss back. “I met up with Craig to tell him we couldn’t spend time together anymore, at least for a while.”

Andrew tensed. “You didn’t have to do that. I trust you. And you I are going to work on this.”

Jeremy put a hand on the side of Andrew’s face. “I appreciate your trust, but I think this is for the best.”

Andrew leaned his face against Jeremy’s hand, turning his head to kiss the inside of Jeremy’s wrist. He ran his hands along the trim torso, pulling Jeremy down onto his lap and capturing his mouth in a soft, languid kiss. Jeremy didn’t resist, but his focus wasn’t on Andrew. An image of Craig turning the corner outside the restaurant filled his mind and kissing Andrew held no appeal for him.

Andrew pulled out of the kiss, leading Jeremy to the bedroom, and laying him flat.

First removing Jeremy’s shoes, he proceeded by reaching up and unbuttoned Jeremy’s pants, pulling them down along with his boxer briefs. Jeremy lifted his hips to make the work easier. Again, Jeremy went through the motions of their sexual routine, but there was no joy in it for him. Instead of the fluttering of his heart, the tickling sensation on his skin, his senses seemed dulled, as if they were muffled.

Once Jeremy was freed of his pants and briefs, Andrew lay on top of him, taking his mouth in a hungry kiss once again. As his tongue massaged Jeremy’s, he moaned and his cock grew rigid, pressing against Jeremy’s thigh. He slid back onto his knees and removed Jeremy’s shirt so he lay naked on the bed.

Divested of clothing, he watched Andrew as he got up and stripped, putting on a show as he removed each article of clothing. He removed his pants, rotating his hips, giving Jeremy a good view of the ass he so often admired. Andrew’s boxer briefs hugged his muscled waist and bulged out for each round mound of flesh of his ass. His erect cock pressed the front of his briefs and leaked until a wet spot of precum soaked through.

Jeremy reached down to stroke his own cock which was still flaccid. Andrew undressing for him had always caused his cock rise to attention.

Andrew removed the rest of his clothes then knelt between Jeremy’s legs. “Hmm. I think we need to take care of this.” He leaned forward and nipped at the inside of Jeremy’s thigh. Working his way up, he nuzzled his nose against Jeremy’s balls, inhaling deeply, then took one testicle into his mouth. Andrew rolled the nugget, tugging gently with suction to add a bit of pressure.

Jeremy reached down to grip his own cock, but found he had only become partially hardened. What the hell is wrong with me?

He closed his eyes, unwilling to admit why his body was failing him at this crucial moment. As Andrew’s mouth slid down his shaft, taking the whole length, he sighed and arched his hips, causing Andrew’s plump lips to press against his pubic bone. He enjoyed the warmth and wetness, but his arousal seemed to remain dulled.

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An image of Craig grabbing him on Friday night entered his mind. Their lips were pressed together, hot hands rubbing and touching him. Craig’s tongue massaged his, playfully dancing in his mouth. As he recalled this, his cock began to grow and fill with blood.

“That’s it, baby. You like it when I suck your cock, don’t you?”

Jeremy groaned, and looked down at Andrew as he thrust himself all the way down his throat. This is wrong. I should be thinking about Andrew. Jeremy closed his eyes as Andrew swirled his tongue around his shaft. Craig grabbed his cock through his jeans, his hot hands rubbing him, causing precum to leak into his briefs. At the thought, his cock jumped and he felt precum escape from the tip and into Andrew’s mouth. Andrew wet a finger and worked it into Jeremy’s crease, running the tip in circles around his hole.

Jeremy groaned once again, more precum leaking from his cock. His eyes closed, images of things they had done, things he wished they had done, formed, faded, and reformed in his mind, feeding into the frenzy building up inside him. He lowered his head, fulfilling his need to take Craig into his mouth. The pungent scent of his best friend filled his senses and the sweet tang of Craig’s juices stimulated his senses of taste and smell. Craig withdrew from his mouth and pushed him onto his back, teasing his hole with a wet finger, running it in circles around his opening.

Andrew slipped his finger into Jeremy’s hole, twisting and curving the tip so it rubbed against the silky skin inside his ass. Once Jeremy’s ring had loosened to one of Andrew’s fingers, he slid in a second and then a third. The stretch in his ass sent shivers through Jeremy and his nipples stood up, rigid and electrified, while his legs trembled and his insides quivered with pleasure.

Craig got up on his knees, leaning over him with his fingers still buried deep inside his hole while using the hand of his free arm to support his weight. He gazed down at him. “Open your eyes.” Craig’s command filled him with excitement, his only desire to obey. He gazed at Craig, his face revealing lust and desire. A warm smile spread across Craig’s face and mischief gleamed in his blue eyes. “You love my fingers in your ass. You love the stretch, the burn. You want my cock, don’t’ you?”

“Yes. Fuck me. Please. I need you.” Jeremy hadn’t realized he spoke out loud. So focused on his fantasy of Craig, he thought he had been talking in his head to the image of the man bringing him blissful fulfillment.

Andrew removed his fingers and brought his knees up between Jeremy’s legs, forcing them apart. “Lift your hips for me, baby.”

Jeremy opened his eyes, disappointed to find Andrew kneeling above him. He obeyed, lifting his hips, forcing the shock from his face. “I’m ready for you. You already got me good and loose.”

Andrew pressed the head of his cock against Jeremy’s opening and applied pressure. Jeremy arched his hips, taking all of Andrew at once. He gasped at the burn and pleasure, closing his eyes once again. Craig hovered inches above his face. He rested his weight on his elbows and forearms, supporting his muscular frame as he pressed his entire body against Jeremy’s bringing them together, skin to skin, sliding with sweat and heat against one 152

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another. Jeremy’s body shook, every nerve coming alive. Craig leaned down and took Jeremy’s mouth as he pushed his cock all the way into his ass.

Jeremy wrapped his legs around Craig’s waist, maneuvered his body so Craig’s cock hit his prostate with each thrust and drove his tongue into Craig’s mouth, kissing him with all of the love, passion, and need flowing through him. Craig continued to pump, increasing his pace and striking the sensitive gland over and over, only releasing Jeremy from kisses to gasp phrases, telling him how good he felt. “Your body is on fire. Your heat on my cock is driving me crazy. I love being inside you. I want to make you feel so good.” Each statement sent thrills of satisfaction and excitement through Jeremy, heightening his pleasure.

Jeremy’s mind went fuzzy. His breathing became shallow and his hips began to gyrate, fucking back onto the cock thrusting inside him. Though the other man’s moans were Andrew’s, Jeremy didn’t want the fantasy to end. He didn’t want to open his eyes and lose the image of Craig bringing him so close to orgasm. His thoughts were wrong, but he didn’t care. Craig loving him, giving him this pleasure, sent a tingling current of electricity through his body. A frenzied excitement rushed from head to toe and back again, forcing his hairs to stand on end and his mind to reel with images of the man he loved; wanting Craig’s release to explode inside him. “Oh God. I’m getting so close.”