Microsoft Word - Blind_Space-Marie_Sexton.doc (8 page)

But the idea of giving up and letting them send us back to our own mines without pay as some kind of fucking
reward
was more than we could bear, so we kept fighting."

I could understand that. I could relate to men who

had the balls to stand up to the odds.

73

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

"One night, toward the end, our battalion was out on routine patrol, and they ambushed us. We fought them, Captain harder than anybody, but we were outnumbered—

maybe twenty-five or thirty of them, and only ten of us.

Empire Militia killed two of our men, took five hostage.

Only three of us got away—me, Stanton, and Captain

Valero. And the only reason they didn't get the captain too was because they thought he was dead. Somebody had

knifed him, sliced him open across the side of his neck, and he sure as hell
looked
dead. It was all I could do to keep Stanton down and not let him throw himself on them. That man could fight like nobody I've ever seen, and he might have done a bit of damage, but even he couldn't beat them all. 'Course, he didn't care right then if he lived or not, but I held him down until they were gone, and we finally made it over to Captain and realized he wasn't dead at all, just unconscious.

"Stanton cried like a baby, like the gods had given him a second chance. And I know he was thinking about how close he'd come to throwing his own life away because he thought he'd lost Valero.

"We took Captain back, and they sewed him up and gave him blood, and that crazy bastard should have stayed in the hospital for a few days at least, but he was having none of it. He wasn't going to leave our men with the

74

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

Empire. And I'll tell you, there was nothing at that moment Stanton wouldn't do for him. And crazy or not, he was still my captain, and those men were my friends."

"You went after them?"

"We did. And the crazy thing is, we made it. Just the three of us. We snuck into their camp. The Empire may have been gung-ho about beating us, but most of their soldiers didn't give a rat's ass about our planet or the damn war. They were there to get paid. We greased a few palms, and that was all it took to get our men out. But just as we were passing back into the brush, somebody sounded an alarm.

"We had a little ground transport ship waiting, but we had to hump it half a mile to get there, and some of our men had been injured, and a couple had been tortured. We were moving slow, and suddenly we had a whole fucking battalion on our ass."

"But you made it out," I said, because otherwise he wouldn't have been standing there talking to me.

"All but one," he said.

"Stanton?"

"We were about two-thirds of the way to the ship, and they were just about to crawl up our asses. We knew we weren't going to make it. We all knew it. Captain was practically carrying two of our guys. His wound had

75

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

opened back up, and he was bleeding like crazy. I was dragging two more of our men behind me. We could have dropped the dead weight and run, and half of us would have made it, but we'd come that far. We weren't going to give up. But it sure as hell seemed like we were done for."

"What happened?"

"All of a sudden, Stanton stops. He grabs Captain.

He starts taking every weapon Valero has, tucking them all into his belt and his pockets, and Captain's saying, 'What the hell are you doing? We have to go! We have to move!'

And Stanton said, 'Somebody has to hold them off.'

"I'll never forget the look on Captain's face then.

Just sheer horror. And I know he wanted to protest. I know he fucking hated it. But he looked over at all of us, most of bleeding and scared, and a couple of the men crying like kids at the idea of being caught again, or of trying to fight, and Stanton said, 'It's the only way, and you know it.'

"Captain was going to argue. I could see it in his face. But Stanton knew too, and he didn't give him a chance. He grabbed Captain and kissed him—and you gotta understand, we all knew what was going on between them, but that was the first time they ever let us see it, and it was awful knowing that was all they'd ever have—and Stanton said, 'I'll see you back at camp.' And then he was gone. He turned around and ran right at those men, and every one of

76

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

us knew he wasn't coming back. Just looking at Captain, I knew he knew it too, but he looked at all of us, and I think he could barely talk, but he said, 'Let's move.' We could hear shots, and we could hear screams, but we made it to the ship. We loaded up, and Captain stood there in the doorway of the ship, looking back at the trees, even though he couldn't see a damn thing, even though we all knew there was no hope, and about the time we're firing up the engines, the shooting just stops."

I could imagine it. I could imagine the sudden

deathly silence when the fight ended.

"I said, 'Do we wait?' And Captain said, 'If they catch us all, he'll have died for nothing.' And then he turned around and went to the back of the ship. He locked himself in the john and he didn't come out until we were back on base. One of our men pissed himself on the way back rather than make the captain come out, and nobody said a word to him about it, either."

"Are all of those men still with him?" I asked.

There was a click, and the lift started to move again.

"Every one of us."

Having his lover killed certainly helped explain

Valero's hostility toward the Empire and her Regencies.

Having sacrificed Stanton for his men also explained his crew's continuing loyalty, long after the war was over.

77

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

It was strange though, that Pierce would willingly

share so much about his captain when he didn't know me at all. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"Because I thought he'd given up, until you showed up. It's been eight years, and suddenly he's acting like he might have a reason to live."

To say I was surprised would have been an

understatement. Absolutely stunned was more like it. "You think
I'm
the reason?"

"I've never seen him look at anybody the way he looks at you."

Eight years, and I was the first man he'd taken an

interest in? It seemed unlikely. "There hasn't been anybody else?"

"Captain visits the whorehouses like the rest of us."

He laughed. "Well, the ones on the
other
side of the street, if you know what I mean." It wasn't said with derision though. Only respectful amusement. "But anything more than a quick fuck? No. Nobody since Stanton that I know of."

It had never occurred to me that Valero's interest in me might run deeper than just getting laid.

The lift stopped. The air that washed over me as the doors opened seemed different than it ever had before. It was somehow cleaner. It was as if I'd been holding my

78

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

breath until that moment, and I could suddenly breathe.

Pierce was silent as he led me the rest of the way to Valero's quarters.

I thought about Jerald's words, and Pierce's. I

thought about Stanton.

I thought about what loyalty meant to pirates.

79

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

Valero kept his distance from me at first. He didn't talk much. What he did say was almost businesslike. There was still no word from the Regency on the ransom; his men were getting nervous. They'd run out of tea, which was apparently a big deal to some of the crew.

He sounded sad. I wondered at first if I was

imagining it. I found myself wondering if he was

remembering the man who'd once been his lover. Was he mourning the life he'd had before the war?

"Still won't drink my wine, Captain Kelley?" he asked as we finished the meal.

"No, thank you." It seemed I could barely control my urges even when I was sober. Alcohol could only lead to trouble. "I do need to use the restroom." Such a stupid thing, and yet it embarrassed me that I couldn't simply get up and go. I had no idea where it was, and so I had to ask for permission like a child.

He took my arm and led me farther into the room.

His hand caressed my back. "I'm sorry I've been poor company this evening," he said.

"Don't apologize," I said. "You're better company than my men."

His laugh was hearty and genuine. He was

80

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

obviously pleased with my answer. "I'm glad you think so."

He took one of my hands and put it on the wall. When I moved my hand, I realized it was a doorway. "Need any help?" he asked. He was teasing now, and I was glad he seemed to be shaking free of his melancholy.

"I can manage," I said, and he laughed.

"Suit yourself."

I was able to get into the bathroom and close the

door. I fumbled my way to the toilet, where I had to sit, because I couldn't see to aim. I was able to get my pants undone, even with my hands bound, but doing them back up proved ridiculously difficult. I wasn't about to ask him for help, and I eventually prevailed. When I was done, I began fumbling for the sink. I felt something—was it the faucet? But when I tried to grab it, it tipped over, off the counter, and shattered on the floor.

"Are you all right in there?" he called from just outside the door.

"No!" I said in frustration. I was sure there was now broken glass all over the floor, and of course I was barefoot.

"Can I come in?"

I sighed. At least my pants were done up. "Yes."

I heard the door slide open, and I stood perfectly

still, wishing I weren't so ashamed of something I couldn't

81

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

help. "I think I broke something."

"Just a glass," he said. "Hold still while I clean it up."

"I'm sorry."

"It's only a glass, Captain Kelley. Nothing to worry about it." I heard the pieces of glass tinkle against each other and drop into the trashcan.

Still, I didn't move. "Are you finished?" he asked.

"I was trying to find the sink."

I felt him approach. First a hand on my waist, the

way a man might put his hand on a horse's flank to keep from spooking him as he passed, then the solidness of him behind me. His breath on the nape of my neck. He pushed me forward until I felt the counter against the tops of my thighs. He reached around me and I heard water began to run. He took my hands and guided them into the stream.

Next came soap. I felt like a child, standing there while he washed my hands. But his weight against my back? That didn't make me feel like a child at all.

He turned off the water and put a towel in my

hands, although he didn't pull away.

"We've been searching your ship."

"There's not much on board."

He laughed. "You're right about that. But I do have access to your room. Is there anything you'd like me to

82

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

bring you?"

"I'd sure love to get out of these pants." The words were out of my mouth before I realized how they'd sound, and I immediately wished I could take them back.

He laughed. One of his hands slid down my

stomach, but stopped short at my waistband. "I think you know how much I'd like to help you in that endeavor."

"I only meant—"

"I know," he said. "I don't blame you. I'd give you a pair of mine, but they'd be too big in the waist and too short in the leg. I'll bring some back from your quarters."

"Thank you."

"Is there anything else?"

There was something else, and although I felt

foolish asking for it, I also suspected he would understand.

I turned to face him, even though I couldn't see him. The space was tiny. We were much too close to each other. My hands, bound in front of my waist, were wedged between our bodies. "I'd really like to be able to shave."

He laughed again. His finger brushed my cheek.

"It's true, you've passed beyond stubbly into downright scruffy," he said.

"It itches. It's driving me mad."

"I have a razor," he said, "but I suppose that's of very little help, isn't it?"

83

Blind

Space

Marie

Sexton

Yes, it was. I couldn't imagine trying to shave with my hands tied and without being able to see.

"Let me assist you," he said. He pushed me gently backward against the counter. "Sit here."

The countertop was narrow, not much more than a

foot wide. I scooted back as far as I could, leaning against the wall behind me. It was smooth and cold, and I was fairly certain it was a mirror. Immediately to my left, I heard the water begin to run. Splashes as he allowed the sink to fill partway. A cabinet opening and closing. The water turned off.

He gripped my knees, pushing them roughly apart

and wedging himself between them. The sudden intimacy made me tense. My bound hands were in my lap, and his groin pushed against them. He had an erection. I

instinctively pulled my hands away, and realized too late my mistake. With a soft moan he pushed against me,

grinding his hard cock between my legs. It made me gasp, and my own cock began to grow hard as well. He hooked his hand under my left knee, pushing it up toward my shoulder as he ground against me. His lips brushed my throat.