Michael's Discovery (15 page)

“Sweetie, you travel. You have a successful business. You have friends. I’d hardly call that boring,” Kelly chided.

“But your brother has done all sorts of fascinating things,” Moira protested.

Kelly shrugged off Bryan’s activities. “He’s only told you the highlights. Believe me, he spends most of his time with his head buried in these stuffy tomes about dead psychoanalysts or locked away in his office with people who think their lives are a mess.”

Moira grinned. “I’m sure he’d love to know how deeply you respect his work.”

“I do. He’s very good at what he does. It’s just not very exciting. He’s hardly in a position to cast stones at your life. That’s why you’re going to be so good for each other. You can spur each other to take some chances, have a few adventures.” She winked at her. “Or you can cuddle up together and read all those boring medical and psychology journals side by side in bed, then toss them aside and do far more interesting things.”

“Trust me, we have not been sharing the bed with any journals,” Moira said, then blushed furiously.

“Told you that you didn’t need to worry about being boring,” Kelly taunted. “I’ve got to go. Jennifer’s due any second for her therapy and I want a few minutes with her mom first.”

Suddenly all business, Moira asked, “How’s Jennifer’s progress?”

“She’s doing great, but her insurance is about to run out. I want to work something out so we can continue with her treatment.”

“Let me know if I can help,” Moira said. “I’m good at yelling at insurance bureaucrats.”

“I may do that.” Kelly glanced out the window in the office door and felt her heart skip a beat. Michael was here an hour early and already at work on the parallel bars with no one to spot him. “Gotta run. Michael’s out there.”

Moira came to stand beside her. “Looks to me as if he’s developed a renewed determination to get back on his feet.” She gave Kelly a knowing look. “Wonder what—or who—inspired that?”

“I’ll let you know if I find out,” Kelly said as she walked out and closed the door behind her.

She forced herself to take slow, measured steps across the therapy room, even though she wanted to race over and plant herself in front of Michael to prevent a fall. When she reached him, he’d made his way to the midpoint of the bars. There were white lines of tension around his mouth and furrows of concentration on his brow. She had to resist the urge to yell at him. Instead, she stepped between the bars blocking his path.

“You’re ambitious this morning.”

A fleeting grin tugged at his lips. “I’m motivated.”

“You’re overdoing it,” she countered.

He regarded her with surprise and a hint of anger. “Don’t you think it’s about time? I’ve wasted weeks.”

His words cut through her as if they’d been an accusation. “Are you suggesting I haven’t worked you hard enough?”

Dismay spread across his face. “No, of course not. I’m the one who’s been balking. I haven’t gotten with the program, not really. Believe me, I know what tough, rigorous training is like. I can take it and from now on out, I intend to do just that.”

Kelly bit back a protest that he might reinjure his leg. She didn’t totally understand this sudden need to push himself, but it was obviously important to him. And what were the chances that he might really harm himself?

“I’ll make you a deal,” she said.

He frowned at that. “Who gave you bargaining rights in this?”

“You did.”

“When? When I slept with you?”

She hadn’t realized that he had the power to hurt her so badly. Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them away. “No,” she said quietly, “when you hired me as your therapist.”

Forgetting about the deal she’d been about to make with him, she whirled around and walked blindly away.

“Kelly!”

She ignored his urgent call, for once glad that he couldn’t move quickly enough to stop her. Spotting Jennifer and her mother in the waiting area, she paused long enough to compose herself, plastered a smile on her face and headed their way, certain that Michael wouldn’t interrupt. She would have to deal with him again eventually, but by then she could steel herself to do it unemotionally.

And if she couldn’t, well, telling him to go to hell would feel really good about now.

Michael knew he’d made a total jackass of himself with Kelly. He wasn’t sure why he’d suddenly made the kind of cutting remarks he knew would hurt her. He wished he could blame the entire incident on her thin skin, rather than his own boneheaded behavior, but he couldn’t.

Maybe it was the fact that she’d implied he couldn’t do the hard work just when his ego was finally convinced it was past time to start pushing his limits. Maybe it was the whole sex thing and the uncomfortable issues it had stirred about the future.

The future.
He sighed just thinking about it. He’d put off a visit to the navy doctors for weeks now, despite repeated reminders from the West Coast phy
sicians that he was overdue to check in with the specialists they’d recommended. He couldn’t put an examination off forever, even if he didn’t want to hear the final, if inevitable, verdict that he’d never go back on active duty.

It was time now. Past time. Sucking it up like the supposedly brave man he was, he made an appointment with the navy doctors he’d been avoiding. He might be dreading it, but he needed an honest assessment of what the future might hold. He wasn’t expecting them to tell him anything the doctors in San Diego hadn’t said months ago, but he was still holding out hope for a miracle.

The examination was painstakingly thorough, the grim expressions pretty much what he’d expected. He could hang on to his job, as long as he was willing to settle for desk duty.

“I’m sorry,” the orthopedic surgeon told him. “I don’t see any way around it.”

“Not even with intensive physical therapy?” Michael asked, trying to keep a pleading note out of his voice. He’d come here knowing it was time to accept things. He needed to do it and stop fighting for something that could never be.

“Not even then,” the man said, removing all hope.

That night, Michael received a call from his commanding officer. “I heard the news,” Joe Voinovich told him. “I’m sorry as hell about this.”

“Me, too.”

“Are you going to take the job they’re offering in Washington?”

“No,” Michael said flatly. Whatever happened, he was staying in Boston. He’d find something to do eventually. And Kelly was here. Sooner or later he’d
coax her to forgive him. Or find the courage to let her go and make some sort of future with a man who had his act together.

The incident at the rehab clinic hadn’t been mentioned since it had happened. In the days since, when the time had come for his therapy session, she’d been right on time, a phony smile firmly in place, her voice discernibly chillier than usual. He knew she deserved an apology, but so far he hadn’t been able to bring himself to utter one. He was still debating whether it was better to let the relationship die before it really got started.

Then he thought of the way it was between them, the heat and passion, the tenderness and thoughtfulness, and he wasn’t sure he could bear it if he lost her. Until he knew what was best, though, the distance between them was safe. In fact, he probably ought to assure that there would be even more distance. He’d let other women go. In fact, he’d made a habit of it. So why was it so difficult to get the words out now?

Maybe because he knew that as soon as he uttered them, he couldn’t take them back. He knew they would change everything, that Kelly had enough pride to make her walk away for good, certain that he’d used her and was tossing her aside now that she’d served her purpose.

And wasn’t that exactly what he was doing?

“No, dammit.” He uttered the words aloud without realizing it.

Kelly’s gaze shot toward him. It was one of the rare times lately when she’d looked him in the eye. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Talking to myself.”

She regarded him with a penetrating look. “What’s wrong?”

Now was the time. He owed her honesty. Hell, he owed her his life.

“There’s something we need to talk about,” he said.

Alarm flashed in her eyes, but she quickly glanced away. When she looked back, there was only mild curiosity in her expression. “Sure. What?”

He gestured toward a nearby workout bench. “Let’s sit a minute.” She followed him, her steps dragging ever so slightly. When they were seated, he forced himself to look directly into her eyes. “I think you know what a lifeline you’ve been for me,” he began. “You’ve been amazing.”

“But I’ve outlasted my usefulness,” she said quietly.

“Don’t say it like that,” he said, hating how the words he’d been struggling to form sounded when she said them with such an air of resignation. She looked as if she might be fighting tears, but she kept her gaze steady.

“But that’s the bottom line, isn’t it? You want to go on from here on your own.”

“Kelly, you’re an incredible woman. You deserve the best and I don’t have anything to offer you. I’m getting out of the navy. I have no idea yet what I’ll do next. It would be wrong of me to ask you to sit around and wait while I figure things out.”

For a moment, it looked as if she might argue. Michael braced himself to try to counter whatever she said. Instead, though, she sighed, her expression unbearably sad.

“As long as you believe that, then you’re right, you don’t have anything to offer me.”

She stood up, fiddling nervously with the pen she’d been using to make notes on his therapy, not quite looking him in the eye. “Michael, the only thing I ever wanted or needed was your heart.”

K
elly hadn’t known it was possible to feel so empty inside. Just when she’d thought she’d finally found something real and permanent and remarkable, Michael had deliberately yanked it away. And why? Because he was so convinced that he was nothing without his stupid uniform, without a job that put his life at risk.

She blamed the Devaneys for having done that to him and she hated them for it. She prayed when Ryan, Sean and Michael eventually found their parents that she would be granted five minutes alone with them to given them a piece of her mind for abandoning those three young boys and destroying their sense of self-worth in the process. It was little wonder that Michael thought he wasn’t worthy of being loved by her, when his own parents had drilled that lesson into him at such an early age.

She sighed and turned to find her brother studying her with a worried expression. “What?” she demanded. “Why are you even home tonight? Shouldn’t you be with Moira? You’ve been spending all your free time at her place lately.”

Bryan held up his hands. “Hey, don’t jump down my throat. I just came over here to ask you if you’d like to come to the pub tonight with Moira and me. Word is you’ve been holed up here for days now, refusing to go anywhere, including work. Moira’s worried sick. Your clients are about to rebel. They don’t like any of the substitute therapists she’s assigned to them.”

Kelly felt a momentary pang of guilt. She knew her clients shouldn’t have to suffer because her life was falling apart. “Then I’ll go back to work,” she said eventually. She could avoid Michael if she only scheduled patients on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at the clinic.

“When?” her brother pressed.

“Soon.”

“Whatever that means,” he said. “In the meantime, what about tonight? Come with us. You have to start getting out sometime.”

She frowned at him. Either he was being deliberately insensitive or he was an awfully lousy psychologist who couldn’t even read his own sister.

“Are you crazy?” she asked sourly. “The pub is the very last place I’d ever show my face.”

It was his turn to sigh. “I thought so,” he said, sinking down in a chair across from her. “Your crummy mood obviously has something to do with Michael. You might as well tell me, Kelly. What did he do to you? I’ll kill him.”

“Stay out of it,” she ordered. “I don’t need my big brother fighting my battles for me.”

“Then fight them for yourself,” he said mildly. “Come with us tonight. Show him that you’re not about to let him ruin your life.”

“My life is not ruined just because Michael Devaney broke up with me,” she said fiercely.

“Then prove it.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to anybody. I don’t want to come to the pub. That’s a little too in-your-face for my peace of mind.”

“You like it there.”

“I liked it there when I was with Michael,” she corrected. “If you’d been paying the slightest bit of attention, you’d know that I opted out of spending time there a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t want to have to answer a lot of questions when I eventually wound up in exactly the position I’m in now, cast aside by a man who’s too self-absorbed or too scared to make a commitment to another living soul. Who needs it?”

“You apparently,” Bryan said wryly.

“I don’t need Michael,” she said emphatically.

“Okay, then, you could meet someone else. There’s a guy who’s been coming in lately with Maggie’s folks. Seems like a good guy.” He grinned. “He’s almost as handsome as I am.”

She frowned at her brother. “That’s not saying much.”

“Kelly, don’t shut yourself away. Michael’s my best friend and I love him like a brother, but he’s not worth a broken heart.”

“Who said anything about my heart being broken?”

He regarded her evenly. “Am I wrong? Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll back off. Tell me you have another date tonight, maybe with that doctor you went out with awhile back.”

There was no date and she wouldn’t lie to him. “Can’t you just let me be miserable in peace?”

“Sorry, kid. No can do. Moira and I will pick you up. Be ready at six o’clock.”

Her gaze narrowed. “Why so early?”

“It’ll be easier if you get there first and stake out your turf. Let Michael be the one who’s on the defensive when he finds you there.”

What her brother said made a lot of sense, but Kelly wasn’t sure she was masochistic enough to take his advice. She’d spend the entire evening being miserable. Why go under those conditions? Why risk having her already aching heart suffer another blow if Michael flat-out ignored her? Staying away would be the smart—safe—thing to do. But she’d never played it safe in her life.

And the pitiful truth was that she desperately wanted to catch a glimpse of Michael, to see if maybe, just maybe, he was as miserable as she was. Maybe by now he’d come to his senses, she thought hopefully, then chastised herself for being an idiot. If Michael had had second thoughts, he knew her phone number and he certainly knew where she lived. He’d started coming there as a teenager.

“I’ll go,” she told her brother finally, because she found it all but impossible to resist. “But you bring me home the second I ask you to, okay? No questions and no arguments.”

“Deal,” he said at once. “And if you change your
mind and want me to punch him out, just say the word.”

Kelly sighed. “Don’t even tempt me.”

Michael fully expected a visit from Bryan. In fact, he was looking forward to it. He figured a good thrashing was the least he deserved for hurting Kelly, even if he hadn’t meant to, even if he’d thought with some misguided sense of honor that he was protecting her. Instead, though, he heard nothing from his best friend. That left him to sit and stew with his own regrets.

When he finally tired of that, he called his brother. It was time—past time—to act. For a man who’d thrived on action, he’d been way too passive for months now.

“Hey, Ryan, you remember that guy you were telling me about, the one with the charter boats?”

“Sure. You interested after all?” Ryan asked cautiously.

“Maybe.”

“Want me to set up a meeting?”

Michael drew in a deep breath. It was now or never. Maybe this prospect would turn out to be nothing, but he had to start someplace.

“No,” he said eventually. “Is he there tonight?”

“Sure is. You coming by? Everyone’s here. We’ve been missing you. Caitlyn’s been asking for you every day.”

Michael felt his mouth curve into the first genuine smile since he’d broken things off with Kelly. “I can’t disappoint my niece, can I? I’ll be there in an hour. Have your friend stick around if he can.”

“Will do. See you soon.”

Now that he was committed, he managed to shower and dress in record time. For some reason, his heart felt lighter than it had in months. He should have done something like this long ago, instead of wallowing in self-pity and fear. He was feeling almost upbeat by the time he reached Ryan’s Place.

Then he spotted Kelly, sitting at a table separate from the Devaneys and the Havilceks. Bryan and Moira were with her, one on each side as if they felt the need to protect her.

Michael’s heart climbed into his throat. She looked fabulous, and sad. Knowing that he was responsible for her sorrow cut right through him. The guilt was almost enough to make him turn tail and run, but he didn’t. Tonight was all about getting his act together at long last and Kelly was the reason he couldn’t put it off a moment longer.

He forced himself to go right past her table, to stop and utter an impersonal greeting to all three of them, though his gaze never left Kelly’s face. Her chin jutted up and she met his gaze without flinching.

“Everything going okay?” he asked her.

“Fine,” she said in a terse tone that said everything was far from fine. “I see you’re walking with a cane now. That’s great progress.”

Michael nodded, not sure what to say to that. “I’m here to talk to that friend of Ryan’s about a job.”

For an instant there was a spark of genuine excitement in her eyes. “The charter boats?”

He nodded.

“I thought you weren’t interested in that.”

“I’ve had second thoughts,” he told her, his gaze unwavering. “About a lot of things.”

“I see,” she said, returning to her mask of cool
indifference. “Well, good luck, then.” She glanced at Bryan. “I’d like to leave now, if you don’t mind.”

Bryan cast a hard look at Michael, then stood up. “Sure thing, Kelly. Moira, you want to wait here? I’ll be back in ten or fifteen minutes.”

Moira nodded. “I’ll wait.” She gave Michael a pointed look. “Why don’t you have a seat?”

“Moira!” Kelly protested sharply, hesitating with her coat halfway on.

“I’m not going to kill him,” Moira said. “I can be as civilized as the next person.”

Michael grinned at that. “I don’t doubt it, but I have a couple of prior engagements, first with my niece and then about a job. You’ll have to give me a rain check on the inquisition.”

Moira sighed. “Too bad.” She stood up and grabbed her coat. “I guess I’ll go along with you guys, then.”

Michael stood where he was and watched them leave. Kelly never once looked back.

“Woman problems?” Ryan asked sympathetically, coming up beside him.

Michael nodded. “I’m still not sure how I let things get so out of hand. I never meant to hurt her.”

“Then fix it,” Ryan said simply.

“I’m not sure I know how. I do know that finding a job is the first step, one I have to take for me before I can give any thought at all to the future.”

“Does Kelly agree that work should come before her?”

“Probably not,” Michael admitted. “But that’s the one thing I am sure of.”

“Okay, then, let me introduce you to Greg Keith.” Ryan led the way across the restaurant to a man seated
at a table in the corner. Not until Michael was next to the table did he realize that Greg Keith was in a wheelchair. He had to fight not to show any visible sign of his shock.

Greg grinned at him. “You can ask,” he said, when Ryan was gone and Michael had taken a seat opposite him.

“Ask what?”

“About old ironsides here. We’ve been together a long time now.”

“It’s none of my business,” Michael said.

“It is if you’re going to come to work for me. I don’t see much point in ignoring my limitations. If I do, then they’re controlling me, and believe me, that’s not a situation I can tolerate.”

Michael nodded. He was just beginning to relate to the sentiment. “What happened?”

“A bullet in the spine during an operation in the Persian Gulf War. I came out of the SEALs with a nice pension and some money in the bank. As soon as I got out of the hospital, I started looking around for a boat to buy. I couldn’t imagine my life anywhere except around water. I have a fleet of ten charter boats now, everything from a tall ship to a couple of fishing trawlers.” He regarded Michael with a penetrating look. “I assume you’re here because Ryan told you I’m always looking for good captains.”

Michael nodded slowly, trying to digest what Greg Keith had done with his life once he’d been dealt a devastating blow. It was one more reminder that he had nothing to complain about.

“I’ll be honest,” he told Greg. “I’m not sure if this is for me, but I’d like to take a look around, see if it feels right.”

“Fair enough. Does tomorrow morning suit you?” Greg grinned at Michael. “I guarantee you that once you set foot on deck and get back out to sea, it’ll give you a whole new lease on life.”

Michael thought of the woman who’d just left the pub and the future that could await them, if he ever found the courage to try. “I truly hope so.”

To his shock and ultimately to his relief, Michael discovered that he liked being back on the water, even if he couldn’t be heading out to face some sort of incredible danger. The serenity he’d always found at sea hadn’t changed just because the type of vessel had.

He also discovered that Greg was a remarkable man, whose accomplishments and whose positive outlook on the hand he’d been dealt quickly became an inspiration to Michael. In no time at all, he felt as if he’d found a new life that was worth living. There was just one thing missing—Kelly.

He finally worked up the nerve to call her, only to be told that she was away on an extended vacation. An hour later, Bryan called him back.

“What the hell were you thinking calling here?” he demanded. “You’re the one who made the decision to end things with my sister. Leave her in peace.”

“Is she at peace?” Michael dared to ask. If she was, maybe he didn’t have any right to try to stir things up again. Maybe the love he felt for her, but hadn’t acknowledged in time would never be enough to make things right.

“She’s getting there,” Bryan said.

“Look, I know I made a lot of mistakes,” Michael told him. “I just want a chance to fix things.”

“Fix them how?” Bryan asked skeptically.

The truth was that Michael wanted what they’d once had back. He wanted to marry her, but he was not saying that to Bryan before he had a chance to say it to Kelly. Her reaction was the only one that mattered.

“That’s between Kelly and me.”

“No,” Bryan said flatly. “You’ve done enough to mess up her life. I’m telling you to stay away from her. If our friendship ever meant anything to you, you’ll listen to me and do as I ask.”

“Sorry, man. You know I respect you, but I don’t think I can do that.”

“Dammit, Michael, having you walk out on her devastated her. Isn’t that enough?”

“I want to make it right,” he said again.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” his friend said bluntly. “This vacation she’s on, she went with someone.”

Michael’s heart began to thud dully. “The preppy doctor?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business. Just stay away from Kelly, or I’ll make you regret it.”

Michael might have laughed, if Bryan hadn’t sounded so deadly serious. The fact that he was willing to resort to violence to protect his sister told Michael volumes about how badly Kelly had been hurt. Heartsick, he sighed heavily.

“I’ll stay away,” he promised at last.

Michael kept his promise to Bryan for weeks, going to work seven days a week, hiding out in his apart
ment during his little bit of free time. He was getting exactly what he deserved for being such a first-class jerk. Kelly had offered him the sun and the moon, to say nothing of her heart, and he’d thrown it all back in her face.