Michael Jackson (34 page)

‘Yes, Jane.’

But Michael obviously was
not
self-confident. By 1980, he had his new nose, but he was still desperately unhappy. ‘Even at home, I'm lonely,’ he said.
‘I sit in my room sometimes and cry. It's so hard to make friends, and there are some things you can't talk to your parents
or family about. I sometimes walk around the neighbourhood at night, just hoping to find someone to talk to. But I just end
up coming home.’ The notion of Michael Jackson – a world-renowned superstar – walking around his Encino neighbourhood in search
of someone to talk to is startling. Imagine the depth of his despair, his loneliness.

The fact that his face was still broken out with acne did not help matters. Michael had read that the types of greasy foods
he enjoyed contributed to the problem. Jermaine, who also had acne, became a vegetarian in order to solve the problem. It
worked. Michael decided that he would do the same. One unexpected consequence of the diet was that he lost weight. Michael
was certainly not fat, obviously, but he still had ‘baby fat’ around his waist, and his face was full. He longed to be slimmer,
to have what he called ‘a dancer's body’. In time, his figure would become more streamlined and the roundness in his face
would disappear. His acne would also clear up. Many people would think that Michael had ‘cheek implant’ surgery in 1980, but
the new, clearly defined lines of his face were actually brought about by the gradual weight loss he had experienced after
becoming a vegetarian, and also by the natural aging process.

It was John Branca's suggestion that, if Michael wanted to forge some independence he might want to consider purchasing his
own real estate. He was twenty-two. Why did he have to live at home? The idea of moving away from Joseph was exhilarating
for Michael, even though he didn't want to leave Katherine. Still, he thought he might try it. Therefore, in February of 1981,
Michael bought a three-bedroom, three-bathroom condominium at 5420 Lindley Avenue in Encino for $210,000. He paid $175,000
in cash. The balance – .$35,000 – came from Katherine. In exchange, Michael gave her equity in the condominium as sole and separate
property, meaning she did not have to share it with Joseph as community property. It was his way of giving her a bit of freedom,
as well. Certainly, Michael didn't need her to contribute $35,000. No doubt, she wanted to pay for the possibility of having
her own freedom, just like her son. ‘Now, if you can't stand him for another second,’ Michael said, speaking of Joseph, ‘you
can move here. It will be great. We could live here together, imagine that! And without
him
.’

In the end, Michael could not go through with it; he couldn't move out, especially since Katherine didn't want to go, either.
‘I just don't feel it's time for me to move away from home yet,’ he said. ‘If I moved out now, I'd die of loneliness. Most
people who move out go to discos every night. They party every night. They invite friends over, and I don't do any of those
things.’ (In a couple of years, Michael would move into the condominium temporarily, along with other family members, when
the Encino home was remodelled. He still owns the condominium today; it has been used as a haven for his brothers when they
have had marital difficulties.)

In the spring of 1981, plans were being finalized for The Jacksons to embark on a thirty-nine-city concert tour of the United
States to support their new album, called
Triumph.
Michael didn't want to go. One problem he had with touring concerned the enormous amount of preparation and work involved.
Then when it was over, it was over – unlike a movie or a video, which is timeless and lasting. ‘What's so sad about the whole
thing is that you don't capture the moment,’ he told me of live performances. ‘Look at how many great actors or entertainers
have been lost to the world because they did a performance one night and that was it. With film, you capture it, it's shown
all over the world, and it's there for ever. Spencer Tracy will always be young in
Captains Courageous,
and I can learn and be stimulated by his performance.

‘So much is lost in live theatre. Or vaudeville. Do you know how much I could have learned by watching all of those entertainers?
When I perform, I feel like I'm giving a whole lot but for nothing. I like to capture things and hold them and share them
with the world.’

He really had no choice, however. His family wanted him to go on the road with them – the tour was projected to gross millions
of dollars for them – the record label had also insisted upon a tour… so there would be a tour. Michael just hoped that it would,
in some way, unite the family after such difficult times at home. He was frustrated and upset, but he would force himself
along. Still, some would notice a cold implacability on his face when with the family at rehearsals. He seemed removed from
the proceedings, not involved, not interested.

Before embarking on the Triumph tour, Michael underwent the second rhinoplasty surgery recommended by Dr Steven Hoefflin.
‘He didn't tell his family he was doing it,’ said Marcus Phillips. ‘He just did it. He came home all black and blue and bandaged,
and Katherine said, “Michael, what in the world happened to you?” She must have thought he'd been beaten up. “Did you break
your nose again?” she asked. He told her he hadn't, that his doctor recommended a second operation. Then, he went to his bedroom
and stayed there for a week, coming down to the kitchen every now and then for some vegetables.

‘One thing I know to be true is that Michael was elated about the fact that with the second nose job he looked less like his
father,’ Marcus Phillips said. ‘That appealed to him very much. If he couldn't erase Joseph from his life, at least he could
erase him from the reflection in the mirror. Already, he was talking about having a third nose job.’

Even though Michael never discussed his surgery with anyone, he was crying out for help, becoming obsessed by the appearance
of the man in the mirror, and a dangerous pattern was beginning to emerge.

In June 1981, Michael and Quincy Jones began work on a storytelling record book of Steven Spielberg's film,
E. T.
Michael would also be featured as vocalist on one song, ‘Someone in the Dark’, written by Alan and Marilyn Bergman. Michael
was so enchanted by the story of
E. T.
that he couldn't wait to meet the animated extraterrestrial ‘actor’ when a publicity photo session was arranged. ‘He grabbed
me, he put his arms around me,’ Michael said of the animatronic robot, his face filled with child-like wonder. ‘He was so
real that I was talking to him. I kissed him before I left. The next day, I missed him.’

Later in the month, Michael went into the studio with Diana Ross to produce a song for her called ‘Muscles’ – named after his
pet snake. Michael was ecstatic about the opportunity to produce a record for his idol. Some claimed that the reason Michael
had his plastic surgery was in order to look more like Miss Ross. However, as one Jackson confidant put it, ‘If Michael Jackson
wanted to look like Diana Ross, believe me, he had the millions to look
exactly
like Diana Ross. That was never his intention. However, that's not to say that he wasn't tickled that people thought he resembled
her. “Do you really think I do?” he would ask, tilting his head in a pose. “Because if I do, wow! How amazing would
that
be.”’

At this time, Diana had left Motown and was recording her second album for RCA,
Silk Electric.
The album was shaping up to be a disaster and she needed something outstanding on the collection, which is why she contacted
Michael. ‘I was coming back from England, working on Paul McCartney's album, zooming along on the Concorde, and this song
popped into my head,’ Michael recalled. ‘I said, “Hey, that's perfect for Diana.” I didn't have a tape recorder or anything,
so I had to suffer for like three hours. Soon as I got home, I whipped that baby on tape.’

Diana has said that Michael seemed intimidated by her while the two of them worked together in the studio. He couldn't bring
himself to direct her.

‘You're the man,’ Diana insisted, an admiring look in her eyes. ‘You're the boss on this one.’ Diana wanted Michael to take
control of the recording session, but it was difficult for him. ‘In the end, the song just sort of produced itself,’ said
a friend of Diana's. The kinky lyrics of ‘Muscles’ extol the joys of a man's muscles ‘all over your body’. ‘I don't know whether
it's supposed to be Michael's fantasy or mine,’ Diana said when it was finally released.

Either way, it was a Top Ten record for Diana Ross.

The Triumph tour began in Memphis, Tennessee, on 9 July 1981, and ended with a record-breaking, sell-out, four-night engagement
at the Los Angeles Forum. The biggest numbers of the show were always Michael's solo songs from the
Off the Wall
album. There were also special effects arranged by magician Doug Henning: Michael seemed to disappear into a puff of smoke
after performing ‘Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough’. Offstage, Michael also seemed to want to disappear, rarely socializing
with his brothers or the rest of the entourage. ‘This is my last tour,’ he promised anyone who asked. ‘I will
never
do this again. Ever.’

Being on the road with him made the Jackson brothers realize how far Michael had distanced himself from them. He started talking
to the press about the possibility of a solo career. ‘I think that will happen gracefully in the future,’ he told Paul Grein
of
Billboard.
‘I think the public will ask for it. That's definitely going to happen.’

It was not what his brothers wanted to hear. It didn't help them feel any more secure when Michael began involving himself
more in the business end of the show. For instance, one day he was scheduled to rehearse with the group when someone handed
him a copy of the contract for the trucks that were to carry equipment for the tour. Michael glanced at it and said, ‘Wait,
I need to check something with my lawyer.’

‘That can wait, Michael,’ Jackie said, bristling with anger. ‘This rehearsal is important.’

Michael ignored his older brother's remark, left the stage area and found a telephone. He called John Branca. ‘He wanted me
to explain a paragraph that dealt with what happened if the truck broke down, if it had a flat tyre, or the road washed out,’
John recalled. ‘I explained the paragraph. He asked a couple of questions and said, “Okay, I understand.” He was all about
details, always with the details, wanting to know everything. He used to say, “It's important that I
know.
”’

Michael then returned to the stage, signed the contract, and went back to work.

Around this time Michael finally learned to drive so he could leave the estate when it became too difficult for him there.
Singer Mickey Free (formerly of the group Shalamar) remembered his first meeting with Michael in the fall of 1981. ‘I was
signed to Diana Ross's management company at that time. She was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel and asked me if I wanted
to come down to her bungalow and meet Michael. Well, who wouldn't?’ he recalled. ‘So I had dinner with Michael, Diana and
Gene [Simmons of Kiss, Diana's boyfriend at the time]. I was freaking out because I always wanted to meet Michael, and he
was so nice. So it came time for me to go home. Diana's car had brought me there, and she said, Okay, I'll call the driver
to come and get you.’ Michael very softly said, “Oh, that's okay, I'll take Mickey home.”’

Diana and Gene were astonished. ‘Are you sure you want to do this, Michael?’ Diana asked him. ‘Are you sure you can handle
it?’

‘Yeah, I can do it, Diana,’ Michael said, confidently.

Mickey got into Michael's Silver Shadow Rolls-Royce, and the two sped off down the driveway in front of the Beverly Hills
Hotel. ‘Be careful,’ Diana hollered after them. ‘Don't drive too fast, Michael.’

When they got to Mickey's apartment building about fifteen minutes later, Michael drove around the block a few times before
sheepishly confessing, ‘You know what? I can drive this thing, but I don't know how to parallel park it. Can you park for
me?’ Michael stopped the car in the middle of the road and the two traded seats.

‘I rode around the block ten times to find a parking place so people could see me driving Michael Jackson around in his fabulous
car,’ Mickey recalled.

By the fall of 1981, despite CBS Records' best efforts to keep the Jackson family's domestic turmoil a secret, most industry
insiders were aware of what had happened between Katherine and Gina because of the public filings of the lawsuit litigation.
Michael had made it clear that he did not want to have to face any reporters, because he was afraid that he might be asked
to comment on the matter. However, the press grind to promote
Triumph
would continue, Michael's wishes notwithstanding.

Michael Jackson, who had just turned twenty-three, was a contradictory figure. He was decisive and determined, as he had proved
a few times along the way, but he was also vulnerable and confused. Though he was beginning to seize control of his career,
he was still reluctant to sever ties with his family. ‘I'd die if I were alone,’ he told me in a telephone interview on his
birthday. He was unable to leave the womb, to move out of the house. ‘No way,’ he said. ‘I could never leave here.’