Mia the Magnificent (10 page)

Alyssa held up hers for comparison. “They do kind of look the same.”

“That’s because they are,” Cassie stated. “Tim gave it to me at the end of the summer.”

“Wow, that kind of sucks, giving us the same bracelet,” Alyssa said. “So, when did you guys break up?”

In a tone sharper than a Home Shopping Network set of knives, Cassie replied, “We didn’t.”

Alyssa’s face fell. “What?”

“So, Mia the Geek,” Cassie said as she turned toward me, “I suppose you have a bracelet, too?”

“Um,” I squeaked, “Tim only bought the two bracelets. It was a two-for-one deal.”

Cassie’s eyes narrowed. “He got my bracelet on sale?!”

I nodded, wondering if Cassie was more upset about Tim two-timing her or getting her bracelet at a bargain-basement price.

“Tell me.” She grabbed my arms and began shaking me so hard my teeth practically rattled. “Is Tim three-timing me? Because I swear, if you’re seeing him behind my back again, I will—”

“What’s going on here?” Eric asked, showing up out of nowhere and rushing over to me. “Mia, are you all right?”

I stared at him in disbelief. What was he doing here? I mean, I hadn’t seen him in weeks, and just when I need help, he shows up.

“Mia’s fine,” Cassie said as she dropped my arms and pretended to smooth out the wrinkles in her swimsuit, which would be impossible given its small size and latex content. “We were just having a little conversation.”

“It didn’t look like a little conversation to me,” Eric said. “It looked like you were attacking Mia.”

“It’s OK, Eric,” I said, trying to figure out if he was some sort of superhero. After all, he was sweet and giving, and had a killer body. Plus, he disappeared for long periods of time, only showing up when I was in distress.

“Are you sure?” Eric asked.

I nodded, trying to peek under his polo shirt to see if he was wearing some sort of cape.

“That’s good,” Eric replied. “Now, can someone please tell me what’s going on?”

“Yeah, Mia,” Cassie taunted. “Why don’t you fill your boyfriend in on what a treacherous tramp you are.”

“Hold on,” Eric said, pulling me closer to him. “Mia’s not like that.”

“Really?” Cassie said. “Then how come I saw her making out with my boyfriend?”

“And mine?” Alyssa said.

“I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation for why Mia was kissing...” Eric looked at me. “Uh, who were you kissing?”

I cringed. “Tim.”

“OK, now I’m curious,” Eric said. “What possible explanation could you have for kissing the guy who made you so miserable this summer?”

“I wasn’t kissing him.” I paused. “OK, I was kissing him, but it was during play rehearsal. I was standing in for Katrina as Marian the librarian and he was standing in for Jake as Harold Hill—”

“But isn’t Tim on the stage crew?” Eric asked.

“It’s a long story,” I said. “I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“I’m not sure I want to hear it,” Eric said.

“I promise.” I crossed my finger over my heart. “It was just a stage kiss. Nothing more. I’m not dating Tim.”

“Then I believe you.” Eric turned to Cassie and Alyssa. “If Mia says there’s nothing going on, nothing’s going on. Mia doesn’t lie.”

I smiled weakly, hoping Eric’s superhero powers didn’t include being able to see into the past and discover my previous deviations from the truth.

“OK, Miss Oh-So-Wholesome-and-Pure may not be with Tim this year,” Cassie said, putting her hands on her hips, “but that doesn’t explain why she didn’t tell us Tim was cheating on Alyssa and me.”

Gulping down my guilt, I feebly responded, “I didn’t because Tim asked me not to.”

“That’s your excuse?!” Alyssa exclaimed. “Whatever happened to girl power? At my old school, girls stuck together.”

“You’re right,” I said. “I should’ve said something, but since I don’t really know you, and Cassie and I don’t really get along, I—”

“You didn’t tell us because we aren’t your
friends?!”
Cassie rolled her eyes in contempt. “I thought even you had more self-respect
than that. When you found out Tim was cheating again, didn’t a small part of you want to see him get what he deserved, especially after what he did to you? God, are you ever going to stop letting people walk all over you? I thought you were done being Mia the Meek.”

“I am done with that,” I said defensively.

A vindictive smile crossed Cassie’s lips. “Then prove it.”

“How?” I asked, not entirely sure I was comfortable with the demonic glint in Cassie’s eyes.

“I have a plan for how we can get a little revenge on Tim, but it’ll require all of you,” Cassie said, eyeing Alyssa, Eric, and me. “So, are you in or out?”

A few hours later, I was soaking wet, sore, sunburned, and more than a little sapped, so I decided to take a break. With pruny fingers, I tossed my sponge into the bucket, stretched out my aching muscles, and walked over to the hose to get a drink.

I’d just leaned over to slurp up my first mouthful of what was most likely chemically tainted water when Alyssa poked her head around the corner and said, “It’s time.”

Taking a deep breath of courage, I dropped the hose and followed Alyssa to the front of the store where all the student council members were gathered. Flipping her sunglasses to the top of her head, Cassie announced, “The store just informed me they’re turning off the water in an hour, so we need to come up with an idea to make a lot of money fast.”

“How about we hold a contest?” Alyssa said from the back of the crowd, putting our plan into action. “Maybe we can pit the girls against the boys and see which team makes the most money.”

“A contest?” I asked, reciting my line as if I was in a play. “What would the winners get?”

“Losers have to wear dog costumes to school on Monday. I just happen to have a box-load of them sitting in my car right now,” Eric said, sounding much more convincing than I did. “And it
would
be kind of fitting, too—the losing team did get dogged.”

“I bet my mom can convince Mrs. Jensen to let the uniform policy slide,” I said, hoping my months of being surrounded by actors had rubbed off on me, “since it’s for the student council.”

“Sounds good to me,” Tim said, fist-bumping the group of guys around him in some sort of bizarre male ritual. “I’m always up for winning a sure bet.”

It worked! Tim was buying it hook, line, and sinker. I always knew his ego and desire to be the best would be his downfall. I was just glad I’d be there when it finally happened.

Biting my lip to hold back a smile, I glanced at Alyssa and Cassie as Tim continued. “After all, there’s no way a group of girls can wash cars faster than a bunch of burly guys like us. We’ve got this thing wrapped up. In fact, since we’re such gentlemen, we’ll even give your team a head start.”

“The contest isn’t which team can wash cars faster. It’s who can make the most money.” Cassie slipped her sunglasses onto her face. “And with me, in this bikini, out front holding a sign, our team will have no problem making the most cash.”

“And since I don’t go to St. Hilary’s, I can technically join any team I want,” Eric said, pulling off his T-shirt to display a six-pack of abs. “So I think I’ll help the girls out. That sign looks awfully heavy.”

Tim glanced over at Mike.

“Hey, don’t look at me,” Mike said. “I’m not taking off my shirt for some contest. I burn in the sun. But I could tap dance out front while holding our sign. I took lessons when I was a kid.”

Tim shook his head in despair. “We are so doomed.”

“Dry faster!” Alyssa shouted, “We only have five more minutes and they’re gaining on us. Mia, let’s double up. I’ll take this car and you take that one. Do whatever you can for a big tip. We don’t want to lose! I’m a cat person; I’d look terrible as a dog.”

“OK, I’ll do my best,” I said as Lisa directed the last car over to me. I quickly eyed the driver, who looked to be in his twenties. There was only one thing to do—turn on the old Mia Magic and make the competition disappear.

Strolling over to the driver’s window, I cranked up the charm, batted my eyelashes, and said, in the sweetest voice I could muster, “So, what can I do for you?”

He looked at me curiously. “Um, isn’t this the place where they’re doing car washes?”

“Sure is, Big Boy,” I said, praying that this was an expression actually used in real life and not something I’d just heard in some old western my dad watched.

“Then I’d like to have my car washed.” The guy looked at his watch. “And I’m kind of in a hurry—I have a wedding to get to.”

“Hopefully not your own,” I replied, batting my eyes more furiously.

“No,” the guy said with a chuckle. “Definitely not, but it is important I get there on time. So, can you maybe hurry it up a little?”

“You got it, sugar,” I drawled, noting that this would be the first and last time I ever called someone that.

Wiggling my hips, I walked over to the hose. Unfortunately, wiggling while walking was too much for my brain to handle and I tripped, landing directly on the nozzle of the hose. I gasped as the freezing cold water blasted me in the face.

“Hurry up, Mia!” Alyssa yelled. “Only a couple minutes left!”

Pulling myself free of the hose, I struggled to gain my composure as the rest of the team descended on the car like vultures attacking their prey. Wringing the water from my T-shirt, I pushed my sopping wet hair from my eyes, pushed out my chest—what little there was
to push—and sashayed over to the car.

I knocked on the driver’s side window so I could talk to him. As he rolled the window down, I leaned in and licked my lips in what I hoped was a sexy way, and promptly swallowed a bug. Choking and gagging, I spit out the insect, which landed with a splat right in the middle of the man’s chest.

“What are you doing?” the guy asked as he wiped the bug guts and saliva off his T-shirt.

“I sthwallowed a bug,” I cried, scraping the remnants of bug guts off my tongue with my fingernails.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all,” the guy said, reaching for the gearshift. “I really need to get going and—”

“No!” I said. “Please don’t go! We have to win the bet!”

“Bet?” the guy asked.

I sighed and pointed at Tim. “You see that guy over there with the arrogant smile and know-it-all attitude?”

The guy shifted his gaze to Tim, who was already high-fiving his team in supposed victory. “He does look awfully full of himself.”

“That’s the understatement of the year,” I said. “He’s my ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him after he cheated on me. And now he’s doing it again to two other girls, so the three of us set up this contest to get back at him. Whichever team makes the least amount of money has to show up at our school dressed as dogs on Monday morning, and I was supposed to get you to give me a really big tip, and I’m not very good at it. But my team—and the student council—really need the money. Please don’t punish the rest of the girls just because I’m an idiot.”

“Well,” the guy said, “I’m not a big fan of gambling, but I do have to admit you have the most compelling story I’ve heard in a while, and believe me, I hear a lot of confessions in my line of work. So, even though this’ll stretch my budget, why don’t you keep the change?”

I stared as the guy placed a $50 bill in my hand. “Really? Even
though I threw up a bug on your shirt?”

“Especially since you threw up a bug on my shirt,” the guy replied, putting his car in gear. “It was the most interesting thing that’s happened to me in weeks. Plus, I believe I’ll enjoy seeing that overly confident gentleman wearing a dog suit on Monday. A little humility is good for the soul.”

“But,” I said, “we’ll be at St. Hilary’s on Monday. How will you see him?”

He stuck his head out the car window. “I’m Father Carlos. I’m the new priest at St. Hilary’s and I’m about to perform my first wedding for the parish. I’ll also be teaching religion classes starting Monday.”

As he drove away, I stood in stunned silence. I had just attempted to flirt with a priest! I was going to be saying Hail Marys for the rest of my life.