Merrick (13 page)

“Wake up, little
morsel.”

My eyelids
fluttered as I was jostled.

“Wake up. He’ll be
here to dismember me any second.”

I squinted in the
dim light and beheld Theo leaning over me, shaking me roughly by the shoulders.
“What…”

“He means to kill
himself,” Theo said. “Repeat that back to me.”

“What?”

“He will kill
himself, shithead. To keep from turning you.”

Blinking stupidly
at him, I could only repeat, “What?”

Theo slapped me
lightly on the cheek. “Wake up,” he growled. “Silas intends to kill himself.”

In the distance I
heard something like a drumbeat. I looked around, puzzled, but my attention was
held on Theo. “Why?”

He slapped me
again.

I moved to slap
him back. “Insufferable little…”

Theo caught my
wrist and leaned closer, hissing his message into my ear. “I drained your blood
for a reason. He must turn you. He
will
turn you. It does not matter if
he sends you away. He’s chosen you, and he will crave you until the craving
overwhelms his shit reason and his shit morals and he will track you down and
take your blood and feed you his own. The only way to stop it is to kill
himself. So when you leave, he will build a fire and throw himself upon it and
that will be the last of Silas Merrick.”

“Stop him,” I
blurted.

The pounding in
the distance was now combined with a strange cracking noise, like wood
splintering.

Theo grabbed my
collar and hauled me up, glaring into my eyes. “I cannot stop him.
Nothing
can stop him. He will turn you, or he will die. Do you understand me?”

I was jerked
violently forward as Theo suddenly went flying backwards, before my shirt ripped
in his fist and I tumbled back onto the bed.

“William.”
Merrick’s voice was dark with fury. He stood between us, his shoulders heaving,
his furious eyes fixed on Theo where he was crumpled against the wall.

“Y-yes?” He could
be quite terrifying, when he wanted to be. I noticed then that the hide
covering the mouth of the cavern was swinging, and quickly realized that the
pounding and cracking I’d heard had been the sound of Merrick battering his way
through the heavy wooden door. Theo must have managed to slip past him and lock
him in the cave in order to deliver his message to me.

“Are you bitten?”

Theo replied
angrily. “I didn’t bite him. I told him the truth.”

“Is it true?” I
blurted, horrified, and then stood to face Merrick. “Tell me!”

“Is what true?” he
growled.

“You will kill
yourself!”

“That is
ridiculous.”

“Shit on your
stupid airs!” Theo snapped, sitting up and pounding his fists against the
floor. He looked quite ferocious now, for a twit. “You condemn this young man
to a life of misery!” He thrust his finger towards me. “Do you think he will
forget it? You think you can send him back to his old life? Does he not deserve
a choice in this matter?”

“There is no
choice to be made.”

“Damn you, Silas!”
Theo shouted. “Are you prepared to kill me?”

“What are you
talking about?”

“I will not allow
it,” the blue-eyed vampire raged, and shot to his feet. He stood inches from
Merrick, and though he was no match for Merrick’s height and size, he looked
ready to throttle him. “You are right,” he seethed. “There is no choice here.
For I
will not
allow it.”

Merrick said
something in French. Theo’s eyes widened, and he spat out a startling epithet.

After a few more
words exchanged through clenched teeth, Theo turned stiffly and stormed out of
the room.

Merrick turned
back to me, his features taut with anger and dismay.

“Is it true?” I
asked, my throat tight.

“Yes,” Merrick
whispered.

“Why?”

“I have lived
long, William.”

“Why?” I demanded.

As he looked at
me, his shoulders slowly sagged. He lifted his hand to rub his brow and let out
a long, tired breath. “Sit down.”

I stared at him
for another moment, then sat on the edge of the bed.

Merrick pulled the
wooden stool in front of me and sat heavily upon it. Then, in a weary,
reluctant tone, he began to explain.

“When a vampire
has lived well past one lifetime,” he said, “A century and a half or so,
perhaps two centuries, something happens inside of him. Immortality loses its
novelty. The thrill and the pleasure of feeding fades, and killing becomes a
grotesque routine. He struggles with guilt over the lives he has taken, the
thousands upon thousands. He has learned to envy humans for their warmth, their
fragility, their innocence, their capacity for fresh feelings and surprise and
fear, their sense of wonder. His own existence comes to feel like a perverse
joke – for he realizes he is nothing but a parasite. And yet night after night,
he is compelled to take another life – destroying another heart, mind and soul
to sustain his pathetic existence for another day.”

Merrick covered
his face with his hands, rubbing it tiredly, and then clasped them between his
knees and continued with his head hanging.

“He loses his will
to exist. And then he loses his will to kill.” Merrick paused. “Every vampire
goes through this, in his own way. Many do not survive. Some leave off of
feeding until they fall into a deep sleep – leaving their shriveled bodies
vulnerable to discovery or any number of mishaps. Others cut their misery short
and immolate themselves. Perhaps all vampires would perish in this season of
despair, if not for the strange instinct that compels our kind to reproduce.”

He fell silent.

I could only stare
at him, astonished. Just as I was about to prod him for more, he spoke again.

“My own troubles
began nearly a century ago. I was with Theo, then. I had seen him go through
the same thing decades before, but Theo is a determined survivor, and did not
hesitate to choose a mate at the first sign of discontent…” He paused again.
“You see, just most men and women driven to create new life, so are most
vampires compelled, at some point, to create others in their own image. The
compulsion strikes deeply in this time of despair. For Theo, who has always
enjoyed company, it was only a matter of choosing a beautiful and clever young
creature to be his protégé. And I saw how quickly the passion returned to him,
how vibrantly his curiosities and senses were revitalized by the experience.

“But for me it was
not as simple, for I was never one to form bonds easily. And as the shadows
slowly crept over my mind and soul, I became even more solitary. Theo urged me
to seek a companion, but I could not summon the desire. Instead, I dragged on.
I made some attempt to distract myself with medicines and the healing arts. At
night I hunted criminals exclusively, thereby easing some of my guilt over
killing. In this way I endured the growing darkness for decades. Still, I knew
I was not immune to what others had gone through before me. I would have to
choose a mortal to turn, or I would fade from being.

“Word of the New
World sparked the first glimmer of curiosity I’d felt in ages, and I boarded a
ship for these shores with the particular intent of getting to know the
Indians. Studying their methods and rituals lifted the gloom for a few years,
but then it returned with a vengeance.

“I have been a
fading shadow for decades now. I’m less and less inclined to sustain myself –
and it is all too easy to avoid killing here, where potential victims are few
in number. I am sure I would have fallen asleep if not for the constant letters
from Theo, which kept a small flame of desire glowing in the back of my mind –
the desire to go on, to share my knowledge with one who would remind me of the
beauty of the world that I once loved.

“At last, one of
the letters struck a nerve. I suppose I had reached a point of ennui that
allowed me to act on Theo’s advice. Using a ritual I had learned decades ago
from the Indians – from your mother’s people, in fact – I sought a vision to
guide me. It was a moving experience, and left me with the absurd but distinct
notion that I was to seek an apprentice.”

“So
that’s
why,” I burst out. Good God, it had taken long enough to solve that mystery.

“Yes. That is
why.” Merrick opened his eyes and looked at me with tired regret. “I brought
you here to turn you into a vampire, William.”

“So? Why didn’t
you? You had ample opportunity.”

“You enchanted
me,” Merrick murmured. “Your intellect, your grace and character, your beauty. I
desired you at once. But it all became very complicated. I might have changed
you that night, but you were so warm and open to me, even when you thought I
was an old man. It impressed me deeply. And when I sensed your desire and
confusion, it…” he paused, looking down. “It aroused feelings deep within me,
feelings that brought my senses back to life, along with my will to exist. And
as desire grew between us, so my spirits lifted. I was pleased to see you every
morning, to lie beside you here. I had a reason to feed at night. And I felt no
immediate need to turn you – your mortal companionship was thrilling enough. I
yearned to taste your blood, yes, but not to change you. Not yet.”

“But why did you
send me away?” I asked, impatient.

A cloud covered
his handsome face. “When I saw you next to Sarah Brightwell,” he said. “The two
of you so young and carefree…”

I frowned. “You
must be joking.”

“It was a
startling blow to the illusions I’d concocted. We had shared a kiss the night
before, when you had confessed your desire...”

“I know,” I
interrupted, a bit peevishly.

“I already loved
you deeply, William. And when I saw you standing there with her, saw her eyes
alight with girlish admiration, I realized the magnitude of what I intended,
eventually, to do. And right away, with perfect clarity, I realized that I
could not.”

“That seems a bit
silly,” I said, though I wasn’t sure I ought to be arguing against his decision
not to turn me into a vampire. Perhaps I ought to. Perhaps not. Christ, I
didn’t know.

He made another
attempt to explain. “You are an extraordinary person, William. You are on a
path toward a wonderful life. You are curious, kind, intelligent, adventurous,
and hard-working. You have a lovely mother who loves you, a fine and
interesting trade that you enjoy, and with all your charms, you will never lack
for friends or lovers. When you were alone with me, it was easy to convince
myself that you could be happy with me. But when I saw you smiling and talking
with that girl, all the beauty and potential of your humanity overwhelmed me. I
will not take it from you. I cannot.”

I stared at him.
He looked so tired and so sad. “Then what will you do?” I asked. “Why don’t you
find another?”

“I will not find
another.” He paused. “Perhaps I cannot. Theo believes the choice is final for
everyone. He claims that once he tasted his chosen mate, nothing could have
stopped him from turning him.”

“Then what will
you do?”

“I will die.”

I felt my face
twist with something between despair and disgust. “You are willing to
die?
”

“I am content to
die. I have lived nearly three centuries.” He looked into my eyes, and I saw
that sorrow had changed to gentle calm. He reached for my hand and covered it
with his own. “And I have met you, William. I assure you, I’ll go peacefully thinking
of the time we spent together and the life you have ahead of you.”

My jaw had
dropped. Frozen stiff, I could only stare at him, aghast.

“Of course, I will
leave my assets to you,” he said.

I wrenched my hand
from his and shot to my feet, reeling. “Are you
mad?
” I cried.

Merrick looked up
at me, sympathetic. “I know that it seems gruesome. But in time, you will come
to—”

My voice rose.
“How could you expect me to stomach this?”

“Because you have
no more choice than I do.”

“Who says I don’t
have a choice?” I yelled, and then furiously demanded, “Did you intend to…after
sending me away…” I saw the answer on his face and felt such rage I nearly
leapt upon him. Instead I turned and paced around the bed, turning back to face
him with some distance between us.

The madman! The
bastard! He expected me to take my broken heart back to the city knowing he
would soon burn himself alive! He expected me to inherit his money and
spend
it!

“Your words
disgust
me,” I said, my voice trembling with anger. “You have already left my heart in
ruins once, and now you insult me with this…”

“Insult you?”
Merrick did not stand up, merely watching me with incredulous eyes that no
longer sparkled as before. “William, I merely…”

“You offend me
with your suggestions! Do you expect me to go on with my lovely life carrying
your death on my conscience? Damn you, Merrick! I have never heard such
idiocy!”

“I wish there were
another way.” Merrick looked disarmed by my vitriol. Good.

“There
is
another way,” I retorted without thinking.

“I will not turn
you.”

I glared at him
for a long, tense moment.

My mind was made
up.

“You will,” I
said.

Merrick looked
shocked, then horrified, then grim and resolute. “I will not.”

I stalked towards
the door. Merrick moved in front of it. When I tried to shove him, he grabbed
my wrists.

“I will not,” he
repeated, and this time his voice was dark and threatening.

I glowered up at
him. He was bluffing. If I left his sight, Theo would find me again and do the
same thing he’d done before. I could tell the French twit wasn’t one to give
up. And if Theo failed, I certainly would not. After all, I could just as
easily drain my own blood, couldn’t I?

Then again,
perhaps Merrick wasn’t bluffing. Perhaps he was prepared to let me die. I
hesitated a moment at the thought.

No. That wasn’t
the Merrick I knew. He was ready to kill himself to protect my human life. I
could not believe he would allow me to die rather than let me be reborn.

He let me pass him
at last, following closely behind me.

Theo was sitting
sullenly at the table, spinning a knife on the surface. When I entered, his
eyes met mine and gleamed with smug mischief. A little smirk appeared on his
lips, and this time it did not annoy me. For the time being, bizarrely, we were
on the same side.

I sat across from
Theo, fixing him with an even look.

“What’s on your
mind,
Willlll
-iam?”

I ignored it. “I
want to return to the city and see my mother.”

“Are we
negotiating terms?” Theo smiled.

Merrick said
something tense in French. Theo pretended not to notice him.

So did I. “Is it
possible?”

“You mean, you’d
like me to stand guard while you make a few farewells to your mortal life?”
Theo stroked his smooth chin, looking sweetly upwards with a thoughtful hum.
“He’s stronger than I am, you know. It’s possible he could overpower me
somehow. Perhaps trap me in a box or something and make off to do the deed.”

There was another
snarl in French from Merrick. Again, we ignored him.

Suddenly Theo
snapped his fingers, his face lighting up. “I know! I’ll just disappear
instead. And if he destroys himself, I’ll head straight to the city and snap
your neck.” Theo leaned back, tittering with delight. “Why didn’t I think of
this before? I suppose I was trying to be nice about it.” He shook his head,
apparently amused at the thought.

I shuddered
inwardly. Evil little… “That sounds tenable.”

“It’s lovely to
have you on board,” Theo said. “Why didn’t you tell me you were so smitten?
Things would have gone so much easier from the beginning if I’d known you were
willing
.”
He spread his hands with a flourish. “It’s not nearly as bad as he’d have you
believe, you know…”

“Stop,” Merrick
said quietly.

“It’s too late,”
Theo retorted. “I told you I’d keep my promise.”

I shot him a dirty
look. As if he’d orchestrated the entire thing!

“He won’t ever
kill me, you see,” Theo said to me, not minding my expression. “Our bond is too
deep, since…Well, you’ll learn all about it, I suppose.” He rose from the
table. “Shall I take my leave?”

Merrick was
looking down.

“Merrick,
au
revoir, mon ami
.” Theo moved toward him.

Merrick abruptly
turned away, disappearing into the bedroom.

“It is a promise,
Merrick!” Theo called after him. For a moment, despair crossed his face. Then
it was replaced by a stubborn scowl. “You’ll forgive me!” he shouted. “You’ll
thank
me!” He muttered something in French, his features tightening with worry for
another moment, and then he sniffed and turned from the door. Crossing his
arms, he looked down his nose at me.

“I hope you
appreciate what I’ve done,” he said haughtily.

I scowled and was
about to say something sharp when I noticed the flush in his cheeks and the
flicker of pain that kept showing up in his eyes every few moments. Poor Theo,
I realized. There really was a little substance beneath the gilded exterior. It
was plain to see that he had fought to keep his friend alive, and that
Merrick’s cold shoulder was a painful blow.

“I appreciate it,”
I admitted, but couldn’t help adding, “I hope you appreciate what
I’ve
done.”

“Hmph.” Theo
leaned back against the wall and crossed one ankle over the other. “It’ll be
easy enough to have him all to yourself.” He lifted his chin. “I’ll appreciate
it when he’s speaking to me again.”

“You poor thing.”

“Shut up, you
mouthy little ass. God knows what he sees in you besides your looks,” Theo
huffed. He pushed away from the wall and went for the door. “Twilight at last,”
he said with a sigh of relief, and took his jacket from the hook near the door.
He shrugged it on, snapped the lapels, and turned on his heel to face me again.
Spreading his hands, he sank into a bow. “Enjoy your evening, Lacy.”

“Enjoy yours.”

Theo straightened
and flicked an invisible hair from his brow, fixing me with a final smirk
before he turned and left the cottage.