Merediths Awakening (23 page)

* * * *

It was so hard to reconcile, she thought later. He’d lied to her. But he’d done it out of love. Meredith could finally admit, if only to herself, how some part of her had just been waiting for his betrayal, looking for a reason to run from the feelings he’d awakened in her. Could she get past, his lie and her own fear, and learn to trust him, to really trust him this time with her heart?

She thought of the last five, empty years. She’d felt more joy, more anger, more contentment in her week with Tony than in the entire five years preceding it. She considered the future. Could she bear to face a lifetime of such emptiness? Could she watch her brothers with their healthy, happy relationships, and then go home to her empty condo every night? No, she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. She wanted the life he’d offered her. The family. The love.

The only questions that remained were: did she have the courage to go to him? And if she did, would he still want her?

She picked up her phone and buzzed Trey.

“I’ll be leaving early today,” she said. Her voice was trembling, but for once the office manager didn’t comment on it. “Would you please tell my brothers?”

“Of course, Ms. W.” Trey’s voice was unaccustomedly solemn.

“And would you tell Marcus I’ll be unavailable this weekend?”

“Absolutely, Ms. W.” He paused a moment, then added, “And good luck, Ma’am.” Oh God, she thought. What do I do now?

It had been a bitch of a day, following a bitch of a week, and Tony wanted nothing more than to lock himself in his house with a decent bottle of whiskey and just not think.

Unfortunately, in the psychic manner of close families everywhere, he’d had a never-ending stream of sisters and cousins bringing food and sympathy since he’d ended things with Meredith. He finally understood, Tony thought wryly, why his family didn’t always welcome his well-intentioned help.

After his visit to Nona, he’d wanted to nurse some faint hope that maybe by letting her go, he’d see his Princess return to him. Maybe, by some miracle, she’d find a way to understand what he’d done, and why he’d done it. It was beyond his ability to comprehend a lifetime without her, but as the days turned into a week, Tony had felt the last of his hope dying.

To his pleased surprise, there were no cars in his driveway or along the curb in front of his house. He might just be able to get his drunk on, after all, with no family interference.

Opening the door he scowled in irritation. The slow groove of Marvin Gaye filled the room. The smell of vanilla and light musk wafted through the air. Clearly one of the cousins was here, sans car. He kicked off his work boots and charged around the corner, ready for battle, and froze. His mind had to be playing some kind of sick game with him.

Meredith was naked except for a pair of leather boots that ended mid-thigh and a black velvet half-mask similar to the one he’d made her wear at Velvet Ice. She was kneeling with her head down and hands behind her back, loosely wrapped with black, silken cord. Her skin glowed alabaster against the black of her boots, her hair, the mask.

Her neatly trimmed pubic hair formed an emphatic arrow pointing his way to paradise.

Damn but she looked stunning.

Almost everything in Tony urged him to run to her, crush her in his arms and kiss her until the end of time, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. He’d spent a week waiting for her, praying for just a glimpse of her; but she’d managed to avoid him at the Worthington offices, and hadn’t come to the site at all. Meredith had managed to cut a hole in his heart, and to wound his soul. Losing her had changed him and now, seeing her kneeling before him, he was torn.

She’d set him reeling. His mind was at war with his heart. Part of him wanted to hold her and never let her go; the other part, his vulnerable, wounded heart, wanted to tell her to get the hell out so he could go about forgetting her. He gave a rough sigh. Like that was ever gonna happen.

“Meredith, why are you here?” He asked, his voice low and in control. He had to remain in complete control.

She didn’t move, didn’t even shift. “I’ve missed you.” Tony grunted.
Wrong answer, Princess.
He walked to her, stopping directly in front of her. “You miss me? What did you miss, Meredith?” Her head tilted further downward, and he thought he saw her full, vulnerable lower lip tremble. “You, I missed you.”

Tony frowned. She still wasn’t willing to give him even the smallest concession, not even a hint about her feelings. He knew she loved what he did to her body, but dammit, he needed to know she loved
him
, the whole package. He wanted to shake her, to force her to give him what he needed, because now it was no longer a matter of Tony trying to heal her. She needed to help heal his heart, his broken spirit.

Tony had spelled it out to her, he loved her, he needed to protect her, and dammit there would be times when she needed protection, whether she wanted it or not. He didn’t care if she disagreed with him about it. Hell he liked that about her, how she would take up for herself. He even admitted he would have to compromise sometimes. But the betrayals in her past had twisted his act of love and protection into a dirty thing, had made her compare him to her father and her brother, and that was one thing Tony couldn’t abide by.

His anger seeped into him like a second skin. He rubbed his thumb along her trembling lower lip. “Is this what you miss, Meredith? My touch? Do you miss the way I can make your body feel?”

“Yes, I missed your body, Anthony,” her voice seemed so small. She started to say more, but Tony couldn’t bear to hear it. He was hard and aching, and if Meredith wanted his body, then who was he to deny her?

He unbuttoned his worn jeans, pulling his cock out. “Did you miss my cock, Meredith? Have you been lying in bed aching for me to let you come?” He watched her swallow hard. A small frown took residence between those raven-wing brows. “I did, Anthony. I can’t come without you.” Tony refused to think; if he did he was afraid he’d hurt them both. Instead, he reached down and wrapped his hand around her nape. Pulling her head forward, he rubbed his plump cock-head along those lush, lush lips. “Open for me then, Princess.

Show me how much you missed my cock.”

His anger was a palpable thing; it flowed off him in waves as she slid her tongue out and swiped at his weeping head. He shuddered at the familiar brush of her lips. He’d missed her so much, her touch, her taste, the way she looked when she was begging for orgasm.

She pulled him deeper, running her wicked tongue along the thick vein on the underside of his shaft, tugging at his piercing with gentle teeth. Tony tried to be still, tried to drown the emotion in the hot, wet depths of her mouth. But Meredith wasn’t some anonymous female there to sate his need. Abruptly the anger became too much for him, and he pulled out of her mouth. Stepping back he forced his cock back into his pants.

Reaching down, he pulled the mask off her face.

“Meredith, go home. We said everything we had to say last Friday in your office.

You won’t trust me, and I won’t fight the ghosts of your past anymore.” He turned his back on her and walked into the kitchen. He leaned wearily against the counter, rubbing a hand over his burning eyes before taking the bottle of Jack from the cupboard. Not bothering to search for a shot glass, he opened the liquor and took a long drink. It burned like fire as it slid down his throat.

There was no noise from the other room, the front door hadn’t opened and closed.

She was still here. Fuck, how much was he supposed to endure?

He put the bottle down and went back into the living room. She hadn’t moved. She knelt, still as an ivory statue. The perfect sacrifice. The perfect submissive.

Guilt and pain ripped at his guts as she posed there. She didn’t look at him, didn’t raise her eyes from the floor. It was more than he could stand. He went to his knees in front of her. Grabbing her shoulders, he shuddered at the feel of her silken skin, and felt her shudder in return.

“What the hell do you want from me, Meredith? Goddammit, tell me.” She finally looked up at him, her silver eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“I surrender, Anthony. I surrender.” There was more, he could see it in her face.

“Surrender’s not enough. I had your surrender, Princess. I need more.” His tongue felt thick, had to fight to get the words out.

He let go of her arms and waited. The emotions passing over her face were so clear, fear and doubt.

“For so long I’ve been sleepwalking through my life, caught in an ugly nightmare I can’t wake up from.” A single tear fell from those silvery depths and for the first time Tony felt a glimmer of hope.

“I let the hurt from the past shape the present. I let my fear control me. I was so afraid, Tony. I’m still afraid. I’m afraid to trust myself. I’m afraid to be hurt again.” Her eyes fell, locking on the floor. “But worst of all, I am afraid it’s too late. I don’t want it to be too late.”

He reached up to cup her cheek, and her eyes rose to meet his.

“Why, Princess? Why don’t you want it to be too late?” Tony knew he was pushing, but he had to hear the actual words from her mouth. He wouldn’t survive losing her again.

“I don’t want it to be too late because I love you, Anthony. I love that you comforted me even when I didn’t know I needed to be comforted, that you forced me to open my eyes and my heart. You woke me up and burrowed your way into my soul. All week I tried to dig you out.” She gave him a sad smile. “I tried to rebuild those walls of ice, to push your memory away.” She turned her cheek into his hand, kissing his rough palm.

“And then I realized why I couldn’t do it. I don’t
want
to push you away. I want you in my life.”

He spoke again, still afraid to give in to hope. “I’m a package deal, Princess. You can’t just take the parts of me you pick and choose.” Her smile dawned as slow and magnificent as the sunrise. “I want it all: Tony, Anthony, the lover and the Dom. I’m even willing to work with the protector,” she raised one sculpted eyebrow, “within reason. Because I’m a package deal too.”

*

Meredith tried not to let her nerves get the best of her as she waited for Tony’s response. His face was pale, and the circles under his eyes matched her own. His breathing had increased, but he remained silent. Panic and embarrassment tried to take hold. Was she too late? Had she really broken what was between them beyond repair?

Then it happened: The corner of his mouth crooked up into the intimate smile that warmed her from the inside out. Grabbing her upper arms, he crushed her to him, swooping down to devour her mouth with his in a kiss that stole her breath and her reason. Without breaking the kiss, he fumbled behind her, unwinding the black silk cord she’d symbolically wrapped around her wrists. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, trying to press herself through his skin, to make them one body. His tongue delved deeply into her mouth, declaring ownership.

Meredith sighed into his embrace. Joy and relief and arousal left her pliant, melting into his arms.

Scooping her into his arms, Tony stood and moved to the couch. He sank down heavily, and Meredith straddled his thighs, glorying in the rasp of denim against her skin.

Sending his mouth cruising down her neck, he muttered, “Meri, baby, what am I going to do with you?”

“Love me, Tony. Just love me,” she whispered into his silky hair.

Tony placed his hands on her face, held her close to him. “Meredith Worthington, I have loved you since the moment I first saw you, and will continue to love you until the day I die.”

The time for words was over then, as his hands found her nipples. Slowly he stroked around them, pinching them lightly, taking his time as his fingers mapped her skin. His mouth teased her lips, opening them to his explorations.

Meri rubbed herself against his pants, making the denim wet with her arousal.

Needing to feel him, she reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling him out and swirling her fingers around his crown.

He grunted in response and his hips jerked up against her. Tony gripped her hips in hard, desperate hands. “Ride me, Princess. This time I want you to take me. I want to look in your eyes when you come apart around me, when I come inside you.” Her heart overflowed, and Meredith felt tears tracking down her cheeks. It was like a dam had burst and all the love and trust she’d suppressed for so long came rushing out all at once, overwhelming her.

“Guide me into you, Princess. Ride me, baby. Show me how much you belong to me.”

She grasped his cock, flicking her nails lightly over the gold bar-bell that gave her such pleasure and tracing lightly over the thick veins decorating its length, enchanted by his size, his strength, then guided him to her slick entrance. Slowly, so damn slowly, she lowered herself on him. Inch by inch she worked her tight pussy down his length, never taking her eyes from his.

“Princess, you can’t ever shut me out again. I won’t survive it. You own me. All of me.” The words were forced out between gritted teeth as a grimace of pleasure stole across his beloved features.

“And you own me, Tony,” she rushed to reassure him. “All of me.” She stopped when he was seated fully within her, stretching her almost to the point of pain. A dark, delicious pain. He’d never felt so deep, so thick inside her as he did at this moment. He filled all the empty spots, not only with his amazing cock, but with his amazing spirit. His fingers squeezed her hips, and Meri began to move, slow small circles that had him panting for more. She liked this teasing, this slow dance between them.

“More,” he groaned though clenched teeth. Meri leaned down, licked his lips, his chin, nipped at his earlobe. She eased over him, rising and falling, all the while waiting for him to throw her to the floor and take control, but he never did.

Instead, he petted her body, showering her with gentle caresses unlike any touch he’d given her before. The going was slow and easy. Their breaths mingled, they began to slide against each other, sheened with sweat from the strain of keeping it slow. Tony squeezed her ass, growling out his hunger and frustration, and Meri increased her motions as electricity sparked over her skin.

His eyes were intense, expressive, telling her over and over of his devotion, his adoration without a word ever slipping from his beautiful mouth.

“Touch yourself, baby,” he whispered, putting his hand in the middle of her chest and pushing her back slightly. Meri slipped two fingers into his mouth. He moaned as he sucked them deeply. They glistened with moisture when she slid them out of his mouth and guided them between her labia. “I want to watch you make yourself come apart.” His eyes stroked her like a physical touch, and Meredith arched back, exaggerating the movements of her hips as she manipulated the hard little bud of her clit. Tony groaned at the sight and jerked against her. Seeing him so close to losing control shot through her like a fire, and she ground down against him, increasing the speed as her fingers teased her clit. All the time he let her lead them, kissing her tenderly, stroking her gently, and never stealing control from her.