Mercy for the Fallen (25 page)

“Mercy…”

I still couldn’t tell if it was a good reaction, or a bad reaction, and I tried for a smile, but I think it came out sort of sad.  “That’s me.”

“Holy shit
…”  He passed his hand over his face, as though he thought he might have nodded off.  “You look exactly the same.”  There was a note of wonder to his voice, but still, he made no move to get up from behind the desk.

“You look…”

Parker dropped his head, hand running through the streaks of silver dusting the blonde above his ears.  “I know, I’m an old man.”

“You look exactly like the man I wanted to grow old with.”  Not that he looked that much older, but he looked more serious, less like a playboy. 

“Only you’ll never grow old,” he muttered, staring.

“I’m starting to think my heart will.  I’m starting to think my heart is going to shrivel up and die and I’ll be this perfectly preserved corpse that’s completely hollow.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry… so sorry I had to leave you like that,” rushed out all at once.  “I did the best I could with limited information, but I have no excuse for staying away so long, except that I was enjoying getting to know Eve again and…”

“Is she here with you?”  The thought brought Parker out of his chair and around the desk, his face eager.  “Can I see her?  God, she must be so big.  What is she now… ten?”

“No, she’s… She’s still… in another place.”  How was I supposed to explain that she’d jumped ahead two years but then stayed behind for five?  It was too much for him to wrap his head around; I had enough trouble getting to know my daughter again as a five year old without factoring in a five year gap the way Parker was.

“She’s safe then?”

“For now.  I don’t want to leave her there for very long.”

“So this is… a visit?”

“This is a – gather the horses in a circle to figure out how to best protect her – kind of thing.”

“Well, count me in.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”  The last thing I wanted to do was drag him into my crazy world again.

“She’s still my daughter too.”

“What about your wife?  You don’t think she’ll mind?”

“She knows what we had together.  I don’t think she’ll assume it’s a ploy to run off with you,” he smirked.

“Because that would be crazy…” I said with a broken smile.  “Congratulations, by the way.  Daphne filled me in on your good news.”

“Thanks.”  He looked away, shifting from one foot to the other. 

“Her and Sam, huh?”  I wasn’t sure what else to say when he didn’t follow up with anything else.   

“Right, I heard something about that.”

I still had his engagement ring on my finger, and I twisted it off.  “I guess I should give this back.”

Parker held his hands up, backing away a step.  “No, keep it. I bought it for you.”

Sure.  Because what I really needed was a physical reminder of what I’d lost.  I stuck it in my pocket, not sure what else to do with it.  “I told you getting engaged to me was tantamount to asking the universe for a kick in the shins.”

“More like the heart.”

“I’m sorry,” I tried again, hating to see him in pain because of me.  “I had no idea so much time would pass down here.” 

“What does that mean?”

“It means I’ve only been away for a month, my time.”

“How is that possible?”

“Time works differently in other places.  Remember how Evie came back a couple of years older after being gone for a few hours?”  I could see him start to digest the information, sitting against the edge of the desk.

“Talk about a mindfuck,” he murmured.  “Where were you exactly?”

“I can’t tell you, she’s still there.  I need to keep her safe until we…” I stopped myself.  There was no
we
, not anymore.  “Until I figure things out.”

“I can’t believe you’re back.”  He shook his head, rubbing at his neck as though it was stiff.  My hand lifted to send him a burst of Grace, but I held back, suddenly not so sure it was a good idea to touch him.  When he spoke again, it was with heavy regret.  “Mercy, I waited… I waited so long for a single word… but nothing.”

“I know.  I’m not blaming you in any way, but this pretty much sucks, Parker.  I still love you.  I came back here… I knew I’d have some groveling to do.  I knew you’d be pissed I stayed away, but this… I never in a zillion years would have guessed you’d be married to Luz.  And with a bunch of kids.  I just…”  I kept running out of words and he wasn’t helping any by avoiding my eyes.  What was he thinking?  Did he hate me?  Did he still love me?

“Did you ever wonder what would happen when I came back?” I asked him finally. 

“I didn’t think you were coming back.”

“Adam was supposed to tell you.  He was supposed to explain everything.”  He’d promised… and I’d believed him.  Or had Adam been operating under a completely different motive for the past five years?

“So Adam’s known this whole time what happened to you?” Parker snorted in disgust.  “That figures.”

I could see his mind filling in the blanks with the wrong conclusions.  “It wasn’t like that.  He was there that night, that’s all.” 

“He’s
always
there,” Parker bit out.  “Has he been with you this whole time?  Watching out for you?”

“No, the Fallen can’t go there.”

“Sometimes I thought…”  His voice trailed off but I could pretty easily see the direction his mind had taken him. 

“You thought I ditched you to be with Adam and never had the guts to tell you about it?”

“Well…”

No wonder he’d replaced me.  “Jesus, Parker.  That’s quite an opinion you have of me.” 

“I’m sorry, but what was I supposed to think when you never came back after swearing up and down how much you wanted to keep me in the picture?” 

“Adam was supposed to tell you…”

“Well, he didn’t,” he interrupted with a scowl.  “I was left with all these feelings, and eventually, I had to put them all behind me.” 

“I wish I could say the same.”  We were silent then, neither one of us looking at the other, both too buried in our tower of hurts. 

“Why did you come here tonight, Mercy?” Parker finally asked, hands on his hips.

“I thought you deserved to know what happened.” 

“And you and me?  Were you expecting us to pick up where we left things off?”

“No, of course not.  I just knew I… I needed to see you.  I’m sorry if that’s selfish…” My voice broke, a squeaky hiccup filling the void as I choked on a sob.  It was a mistake seeing him, all I’d brought us both was more pain.  It would’ve almost been better to cling to memories of the past than be confronted with this man who was so twisted and bitter about the way I’d wronged him.  Tears stung at my eyes, and I dragged in a ragged breath, trying to keep from losing it, but it was too late. 

All at once Parker’s face crumpled with empathy.  “Shit, don’t cry, Mercy.”  His strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me close.  I rested my head against his shoulder, the sure knowledge that his comfort didn’t belong to me anymore making it all that much worse.  “Hey, shhh, I know you’re not selfish,” he soothed, pulling back to swipe at the tear tracks on my cheek.  I saw that familiar cant of his head, the look in his eye.  It was wrong, but I didn’t pull away even as I knew what was coming next.  “This is selfish,” he breathed, pulling me to him for a kiss. 

From the instant his lips touched mine, I knew it was a bad idea, but that didn’t keep me from kissing him back.  There was desperation and sorrow in that kiss, and passion, plenty of passion left between us.  But as it drew to a close there was a slant to it that made me think it was our last.  

Neither one of us said anything as we pulled apart and I knew he’d made his choice. 

“I get it, you moved on,” I said quietly. 

“I loved you so much, Mercy.”  There was a wistful quality to Parker’s voice now, some of the pain stripped away.  “It almost broke me when you didn’t come back.  But now…”

“I know, now you have everything you always wanted.”

“Not everything.”

His green eyes held me for long moments before I recovered enough to step away from him like I should have in the first place.  “I’d better go,” I mumbled. 

“I meant what I said before.  I want to be there for you to help Evie.  Whatever it takes, you can count on me.”

Part of me needed to hear that, craved it even.  But the sensible part of me knew what a train wreck that would be.  The kiss was proof enough of that.  “I can’t ask you to do that.  You have your new family to worry about.”

“She’ll always be my daughter, Mercy.  And you…” he paused, a smile curving his lips, “will always hold a place in my heart.”

“That’s exactly why I have to say goodbye.”  I froze him in place, too chicken to hash it out any further and lose sight of what needed to be done.  Digging the engagement ring out of my pocket, I set it on the desk for him to find later.  “I love you, Parker,” I whispered, laying one last, soft kiss to his lips before I slipped out, blinking back tears that melted into the rain. 

Chapter Twenty-Five

You know that saying, when it rains, it pours?  I’d never experienced such a literal example of it before that night.  Almost as soon as I stepped out under the soggy sky, the heavens began to weep, instantly drenching my borrowed clothes.  One thing I missed was how much warmer the rains were in Ma’on.  Here in Seattle, my fingers felt like ice cubes, even with them jammed into my damp pockets. 

I didn’t want to go back to Daphne’s and chance waking them up – I didn’t want to get into why I’d slipped out in the first place, let alone why I couldn’t stop blubbering.  I couldn’t go home, I didn’t have one anymore.  I could try to get a hotel room, I supposed, and hope my debit card would still run through.  Or maybe I could waltz into a cheaper motel that still used old fashioned keys and lift one from the front desk without anyone being the wiser.  

I thought about calling Adam, but I decided I was too angry to see him without chewing his ass out over how he’d handled things with Parker.  In the end, I could see that it wouldn’t have made any difference.  The fact of the matter was, it was my decision to stay away for so long, and even if Parker had known exactly where I’d been hiding out, I couldn’t have expected him to wait around for me forever. 

As the night dragged on, I found myself wandering deeper and deeper into the crappiest part of town.  All of a sudden I realized where my feet were taking me, the perfect place to let off a little steam and satisfy the urge to pound someone into goo if the right situation presented itself. 

The Honey Pot.

I’d never gone there to hang out and have a drink before, but that’s exactly what I did that night.  The sad, dingy strip club hadn’t changed much since the last time I’d been there.  The chipped linoleum stage as grubby as ever, the dancer up there pathetically young and stoned out of her gourd as the last girl had been.  All through the bar I could see the stained and pitted souls of rotten men, and more importantly, the utter lack of a soul that marked a few demons. 

Jackpot.

I bellied up to the bar, ordering a beer, draining half the glass in one go as soon as it was set before me.  From the aftertaste, that was probably a wise decision.  My shoulders tensed in anticipation as I waited for someone to approach me, but I got to the end of the glass and… nothing.  A crowd like that, I should’ve been jumped on within thirty seconds flat.  Maybe the fact that I looked like a drowned rat had something to do with it, but considering some of the locals, I couldn’t see how they’d be all that picky. 

Swinging around on the barstool, I found the few expected sets of eyes on me, seedy losers hopped up on booze and worse, looking for an easy lay.  What I didn’t expect was for every demon who caught my eye to immediately drop their gaze, as if they didn’t want to be caught looking.  How was I supposed to pick a fight when nobody pounced?

In disgust, I reached behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of something, daring the bartender to confront me, but he backed away, giving me plenty of room.  I raised the bottle to my lips and took a deep drink, nearly choking when the vile stuff hit the back of my tongue.  Looking down, the label read
Yukon Jack
– Parker’s favorite drink.  “Ugh, it figures,” I muttered, winging it at the wall behind the bar where it smashed into a zillion pieces, shattering the mirror there as well. 

The bar had gone deadly silent, all eyes on me, but no one dared approach.  “Fine, I didn’t want to have to kill any of you anyway,” I growled, stalking out of the bar, feeling more agitated and unsettled than I had going in. 

I’d started to get a headache behind one eye and was wishing I hadn’t been so hasty with that bottle when I spotted him.  Fat and greasy, with long sideburns and a thin mustache – and no aura in sight.  Whistling a merry tune, he strolled out on an
employees only
door and into the parking lot, digging for keys in his pocket.  I followed him to the edge of the lot, a convenient location, away from the weak glow of the streetlights. 

Right before he reached his car I started whistling along with him,
when the saints go marching in
.  Fat guy darted a nervous look over his shoulder, eyes bulging when he saw it was me.  “I don’t want any trouble,” he said, keeping his back away from me, hands coming up as he edged toward the car. 

“Too bad, trouble is what you found.”  I could’ve called forth my sword, hell, I could’ve walked away and let the wimp go home.  But what I wanted most of all was to take out my aggression on something evil and this demon had grown fat on innocence.  That made him fair game as far as I was concerned. 

As I approached, I could feel the malevolence swirling around him like a physical thing.  He wanted me dead just as much as I wanted to kill him, only mixed with his malice was a taint of fear. 

“Let’s go, dough-boy, you and me,” I taunted, beckoning with my empty hands.  When he didn’t make a move, I took the advantage, grabbing him by the throat and flipping him down to the ground, the way I’d seen Sam do before.  The guy crashed to the pavement, his belly shaking like a guy in a Santa suit.  It was almost too easy.