Mercy (23 page)

“No.” Eli reached out.

Wade knocked his hand away. “Oh, that’s right. There is no ‘us,’ there’s just sex.”

“It’s more than that.”

“Whatever it was, from now on I’ll get it somewhere else.” It felt good to say and see Eli’s head snap back at the verbal blow. Carrying through with finding a warm body to fuck away Eli’s memory was going to be a lot harder.

This time he made contact, put a palm right on Wade’s chest. “Let me—”

Using both hands, Wade shoved Eli back before the caress could burn and confuse everything. “Do not fucking touch me.”

“Wade, we can figure this out.”

That was relationship talk, and Eli had made it clear they didn’t have one of those.

Wade took another step back, out of touching range, and went to the closet. “I already did. You’re leaving.”

“Okay, look, I screwed up.”

He could feel the heat of Eli’s body right behind him and didn’t turn around. “I’m guessing that’s as close as I’ll ever get to an apology from you.”

“I’m trying to explain that I said the wrong thing at the wrong time, but this doesn’t have to end.”

Absolutely wrong
. “It never should have started.”

Before Eli could enter into a new argument Wade bent down and grabbed the khaki gym bag on the floor of his closet. Eli brought it but hadn’t opened it in weeks. Wade threw it on the bed and shoved the edges open, unveiling the mostly empty inside.

Walking to the dresser, Wade yanked on the top drawer, nearly pulling the thing right out and sending it crashing to the floor. His vision faded and his mind flipped as the combined assault of Eli’s closeness and pleading took their toll. Wade gathered up socks and shirts. He didn’t know what belonged to whom, but he’d buy new. He’d rather dump it all than have Eli leave something behind.

Eli followed around after Wade, keeping up a steady stream of arguments and throwing clothes out of the bag as soon as Wade dumped them in. He finally came up for a breath. “Wade, look at me.”

No fucking way
. He shut it all down. His mind, his body. What kind of idiot fell for someone like Eli, and so fast. Desperate now, Wade balled up the sock pairs and threw them in the general direction of the bag.

Eli grabbed one in midair. “Okay, stop.”

At the last minute, instead of slamming into him, Wade pivoted around him back to the closet. There had to be some sign of Eli in there, too. He’d throw out everything in the laundry basket, but he could take clothes off the hangers. “If you won’t pack, I will.”

“Forget all that.” When Wade kept moving, Eli used his arm to sweep the bag off the bed. The move was dramatic and loud as the corner hit the alarm clock and sent it crashing to the floor with a crack.

Wade stood in the doorway to the closet, refusing to let any of this touch him. “Eleven minutes.”

“Shut up with the goddamn countdown.”

The more Eli yelled, the flatter Wade made his tone. “Elijah, you aren’t getting this. You set the terms of what could happen between us. I’m saying no. Not interested.”

Elijah dropped to the bed. “I was angry. Don’t you think I have a right to be? Look at what’s happening in my life right now.”

Guilt. Another one of Eli’s favorites. This time Wade wasn’t buying that either. “None of that is about me.”

“Becca said the wrong thing and I went off. It’s that simple. My temper is not a surprise.”

“It’s one of the least attractive things about you.” Wade could list so many flaws that he wondered what he ever saw in the guy. The second he thought it, he stumbled. He knew.

Eli believed the attraction came from sex. That was part of it, but there was something that drilled down so much deeper. In those quiet times when he would treat Wade to a random touch or stare at him with such longing. There was a part of this guy that wanted to be normal. Wade knew that to be true, but Eli fought it with the weighty strength of years of denial.

A strange calm washed over Elijah. “But there are things about me you find attractive.”

Looked like they circled back to the seduction play. This time Wade shored up his resistance. “Not at the moment.”

“Let me remind you.” Eli’s hand rested on the top of Wade’s belt. His fingertips wandered lower.

Wade forced his body to remain still and his face to remain blank. “Move your hand.”

“You’re angry now, but—”

Wade stepped back and headed for the family room. “If you’re not in the hall in one minute, I’m marching you to the street with a gun to your back. Your choice.”

“You think with my training and experience I can’t take a weapon from you?”

Not today. Not with the fury wrapping around him and squeezing him in its grip. “Try.”

“You were a petty thief. I’m a goddamn agent.”

There it was. Pushed into a corner, Elijah came out fighting. Wade recognized the defense mechanism. “You get one shot, then it’s my turn and I won’t fucking miss.”

“Forget all that.” Elijah sliced a hand through the air. “This, me leaving, this fight, it’s all a mistake. You’ll regret it.”

Wade stared at the man he thought might one day mean something. “Mistake. Yeah, that’s the conclusion I reached about us an hour ago.”

“You’re pissing me off.”

Wade tapped his watch. “And you’re out of time.”

TWENTY-F
O
UR

The next morning Natalie sat in the chair across the desk from Jarrett. His head swam and his stomach grumbled from the combination of too much caffeine and no food. He didn’t sleep for ten seconds the night before. Not that the cause was a big secret. Being alone in his bed while Becca slept down the hall did it. Fucked him up completely.

Natalie crossed one leg over the other as she glanced from Jarrett to Bast. “Are you ready to talk specifics?”

“Off the record and completely hypothetically.” Bast set his briefcase on the floor but remained standing right next to Jarrett’s chair. “This is definitely a conversation that never happened.”

Natalie sighed. “If you insist.”

“I do.”

Ready to get to the basics, Jarrett jumped in. He didn’t need to consult notes because the list was imprinted on his brain. He’d spent all evening mentally running through it. “Wade’s record gets cleared and you leave him alone.”

“Has he done something wrong?” Natalie brushed a piece of nonexistent lint off her dark skirt. “And here you’ve been insisting he’s reformed.”

Jarrett ignored the sarcasm because playing into it would mean sitting here for hours. And he was just too damn tired to engage. “Becca gets out and you leave her alone. She doesn’t die in a home invasion or get hit by a car or taken out in a random hunting accident. She walks away and you pretend you’ve never heard of her.”

He counted off only a few of the possibilities. Those were enough to make his brain shut off.

Natalie’s smile fell. “I thought you didn’t know where she was.”

Apparently Natalie still wanted to play some games. Fine, he would comply. “You’re smarter than that.”

“Becca convinced you to do this for her?” Natalie’s gaze went to Bast then back to Jarrett. “That must be some amazing sex.”

He gritted his teeth because something about this woman always made Jarrett grit his teeth. He admired her, but he didn’t like her. Most of the time he wanted her to either get out or shut up. Both applied now.

“She doesn’t know,” Jarrett said.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard him.” Bast’s deep voice boomed through the room.

“You’re making the decision for her without asking her? How very 1950s of you.”

Okay, that was fair, but Jarrett ignored it. “Can we keep going?”

“What if she wants to come back to the CIA?” Natalie acted like that would be everyone’s choice. As if there were no other place to work.

“That’s not going to happen.” Because Jarrett was making it a condition of the deal.

They could send Becca out on medical leave, lie to her, he didn’t care. She stayed out. He wasn’t saving her so someone at the agency could turn around and take her out as a precaution or just for fun. Who knew what went through their collective minds when it came to secrecy.

“We spent a lot of money training her, preparing her for operations. I’d hate to see that go to waste. I doubt she’s qualified for much else anyway,” Natalie said, enjoying this far too much.

Bast clearly didn’t share her enthusiasm. He finally moved. Unbuttoned his suit jacket, but it was enough to get Natalie’s attention. “The provision is clear. Move on.”

“I still don’t understand why you gentlemen think she doesn’t get a say. She’s a grown-up.” Natalie’s eyes narrowed. “And how is she supposed to make a living?”

“I’ll take care of that.” Jarrett thought that should end the argument.

“You’re going to give your girlfriend money to go away?”

He grabbed for his pen and smoothed it between his fingers. Anything to keep him from firing off like a rocket.

The woman was damn smart. A characteristic she shared with Becca. Jarrett thought for not the first time that the CIA would be wise to recognize the goldmine it had with the women working there. Comparing them to Elijah, Jarrett determined the women were definitely more stable.

“Again, not your concern.” Out of the corner of his eye, Jarrett saw Bast shift his weight. It was small and barely perceptible, but Jarrett was looking for a sign from him. He’d hear about the account later, but for now Bast stayed quiet.

Natalie held up a hand. “Let me guess, it’s going to be some mysterious account you tell her is for compensation for her CIA days.”

“No, you’ll tell her. Your job is to present it to her. Where it comes from, is my job and confidential.” He’d set up the account and had the paperwork ready for Becca’s signature. All Natalie had to do was get Becca to sign it. The funding would be private. Becca would never be able to trace it back to him.

“Oh, really?”

“You will help her disappear and make sure any record that could trace to her also disappears.” He cleared his throat. “She is your main concern.”

Natalie turned to Bast. “You’re letting this happen?”

“To borrow your words, Jarrett is a grown man,” Bast said in his usual even voice.

“He’s acting like a lovesick schoolboy.”

Since Jarrett could guess what was going through Bast’s mind and knew he agreed with Natalie on this point, Jarrett cut off the conversation. “I’m taking Becca out of my life.”

Natalie nodded. “And we both know why.”

Jarrett refused to believe Natalie knew his true feelings. He prided himself on his control. No way was he that transparent to people who barely knew him.

Bast cleared his throat. “On to the next point.”

“You stay away from my club, my employees and Bast.” Jarrett ignored Bast standing right next to him and the tension choking the room. “Nonnegotiable.”

Natalie made a face. “How are you going to make that enforceable?”

“That’s my job,” Bast pointed out.

“A bit self-serving, isn’t it?” She looked back and forth between the men. When both stayed quiet, she nodded. “Fine, but you are taking away all my fun.”

Only Natalie would see it that way. The whole thing made something deep and dark twist in Jarrett’s gut. “You get the information you want. All the risk is mine.”

“How so?”

“Eventually someone will wake up and trace this all back to me.” Jarrett twisted the pen cap hard enough to flip it off.

Natalie’s gaze bounced to his hands then back to his face. “Which is why you want Becca gone and Wade protected.”

“If you do your job, this will stay quiet and that won’t be a worry.”

“But that’s not his biggest concern. Is it, Jarrett?” Natalie leaned forward. “You think I’ll come after you, or someone at the CIA will.”

This was Jarrett’s last card and he played it. “In addition to the China material, I’ll be handing over some documents, just to you, about Spectrum and the removal of the team.”

“I doubt you have more than I do.”

Jarrett glanced at Bast, who nodded. “Which reminds me, there is one other person you need to protect.”

Natalie made a face that telegraphed how unimportant she found this topic to be. “Who?”

“Elijah Sterling.”

Her cool demeanor slipped for a second. Her foot stopped swinging and the corners of her mouth dipped down. As soon as the change came it left again. “Did you miss the news? He’s dead.”

“I guess you don’t know more than I do.”

Bast smiled. “Checkmate.”

“Interesting.” Natalie blew out a long breath. “I notice you’re not asking for protection for yourself.”

“You will protect him,” Bast said. “Count on that.”

“But that’s the problem.” Jarrett knew Bast hated this part. Jarrett wasn’t a fan either because he’d never been the martyr type. He didn’t change his life around just to lose it in some faked accident or tragedy. “Natalie here can’t promise to protect me because she doesn’t know who destroyed Spectrum in the first place. That means she can’t stop them from coming after me, too.”

She shrugged. “Maybe I did it.”

Jarrett no longer saw that as a possibility. Elijah found her digital footprints on some of the files he searched. They were recent and she tried to cover the trail, but Elijah was an expert and this was not her forte.

Jarrett had planted the seed in her head and she picked it up . . . just as he hoped. “You told me you didn’t and on this one subject, I trust you.”

She snorted. “Bad idea.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” Bast said at the same time.

Time to wrap this up before Wade came snooping or Becca went searching for information. She stayed quiet in her room last night, but Jarrett knew that wouldn’t last. She was a fighter and if he guessed right, she was gathering strength for her next battle with him. “Becca and Elijah will be long gone and there will be documents protecting the rest. That’s going to happen.”

“Why don’t you run?” Natalie asked.

“Not my style.” Since the question seemed genuine rather than sarcastic, Jarrett didn’t take offense. “Do we have a deal?”

Her gaze went to Bast. “I’ll wait to hear from you about finalizing the details.”

•   •   •

Bast escorted Natalie to the building’s front door and out onto the sidewalk. Jarrett knew because he watched it all on the security monitors. He saw the servers come in and head for the locker room. He watched Bast and Natalie stand outside for a good ten minutes, Natalie’s head shaking the entire time. He heard Bast buzz to come back in and prepared for the fight.

The monitors switched and Jarrett scanned most of the inside of the building. Elijah sitting on the bed in the crash pad, not moving. The chef and his staff preparing for the evening’s service. Only Becca and Wade stayed out of site. Stopped by privacy, which made Jarrett think he might need to add a few more rooms to his security system.

Before Jarrett could take the visual tour again, Bast walked through the open door and slammed it shut behind him. “I’m going to tell you one last time as the guy you pay to do this work for you, this is a mistake. No woman is worth this.”

Jarrett anticipated the battle. They’d been having it for days. “This from the guy who lets his ex-wife walk all over him.”

“I’m serious here. You can’t back away from this. You are giving up most of your leverage. If anyone at the CIA decides you’re a risk, you will be gone.” Bast flattened his palms against the desk and loomed right across from Jarrett. “I’m not sure I can save you again.”

“You underestimate your talents.”

“
You
underestimate how serious this is.”

Jarrett closed his eyes and counted to ten. Or tried. He didn’t make it past six. When he opened them again he didn’t feel any calmer. “Do you honestly believe that? You think I don’t know what this means? I’m having my business lawyer put together the paperwork to place this building and all my assets in trust run by you.”

Bast stood up straight. “What the fuck?”

“I’m depending on you to make sure Wade and my employees are taken care of. You’ll watch over the account for Becca.”

“An account you never told me about.”

“You get the rest of the secrets and can decide how to handle them.” Jarrett knew Bast would take care of everything. That’s what he did. He fixed and streamlined. He would not ignore Jarrett’s wishes.

“Christ, don’t talk like that. I don’t want your assets.” Bast was yelling and the man rarely raised his voice.

“Tough shit.”

“I’d rather have you alive and out of jail. You and Wade.”

“Damn it, Bast. I know that.” Jarrett’s voice now matched Bast’s in the yelling contest.

“Tell me why.” He dropped into the chair across from Jarrett. “Make me understand how a man who has carefully rebuilt his life and his image, who has taken the shit hand he was dealt and spun it into gold, makes this decision.”

Jarrett didn’t need to think about it for a second. He could hide the truth but Bast knew, too. “I love her, man.”

Bast blew out a long breath. “It can’t be that simple.”

“Nothing happens to her.” That was Jarrett’s goal. He moved everything around and risked everything for her.

“Would she make this kind of grand gesture for you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really care.” But he knew the answer to that one, too. She had the chance and she hadn’t. She believed the worst and walked away.

He refused to let that matter.

“How can you say that?” Bast shook his head. “How can you do all of this if the feelings only run one way?”

But that was the point. They didn’t run one way. She loved him back. Jarrett knew it to his soul. Felt it in her touch and heard it mirrored in the way she didn’t back down in a verbal battle. He’d let that be enough. “My whole life I’ve tried to handle other people and make situations work for me, but the truth is the only thing I can truly control is me. How I act and my decisions.”

Bast leaned forward. “Let her go. I’m begging you.”

“I am, but to do that I have to know she’s safe.”

“She’s a trained agent. She can handle her own safety.”

“Tell that to the other members of her team.” Jarrett shuffled files around in front of him then handed one to Bast. “Look at the photos. The one who had his head blown off from behind is especially compelling.”

Bast took the paperwork then dropped it on the desk without looking at it. “I never imagined you’d be the type to sacrifice everything for love.”

“Me either.” Really, never. Not with his background. Not with his experience.

Bast sat back in his chair. “Tell me she’s worth it.”

“Without even knowing it, I waited my whole life for her.”

Bast stared up at the ceiling. “Fine.”

“What does that mean?”

He lowered his head again. “I’ll go negotiate with Natalie.”

The words set Jarrett on edge. “We’ve already set the terms.”

“You’re handling the love part, something I never thought I’d say.” Bast stood up. “Now let me do my job.”

“I appreciate that, but—”

“No.” He pointed at Jarrett. “Shut the fuck up.”

Between the furious tone and the anger flashing in Bast’s eyes, Jarrett didn’t say anything for a second. “Excuse me?”

“That’s a good-bye and you are not over. You want to clear the board, let’s do it, but I get the chance to help you win, too.” Bast kept pointing. Kept yelling.

“It’s not possible.”

“You’re the hopeless romantic all of a sudden. Let me be the lawyer and try to save your sorry ass.”