Merciless Ride (23 page)

In response, Rex raises his boot covered foot up and stomps straight down on Shep’s crotch. Twisting his heel, he grinds down. While Shep curls upward in pain, vomiting on himself and Rex’s boot, Rex pulls a switchblade, ignoring the mess.
 

He grabs Shep’s hand. “These are the fingers you touched the mother of
my son
with! Goodbye, fucker.” Rex slices his fingers off and tosses them over his shoulder.
 

Blind rage has consumed my brother as something inside me goes wild at the mention of Tessie’s son.
 

Moving to my knees, I grip Shep’s head in my lap. He twists, trying to pull away. Forcing his head between my knees, I hold him in place while using my thumbs to force his eyelids open.
 

“Look at me, fucker. Something given or exacted in punishment—retribution. This is yours. Vengeance is mine. You touched the wrong one,” I state, releasing his eyelids.  
 

Picking his head up, I twist to the right until his neck breaks. Dropping his head with a thud to the ground, I roll back on my feet and hop up.
 

It is done.
 

 

Monster in Me
 

 

Tainted. Ruined.
I am a black soul. Killing Shep won’t cause me to lose sleep tonight. He deserved what he got. Would Tessie see it that way, though? Would she have peace knowing her attacker won’t harm anyone else?
 

Stepping out of the cabin, I need fresh air. There is a part of me that is still unsatisfied. I want nothing more than to turn his body into an unrecognizable pile of skin and bones. However, mutilation of a dead man’s body is not my style or the Hellions. We aren’t assassins, we aren’t cold-blooded killers. When the club has to murder, it is in defense or as a punishment fitting the crime committed.
 

Bikers live by their own code, not by the laws of our judicial system. That is why I patched with the Hellions in the first place. They aren’t swayed in courts, a screwed up political system focused on one’s financial gain. The Hellions are a brotherhood, a family taking care of their own. Not one of our members is on any form of government assistance. We all have regular jobs, or we work for one of the club owned businesses. Every patched member pays dues annually to the club. When something goes to a vote, every vote counts equally, an officer does not carry more weight than a patched member. Officers carry more responsibility and get a larger cut of the club profits, yet they have no more pull in a vote than I do. Sure, they make decisions without a vote for the best interest of the club, but they have earned that when they were chosen for their positions.
 

Being a Hellion isn’t about a patch. I am a member of a brotherhood, a family. One that has each other’s backs, a family that stepped in and wouldn’t back down in seeking justice for an innocent woman.
 

Tessie should have never been in danger. Working at a bar doesn’t mean she is a whore. Sure, she was dressed somewhat provocatively, but the way a woman is dressed is in no way any indication she is available. It gives no man any right to assault her.
 

Today, Tessie and every other girl Shep has touched in his past were given justice. I would do it again in a heartbeat, too.
 

While Rex comes outside to stand beside me, Tripp and Kix are handling getting the message to Thorn. Lighting up a cigarette, I inhale the nicotine, trying to bring my adrenaline levels back down to normal. Rex stands beside me, blowing out his own smoke.
 

“Feels good to finally do something half way right by her,” Rex opens up to me.
 

“She’s a good woman, Rex,” I reply, unsure as to how to answer him or where he is going with this conversation.
 

I don’t know what to say to him about any of this. If he is waking up to what he had under him this whole time, where will that leave me? Where do I want to be left? Will my first kiss with her today be my very last? If Rex wants her, will he get her?
 

“Take care of her, Shooter.”
 

“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?” I question, my annoyance growing. He seriously won’t turn his back on them after laying eyes on his son, will he?
 

“She cares about you in a way she never did me. She’s comfortable with you in a way I never allowed her to be with me. I fucked it all up. Do you live with regrets, Shooter? Have you ever looked at your life and realized your choices ruined someone else?”
 

I only nod in agreement, not knowing where he is going with this.
 

“She was working at the bar because of me, but she had dreams, real damn dreams once. When I first laid eyes on her, she had this innocence to her. Not because she was a virgin, but this real innocence about life. She came from fuckin’ nothin’, but she worked hard and was gonna be a nurse. I don’t know if she told you that or not. She was goin’ to college, but her momma couldn’t afford that shit. So, Tessie got scholarships, got loans, and made it happen. She was innocent to life’s cold, harsh realities. She had dreams, though, and she was chasin’ that shit. I knew it. I shoulda left her alone, but no, selfish that fuck I am, I didn’t.” He takes a drag off his cigarette.
 

I look over at him as he stares off into the now night sky, continuing to smoke.
 

“Man, she always put me first, but she was nothin’ more than a convenient piece to me. She knew it and held onto hope for a long time. Then she said no more, but I didn’t believe her. I failed her on more than one occasion, and she lost everything because of me.”
 

“Rex, I don’t think she sees it that way. Axel is everything to her. He’s a damn good kid, too. A little too much like you sometimes, but still, she’s done right by him.” My body relaxes as I think of Tessie’s son, a boy that has awakened a part of me I never knew I had.
 

“I wanna get to know him.”
 

“He wants to get to know his dad.”
 

“Dad, fuck that sounds strange.”
 

He doesn’t have to say that twice. Tracie’s voice sounds in my head.
“Dad, can you imagine, Andy? We could get married and have a baby. You could be a dad. Wouldn’t you like that? The Army can’t be forever, our baby would be, though.”
 

I shut her down that night. I even had the fuckin’ ring in the center console of my truck. I didn’t propose, though. Nope, I didn’t marry her or give her a baby. Instead, I crushed her.
 

“Tracie, I have a career. I can’t marry you until I know you can handle my life as a soldier. Damn, don’t cry. With what I do, having a family runs a risk. You could be used for leverage if I was ever captured. I need to know you are strong enough for this before we get married and add a kid to the mix.”
 

“See, Andy, you can’t give life. You are a black hole. A bottomless, heartless pit of hell inside. There is a monster inside you that doesn’t give life. No, Andy, you don’t believe in giving a life, saving a life. Just taking, that’s all you do. No, the boy I once knew is gone. The man in front of me just takes. You take my love, you take my sacrifice, and you take for granted that I can’t go on without you. In the name of your service, your duty, your country, you take lives. In the name of love, you won’t give that up for me, for our love, for our future. I have dreams, Andy. You killed my dreams.”
 

“You got this, brother. Tessie has raised him right, and she’ll want you to be around him. She just needs to explain it to him. But this is another hit for her, so let me talk to her and allow her
time to prepare. I’m not saying it was right by you, but she hasn’t had it easy by any means, either,” I tell Rex, needing to stop my thoughts from continuing about Tracie.
 

“Make things easy for her for once, get home to them. We’ll handle the shit here; you go home and hold her close, take a burden off her mind. If she watched you leave, I know she’s worried about you right now.”
 

“It’s not like that with us, man,” I say, watching Rex be serious with me more than he ever has before.
 

“Then fuckin’ make it like that with y’all. Do you know she’s never asked me for one damn thing until she stepped in for you? She didn’t call me to pick her up when her car broke down. No, she called Doll. She’s never asked me for one fuckin’ thing until she was worried I was gonna beat you to death. I saw it in her eyes: you mean something to her that even I never did. She deserves good, brother. Give her good.”
 

 

Women’s intuition is a real bitch sometimes. My gut twists. I feel it in my bones. Shooter had this distant look in his eyes when he took the call. Emotions overwhelmed me. I can’t help feeling it was about Shep. He will never tell me, though; I know that. I feel it with every part of me and can’t deny it no matter what lie he may have to tell me.
 

There is this darkness inside me, a monster within that wants them to find Shep and kill him. A painful death, too. Not a quick gunshot to the head; no, that would be too easy. I want him to feel fear. I hope they make the bastard hurt. Does that make me a horrible person? Possibly, but the fuck if I care. Mercy has never been a friend to me, so why should she shine her good graces down on Shep? The bastard should get what he deserves.
 

By the time Shooter comes home, I am hanging by a thread. I have needed him to be okay. I have needed him to come home and hold me. I have never needed the comforts of a man the way I do from him. He looks tired, like he has battled a war inside his mind.
 

“Baby, we need to talk.”
 

Those are four words no woman ever wants to hear.
We need to talk
never ends well.
 

Steeling myself, I prepare for him to send me away. Hell, if Shep is handled, there really is no reason for me to stay. I am so stupid. He left, took care of whatever, and now he can go back to his life without me, his life that wasn’t full of challenges and chaos at every turn.
 

“Talk,” I say. Might as well get it over with so I can go pack.
 

“I saw Rex tonight. He wants to see Axel.”
 

Tears pool in my eyes as I stop breathing for a moment. He wants to be a part of this. Was I wrong this entire time? Did I cost my son years without his dad? Is Shooter going to send me away because Rex wants something more with me? I am done with him and the back and forth game we played.  
 

Rex can have time with his son, but he can’t have me. I want more from my man than he will ever be able to give me. In a relationship, I want the complete acceptance I have given Rex for all these years. I want the comfort, security, and unconditional caring that I have with
Shooter. He has shown me in these months what it is to have someone who has your back without expectation. Rex can see his son, but beyond friendship there will be nothing more shared between us.