Mending Places (13 page)

Time rushed by as they sat in the fiery glow of the light talking and getting to know one another. Micah didn’t talk much about himself until she asked him about his foster father, and then he opened up about his foster family. She didn’t know anything of his life before that point, and he skirted around his early adulthood.

She was reluctant to turn in, but as the fire died low, she knew she needed to get some sleep before dawn crept up on them.

Hanna hurried through the woods, her eyes searching frantically for safety as she heard footfalls behind her. The steps neared. She broke into a run. Branches clawed at her skin, tore at her clothes.
Please, God, help me!
The bells of Saint Jude pealed in the distance.

He grabbed her from behind and dragged her deeper into the woods. His hand clamped over her mouth. She kicked at him, flailing her arms, pushing at him. He was too strong. Whimpers tore at her throat.

She smelled the sickening odor of alcohol on his breath. Her stomach churned with sour acid. He pushed her to the ground. A scream tore from her lips. “No! No!”

He grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her until she thought she was going to be sick or faint. “No!” She wrestled with him, this unseen monster whose face was hidden by the cloak of darkness. But he was too strong.

Something had stirred Micah from the arms of sleep, but what? He propped his weight on an elbow and listened. Probably just a marmot or chipmunk looking for food.

Whimpers whispered through the tent, and he sat up. That was no animal. He felt for his flashlight, unzipped the tent flap, and stepped out into the brisk air. He tracked the whimpers to Hanna’s tent, which was dimly lit from the inside. She must be having a nightmare.

He hesitated. He should probably just go back to bed. She wouldnt’ want him trespassing on her personal space. But what if it wasnt’ a nightmare? What if she was in danger?

A quiet sob reached him, followed by muffled words. His feet went into action. “Hanna,” he whispered from outside the tent, not wanting to wake the others. The mumbling continued, punctuated by the sound of her thrashing about in her nylon bag. “Hanna!” he said as loudly as he dared.

“No … no … !” The words were moaned.

He unzipped her tent and slipped inside. Her flashlight lay on its side, its beam focused on the tent side in a tight circle. He dropped his and touched her arm. “Hanna.”

She was shaking her head, and perspiration dampened her bangs. Her face scrunched up. A tear flowed into her hairline.

The childhood nightmares he’d been plagued with pierced his memory. He had to wake her. He took hold of her upper arms and shook. “Hanna!”

She wrestled with him, pushing at his chest, crying out.

“Hanna. It’s Micah, wake up!’

Her eyes snapped open wide, their shadowed depths flashing a terror he knew only too well. Her breaths came in shallow gulps. Her fingers bit into the flesh of his arms.

“It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare.” One last shuddered breath, then her face crumpled. As the nightmare’s memory slammed into her, she covered her face with both hands and sobbed. Hard, racking sobs.

Her vulnerability tore at him. “Hey,” he murmured, pulling her into his arms. “It’s all right. It was just a dream.” Her body was stiff and trembling. He stroked her back, remembering the many foster homes where he’d received no comfort, no solace, from the terror of his dreams. Only Jim had sat with him in the wee hours of morning until he slept again.

When her weeping stopped, she pulled herself awkwardly from his arms. “I’m sorry.” She wiped her face with her sleeve, reminding him of
a child. “I’m not usually such a baby.”

“You have nightmares a lot?”

“Not for a while.” She was avoiding his gaze. “What time is it?”

He pushed up the layers of sleeves and held his watch out to catch the light. “Almost four-thirty.”

“Sorry I woke you.”

“You going to be all right?”

“Sure, I’m fine.”

For all her bravado, he knew the fear a nightmare seared into one’s mind. The fear would cling to her until mornings light washed it away. He’d been overwhelmed with relief when Jim stayed with him. But he could hardly remain in Hanna’s tent.

She settled back in her bag. “Thanks.”

He took his cue to leave, slipping quietly through the opening and zipping the flap into place, glad she had the light on to chase away the darkness.

CHAPTER TEN
 

Natalie picked up the clutter in the living room, putting her nervous energy to work. Hanna was coming over and, finally, she would have someone to bare her soul to. The past few days she’d spent in silent torture, trying to feign normalcy for the boys. Her mind had been in another place, a dark, overwhelming place. After crying most of Saturday night, the last thing she’d felt like was attending church the next morning. But she was meeting her boys and parents there, so she’d applied eyeliner to hide her puffy eyelids as best she could.

What she would give for just a few minutes’ respite from the grief and rage that washed alternatively over her like tidal waves. Sunday she’d been too steeped in depression to talk to anyone, but by Monday she was ready. And Hanna had been away. Her sister was the only one she could trust with the news of Keith’s awful betrayal. All her friends were mutual friends of Keith’s, and she couldn’t tell her parents. Paula would have heard her out, but her sister could be critical and unfeeling at times. Natalie didn’t think she could bear that right now.

She felt like one of the water balloons she made for the boys. Dark emotions filled her, and if she didn’t release some of it soon, she would burst. She’d evaded questions from Alex on the whereabouts of Daddy. She didn’t even know where he was. Evenings, in the privacy of her bedroom, she’d let loose all the ugliness pouring from her innermost parts.
But somehow, the ugliness never drained away. It filled her up, gnawing at her insides like termites.

Where was God? She didn’t feel Him, couldn’t feel anything but the crushing weight of betrayal.
Where are You, God? I need You!

A soft rapping sounded at the door. Finally, Hanna. She wiped her eyes and opened the door. “Thanks for coming.”

Hanna stepped inside. “What’s happened?”

“Oh, Hanna.” She covered her mouth as if she could hold back the sobs. “He left me.”

Hanna embraced her, and Natalie wilted, letting herself lean physically and emotionally on her younger sister. Hanna simply held her, murmuring comforting words while Natalie sobbed. Then Hanna took her hand and led her to the couch. “What happened?”

Natalie wiped her nose with the tissues she now kept in her pocket. “He’s having an affair. I found out Saturday, and he left that night. I haven’t seen him since.”

“Who is it?” Hanna’s eyes teared, sympathy written clearly on her face.

“I don’t know. He said I didn’t know her, but I think it was that woman you called. Oh, Hanna, what if he doesn’t come back? What am I going to tell the boys? What am I going to do?”

“He hasn’t called or anything?”

“He came over Sunday while we were at church. I only know because I noticed some of his clothes missing. I called him yesterday at work, but they said he was busy.” She dabbed at her leaking eyes. “He’s avoiding me. I was trying so hard, and then he told me, and now it hurts so bad I just want to die.”

“Oh, Nat, I’m so sorry.” Hanna held her, letting her cry.

“Why is he doing this? Doesn’t he love me anymore? I don’t want a divorce. I want him back, but I’m so
angry
with him! One minute I want to kill him, and the next I want to beg him to come back.”

Hanna took the tissue and wiped Natalie’s cheeks. “What have you told the boys?”

“I just told them he’s away for a while. I don’t even know where he is. He’s probably staying with
her.”

“Have you tried going to see him at work? It’s not fair of him to leave you in the dark.”

“I haven’t had the nerve to go there. What if everyone knows? What if they’re laughing at how gullible I am?”

“Why don’t you keep trying to reach him at work? You can ask him to meet you here so you can talk privately.”

“The boys—”

“I’ll watch the boys. Just let me know when, and I’ll come get them and take them to the park or something, okay?”

Natalie felt her lip trembling. “Thanks, Hanna.”

“Maybe you can talk him into going with you for marriage counseling.”

“Yes. I think that’s a good idea.” She blew her nose, stuffing the tissue back in her pocket. “I keep remembering what Dad said when we got engaged. Remember? About Keith’s dad being an alcoholic and a womanizer? I thought since Keith had sworn off alcohol, everything would be different. But look at the example he had growing up. He watched his dad have affair after affair, and now he’s doing the same thing.”

Hanna tucked a strand of Natalie’s hair behind her ear. It felt so good for someone else to be caring for her.

“Can I pray for you?” Hanna asked.

She nodded, and Hanna took her hand.

“Dear Lord …” Her sister paused as if searching for words. “Nat’s hurting so much right now, Lord. I pray You’d comfort her. Give her strength and wisdom to do what she needs to do. Help Keith, God. He’s on a path he has no business being on. Show him the way back to Nat and back to You. Restore his love for his wife. Direct Nat through this difficult time. Be with her and the boys. Help her to seek You even in the midst of her pain. For it’s in Christ’s name, amen.”

Hanna held her again, and they talked long into the night. By the time she left, Natalie felt better. She had a plan now, at least, to contact Keith and set up a meeting. She wondered if he would return her phone
calls. If he didn’t, she’d be forced to go to the bank. And she would. Even if she
had
been the last to know, there was no shame in that.

Keith was the one who should feel ashamed.

“Anyone for a game of chess?” Hanna asked.

Gram paused in her task of clearing the table and shot her a strange look. Mrs. Eddlestein hadn’t even heard the question.

Micah pushed in his chair. “Sure, sounds good. I’ll go set it up.”

After he left, Hanna helped clear the table.

“What was that about?” asked Gram.