Men of London 02 - Sight and Sinners (26 page)

“Baby, you are so damn brave. I don’t know what made you decide you were ready, maybe it was this gorgeous man standing next to you, but it’s the right decision. I’ve never wanted to push you into it; it’s something you’ve had to figure out for yourself.” She handed him a worn clipboard and Draven didn’t even read it. He simply looked for the place he was supposed to sign and through eyes blurred with tears, he scribbled his signature and handed the board back to Alison. He though he saw the shine of tears in her eyes as he did so.

Alison laid the clipboard down and enveloped him into a hug that was warm and maternal. Her hands stroked his back as he burrowed into her massive bosom, his tears soaking her uniform as she consoled him with soft sounds of comfort.

He smelt Taylor before he felt him, his warm, spicy masculine scent like home as he stepped behind Draven and wrapped his long arms around his back. Draven luxuriated in being sandwiched between his lover and a woman who had comforted him more times than he could count over the years.

Doctor Frederick cleared his throat as he fiddled at the tubes and lines coming out of Jude’s frail body. “Draven, do you want to say anything else before I do this?”

Draven sniffed and nodded, extricating himself from the octopus tentacles of the people who held him. “Yes.” He moved over to Jude and brushed the limp hair off his forehead.

“Goodbye, buddy. I love you so damn much. I hope when you see Mum and Dad you tell them I love them too and one day I hope to see you all again.” He felt the closing of his throat and the bittersweet wrench in his chest.

“I’ll take Taylor to see Maroon 5 and I promise you I’ll finish building that aeroplane and fly it for you when it’s done. Rest in peace, Jude. I love you.”

By now he was a wreck, body shuddering and jerking with sobs and Taylor reached out and drew him in, his voice thick when he spoke.

“God, babe, come here. I’ve got you.”

Draven collapsed into protective arms, and a broad chest that promised familiarity and strength. The two of them clung to each other and Draven vaguely heard Alison crooning something to Jude over the bed and the doctor’s quiet voice as he asked to help him.

Draven didn’t want to—God, he really didn’t want to see his brother slip away, watch as the machines keeping Jude alive were switched off and he simply stopped existing at all. Yet he knew he
had
to or he would never forgive himself. He burrowed into Taylor like a mole and let Taylor’s strong arms and whispered comforts strengthen him. Watching Doctor Fredrick switch off the machines, Draven reached for thoughts of he and Jude catching frogs, swimming in the river and hunting tadpoles; sweet memories of the awed look on his twelve-year-old brother’s face when he said a girl had kissed him for the first time.

It seemed like forever but was only a few minutes. The sounds of the life-giving support gradually ceased, and with it the rise and fall of Jude’s chest. Draven’s eyes were strangely dry and as Taylor’s arms tightened around him, he wondered bemusedly when it would all hit him. When the world would stop turning and the grief in his chest would stop hurting. Behind him he heard sniffles and the loud blowing of a nose. Alison was feeling Jude’s departure as strongly as he was from the sounds of it.

Fredrick looked at Draven with sad eyes. “It’s over,” he said simply. “He didn’t suffer. I thought you might like to be with him. Alison will have someone come in soon to take care of him. I’m sorry for your loss, Mr. Samuels.” He pressed Draven’s arm tightly and left the room.

Draven managed to pull himself from Taylor and walked unsteadily to the bed. Jude looked no different than before; he was still pale and frail. Draven liked to think he saw the beginnings of a slight smile on his face but he thought that might simply be wishful thinking.

“He’s been gone a long time, Draven,” Alison said, her tone soft. “Now he’s gone home, where he belongs.”

Draven nodded and placed a kiss on Jude’s cool forehead. “She’ll take good care of you, little one,” he whispered. “I have to go now. But one day I know we’ll see each other again.”

For a while he and Taylor sat there with Jude as Draven held his hand and came to terms with the fact his brother was truly gone. The doctor came in about an hour later and said gently they needed to move Jude and Draven winced but nodded. Taylor held his hand, squeezing it gently as they stood up.

He kissed Jude again then turned to the hovering form of Taylor waiting anxiously behind him. “I guess there’s nothing else I can do here. Take me home, Tay. I just want to go to bed and cuddle up with you and not think about anything else.” The numb feeling in his chest lessened a bit at Taylor’s warm smile and concern.

“I can do that. Come on then, let’s get you home. Maybe we need to use an old friend’s remedy for feeling stressed or down. Chamomile tea. Leslie swears by it.”

Draven grimaced. “Not so sure I like that idea. A stiff whiskey sounds like a better bet.”

He gave one last lingering look at the young boy in the bed behind him.

Alison reached out and hugged him. “You look after yourself, Draven honey. I know you won’t be around much anymore but don’t be a stranger. Pop in and see me now and then and let me know how you’re doing.”

Draven kissed her plump cheek tenderly. “I promise I will. You don’t get rid of me that easy.” He swallowed. “Alison, you won’t let anyone touch him, or anything, will you? I need to arrange the funeral, it will be a cremation, but I don’t want him getting cut or anything like that.”

Alison laid a large finger on his mouth. “Hush, young man. I promise you nothing is going to happen to that sweet boy. I will take real good care of him for you until you’re ready to take him away from here.” She looked at Taylor. “You make sure you look after this man, you hear? He’s very special to all of us.”

“He’s very special to me too, Alison,” Taylor murmured. “I promise I’ll take care of him.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You are special too. I can sense it. I know you have the gift. My ancestors had the same thing. It passed me by but I still recognise it when I see it. If that helped these two sort things out, then I’m really grateful to you. And if you ever see that young scamp again,” she waved at the still figure in the bed, “you make sure and tell him Nurse Ally misses him but she’s glad he’s at peace.”

Taylor’s eyes welled up and Draven reached over and slid his finger under a tear that threatened to drop.

“I will,” Taylor said. “I doubt I’ll see him again but if I do, I will.” He sniffed and wiped his sleeve under his nose.

She nodded in satisfaction. “Then get off home, the two of you and get some rest. Draven, you take care of this young man. He’s a keeper.”

Draven glanced at Taylor, who held his gaze. That look seemed to say everything Draven was feeling and he was warmed knowing that Taylor seemed to feel the same way about him.

Taylor leaned in and whispered in his ear. “I heard what you said to Jude. I really liked it all, apart from that bit about being an arrogant little shit.” He pouted.

Despite the feeling of grief in his heart, Draven couldn’t stop a soft laugh at the adorable man before him and he pressed a swift kiss to his lips. “I meant every word of it. But we can talk about this later. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

He pulled Taylor by the hand and together, they left Jude’s room and the hospital behind.

Chapter 13

Taylor kept his hand on Draven’s leg the whole drive home. Draven was pale and quiet, and while Taylor wanted to simply take him in his arms and never let go, he knew his lover needed time. Time to process that he would no longer make the journey home from the hospital again. Time to realise he would no longer see his brother each week, or read stories to him. Draven needed space to properly grieve now that the thin and fragile thread biding the brothers together had been severed.

Since they’d left the silent hospital ward where Jude lay, Draven hadn’t said a word. He’d walked with Taylor to the car, gotten in, adjusted his seatbelt and started the car. He’d looked calm but Taylor sensed the churning roils of emotion beneath the façade. He’d not been disposed to talk himself much anyway, given what had just happened. He hadn’t known Jude long but even in such a short time, he felt a sense of loss and regret. He could only imagine how Draven felt.

Taylor stared out of the window, watching the scenery and London buildings flash by.

Draven cleared his throat now and then and Taylor saw the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed, his hands clenching sporadically at the wheel. Taylor simply tightened his grip on Draven’s leg, letting him know he was there for him.

Finally, as they neared home and Draven pulled into park, he spoke. His voice was tight, barely controlled. “Thanks for being there with me.”

Taylor nodded. “Of course. Where else would I be?” He squeezed Draven’s leg gently.

The car stopped and they got out and made their way up the few stairs to Draven’s front door. As they went inside, it was as if all of Draven’s control went. His shoulders shuddered and he gasped, deep, wrenching breaths of sheer grief, as tears streamed down his face, and he reached out blindly for Taylor. He gathered Draven to him, wrapping arms around that tried to comfort and console, as tears of his own trickled down his cheeks at his lover’s distress.

“If it was the right thing to do, why do I feel so damn empty?” Draven’s face, wet with tears, was pressed against Taylor’s shoulder. Taylor hugged him close, wondering what to say.

“You spent the best part of three years looking after him,” he murmured softly even as his heart ached at Draven’s pain. “You were his big brother, and you loved him. I could tell that he adored you too. This was the hardest part for him as well, knowing you would be upset but still keeping his wish.”

Draven’s voice was muffled by Taylor’s shirt when he spoke again. “I couldn’t have done this without you by my side, you know that, right? You…” he swallowed and looked up at Taylor, his eyes red rimmed and swollen—still he was the most beautiful man Taylor had ever seen. “You make things better, in every way. I don’t tell you that enough.” His hand came up to caress Taylor’s cheek and he felt warmth in his chest at the look in Draven’s eyes. For a moment he was breathless. No man had ever looked at him like that before. He didn’t want to jinx the moment by reading more into it that was warranted so he smiled instead and placed a gentle kiss on Draven’s cool lips, moving away swiftly lest he make a fool of himself.

“Thank you. I feel the same way about you.” He released his grip on Draven. “Are you hungry, babe? I can make us pasta if you like, if you don’t mind me rummaging in your kitchen for scraps to use. I know you don’t tend to have much in there, so I guess I need to be careful when I open the damn fridge that something doesn’t grab me and try and pull me in, a rogue bit of mould that’s gone mutant.” He was aware he was rambling but he was still overwhelmed at the look he’d seen in Draven’s eyes and the way he himself felt about the man standing in front of him with a quizzical expression on his face.

He wanted to say the words “I love you” so badly, let out the feelings that dwelt deep in his heart. But he felt raw, as if by saying them right at this minute among Draven’s pain that it would cheapen them. Instead, Taylor ignored the impulse and reached down to take out a saucepan from the kitchen cupboard under the sink. “I suppose I’ll have to get creative; maybe I can find a new use for out-of-date yoghurt and slightly green potatoes…”

“Taylor.” Draven smiled and leaned over to place a finger on his lips. Taylor stopped midway between the action of placing the saucepan on the stove top and turning on the burner.

Draven took it from him and placed it on the top of the kitchen island. Then he reached out, tugged at Taylor’s hips and drew him into his body, pressing Taylor back against the island and taking his willing mouth in a punishing yet completely earth-shattering kiss that made his toes tingle and his balls ache. His arse clenched in delight as Draven’s hands moved behind him and grasped it tightly as he ground his groin against him. His mouth was being assaulted by a tongue that knew no boundaries and lips that bruised his with the intensity of the kiss. Food forgotten, they clutched each other eagerly, soft sighs of pleasure and moans of content echoing through the still kitchen.

Finally Draven let him go, and Taylor blinked, disoriented at the loss of his lover’s mouth.

“What spooked you?” Draven whispered. “What did you see in my face or eyes that made you all flustered?”

Taylor flushed at the fact he’d been so transparent. “Nothing, I just wanted to do something nice for you…” his voice trailed away at Draven’s raised eyebrow, something which made the man even sexier than usual. The sight of that eyebrow above slate-grey eyes caused Taylor’s pulse to quicken and his mouth to dry.

“Tay, tell me.” Draven brushed his lips across Taylor’s throat and he moaned, the sound embarrassing him with its sense of need.

“I, I…you just drive me damn crazy and I love you. But this isn’t the time to tell you, you just came back from the hospital after losing your brother again and I don’t want to confuse you or say something to upset you…”

He groaned as warm lips found the pulse in his throat and kissed it gently, like the slow tickle of a butterfly as its fluttered its satin wings against skin. The longing he had to be both possessed by Draven and possess him in turn, mind, body and soul, was bubbling below heated skin and he feared he might explode if he didn’t let it loose.