Memory's Edge: Part One (5 page)

Chapter Eight

The Easy Way

The nurses
on John’s floor hadn’t made a move to kick her out Friday night after John woke
up, despite visiting hours ending at eight o’clock. After spending the entire
day with him Saturday as he slept between tests and consults with a variety of
specialists, Gretchen was beat and didn’t argue when Lynn came in to announce
she was kicking her out for the night.

John had
been asleep by then, but walking out of his room hadn’t been easy. Fear he’d
wake alone and panic made her hesitate. Only Lynn’s promise that the evening
duty nurses would call if something happened finally gave her enough peace of
mind to quietly slip into the hall and down to her car.

Driving
home, she was so exhausted she barely remembered the drive and ended up sitting
parked in her driveway for who knew how long until Carl appeared next to her
car to make sure she was all right. His knock on her window send her heart rate
sky high, but it was the anxiety etched into his features that held her back.

Impatience
prompted Carl to open her door for her, then cross his arms over his chest
expectantly. “How’s Coma Guy?”

Gretchen
really hated his nickname for John, but the edge to his tone sent a shot of
guilt straight through her. They hadn’t had plans to hang out Friday night, but
she was positive Carl knew she hadn’t come home. She also hadn’t sent him a
text to explain her absence. After the trip home from Albuquerque, and his
panic that she’d been in an accident and died, he’d been extra vigilant in
looking out for her.

“He’s, uh,
not in a coma anymore,” she said, hoping the good news would soften his
frustration with her.

Carl’s
eyebrows rose. “He woke up?”

Not sure of
his feelings on the matter, aside from his obvious surprise, Gretchen kept her
answer basic. “Yep. Last night.”

Relief
eased his posture. “It’s about damn time. Now you can finally stop babysitting
him, right? I’m sure they called his family to come pick him up or whatever.”

Slowly
getting out of her car, Gretchen avoided Carl’s gaze as she gripped the strap
of her purse and shut the door. She knew exactly how he’d react to news of
John’s condition. Debating telling him the truth, she grimaced when his
patience ran out.

“What’s
going on, Gretchen? He’s awake. That should be the end of it,” he said, “but
clearly it’s not.”

Gretchen
felt her exhaustion clear down to her toes. “He can’t remember anything.”

“What?” he
asked. “Who cares? So he doesn’t know what happened to him or who did it.
That’s for the police to sort out. Not you. Leave it alone, okay? You’ve
already gotten more involved than you should have. This has drugs or gangs
written all over it.”

Too tired
to argue with him
and
stand under her own power at the same time,
Gretchen leaned against her car for support. She rubbed at her eyes before
finding the energy to explain. “He can’t remember
anything
. Nothing. Not
a single thing. Whoever attacked him is the least of his problems right now.”

It was too
early in the year for crickets, so the lack of their chirping left the two of
them in absolute silence. Carl dragged his hands down his face before saying,
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Amnesia?”

Gretchen
shrugged, a weak answer, but all she could muster when she sensed his
frustration building.

It was
several long seconds later before he shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Still not
your problem.”

“How can
you say that?” Gretchen demanded. “Who else has he got to look out for him?”

Carl didn’t
have an immediate answer, but that didn’t stop his brows from pinching together
in irritation. “I don’t know, but it doesn’t have to be you. You don’t have to
let one chance encounter derail your entire life.”

Shaking her
head, she brushed past him and made for the front door of her house. He caught
up to her before she could get her keys in the lock. His hulking presence behind
her was both calming and irritating. Even though Gretchen appreciated how much
he cared, he had no right to criticize her decisions.
Not
that she had
even come to one yet.

“Nobody has
any idea what might happen with John,” she said without looking at Carl, “least
of all me.”

Sighing,
she felt him move closer, his body heat attempting to reassure her. “Maybe not,
but I know you too well to believe you’ll walk away without knowing this guy is
all right.”

Irritation flushed
through her. “You’ve known me for all of seven months,” Gretchen snapped. She
jabbed her keys into the lock, but Carl’s hand immediately covered hers,
halting her escape.

“Seven
months of spending most evenings together. Seven months of being by your side
as you’ve worked through whatever baggage drove you from Colorado. Seven months
of being there for you when you were alone and didn’t know another soul. Seven
months of being your friend,” he said, his voice soft yet edged with anger that
she would deny his knowledge of her. “Tell me you won’t go back, that he’s
someone else’s problem now. Tell me that and I’ll drop the issue.”

Her silence
was more than enough of an answer.

“This is a
mistake,” Carl said, almost a whisper.

Gretchen’s
chin was trembling, because she was on the verge of agreeing with him, but
John’s frightened eyes called to her. She knew she couldn’t abandon him to
whoever might be willing to offer him charity. Maybe it was chance. Maybe it
was
a mistake. Maybe it was exactly what she needed.

“I’m too
tired to argue about this with you,” Gretchen said.

It was
testament to the fact that Carl
did
know her well enough to sense that
if he pressed the issue it would be their last discussion for some time, and he
wisely chose to back off.

“Let’s not
argue then,” he said. There was a certain level of defeat in his voice, but
weariness and worry outweighed it. “You haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

Gretchen
hesitated a moment before shaking her head. She expected him to pull her away
from her door, toward his, but he surprised her by turning the doorknob and
pushing the door open.

She’d been
too wrapped up in her own thoughts to have noticed where Carl had come from
before appearing next to her car. Aromas wafted from the kitchen, making her
mouth water, and instantly heaping on the guilt as she realized he’d used the
key she’d given him for emergencies to let himself in and make her dinner. Even
with as worried as she was about John being left alone all night, stress melted
from her body as she basked in the delicious smells of posole.

Following
the scent of her favorite dish since moving to New Mexico, Gretchen paid little
attention to Carl as he locked her front door. She was ladling stew into two
bowls before he made it to the kitchen and leaned against the door jamb,
watching her without speaking.

Carl had
been her lifeline since arriving. Only one state away from where she’d grown
up, it had been a much more difficult transition than she’d expected. Part of
that was due to starting her first full-time, grownup job, having no family
nearby for help, and running from more than she wanted to discuss. Her life had
gone from sobbing on her parents couch to being expected to function in a
professional setting with high school students who would rather sleep through
class than give her the time of day.

Overwhelmed
was not a strong enough word to describe her first month on her own. Without
Carl, she might have given up or, at the very least, had a serious nervous
breakdown. Gretchen didn’t want his advice when it came to John, but it was
hard to argue he didn’t have the right to offer one.

“Thanks,”
Carl said as he took one of the bowls from the counter.

“You’re the
one who made it,” Gretchen said with a weak laugh. “Thank
you
.”

He shrugged
and carried the bowl to the table. Little was said when she joined him and they
both ate. No one would call Carl extravagant. In many ways, he was
uncomplicated and enjoyed the simple aspects of life. Cooking was a means to an
end for him. Yet, he never failed to please, and took pride in what he served.
He was the kind of man who never gave half-effort. He put his all into what he
did and wasn’t satisfied until the job was done well.

Sometimes
Gretchen wondered if that was how he viewed her. A project he needed to
complete. Fix the poor, sad girl, build her up until she could survive on her
own, and then release her back into the wild. Was she just another task to him?
The first day he helped her unpack her moving truck was the beginning, and he’d
never let up since. At times his unfailing presence in her life was the only
thing that kept her going. At others, she was terrified to think he might one
day consider his duty done and walk away.

Spooning
the last of the stew into his mouth, Carl licked the spoon before dropping it
back into the bowl and meeting her gaze. “If I promise not to bring up Coma
Guy, will you watch a movie with me? I noticed you had a few new ones on your
DVR.”

“You were
going through my DVR?”

“I got
bored waiting for you,” he said with a shrug. “You know I made the posole at my
place, so I didn’t really have anything to do while I waited.”

Gretchen
didn’t doubt that for a minute. Her kitchen was rarely used for more than toast
and microwaving leftovers. The ingredients for posole would have been
nonexistent in her kitchen. Shaking her head, she pushed her bowl away and eyed
him. “Which movie?”

“The
courtroom one looked good.” He pinned her with a look that said he’d go if she
wanted, but that wasn’t what
he
wanted.

Telling him
no was never easy. Sending him packing when she was emotionally spent and on
the verge of tears every time she thought about what might happen to John,
there was no way she could push him out the door, even if that was probably the
best option. After having spent the last week completely focused on her
nameless friend, Gretchen needed just one night to think about herself, to
indulge in the warmth of a friend who might have been biased, but definitely
had her best interests at heart.

Heat spread
through her body when she met Carl’s gaze and saw the worry and compassion in
his eyes. He didn’t agree with her continued involvement with John, but it
didn’t stop him from being there for her. “Courtroom drama it is then,” she
said with a smile that was almost entirely genuine.

He didn’t
question her willingness to let him stay. After clearing both their bowls from
the table, he grabbed her hand and tugged her up to standing. She didn’t have
the heart to pull away from him when he didn’t let go of her hand. By the time
they made it to the couch, the posole, and the fact that he had made it for
her, eased away her usual distance from him. He took advantage and pulled her
close, but Gretchen found she didn’t mind so much that night.

“If I fall
asleep, I’m sorry,” she warned him as he started the show. “It’s been a long
week.”

Carl
smirked. “You always fall asleep during movies. I’d be amazed if you didn’t.”

Grimacing,
Gretchen considered her plans to be back at the hospital as soon as visiting hours
resumed. “But…if I do…”

Misunderstanding
her worry, Carl rested his chin on the top of her head. “I’ll watch over you if
you do,” he said quietly.

Tears
threatened to break her calm. Relief that he wouldn’t leave her alone to face
the uncertainty she was facing combatted with guilt she felt over her desire to
be back at John’s side. Ideas, thoughts, plans…were forming in her mind every
time John entered her thoughts. What she was considering felt like a betrayal
to Carl, but doing nothing felt as though she were abandoning John. Turmoil
raged under her skin, the skin Carl’s fingers were trailing absently over.

Helping
John could very well mean the end of her friendship with Carl. Walking out on
John might be the end of something else. Indecision plagued her. Carl meant
everything to her, but a gut-deep feeling said she couldn’t take the easy way,
the safe route. She had done that once before and barely survived. But…if she
couldn’t handle the easy way, what hope did she have of not breaking to pieces
when the more difficult path proved too much to bear?

Chapter Nine

Bone Structure

Carl had
kept his word and not left her side, even when she fell asleep halfway through
the movie. Massive guilt bore down on her when she brushed off his invitation
to go to breakfast and instead spent the morning cleaning and rearranging. She
kept checking the time, judging how much she still had to do against when
visiting hours opened at the hospital. Time was running short while the boxes
seemed to multiply.

As Gretchen
pushed long-ignored boxes and books out of the way, she told herself Dr.
Sanchez’s supposition the day before that she would be around to help John
during his recovery was closer to the truth than Lynn’s teasing that Gretchen
was just as interested in dating John as she was helping him. Her friendship
with Carl argued that her interest in John was purely altruistic. Yet, every
time she looked down at her right hand she felt John’s hand on hers again. He
was saying thank
you, that
was all, but that touch
hinted at more than just a desire to see him well.

She found
excuses to touch him again that day. There were so few places she could even
manage such a thing without hurting him, but she’d found herself searching for
those few uninjured spots as she sat next to him. All the time spent talking
with Dr. Sanchez, her hands were itching to take his in hers. When he fell
asleep it was even harder for her not to reach out to him. Dr. Sanchez’s
seemingly casual comment about how physical contact was good for patients
recovering from a traumatic experience made Gretchen blush furiously and fold
her arms across her chest. The doctor had smiled sweetly and kept talking about
how Gretchen would need to be patient with John while he struggled with the
emotional trials of losing his memories.

Those were
the things she should be focusing on, how difficult it would be for John to
adjust to life when he left the hospital. His joke about not having any job
skills was unfortunately much too true. What was he going to do? Although, that
would only come after recovering from his broken bones and struggling through
the total lack of identity he would soon face. Gretchen reprimanded herself for
considering anything more than that. She needed to get her emotions under control
if she had any chance of helping him.

Shoving a
box into the closet, Gretchen chided herself for not having the many boxes
unpacked already. Her house still looked like it was in the first stages of
moving in some places. She had been busy, yes, but that was a poor excuse…one
she was paying for now. It would take a couple more days to really get the room
cleaned out, especially the closet she was currently piling everything into.
That made her want to groan out loud.
Why didn’t I do this months ago?

Gretchen
stacked a couple of unhung picture frames on top of the box and stared at the
first picture. The faces of her college friends stared up at her, her supposed
friends anyway. She missed them, but the way they had all treated her in the
end blocked out any of the good times they’d had together. Seeing the photo
again brought all those unpleasant memories back. The pain of remembrance
doubled when she saw Steve’s face. His easy grin and arms wrapped around her
waist was the main reason the picture was still sitting in the spare room.
Turning the frame upside down, she put it at the bottom of the stack. Those
were memories she would
love
to lose.

At least
her interest in John wasn’t based on physical appearance as it had been with
Steve. Gretchen took comfort in John’s kindhearted personality, but his swollen
face looked like someone had spilled a palette of watercolors on him. It was
impossible to tell what he would look like when healed. Smoothing out the
blankets on the bed, Gretchen smiled to herself, glad she couldn’t say whether
John was attractive or not. Appearance had nothing to do with why she was so
anxious to get back to the hospital. Even Carl couldn’t argue with that.

The room
didn’t look great. There were still more boxes than furnishings, but it would
do for the time being. Grabbing her backpack, Gretchen hurried out the door.

***

Gretchen
rushed out of the elevator and headed for John’s room. He’d handled things
pretty well the day before, but she wasn't sure how he would be doing on his
own. She didn’t intend to stop at the nurse’s station, but Lynn jumped out from
behind the desk and grabbed her arm as she passed.

“Hey,
Gretch, wait a minute. I wanted to talk to you about something real quick,”
Lynn said. Maria stepped up behind her and the other nurses were obviously
listening in as they worked.

Gretchen
glanced down the hall to John’s door. Anxiety and guilt had her itching to get
back to him. “Can this wait?” she asked. “I’m worried about him being on his
own for so long.”

“Ann just
checked on him a minute ago. He’s asleep,” Lynn said. “And no, this can’t
wait.”

Gretchen
pulled her backpack onto her shoulder a little tighter, and said, “Okay, what
is it?”

“On Dr.
Sanchez’s recommendation, Dr. Marshall just signed John’s release order. He’s
going to be released tomorrow afternoon after the physical therapist talks to
him.”

“Tomorrow?
That’s so soon.” Gretchen thought she would have a little more time.

“You know Dr.
Marshall. He likes to get patients out of here as quickly as possible so he
doesn’t have to deal with them anymore,” Maria said.

“But
medically, they’re right,” Lynn said. “His wounds are healing fine. There’s
nothing else we can do for him here. He just needs time to heal. So he goes
home tomorrow.”

“That’s
what we wanted to talk to you about,” Maria said.

Gretchen
nodded. None of the nurses were quite as attached to John as she was, but they
were all fond of him and worried about his future. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking
about that too,” Gretchen said. She wasn’t expecting to have to bring this up
quite so soon, but maybe testing out her idea on Lynn and Maria would help her
prepare to make the real offer to John. And tell Carl.

“Would you
guys think I was nuts if I offered to let John stay in my spare room? Just
until he’s ready to take care of himself, of course,” Gretchen said quickly.

Maria and
Lynn grinned. “I told she was already planning on taking him home,” Lynn said
to Maria.

“Thank
goodness,” Maria said, “because I don’t think my husband would have appreciated
me offering up the guest bedroom.”

“My son
would have loved a roommate, but I think John might be a little old for bunk
beds. I knew the moment I met Gretchen that she’d be dying to take that poor
boy home,” Lynn said. Her pleased cackled instantly annoyed Gretchen.

“What do
you mean by that?” she asked, pulling her bag even tighter.

Maria
laughed wholeheartedly. “You should see the way you look at him, honey. I’ve
never seen anybody so happy to be visiting the hospital.”

“I…that’s
not why I’m offering to take him in,” Gretchen spluttered. “I’m worried about
him. He doesn’t have anybody else!”

Lynn and
Maria laughed all the harder.

“Don’t get
so upset, Gretch,” Lynn said through her giggling. “We’re not making fun. We
know you want to help him too, but you have to admit it’s more than that.”

“That man
is going to be a real handsome heartbreaker when he finally heals up,” Maria
added. “Don’t tell my husband I said that, though.”

“How can
you tell what he’s going to look like,” Gretchen asked. “He’s still more
swollen bruises than anything else.”

Maria drew
a finger across her cheekbone. “He has excellent bone structure. Just like me.”
She put on her best self-absorbed modeling face to prove it. Lynn rolled her
eyes and shook her head, but Gretchen laughed a little.

“We’re glad
you’re taking him in,” Lynn said more seriously. “He’s going to need a lot of
help for the next couple of months and I couldn’t think of anyone better to
take care of him than you. We’ll be there to help if you need us. We know you
have to be at school all day, so if he needs help we can swing by on our days
off if he has any trouble on his own.”

Maria
nodded at the offer.

They didn’t
think Gretchen was insane. That was a good sign, wasn't it? They were a couple
of romantic, sentimental women like Gretchen, though. Would John feel the same
way? She knew Carl wouldn’t. Would John rather go it alone? There was no way to
guess what his response would be. At the risk of him being scared away,
Gretchen said goodbye to Lynn and Maria and walked down the hall, her nerves
drawing closer to their breaking point at the thought of seeing John again.

Did he
really have good bone structure? She shook her head at the errant thought and
powered on. Carl thought helping John was dangerous. Lynn and Maria thought it
hopelessly romantic. Gretchen wasn’t looking for adventure or romance. At
least, that was what she kept telling herself.