Memory's Edge: Part One (24 page)

Chapter Forty-Six

Something

Sitting
back on the floor of the living room with their plans spread out around them,
Desi and Gretchen were slowly getting through the massive list of things to do
in her planner. The flowers and seating charts weren’t what was bothering
Gretchen, though. Desi got frustrated when she couldn’t decide between putting
her Aunt Agnes next to her cousin Fred or her grandparents, but Gretchen wanted
everything to be perfect.

John made
choices in seconds.

It wasn't
that she thought he didn’t care about planning the wedding as much as she did,
it was that he seemed to be making his choices based on something Gretchen
didn’t understand. Why the yellow fabric or the country dresses? Why the tiger
lilies? Maybe he was just going with what he thought she would like best. But
maybe there was something else behind it.

“Did you
notice how John was acting when we asked him about the flowers?” Gretchen asked
Desi.

Looking up
from a bridal magazine, she paused as she considered the question. “What do you
mean?”

“You didn’t
notice how he closed his eyes and seemed to go stiff suddenly?” she asked.

She
shrugged. “I just thought he was trying to picture the flowers or something.”
But then she frowned. “He did look a little pale for a second there.”

“He acts
weird every time I ask him about the wedding,” Gretchen said. “He makes a
choice after only a few seconds of looking at whatever I’m asking him about.”

“Not
everyone is as indecisive as you are,” Desi said. She flipped the page of her
magazine and went back to studying it.

Putting a
finger on the spine, Gretchen pushed it down. Desi looked up at her, a little annoyed,
but willing to listen. “It’s different than just making a decision, Desi. He’s
choosing the things he does for a reason. I just can’t figure out what it is.”

“What are
you talking about, Gretchen?” For Desi, making a decision on the spot was the only
way to make a decision. Gretchen had no doubt that as soon as Jake finally got
up the courage to propose to her, their wedding would be completely planned in
about fifteen minutes. John wasn't like that, though.

He thought
things out completely before he made a decision. He spent three weeks
researching surnames before settling on Palmer. The attention he gave to every
component of one of his recipes bordered on obsession. He had planned the way
he was going to propose to Gretchen for four months. John very rarely made snap
decisions. Now he seemed to be making them left and right. Something didn’t
fit.

“Sometimes
I’ll look over at John, or come into a room, and find him just staring blankly
ahead,” Gretchen said. “He used to do it only every once in a while, but
lately…it’s been happening more often. Mostly when I bring up the wedding.”

“He’s
probably just a little stressed out right now,” she said. “He’s got, what, like
four jobs over the next six weeks, plus his own wedding to cater. And the fact
that he’ll have to trust his wedding to two people he’s only been working with
for a few months is probably driving him nuts. We both know what a
perfectionist he is when it comes to cooking. Who could blame him for spacing
out every once in a while.”

It made
sense…but it didn’t. Remembering how John was ready to jump out of his skin
before proposing to Gretchen didn’t mesh with how he was acting now, not unless
he was starting to think he had rushed into things too quickly. Maybe trying to
get him recognized as a legal person, planning the wedding, and working were
more craziness than he had expected.

“You don’t
think he’s having second thoughts, do you?” Gretchen asked.

“John
having seconds thoughts about marrying you? Absolutely not,” Desi said. “John is
absolutely devoted to you.”

She was
right there, too. Something was still bothering Gretchen. Then a thought
occurred to her. “Do you think he found out about Carl?” she asked.

Through the
sliding glass door in the corner of the living room they could both see John
and Jake sitting in the patio chairs enjoying another semi-warm day that hinted
spring was on its way. They talked and laughed as the girls watched them. It
was nice to see them getting along so well. Jake was still John’s only real
friend. Especially if you didn’t count the awkward truce he had with Carl,
which Gretchen
didn’t.

“If John
found out about Carl, we would have heard about it. John wouldn’t have let Carl
get away with that. He would have confronted him, and I doubt that would have
ended well,” Desi said. “Besides, how would he have found out? You,
me
, and Carl are the only ones who know about it, and none
of us would ever tell John.”

“Then what
is it?” she asked, almost to herself.

Desi stared
at the guys for a few more seconds before asking, “Have you talked to Carl
since then?”

Carl
,
Gretchen thought with a sigh. “Not really, just in passing,” she said. “He’s
trying to be supportive, but it’s obviously hard for him. It’s hard for me,
too. I hate seeing him so sad.”

“There’s nothing
you can do about it, Gretchen,” Desi reminded her.

Gretchen
was committed to John, but still felt she had betrayed Carl. Every time she saw
him she was reminded about how many hours he had spent befriending her, making
her feel like she could live again. He deserved better.

“Do you
want me to set him up with someone?” Desi asked.

“No,”
Gretchen said quickly. Desi raised her eyebrows at her. Dropping her head into
her hands, guilt washed over Gretchen.

“Am I the
worst person in the world?” she asked. “Carl admits he’s in love with me, and
yet he’s tried to still be a good friend to me. But what do I do for him? I
tell you not to set him up with someone because it makes me jealous to think of
him with another woman. I should want him to be happy.”

Scooting
over to Gretchen, Desi put her arm around her friend’s shoulder. “You’re not a
terrible person, Gigi-girl,” she said, “you’re just really screwed up.”

Gretchen
couldn’t help but laugh. So did Desi.

“To be
honest,” Gretchen said, “I doubt Carl would be ready to meet someone new right
now anyway. Maybe we both just need some time to get over each other. If we
even can.”

“Eventually
you will,” Desi said. “And as for John, I think it’s just a lot for him to take
in right now. Just imagine what it will be like if Jake ever asks me to marry
him. That man is probably going to spend the whole engagement with a blank look
on his face as he tries to figure out what he’s gotten himself into.”

Gretchen
smiled at that comment. She was probably right about Jake, but Gretchen still
wasn't convinced Desi was right about John. Something was bothering him. She
just wished he would tell her what it was. She couldn’t imagine a single thing
they couldn’t work out together.

Chapter Forty-Seven

Advice

Another two
weeks of wedding plans and John was about to go insane. It was getting almost
impossible to avoid the memories. After spending the weekend addressing
invitations, his hand was cramped and his brain was numb. He could tell
Gretchen knew something was up. She probably thought he was getting cold feet.
Allowing her to think he regretted proposing to her wasn’t something John was
happy about, but it was better than the alternative. Four more weeks. He just
had to last four more weeks. It sounded simple, but John wasn't sure he could
hold out. Would Gretchen really call things off if she found out about the
memories?  

Relaxing
was what he would have liked to have done with no jobs that weekend to plan
for, but relaxing was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment. Pacing
back and forth in the living room was only making things worse. Gretchen had
left for work a few moments ago and John knew he only had seconds before Carl
did the same thing.

Carl. What
was he thinking? It was by far the stupidest idea John had ever come up with.
Unfortunately, it was also the only one that had a chance of helping him.
Marching into the kitchen, he grabbed his cell phone off the table and dialed
Carl. A flash of annoyance crossed John’s mind at the fact that Carl’s number
was still in his phone from his help with the front yard, but he shoved it
away. He needed Carl’s help.

“Hey,
Gretchen. You misplace your phone again?” Carl said cheerfully, grating on
John’s already fried nerves.

“Actually,
this is John,” he said.

He could
hear his sigh. “Oh. What did you need, John?”

John was
really going to do this. He had to. “Carl, I know you’re getting ready for
work, but could I come over for a few minutes?”

“Why?”

“I need
your help with something,” he said. “It’s about Gretchen.”

Silence.
“Fine. I’ll wait.” Then the line went dead.

John walked
over to Carl’s house, feeling as though he were willingly walking to his death.
Carl was in love with his fiancée, which, of course, made John really dislike
him, but also made him the perfect person to tell him what to do. It was risky,
though. He could tell Gretchen everything. He could ruin John’s life.

Raising his
hand to knock, Carl opened the door before he could. “What’s this about?” he
asked.

“Can I come
in? I’d rather not talk about this on the front porch.”

Carl
grunted but moved aside.

Stalking
into the living room, Carl dropped into his recliner, leaning forward with his
elbows on his knees, staring at John as if he were contemplating stabbing him.
Maybe he was. No, Carl was too nice for that. John hoped.

“You’re not
leaving her, are you?” Carl asked.

“What? No,”
John said quickly.

Carl
relaxed, somewhat. “Good.”

“Really? I
would think you’d be thrilled at that prospect,” John said. He knew he would be
if the roles were reversed.

“She loves
you. You leaving would hurt her, and I don’t want to see that happen,” Carl
said. The sharp snap of his voice was incredibly intimidating, but his words
also assured John that Carl was the right person to be talking to. “So what’s
the problem then?” Carl asked.

“I’ve,
uh…been keeping something from Gretchen,” John admitted.

Carl
bristled again. “If you’re cheating on her, you won’t make it out of this house
to do it again.”

John
totally believed him. “It’s nothing like that, Carl. I promise.”

“Then what
is it?” he demanded.

“I’m
remembering things.”

Carl stared
at John as he sank back into his chair. He seemed to immediately know the
implications of what John was saying. He didn’t smile like John thought he might,
thinking it was his chance to steal Gretchen back. He sat there frowning as he
thought.

“What kind
of things are you remembering?” he asked.

“A woman.”

Carl nodded
as if he expected the answer.

“I keep
seeing her face. And when I see her, I know she loves me, and that I loved
her,” John said. Carl listened quietly. “At first, it was just a few flashes
here and there, but lately…it’s been happening a lot more. Every time the
wedding comes up, I see her.”

“What are
the memories about?” Carl asked.

That was
the real lynchpin. Remembering things might be one thing, but what John was
about to say next would determine whether Carl punched him in the face or tried
to help him. John honestly had no idea which way it would go. The fact that he
was willing to take the chance showed how desperate he was. He needed advice.

“The first
couple times I saw her it was just random things like standing together or
lying on a couch with her. Things Gretchen and I were doing at the time,” John
said. “With the wedding plans, I see her picking out dresses and napkins and
flowers, standing in a reception hall holding a bouquet.”

Running his
hand through his hair, Carl looked up at the ceiling and shook his head slowly.
John wanted to do the same thing. Instead, he said the hardest words he’d ever
had to say.

“I think I
was, or am, married to this other woman.”

Carl
groaned and slammed his fist into the armrest of his recliner, startling John.
He just sat there for a few moments, staring at the floor. John’s knee shook as
he waited for Carl to respond to him. Every second felt like another dagger in
John’s heart. What was he going to say?

“Why are
you telling me this?” Carl asked. It wasn't a demanding question, but more of a
plea. No doubt he wanted to use this against John, run and tell Gretchen,
convince her to leave him, but Carl also loved Gretchen deeply and wouldn’t
want to see her hurt. If he thought she would be hurt either way, would he go
with the path that led Gretchen back into his arms?

“I’m
telling you this because I don’t know what to do. I know you’re in love with
her, Carl, so I’m asking you to tell me what you would do, because I know you
would never hurt her,” John said. “I’ve been hiding this from Gretchen so far,
but it’s getting harder to do. Should I just tell her?”

Closing his
eyes, Carl pressed himself into his chair. The corner of his mouth twitched and
his right hand trembled so slightly it was almost imperceptible. John began to
worry about whether or not he was in Carl’s direct line of sight in case he
decided to tackle him.

“This woman
in your memories,” Carl said quietly, “do you know her name? Or has she said
yours? Anything that tells you who you used to be?”

“No.”
Thankfully. “I don’t know why, but I only see the memories. There’s no sound.
She’s never spoken to me. I have no idea who the woman is, or who I used to be
before the accident.”

“Do you
think you’ll figure it out before the wedding?” Carl asked.

John shook
his head. “The first really vague memory happened only a couple weeks after the
accident. There’s never been any sound and I don’t think there ever will be.
Plus, the memories are always pretty short and vague, and don’t give me any
clues about time or location. Besides, if this woman were going to find me, I
think she would have done it by now. Maybe we weren’t together anymore before
the accident, or maybe she isn’t even alive. Either way, she’s not going to
find me. It’s been too long.”

“You
realize what you’re giving up, right?” he asked.

John knew
all too clearly what he was giving up. There might not be any sound in the
memories he’d recovered, but the passion and emotion they carried with them
were too potent to ignore. “Yes, I know what I’m giving up, but I’ll give it up
willingly for Gretchen.”

Carl
struggled with himself. Gripping the edges of his chair, he took a deep breath
and let it out. When he opened his eyes, John could see the torture in them. He
clearly hated John for coming to him, but John thought he understood why he
had. They were two men who loved the same woman, and despite hating each other
for that very reason, they forced themselves to put it aside to protect
Gretchen.

“Don’t tell
Gretchen any of this,” he whispered. “She won’t be able to forget it. She’ll
postpone the wedding and want you to figure out who this woman is, because it
will tear her apart to know that she might be taking you away from someone
else. She’s too kind to think of herself first.”

John
nodded. That was exactly what he had thought, but he’d worried
he
only thought that out of selfishness. Hearing Carl, a man
who had nothing to gain from John’s happiness, agree with his own thoughts,
lifted a huge weight from his shoulders. Telling Gretchen wouldn’t do any good.
She would postpone the wedding, for what? For another couple months of John
seeing the woman but getting no closer to finding out the truth of his past?
There was no point.

“You won’t
tell Gretchen about this, right?” John asked. Carl was still in love with
Gretchen. Good man or not, it was hard to trust him that much.

For some
strange reason Carl grinned that horrible grin of his. John stood up warily and
Carl followed. “Of course I won’t tell her, John,” he said. He was still
smiling. Walking to his front door, John had no choice but to follow him. Carl
opened the door for him, but John didn’t leave yet.

“Why not?”
he asked.

“Because,”
Carl said, “I feel like I owe you one.”

That was
news to John. “Why would you owe me anything?”

His smile
doubled as he grabbed John’s shoulder and pushed him out onto the porch.

“Because I
kissed your fiancée and told her I was in love with her. That’s why.”

Then he
shut the door in John’s face.