Memory Girl (36 page)

“I don't know, but the answers may be in the papers he hid. Perhaps he joined the Believers to get proof of their guilt. He was going to expose them, so they hired the Nocturne to kill him. I'll know the truth when I receive memdenity.”

“You may not like what you find out,” I warn.

“And you only get childhood mems at first. I still can't stitch a perfect hem.” Lorelei tosses her rock over the cliff, and I strain forward, listening, but there's no thud or splash. “It'll be two months and twenty-six days before my second mem. Way too long!”

I pat her shoulder. “Marcus has more patience.”

“While I'm waiting, I'll seek answers,” Marcus says with a determined press of his lips. “If I find proof of a murder plot, the guilty will be punished.”

The fierceness of his expression is different from the carefree youth who gently cradled crawlies in his hands. I can't take my eyes from him, noticing small details like how the wind barely stirs his shortened hair, the commanding lift of his shoulders, and how his hard muscles fill out his moss-green shirt. No longer the youth but a man who will become Grand Leader.

“Jennza, when I'm officially Grand Sarward I'll clear the charges against you.” Marcus tells me. “You can return to ShareHaven.”

“How can you clear the charges when what I did was wrong?”

“You only wanted to help a friend, which shouldn't be punished so severely. Some things are out of our control and mistakes happen that you regret. But there's nothing you can do except go on.” He glances away from me with a troubled expression. “I wish things were different … that none of this
ever happened.”

“You're a good mate,” I tell him, touched by his concern.

Lorelei gives me a hug. “You're missing out on so much—and I'm missing you even more. We won't give up until you can return to your Family.”

“Not the Crosses!” I shake my head. “I will
never
go back.”

“If Leader Cross is proven guilty of conspiracy, he'll be jailed and you can choose a new Family.” Marcus speaks with the confidence of a future leader. “You'd fit well with my Family. You'll enjoy working with crawlies and natural resources.”

“My Family is more fun,” Lorelei says, with a defiant look for Marcus. “We sing while we sew and create interesting crafts. It would be so wondrous to have you for a sister, cousin, mother, or some other Ying relation.”

“I'd love to be with both of you.” I bite my lip. “But I like it here too—and there's something more. Scientist Lila asked me not to tell anyone here, but you're only visiting. So I can tell you.”

“A secret?” Lorelei says eagerly.

“Swear you won't repeat it.”

“Criss-cross thumb promise.” Lorelei presses her thumb against mine.

Marcus offers his thumbs too, criss-crossing against ours.

“Scientist Lila wants me to work with her.” A burst of pride rushes through me as I announce, “She offered me a memdenity!”

“An assistant?” Lorelei puckers her face. “You'll get bored following scientists around like puppets. And what
about those creepy drolls?”

“I almost became one.” I shudder then explain what happened.

“That's terriful! Aren't you afraid Scientist Daniel will try again?”

“Lila assured me he'd leave me alone. Besides, I'm not going to be an assistant.” I give an excited squeal. “Lila asked me to become a scientist.”

Lila flips back her long red braid. “Ripping impossible.”

“No one can become a scientist,” Marcus says.

“I will. My new name will be Angeleen Dupree.”

“Sounds French,” Lorelei says, a little more interested. “
Nous pourrions parler français ensemble.”

“I have no idea what you said, but maybe Angeleen will know French, and then we can have fun conversations together,” I say, smiling.

But when I glance over at Marcus, his expression is darker than the blackest thundercloud. “Jennz, don't do it.” Marcus kicks at a clump of grass. “You belong with a Family.”

“I'm a criminal in ShareHaven. If I leave here, I'll be executed.”

“Not after we clear your name,” Marcus says with fierce determination.

“You can become whoever you want—like a Ying.” Lorelei gives a playful tug on my hand. “We can have such fun together. You'd love it.”

Marcus shakes his head, and I think he's going to insist I join his Family. “Be yourself,” he says.

I'm touched by his understanding. I can't go back to my youth or the Cross Family. Will I fit in with the scientists? Martyn ignores me. I haven't even met Kataya. Daniel almost
turned me into a droll, and his assistant Frost hates me simply because I exist. But a memdenity will make me one of them. They'll have to accept Angeleen once I become her, and this will be my forever home. Surrounded by sky, sea, and my best mates, hope rises within me.

We pull out the picnic lunch, sharing chicken sticks, fried potatoes, and spiced asparagus. Marcus, who loves to eat, chews, while Lorelei shares the latest ShareHaven gossip. I'm never sure how much is truth, and it's hard to follow some of her stories because she keeps slipping into French. When she does, her mouth twists down in a way I've never noticed before, and she moves her hands in jerky excitement.

Glancing up at the fading sun, I'm sad our time together is ending.

When we're finished eating, I pick up the woven basket. We turn our backs on the sea. Trees and tall weeds rise on each side of the path, and as I reach for the camouflaged door, it appears like a flat rock against dark earth. I lift a clump of moss and pull a lever.

We slip from daylight into a false brightness of illuminated walls. I take the now-familiar passage to the elevator and level one. The room where Lila held my party only a few hours ago is empty of gifts, cake, and guests.

Marcus leans close to me. “Need to talk,” he whispers. “Alone.”

The urgency beneath his words tightens my heart. I've sensed something troubling him. Now I'll find out. But first I have to distract Lorelei.

“Want to see my room?” I ask them.

“Would I ever!” Lila's velvet jacket twirls with her enthusiasm.

I lead them back to the elevator and rise to the second level.

When I push open my door, Lorelei is all about the fabrics—as I expected. After examining each of my party gifts, she opens my drawers, admiring and insulting my coverings. “This fabric is fine, with a thick weave, yet it breathes so you won't sweat. But this tunic isn't purple—it's the color of puke. Burn it now, because if you have to wear it, you'll hate yourself.”

I glance over at Marcus, expecting him to tease Lorelei. But he's staring out my window, frowning.

Lorelei flits like a hummingbird, lifting pieces of clothing from drawers and waving them in front of her. She flutters over to my closet, yanking it open. “Now this is more like it! Capes, tunics, and scarves! This scarf is
très jolie
. I wish I could try it on.”

“Why don't you?” I suggest.

“Oh, could I?”

I gesture to my privacy room. “Go in there. Take as many coverings as you'd like. We'll wait here.”

As if she expects me to change my mind, she grabs scarves and tunics, then practically dances into the privacy room. When the door shuts, I touch Marcus on the arm. “Talk. Fast.”

His head droops. “It's not—I mean—I don't know how ….”

“What?” Crossing my arms to my chest, I give him a fierce look.

“Nothing.”

“Your eyes shift when you lie, Marcus.”

“Don't call me by my youth name.”

“Don't avoid the topic,” I retort. “What's wrong?”

He rakes his fingers through his hair. “I can't tell you … you'll hate me.”

“Me, hate you? Never! You can tell me anything.”

“Not this.” Shoving his hands in his panton pockets, he looks down.

“Are you nervous about your memdenity?” I guess. “I was too, but it wasn't painful. The memories confused me a lot at first, with voices demanding to be heard in my brain. But now instead of fighting the voices, I listen and wait till they stop. The memories sort of tickle my mind. I've learned so much about retro-life, and you'll be amazed at how different things were before the mind-plague. People climbed inside metal planes and flew in the sky.”

He blows out a deep sigh. “This isn't about memdenity. There's something else … I have to tell you … only I couldn't around Lorelei.”

I've never seen him look so miserable—and guilty. But what does he have to be guilty about? I'm the one who freed a killer. He never broke any rules except helping me by returning Petal to the sea ….

“Petal!” A sharp fear pierces me. “Is this about her?”

Marcus winces, the color fading from his face. “I—I'm so sorry.”

My heart squeezes. “You took her to the Fence. Didn't you?”

“I … I meant to.” Misery hangs heavy with his nod.

Sick inside, I can hardly speak. “But you promised to keep her safe! Please … tell me she's alive.”

“I think she is … I hope.”

“How can you not know? I gave her to you and you promised to take her to the sea. I warned you she needs salt
water or she'll die.”

“I tried.” He hangs his head. “There's a sea pond on our compound for cultivating salt for spices. I poured salt water in a bucket and Petal dove right in. Her health improved immediately. She splashed and made tinkling sounds.”

“She still needed the sea,” I say accusingly.

“I meant to take her!” he cries. “But I had to wait till morning. I rose early and hid her in the bucket. I was ready to take her to the sea but then ….” He stops, rubbing his forehead as if in severe pain.

“What?” I demand.

“The shed door opened. Uncle Sean—he's temporarily taking over Leader duties—stood there. I thought he was angry until he slapped me on the back and congratulated me. He was excited because he'd never seen a creature like Petal. He thanked me, then took Petal away.”

“You let him steal Petal!”

“I'm not the Leader yet. I couldn't stop him. Besides, I thought he'd return her to me. When he didn't, I searched everywhere in our compound. But I couldn't find Petal.” His voice chokes. “She's gone.”

I'm shaking with waves of fury rushing through me. My hands clench into fists. I want to strike at Marcus, punish him for betraying me … for losing my sweet Petal. I clamp my lips shut to hold in my rising anger.

Petal will be okay
, I assure myself. Didn't she make her way miles to find me at the Cross compound? She even found my window and waited in a curl of sweetness on my pillow. She's tiny but large with bravery. She will have found a way back to the cave.

But I imagine her lost, hurt, crying for me. And I want to cry too.

“What do you think of this scarf as a belt?” Lorelei exclaims in a flurry of gauzy mauve as she twirls from the privacy room.

My arms are folded against my chest. I ignore Marcus's pleading look and turn abruptly from him. I force a smile for Lorelei, a volcano boiling beneath my calmness. “The scarf is lovely,” I tell her.

Marcus says nothing, and Lorelei glances between us curiously.

“Is something wrong?” she asks, unwinding the scarf from her waist.

I shake my head, and Marcus murmurs a low “no.”

Lorelei asks again, knowing us too well. But neither of
us will talk about it. If I speak Petal's name, I'll break down in tears.

There's a knock at my door. Visla arrives to escort Marcus and Lorelei to the solar cart. My birthday surprise—which started out so wondrous—is over.

“I hate leaving you.” Lorelei throws her arms around me. “What if I never see you again?”

“You will,” I say, although I'm unsure.

Marcus moves toward me, but I hold back, unable to look at him. He murmurs, “I'm sorry,” then hurries out of the door.

I'm tempted to run after him and mend the hurts between us—until I think of Petal's trusting eyes.

The door shuts. Footsteps fade to silence.

Flinging myself on the bed, I give in to the tears. How could Marcus betray me? And poor sweet Petal, where is she? What did that terriful man to do her? She could be locked in a cage, crying out for me to help her, or lost too far from the sea, withering to bones, dying alone.

She's too clever to get lost or caged. If she can make the long journey from the Edu-Center to the Cross compound, she can travel the short distance from the Sarwald compound to the sea. Petal's probably in our cave.

I won't know unless I check the cave. Lila will surely offer to help if I explain about Petal. But if I tell her the location of my cave, it won't be my secret anymore.

I'll have to search for Petal alone, even if it means risking arrest and execution. But I won't rush out without thinking like the old Jennza. I'll wait till it's safe to slip out of the Gate, then I'll go to the ocean path beyond the Edu-Center. It's not an impossible distance, closer than when I lived with the Cross Family. When I know Petal is safe—she has to
be!—I'll return before I'm missed.