Memory Girl (27 page)

“No one's been here in a while,” Nate says, blowing out a deep breath.

I eye the cot uneasily. “What is this place?”

“It's called the Threshold, a meeting place for trading beneath the Gate.”

He frowns as he says
trading,
and I know he doesn't mean trading frivels at Sunday Fair. Lives are traded.

“Who met you here? Leader Cross?” I guess.

“We didn't exchange names.” His expression hardens. “Why should they give anything but orders to a Noc?”

“What orders?” I hold my breath.

“You already know.”

“But I don't know why.” I bite my lip, aching over the differences between us. “What can they give you in return? What's worth more than a life?”

“Hundreds of lives. We barter for medicine.” A shadow crosses his face. “Living without sun causes illnesses, mostly in our young. But they survive much longer with vitamins and medicine.”

“Why not ask for our help? Health-keepers can heal any illness.”

“But they won't. Not for us.” He slaps the table, the dried apple core rolling close to the edge. “Your people hate mine.”

“Not all of us,” I say.

“I'm learning that.” He sighs. “But you'd be safer to stay away from us … from me.”

“Why?” I clench my fists in frustration. “I know my Family Leader was involved in Grand Sarwald's death and that others wanted him dead too. They bribed you to kill him, probably with medicine. But there's so much I don't know, and you're my last chance to get answers.”

“You won't like the answers,” he warns.

“I have to know how Grand Sarwald was killed.”

“They told me the target wanted a quick death because he was dying from a slow, painful disease.”

“Ridiculous!” I shake my head. “We have medis to cure all illnesses. No one sickens or suffers with pain. Grand Sarwald was a brave man who would never dishonor his Family by asking to die. Whoever told you that was lying.”

He turns his head so I can't read his expression. “I wish things were different, that life had more value than barter.”

“No one can force you to kill.”

“And no one can force you to take someone else's memories.” He looks hard at me. “Yet we do what we're born to do.”

I touch the memdenity scar on my neck, frowning.

“More than a fence divides us,” he continues with an upward glance. “I've wondered what it would be like to be one of you, to wake every morning to the sky and have long, peaceful lives.” The wistfulness in his voice aches inside me.

He rubs his thumb over a jagged scar on his arm. “But I'd rather be with people whose scars are shown outside, not hidden beneath smooth skin. Your people are even cruel to their own if they aren't perfect—leaving them outside the Gate to be devoured by beasts.”

“What are you talking about?” I demand. “No one is ever put outside.”

“Are you sure?”

His question startles me. Not even the Uniforms would be so cruel. Yet I wonder if this explains why youths who've been Returned are never seen again.

“Believe what you want.” Nate frowns. “But don't trust anyone.”

I step closer to him. “Including you?”

“You know what I've done.”

“But you didn't want to.”

His blue eyes harden like stone. “I volunteered.”

“You … you wanted to kill?” I'm begging for him to say no.

“I did what I've been trained to do. The medicine I earned will keep many children alive.”

“Until they grow up and become killers too,” I say
sarcastically.

“If they're lucky.” He points to the steel door. “I can't stay any longer. I must go now.”

He taps the door, and blue-gray light floods down over us like silvery moonlight. I watch as Nate taps a numbered sequence on the panel.

“Go back the way you came. There's a panel on the inside of the door,” he says, pointing behind me toward the tunnel. “Touch numbers 4, 8, 4, 0.”

I repeat the numbers over and over again until they're firm in my memory.

Click. A light flashes red. The door slides sideways into the wall, revealing a deep tunnel.

“Leave now,” Nate urges. “Follow the steps back exactly and press the numbers. Forget you ever saw this place.”

“But what about you? Will you be safe?” I whisper.

“Life isn't about being safe; it's about surviving to live another day.” He gazes deeply into my eyes. “You've given me more days. Thank you, Jennza.”

He reaches for my hand, and I should pull away, yet I curl my fingers through his. Our hands melt together. His are callused and scarred, mine soft and smooth. I long to lean against his chest, lift my face toward his and …

Abruptly, he drops my hand. “I—I have to go.”

I nod, unable to speak. It's like I'm being ripped apart from the inside. Exposed, my emotions raw and bleeding.

Nate reaches into his pocket and pulls out a star-shaped shell. “Here's your shell.”

“No, it's yours now.”

Like my heart,
I think. I'm swept into the brilliant blue of his gaze that touches something deep inside, something
thrilling and scarifying. Whenever I look at the sky-reflecting water, I'll see his eyes.

He leans close, and I inhale his woodsy scent. “I don't know how I'll do it, but I'll come back to see you. I promise.”

Then he's gone.

Without Nate, the underground room is suffocating. Concrete walls close in, and there's no sound except for my heartbeat. I glance at the table where someone left the crust of bread and apple core. A wrinkled blanket covers the empty cot. Who slept here?

No one from ShareHaven would need to hide, so it must be here for “tools” like Nate. Outrage burns inside me, and even though Nate is safe, I am determined to find out who gave the orders for Grand Sarwald's death.

As I climb back up the stairs, I go through the list of Believers at the secret meeting—Leader Cross, Arthur, Daisy, Grandmother, and members from other Families, including Instructor Penny. It hurts to think badly of Instructor Penny. I need to talk to her, to find out her truth.

The stairs seem steeper climbing up, and I'm breathing hard by the time I reach the top. There's no knob or handle, only a small square panel like the one on the door Nate left through. The panel glows eerie silver in the dark, numbers zero to nine gleaming like demon eyes. I try the sequence that Nate told me. Click. The light flashes from red to green.

I push at the door and it opens easily.

As I step into chilly air, strong hands grab me.

A harsh yet familiar voice shouts, “I've got her!”

I'm under house arrest, confined to my room with no visitors—until the leaders can decide my fate.

Leader Cross nearly twisted my arm off when he dragged me from the tunnel. “Where's the Noc?” he demanded.

“Gone,” I told him with satisfaction.

“How did he get out of jail?”

I wouldn't answer.

“Did you help him escape?”

Milly's thoughts pulled at me, warning me to apologize and beg for forgiveness. But I rushed on, too angry to be scarified. “You bribed Nate to kill Grand Sarwald,” I accused. “You would have let him die so he couldn't tell the other Leaders about your meetings!”

He fist came at me so fast, I hit the ground before pain exploded.

Hours later, pain still burns my face. But worse is the sting of my own foolishness. I should have kept quiet and said nothing.

Outside my locked door, Rosemarie's voice rises angrily.

“You can't keep me out of my own room!” she shouts. “What have you done to Milly? What's happening? I don't understand any of this.”

“She knows too much,” Leader Cross snaps.

Rosemarie gasps. “She's won't tell anyone. You can trust
Milly.”

“She's not Milly—and she never will be.” His words slam hard like his fist. “Leave this matter to me.”

“I will not!” she shouts back. “Release her right now. I won't let you hurt her.”

“I won't do anything to her. They will.”

There's a pause. No one says anything until Rosemarie begins to cry. “No,” she sobs. “Not again. Please, don't do this. She's only a young girl and means no harm.”

“There's no other option.”

“She won't tell anyone. I'll watch her so she doesn't leave our dwellings.”

“You didn't even know she'd left your room,” he scoffs. “There's too much at risk to trust her. There's only one way to ensure her silence.”

“No!” Rosemarie gasps.

“It's the right punishment.”

“It was bad enough with
him
… but something was wrong with his mind. Milly is healthy, intelligent, and a sweet youth.”

“Your
sweet youth
destroyed steel bars to release a killer from jail. She betrayed ShareHaven and shamed our Family.”

“Surely there's a mistake.”

“Yes—but I won't allow any more. They're coming for her tonight.” I hear Rosemarie's sharp intake of breath. “She'll be Returned.”

I sit by the window, watching dying autumn leaves twist in the wind and fall from the large oak tree by the vehicle barn. The door to the barn has been left open, and I glimpse visiting vehicles. Is this another not-so-secret meeting of Believers? Are they discussing me? Leader Cross will twist the truth, turning even Instructor Penny against me. Will he say I went crazy like the last youth? I have only a few hours left in the Cross Family.

What will happen by nightfall?

If Nate is right, I'll be thrown over the Fence to the claws. My born-mates, usually Clark and Homer, exaggerated rumors of youths being devoured by claws or dissembled—limbs, organs, bones—into nothingness. The R word strikes fear bone deep. Even the Instructors, with their vast knowledge, would only say that Returned youths are sent to the scientists' compound. All I know for sure is that they're never seen again.

Rosemarie will protect me. I cling tight to the slim string of hope she'll convince Leader Cross to let me stay.

When I hear footsteps outside my door, I jump from my bed, eager to see Rosemarie. Instead it's Arthur—like I've never seen him before. His usually smooth black hair is untidy, stubble rough on his chin, and there are furrows in his forehead as if he removed his cease-aging patch.

“Milly … my Milly!” He pulls me into his muscular arms.

“What's happening?” I slip out of his arms, going over to peer through the opened door. I expect to see a Uniform, waiting to arrest me, but no one's there.

“They say you know too much.”

I shake my head, feeling as if the more I know, the less I understand.

“Leader Cross says you must go but I can't—” His voice cracks. “I can't lose you—her—again. You're only one memdenity away from remembering our life together. Our wedding in the City Center garden, the pink roses I gifted you every birthday, and the miracle of watching our daughter's birth. Daisy was the last natural birth on the island, and we were so proud of her.”