Memory: Book Two (Scars 2) (2 page)

From
the bedroom, I could see the bonfire burning brightly on the beach. There were
a ton of people my age, laughing and drinking, while I stood behind glass and
watched them like I was on some other planet. Their fun seemed so innocent,
although it probably wasn’t completely. I yearned to be that carefree and
innocent, as if I were a vampire and wanted to suck all of that from them.

I
sat high in that glass castle and watched them as I slowly drank a beer. The
alcohol loosened up the knots that were tied so tightly within me, and it
wasn’t long before I decided to take up Ryan’s invitation. I changed into a
summer dress. It was floaty and feminine and just maybe I could pass for
normal. Grabbing another beer, I went down the path that led to the beach. I
had to enter the code for the gate to get out as well as in, as if this really
were a prison. I made sure that it closed securely behind me before I walked barefoot
up the sand to the party.

Laughter,
yelling, fighting…it was all so normal that I nearly turned back. I didn’t
belong with these people; they had futures, they had hope. I had a psychopath and
a cold, glass home. A few girls were dancing in the firelight, contorting their
slim limbs into sultry rhythmic sways as they became aware that preying eyes
were on them, lusting and admiring. A pang of homesickness swept through me as
this scene reminded me of when I had just moved to the new town and my bruises
had healed. Mara and Torrance had taken me in and overwhelmed me with
friendship, and my days and focus were on flirting with Finn and making him
chase me. It had been easier then, to forget all that had occurred before.

I
took a step back. I didn’t belong here. Before I could turn though, my name was
called as a light touch was on my wrist.

“Hey,
you made it.” Ryan’s bright white teeth glowed in the dark.

“Yeah.
I ended up with some free time so I thought that I’d come take a look.” I
smiled at him, a real smile, the type that I used to give to Finn in the
beginning that said
come and get me little boy
. But then I frowned, what
the hell was I doing? I wasn’t here to flirt or encourage.

“C’mon,
I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

I
let him take my hand and lead me to his friends. They were all the same, their
lives consumed with college and their futures glowing so brightly that my eyes
nearly hurt. The boys were all the carbon copies of each other — Jock types
with the world at their feet and arrogance to match. The girls were more
personable, some friendly, and I felt sorry for them because they were lambs to
the slaughter with probably no idea what anyone was really capable of. One in
particular took it upon herself to try and make me feel welcome. Her name was
Ollie, and she had a crooked grin and corkscrew curls that gave her an adorable
and youthful look. She was the kind of girl who would fawn over Aaron. His
looks and air of dangerousness would have her creaming her panties if he ever
so much as dared throw her a smile or smirk.

Why
the fuck was I thinking about Aaron? I took another sip of beer and tried to
concentrate on what Ollie was saying.

“What
are you studying, Paige?” She looked at me like she really wanted to know.

“Oh,
I’m not. I’m just working at the moment.” I could see Ryan staring at me from
where he sat further around the bonfire.

“Are
you trying to find out what you want to do? I totally get that. It’s so scary
to think that I might be studying the wrong major and it will put me on the
back foot later on.”

I
continued to sip my beer while she babbled on. When she paused to take a
breath, I asked, “How long have you known Ryan for?”

Ollie
shook her head. “I don’t really. He just started hanging out with these guys a
few months back. I don’t know where he’s from or where he lives.”

“He
said he lives on the street that backs onto this part of the beach.”

She
frowned. “That’s weird that I didn’t know that. My mom knows practically everything
about everyone who buys real estate around here…”

 As
I leaned my head back to take the last drips of my drink into my mouth, another
bottle was held out to me. I set my empty bottle in the sand and took the new
one.

“Thanks,”
I told Ryan. He had squeezed in between me and Ollie, and I nearly laughed as
she rolled her eyes at his back. His attention was fully on me as if there were
no one else here. He wanted me, and he wasn’t shy about it. I let my lips curve
into a slight smug smile. This was a good feeling; knowing that I held the
upper hand for once.

“So
what do you do?” he asked.

“I
work at a diner down town.” His hand was rubbing my bare shoulder, an act that
was anything but innocent, but I didn’t shrug it away. If anything, there was
an urge to lean in closer and enjoy the feel of his fingers on my skin. The
other hand stroked my cheek, brushing it with his thumb like he was wiping away
a tear. Or maybe that was my imagination, or maybe the alcohol, creating an
imaginary world where there was someone to soothe me and wipe away my misery.

He
leaned in closer, and for a moment I thought that he would kiss me and I didn’t
know what I would do if he did. I wanted to feel precious and coveted, I wanted
to feel adored in a way I never would be with Aaron who knew all the bad things
about me. But with this handsome man who touched me with soft hands, with him I
could be someone else and happy for just an instant.

“Why
do you always look so sad,” Ryan asked in a low tone so no one else could hear.
“I never see you smile, not really. You’re like this sad princess living in
that glass tower, locked away from everyone else.”

A
longtime ago, I would have scoffed at his words. I would have laughed at how
ridiculous they sounded, but right at that moment, they touched me. It was like
he saw me, and more than that, I liked being called a princess, and if I were a
princess, what did that make Aaron? A prince or the dragon guarding me?

Everything
in me went cold at the thought of Aaron, and as Ryan came in even closer, his
mouth aiming for mine, I put a hand on his chest to stop him.

“I
live with my boyfriend,” I choked out. It was hard to wrap my mouth around the
word ‘boyfriend’ because that wasn’t exactly what we were.  Ryan paused, and
shifted slightly back. He wasn’t mad, or even upset, he just gave a nod.

“I
knew that, actually. That dark haired guy that you live with? I guessed you
were with him.” He took a breath, finally removing his hands from me. “But
shouldn’t you be happy? You’re not happy, Paige. I’ve been watching for you for
a long time now, and the sadness around you…that must be suffocating.”

I
stared at him, and to my horror my eyes began to prick with threatening tears.
His response was to wrap his arms around my shoulders and pull me in close. There
was nothing sexual about this though, this was pure comfort. For an instant, I
relaxed. My muscles loosened as I forgot about that constant tension that tied
me up in knots. All I could think of was how kind he was being, how sweet, how
comforting,
how fucking naïve.
He would be the perfect mark; one who
thought with his penis yet believed that I was innocent and needed some form of
protection, that I was incapable of anything other than purity. I could drain
him dry of every bit of cash that he had like a vampire sucks blood. It would
be simple. I would play the sweet maiden and put him in the position as my
rescuer, setting him up so that he thought that he held all the power when in
fact—

Shit.

My
hand had come to rest on the arm that pulled me to him, as if driven by the
evil in my mind without even being conscious of it. That hand was seduction
tinged with ill intent and I pulled it suddenly from his skin as if I were
burning. I stood, thrusting his arm from me. I needed to get away from him before
the vileness in me plagued him and began his destruction.

He
stood as well, frowning and open mouthed. I staggered backward as the loose
sand beneath me attempted to trap me there as if it were an embodiment of the
devil, or my mother, trapping me until I had served her duty.

“I
have to go.” My voice was cold and normal, which surprised me because I
expected it to come out deep like a man’s, like a monster. He said nothing as I
turned, nor made an attempt to follow. Even so, I broke into a sprint along the
beach. I needed to get away from him before I succumbed to my old ways. I
needed to be amongst people like myself,
bad
people amongst whom I could
hide and, in comparison, seem purer than pure, whiter than white.

I
needed Aaron.

My
fingers automatically punched in the code at the gate and it hissed and buzzed
as it swung open, revealing the pool and stone pavers, and beyond that the
house of glass. I hesitated, my head twisting to search down the beach to the
bonfire and the music. I couldn’t make out Ryan, and that disappointed me
because I wanted to know if he were watching me. I didn’t know why that was
important to me, it just was.

Finally,
I stepped inside and let the gate close behind me, cutting me off from all that
was normal. Weirdly, I found my lips curving up in a slight smile as I stepped
inside the house, as the thought of Ryan’s attention played on my mind. It was
nice. Once, maybe, I would have poured scorn on him, but now I missed it. I
missed the fun games young people are supposed to play when they test the
waters for love and companionship. I didn’t bother to turn on any lights; the
moon gave enough light through the expansive windows for me to see my way.

“Have
fun?”

I
paused just before I placed a foot on the first step of the staircase, before
turning into the living room where the voice had come. Inside, I had jumped
with surprise, but my outer shell didn’t betray that fact.

 Aaron
sat in the dark, nursing a drink, and staring at nothing.

“When
did you get back?” I asked as I reached over and switched on the lamp beside
him. My mouth dropped open in shock as the bruising, swelling and blood on his
face were revealed in the light. “What happened to you?” The only marks that I
had ever seen marring his skin before were from me.

His
lips twisted into a smile that was macabre with the blood staining it. “I got
sloppy.” He tilted his head back and drained his glass before reaching for the
bottle and refilling it. “Drink?”

“No.”
I sat on the edge of the armrest of his chair, still studying his face. “Does
that happen often?” I had never heard him offer a criticism of himself before.

His
eyes flicked up to me. “No.”

I
shifted slightly, wondering if I should just go up to bed, but then asked,
“What happened?”

He
shook his head. “I don’t know…I’m fucking good, this shouldn’t happen. This
doesn’t
happen to me. Ever since you…” he trailed off, before slinging back his fresh
drink.

I
watched him. “Ever since I what?” I asked cautiously.

“Never
mind.” He put his glass down on the side table. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“No.”
I got to my feet. “Tell me what you were going to say.” I moved in front of
him, blocking him the best that I could.

He
stopped, giving me a look. “You’re a distraction, Rachel. That’s all I meant.”

I
frowned at him. “What does that mean? You’re blaming me?” Our eyes stayed glued
to each other’s for a moment, he was the first one to look away.

“Stop
being dramatic,” he muttered. He went to move again, but I stopped him, placing
my hand on his wrist.

“A
distraction? That means you feel something for me.” I took a breath. “I
wouldn’t be a distraction if it didn’t.” My heart was beating hard and I
couldn’t understand why I was acting this way, why I was acting so needy.

He
caught my eyes, and stayed silent for a few seconds before saying quietly,
“Don’t read more into this than there is, Rachel. You’ll only be disappointed.”

“Then
why bother with me at all if…there’s nothing more. What’s the point?” I asked
softly, the alcohol in my system spurring me on unwisely.

“Mutual
needs,” he said, never moving his gaze from me. I let my hand drop from his
wrist, but his eyes lingered on me for a moment longer before he stepped away.
“I need to shower.”

I
watched him go, wrapping my arms around myself, confused as always. Eventually,
I let out a sigh and went to shower myself so I could wash away the sand of
earlier and Ryan’s touch. I didn’t want Ryan, I decided. What I wanted was to
be adored. I wanted to be worshipped.

Aaron
was in bed by the time I finished my shower in the downstairs bathroom, and I
slipped in beside him before turning off the lamp and laying my head on the
pillow. He reached for me in the dark, and despite the shower he still smelled
like blood. I considered for a moment pushing him away, but then he kissed me.
Slowly and seductively, his lips teased mine into opening for him, and, as
always, I would never resist him when he kissed me. His hands were deceptively
soft on my body, with a hand stroking between my legs while the other cupped my
face almost lovingly. I moaned into his mouth as the first tremors went through
me of my fast approaching climax. He grinned against me, and broke his lips
from mine.