Memories of Gold (9 page)

Some reading might even keep her mind off of other, less palatable topics. Angelina nodded. “Well, find your place and begin reading aloud.”

Mary opened to the correct page, woefully close to the beginning of the large tome, and began to read. Over the previous few weeks, Angelina’s corrections had become much less frequent, but today it seemed as if Mary could hardly pronounce a single word correctly, and she could barely decipher the text. After ten minutes of struggling that felt interminable, she closed the book in frustration. She was getting nowhere.

It seemed Angelina felt the same way. “That’s enough French for today, I think. Let’s move on to writing and grammar.”

Maria took a deep breath and calmed her mind, focusing on the task at hand as she grasped the pen and dipped it in the inkwell. Her hand shook a little, either from fatigue or stress or some other cause, she was unsure. But her letters and words flew smoothly onto the paper. She listened carefully to Angelina’s voice and followed the commands, allowing her mind to lose itself in the lines of ink.

Angelina’s voice stopped at one point, but Mary’s hand continued across the page, almost as if it was working of its own accord. It was only when Angelina sat down beside her and placed her hand on Mary’s arm did she stop and look up. Angelina’s eyes were thoughtful. “Are you sure you have nothing you need to discuss?”

Mary considered sharing everything with the older woman, but it felt wrong. She attempted a smile. “Thank you, Angelina, but I’ll figure it out right enough. I was a bit out of sorts today, but things will be better when I see you next.”

She hoped it was true.

Before she left, Mary took the paper full of her neat handwriting, folded it in half and half again, and tore it into pieces. She knew that whatever she had written, it was not something she wanted to read. Angelina said nothing, and Mary strode to the door. She felt no better, but perhaps time with Emma would help. Her hand was on the door when Angelina called to her from the kitchen doorway. “If you need me, dear, I will be here. You know that.”

Mary nodded without turning and opened the door. Her eyes were swimming in tears, though she couldn’t pinpoint exactly why.

By the time she arrived at the Harper’s to visit Emma, she had mastered herself and no longer felt the threat of tears. Mrs. Harper gave her a keen looking-over, but Mary was thankful she asked no questions. “Good afternoon, Mary. Emma will be glad to see you, I think. She is doing quite well today.”

Mary walked in the direction Mrs. Harper indicated and found her sister in the garden, scratching at the ground with a stick and babbling to herself. Mary’s heart twisted as she reached the young girl and knelt beside her. Emma looked up and screeched in delight, throwing her arms around her older sister. Mary’s spirit lifted a little, and she hugged her close, so hard and long that Emma pushed her away.

She smiled. “I guess I should not have done that, huh? Did I hurt you?”

But Emma did not appear to hear what she said. She had gone back to digging, though she glanced up occasionally at her sister. San Francisco seemed even more impossible.

Mary felt the need to talk, even if Emma could not understand. “Things have been confusing the past few days, Emma. I feel plumb worn out, you know?”

Her words garnered no reaction, yet she continued. “I need to tell him, I know. He should know about everything. Daisy’s and you and everything I needed to do for us. But what will I do if he disappears again?”

She paused for a response, though she little expected one. Emma continued to ignore her.

“I know. I will go on. We are strong, you and me, Emma. It’s just … I know it is absurd. Two days is not long enough to love someone, right? It hasn’t been just two days, though. I think I have loved him my whole life, I just didn’t realize it until I was older and he was already gone. And now he’s back.”

Emma looked up at her sister and smiled. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. Mary gave her one last hug, a quick one to avoid angering the girl, and stood. Her knees hurt from crouching for so long, but she felt better than she had since the caves. She would tell him tomorrow.

Jimmy woke up bright and early Thursday morning, his entire being feeling refreshed and happy. He was going to have the entire morning off from the bank, and he would be seeing Maria in a very short while, and that made him ecstatic.

Normally he enjoyed his work, but the past two days had been agonizing. The worst part had been waiting the days until he could see Maria, but the tasks at the bank helped little to pass the time and keep him engaged. It was all mundane details he needed in order to take the reins from the old manager—necessary, but boring—and attempting to learn the names of strangers he might not see again in a few weeks’ time.

If he wanted to improve his position with the company, he would need to force himself through it. San Francisco felt very far away, though, and it was difficult to remember why exactly he felt the need to sacrifice everything to his dream of an important position and a big house.

There was another option, of course. He could remain at the bank in Shasta, manage it permanently, with a simple telegram to San Francisco.

And perhaps, after some time, he could convince Maria to follow him back to the city. It was something he needed to discuss with Maria. How would she feel if he stayed here, with her? He honestly wasn’t quite sure.

It was obvious she was glad to see him, and believed she might even share his feelings about their relationship, but there was something she held back. He needed to find out what before he discussed the choice of staying or leaving once more. And he was determined to solve that mystery today.

He hoped she would want him to stay. This would be the day he would find out about that, and her true feelings toward him. His body felt contorted with knots of either anxiety or excitement, he wasn’t sure which.

He dressed and took a couple deep breaths. The boarding house was astir. He took out his pocket watch—it was only just seven in the morning, and he had made Maria promise to arrive at ten or later. It was for the best, and he hoped she was sleeping and not quite so exhausted as she had been the other day, but it left him with no occupation for three hours and anticipation making him antsy.

He spent twenty minutes pacing his room, reviewing what he should say, how best to discuss the topics, and her possible responses. Then, when he thought he might go mad with the thoughts circling in his head, he went for a stroll to pass the time. He was glad the boarding house was away from the mining camps; he had no desire to see the dirt and mud of his childhood. To pass the time, he wandered to the river and meandered through empty fields before he entered the cover of the trees of Maria’s little forest.

Once there, he watched the swaying branches and listened to the rustle of leaves, and he felt calm, at peace. It was as if he was on holy ground. Even though he knew it was silly, an invented tale from his childhood, he made a wish to the trees.
Please
, he thought,
let this go well. I love her.

At that moment, he realized he wanted to marry her, that she made him feel whole. The biggest shock was that this was not a shock at all. It was simply the recognition of a long dormant fact. He made one last wish.
Let her say yes.

He pressed his hand against the nearest tree, feeling the rough texture of the bark beneath his tree, and repeated his wish one last time before leaving for town. He had managed to fill another hour of the morning with pointless wandering and a wish to some trees. He had to laugh at his own ridiculous behavior, but at least he was that much closer to seeing Maria.

Maria stood outside the boarding house as the church bells finished tolling the hour. It was ten o’clock, and she had whiled away hours that morning until it was time to visit Jimmy. Now she was here, her stomach tightened into even tighter knots. She had to tell him the truth, but everything about her cried out against it. She had so little; was it so much to ask to keep it just a short while longer.

By the time the bells ended and she raised her hand to knock on the door, she had no clear idea what she would do. Her resolutions of the days before wilted under the harsh sun of reality. She knocked, and within seconds the door was opened.

Jimmy beamed at her and hugged her close. She fell into the embrace, feeling his warmth and smell and comforting presence surround her. He let go after a few moments, but she stepped away with reluctance. Her heart thumped against her ribs, almost painful. She was so happy to see him she was without words, and his smile and silence made it clear he felt the same.

The wait was interminable, but now she was here. He grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, and she laughed. She could discuss everything with him later. Now was a time to enjoy his company, soak it up. In case this was her last chance.

Her eyes stung with tears at the thought, but she held them back and focused on the man in front of her. He had pulled her into the sitting room, and they were standing looking at one another, only a few inches apart. She wasn’t sure if he was too close or too far away as the silence stretched before them and she memorized the exact colors of his eyes, though she knew them by heart already. The fear that she might not see them again grabbed at her eyes and throat, threatening tears.

Mary looked away, unable to stand it any longer. Jimmy brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face. “What’s wrong, Maria?” he asked.

She couldn’t tell him. Not yet. She cleared her throat and tried to make her voice calm and light. “Will you show me your home?”

A few more minutes to gird herself for his response was all she wanted. He hesitated for a moment, then nodded. He walked into the other room and tried to speak pleasantly, but Mary could hear the tension in his voice, the anxiety put there by her reluctance to share the truth. It ate at her.

He showed her the kitchen and explained the living situation. Mr. and Mrs. Jessup lived in quarters that were on the first story of the house, a closed-off area that allowed them privacy. The six small rooms for boarders were upstairs. They were currently all full.

“Where is everyone?” Mary asked, noting the silence.

“Mr. Jessup is out working his little claim. According to Mrs. Jessup, it’s a bust, but he refuses to give it up. He is determined to find some gold in that little square of dirt and river. Mrs. Jessup is at a friend’s house. Some other woman in town she likes to sit with of an afternoon and talk about other people, I suspect. The boarder I know, Jack, is at the bank. The rest are doing whatever brought them into town.”

The implications of the situation hit her. They were all alone, to do as they pleased. The images conjured in her mind were all the creation of her yearning body, and a warm glow settled low in her stomach. If only she could break past the barrier that had been put between them.

She put on a playful tone, hoping to salvage the last few minutes she had with him. “Well, keep going with the tour!”

He hesitated for a second, then said, “That is about everything downstairs. All that’s left is a vegetable patch around the side of the house and the rooms upstairs.”

Seized by a sudden childish whim borne of the panic that threatened to overwhelm her, the golden memories of her youth stirred by the man in front of her, and the pent-up energy she was unable to expend as her body begged her to approach him, she did something neither of them expected. She gave him an impish grin, picked up her skirts, and began running towards the stairs shouting “Race you!” behind her.

It seemed to take Jimmy a moment to comprehend what had happened, and then he bounded after her. The sound of his heavy approach made her heart catch in her throat. She had a head start, and the distance was not very great, but his legs were longer and he was free of the constraining garments and shoes that hindered her. She reached the upstairs landing only steps ahead of him and bolted for the only open door. As she crossed the threshold, a strong arm wrapped around her waist and she was pulled back into the hall. “Oh no, you don’t!” he said breathlessly in her ear as he spun her away from the door.

They struggled together for a moment, each trying to reach the door first, laughing and winded from their exertions. She extricated herself from his grasp and jumped for the door, he grabbed her waist again and they stumbled into the room together.

She smirked at him, triumphant. “I won!”

His face was somber—though his eyes danced with humor—as he shook his head. “I am quite sorry, ma’am, but you did
not
make it through that door first. It was a tie, even with that trickery you pulled downstairs. I knew that you were still just as headstrong as always, despite the lace.”

Because of their struggle through the door, his arm was still locked around her waist and his face was only a few inches from hers. She looked up into his laughing eyes, and her excitement and childish humor at the situation suddenly shifted to a desire so strong that her humor died, consumed by her need to kiss him.

That was when she realized she was in his bedroom. She could see the bed out of the corner of her eye. A second wild impulse took her, and she gave in to this one as she had the first, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips hard against his.

Mary’s entire body awoke with the kiss, screaming for him, wanting this handsome man who knew her more than anyone despite their years of separation, the man who she might lose again forever. It was too much.