Memories of Boom Boom Mountain (2 page)

Finn hopped onto Jake’s back. The magical Jake, who could transform into any shape imaginable, immediately grew larger and stretched his legs so he could bound up the mountain easily. When Jake saw a ledge overhead, he stretched his legs even higher and lifted Finn to the jutting platform.

‘So who’s crying?’ Finn wondered.

‘I am,’ Mountain Man replied.

The ledge that Finn was standing on was actually Mountain Man’s nose.

‘Whoa!’ Finn, unaccustomed to talking mountains, gasped. Rocks dripped from two craters on Mountain Man’s face, which were, in fact, his eyes.

‘Aw, what’s wrong, fella?’ Finn asked. ‘Are you crying boulders?’

‘Yes, I am sad,’ Mountain Man replied. ‘I have been forced to watch rough-housing men for centuries,’ the tearful stone sobbed.

‘Oh, I see,’ Finn said. ‘You’re feeling left out, and you want to rough-house, too!’

To ease Mountain Man’s pain, Finn started pounding on Mountain Man’s stony face and stomping on his rocky nose.

‘Yeah, do it, Finn,’ Jake cheered. ‘Hit him with a boulder. And then hit him with another rock.’

‘Please! No rough-housing,’ Mountain Man protested. ‘It…it makes me so sad.’

Mountain Man’s eyes welled up with boulder tears until they were so full the stones exploded from them. Rocks rained down onto the plains of Ooo.

‘Why?’ Finn asked, clearly confused about Mountain Man’s disdain for violence.

‘Because they’re so rough on each other,’ Mountain Man sobbed.

‘But a smooth, well-controlled rough-house bolsters your guts and…uh… rejuvenates the muscle,’ explained Finn.

‘No!’ Mountain Man complained. ‘It’s raunchy and maddening!’

‘WHOA!’
Jake murmured. ‘This guy’s got problems.’

Finn’s mind flashed back to a time when he had had problems. He was all alone on a leaf in the forest. A mother bug and her son walked by Baby Finn.

‘Look, Mummy,’ said the son.

‘Honey, don’t look,’ the mother replied. ‘That kid’s got problems.’

Finn snapped out of his flashback, invigorated. He knew what his next adventuring mission had to be.

‘I’ll help you, Mountain,’ he cried.

‘WHOA. WHAT?’
Jake gasped.

‘I’ll stop those rough-housers from being rough,’ Finn promised.

‘Really?’ Mountain Man asked. ‘You’d do that for me?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Finn answered. ‘My name’s Finn, and I’m going to help you out!’

‘But, Finn, we’re not going to shut down the rough-house for real, are we?’ Jake asked, unwilling to give up this manly sport.

‘No way,’ Finn whispered. ‘But there’s gotta be some kind of a solution.’ Finn leapt onto Jake’s back.

‘I’ll figure this out, Mountain Man!’ he promised as they jumped to the ground below. ‘Yup!’

The boulder tears stopped flowing from Mountain Man’s eyes. He believed that Finn really would help him. Finn thought back to his helpless baby self and believed it, too.

The marauders were rough-housing as usual when Finn and Jake returned to the village.

‘HEY, GUYS!’
Finn called.

‘Ah, Finn,’ the head marauder called back. ‘Ready to get destroyed?’

Finn waved his hand in front of him and laughed.

‘No, no,’ he told them. ‘Actually, can you guys stop being so rough?’

‘WHOA!’
the head marauder said to his men, who were ready to revolt. ‘What are you talking about, Finn?’’

‘Could you just tone down the rough-housing…a little?’ Finn requested.

‘Finn, I’m sure this ‘tone down the rough-housing’ thing has something to do with your boom boom, and I can respect that,’ said the head marauder, trying to be more understanding than marauders usually are. ‘But how can we make rough-housing less rough?’

Just then, Finn spotted a small white duck that was quacking at a furry black rat.

‘I think I have a perfect idea!’ Finn told them.

Finn used a rope to tie a flock of ducks to the head marauder’s fists. Then he tied a pack of rats to the hands of another marauder.

‘This will soften your punches for smooth knockouts,’ Finn explained. ‘Like punching a dream!’

The marauders went back to rough-housing, their blows softened by a hodgepodge of animal padding.

‘Pigs on my knees!’ one marauder cried happily. ‘Pigs on my knees!’

Finn and Jake bumped fists. This solution was turning out even better than Finn had planned. Finn couldn’t wait to share the good news with Mountain Man.

‘That’s like math,’ Jake said approvingly. ‘Yeah!’

‘Mathematical!’ Finn agreed.

The two adventurers climbed back up to tell Mountain Man about their success.

‘What do you think?’ Finn asked. ‘Fixed all your problems, right?’

‘No, that was terrible!’ Mountain Man moaned. ‘Now the men are just punching animals. It’s worse than before, and it’s in no way a good solution.’