Meet Me Under the Mistletoe (14 page)

Carter x

When the doorbell rang at just after seven that evening, Rachel assumed it was Aiden.

As she walked past the chrome-framed mirror above the mantelpiece, she caught sight of her reflection and frowned. She looked older, tired, and she had new lines around her eyes. She was worried about Bea, about Aiden, about Milly – and it all showed.

She opened the door to find Jay, with a pretty, auburn-haired woman by his side.

‘Rachel, hi,’ Jay said, smiling. ‘Just wondered if you fancied coming to our Christmas gig tonight. It’s only up the road. Siobhan is going –’ he seemed to twig then that the two women hadn’t met – ‘sorry,’ he said, gesturing from the auburn-haired woman to her and back again, ‘Siobhan, Rachel, Rachel, Siobhan.’

‘Oh, hi,’ Rachel said, feeling conscious of how she looked, still in her tracksuit bottoms and an old T-shirt of Aiden’s. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you from Laurie.’

‘Don’t believe a word of it,’ Siobhan said, a wide and genuine smile on her face. ‘Sorry I’ve not come by earlier. I’ve been swept off my feet in a romantic whirlwind,’ she said, with a glint in her eye. ‘Out of the desert after years in it, Rachel. Fabulous.’ Her smile was contagious and Rachel found herself instinctively returning it.

‘Thanks for the invite, but sorry,’ Rachel said, shaking her head. ‘I can’t really, I mean Aiden is at the hospital and Zak’s—’

The buzzer interrupted Rachel, and she held her hand up to excuse herself as she answered the intercom. ‘Hi, love, it’s me –’ Aiden’s voice came through – ‘forgot my keys, sorry. Can you buzz me in?’ She pressed the button and heard the distant sound of the front door opening and closing. When Aiden emerged from the stairwell, Rachel introduced him to Siobhan and Jay.

‘I’m not normally such a drowned rat,’ Aiden said, smiling and running his fingers through his soaking hair and trying to shake off some of the moisture. ‘It’s bucketing down out there.’

‘Any news?’ Rachel asked. Aiden shook his head: ‘Tomorrow, they said.’

‘We were trying to convince your wife,’ Siobhan said, ‘and of course you too,’ she added, ‘to come out with us, to Jay’s gig.’

‘A gig?’ Aiden said. ‘I’m shattered unfortunately – but, Rach, why don’t you go?’ he said, putting his laptop bag down in the hallway behind Rachel and starting to take off his rain-drenched coat. ‘I can keep an eye on things here.’

He turned back to Jay and Siobhan, and said, behind his hand, ‘By which I mean I will collapse in front of the TV, but if there’s a fire or a burglary I might still be some use.’

‘Go on, Rach,’ he said, ‘Seriously. You should go.’

‘Are you sure?’ Rachel asked. ‘But with everything that’s going on …’

‘Do you really think Mum would want us moping around? There’s nothing we can do until we know more. Go on, go out. You could do with a break.’

‘OK,’ Rachel said, hesitantly. ‘Siobhan, would you mind hanging on for ten minutes while I find something to wear?’

‘Siobhan and Rachel,’ Siobhan said to the guy at the door of the pub, ‘we’re on Jay’s list.’ He checked his clipboard, then pressed stamps against their wrists. Rachel looked curiously at the black smudge on the inside of her wrist. ‘Does this stuff come off?’ she asked. Siobhan just smiled and took her by the hand down the stairs to the music venue.

Before they’d left the flat, Siobhan had seen Rachel pull out a bobbly grey vest top and a cream cardigan from her suitcase at the flat, and waved her hand in horror. She’d gone straight for Laurie’s wardrobe, rifling through it.

‘Here,’ she said, passing her a long-sleeved blacklace dress with gold lining. ‘And take these … size 5 OK?’ Siobhan asked, flinging a pair of black leather boots towards Rachel. The heels were higher than she was used to wearing. Rachel slipped on the clothes, then turned to look at her reflection in the mirror. ‘Not bad,’ Siobhan said, passing her a tiny, old-gold vintage handbag with a slim strap to complete the look.

As Rachel walked into the basement venue, she felt suddenly conscious of how dressed up she was.

‘Now, what’s your poison?’ Siobhan asked, a wicked smile on her face. ‘And no, I’m not getting you a shandy.’

‘I don’t know,’ Rachel said, ‘surprise me.’

Siobhan got them both JDs on the rocks and Rachel winced at her first taste of the whisky. She glanced around the unfamiliar setting and reasoned that the quicker she knocked the drink back the sooner she could go home. A mixture of teenagers and older men lined the bar, shouting at each other over the music. Were they looking at her? She shifted uncomfortably. ‘Don’t worry about the crowd,’ Siobhan said, squeezing her arm and reading her mind. ‘You’re going to love Jay’s band.’

By the time the support act had wound up Rachel had all but downed two drinks – Siobhan had replaced her empty JD with another before she could protest. The crowd were warming up and Rachel was surprised to find she was starting to relax into things.

After a break Jay came on stage, and Siobhan clutched her arm. Harley sat down at the drums, the bass player tuned up and Amber adjusted the microphone to her height. As Jay strummed the opening chords to their first tune, Amber’s bittersweet vocals kicked into a raw, sultry version of ‘Santa Baby’. The gritty music gave an edge to what could have been a honey-sweet song, and the hairs on Rachel’s arms pricked up. Siobhan turned to her and gave her a nudge. ‘Told you,’ she mouthed.

The tempo picked up after that. Jay’s band launched into tune after tune of soul-fuelled rock – to a crowd that was hungry for more. Siobhan grabbed Rachel’s hand and the two of them started to dance on the crowded floor. Rachel, in her knee-high boots and Laurie’s gorgeous dress, looking into Siobhan’s smiling face, felt something she hadn’t felt in years – free. And when the bass player caught her eye through the crowd, she couldn’t help but smile.

After the second encore, the band finally left the stage, and Siobhan led Rachel to a room around the back. Bathed in a post-gig glow, the band were sitting around on plastic chairs, drinking from bottles of beer. Jay was beaming. ‘Nice one,’ Siobhan said, slapping her friend on the back. ‘Your best yet.’

Amber offered Rachel a beer and she took the bottle gratefully. ‘I really enjoyed that,’ Rachel said. The bassist turned towards her, ‘It helps when you have such an attractive audience.’ His eyes ran, fleetingly, over her body.

‘Enough of that, Alex,’ Jay said to him, with a playful warning look. ‘She’s a married woman.’

Harley suggested they go on to a club, but Jay looked at Siobhan and Rachel and said he was ready to call it a night. He was booed by the rest of the band, but insisted he was wiped out. The three of them headed home, laughing and joking on the way, Siobhan jumping in puddles as they went. Rachel had the sensation she’d known the two of them for years. They didn’t know the ins and outs of her life – no – she hadn’t wanted to go into any of that. That evening, even though it had felt selfish, all she’d wanted was to forget about being a wife, a mum, a daughter-in-law, and that’s what they had helped her to do. They went into the block and came to a stop outside Jay’s door.

‘Jay, are you going to fix us both a nightcap then?’ Siobhan asked, leaning against the wall with a cheeky grin.

‘Of course,’ Jay said, ‘come right in.’ He held his door open for them to walk through.

Rachel checked her watch – it was past midnight, she should really head back upstairs. But, she reasoned, another twenty minutes was hardly going to make a difference. Aiden and the kids would already be asleep – and she didn’t feel like going to bed yet.

She smiled and walked into Jay’s flat, noting how different it was from Laurie’s. Instead of white carpets, here there were floorboards, exposed and varnished, and simple, colourful Scandinavian-style furniture that warmed up the room. On the walls were framed prints of film posters and record sleeves, and plants weaved and draped their way over the shelves and mantelpiece, bringing hints of green to each corner of the room. Siobhan lay down on the dark-red sofa and put her feet up on the end. Out of nowhere a tabby cat with white paws appeared and jumped up on to her stomach. ‘This is Mr Ripppple …’ she said, stroking him lazily. Her sentence tailed off and her eyelids started to droop.

‘She always does that,’ Jay said with a shrug, ‘she’s famous for passing out in the middle of parties.’ Jay motioned for Rachel to follow him into the kitchen. ‘Excuse the chaos,’ he said, stepping over a large khaki rucksack as he went through into the kitchen to pour their drinks. ‘Harley is staying at the moment, between flats, and he brought loads of stuff with him.’

‘Oh, I see,’ Rachel said, as she stepped over the rucksack carefully and took a seat on a wooden stool next to the brunch bar in the kitchen.

Jay pulled a bottle of rum from a wooden drinks cabinet in his kitchen and got out three small glasses.

‘Does your girlfriend not mind him staying?’ Rachel asked. ‘I mean,’ she corrected herself, shaking her head, ‘sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.’

Jay passed her a shot and brought his over to the brunch bar, sitting down with her. Rachel glanced across at the windowsill, the carefully tended chilli plants, shelves heavy with recipe books and spices, framed photos of family.

‘I don’t have a girlfriend,’ he said, ‘I live here on my own usually.’

‘Oh, sorry, I thought …’ Rachel said, embarrassed that she’d misunderstood.

‘Amber?’ Jay asked, with a smile, and Rachel nodded. ‘Our diva vocalist? She’s been totally smitten with Harley since the day she joined the band – three long months of unrequited love.’

‘Tonight is the night, she told me when we left just now. Who knows, maybe it will be.’ He held his hands up. ‘I think Harley’s pretty terrified of her, though, to be honest. Anyway, thankfully she’s not my type.’

Rachel sipped at her rum. Here, in Jay’s flat, after a night out, she felt like a new person, younger. Her responsibilities had floated away during the evening, leaving space for someone she’d forgotten she could be. ‘And what exactly is your type?’ Rachel asked, emboldened by Jay’s frankness, and the rum. She leaned forward and put her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her hands.

‘Well,’ he said, looking directly at Rachel with the hint of a smile on his lips. ‘That’s easy. Fun, sparky, playful, pretty. Smart enough to keep me on my toes.’

‘So this woman,’ Rachel tilted her head, considering what he’d said. ‘Where are you going to find her?’

‘Where?’ Jay said, leaning back in his wooden chair and toying with the glass in front of him. ‘I’ve already found her, Rachel. I didn’t have to look very far at all.’

His dark gaze lingered on her and silence hung between them.

Rachel looked away, picked up her glass and downed the last of her rum in one. But as she swallowed the alcohol, she choked, and as she struggled to get her breath back she broke into a full-blown coughing fit. Oh God, she thought, remembering Aiden and her children asleep upstairs. I should never have come here tonight. Her face was burning. As she continued to splutter, Jay got up and moved towards her, putting his hand gently on her shoulder. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked. ‘Do you want some water?’ Her coughing gradually subsided.

‘Yes. Sorry,’ she said, filling her lungs with air and regaining her composure, waving a hand by her face to cool her red-hot cheeks. ‘Really not used to rum,’ she said, laughing nervously. Jay’s face was just inches away from hers and she could feel the heat of his body. He gave her another concerned glance to check she’d really recovered.

I’ve been out of the game far too long, she thought, as Jay returned to his seat. I’m so naïve.

Jay was the one who finally broke the silence. ‘Powerful stuff, this,’ he said, raising the bottle with a smile. ‘Anyway,’ he said, as if he wanted to draw a line under their previous conversation. ‘Finding her was the easy part, as it turns out. It was difficult to make things work. It’s not going to happen, I know that. I’ve known that for weeks.’

Weeks. Rachel let the word sink in. Weeks – that definitely ruled her out. And – breathe. Her smile slowly returned.

‘What makes you think that?’

‘The way she acted when we were together – we had a few dates in the summer. But it didn’t work out.’

‘What happened?’

‘I didn’t want to be second on her list.’

‘Second? What was first?’

‘Her work. Which I respect … I mean, I’ve always liked that she’s so passionate about what she does. But what I realised is I want a relationship with her – the whole deal, nights out, nights in, good moods, bad moods, holidays together. I don’t just want a date here and there, when she’s got a free evening and things are quiet at work.’

‘Fair enough. Maybe with time …’

‘Maybe,’ Jay said, ‘but she made her feelings pretty clear, and I need to move on. We’d probably drive each other nuts anyway. She’s not exactly the easiest of women,’ he smiled. ‘But she’s also pretty hard to forget. She makes me laugh, she’s got this drive … and I don’t know. She’s addictive.’ He shook his head with a wry smile. ‘The thing is we’re friends too, or at least we used to be. More than anything, I really miss her.’

Rachel smiled sympathetically.

‘I know.’ He laughed, brushing his hair out of his eyes. ‘It’s maddening. But we used to hang out. Talk to each other about stuff. No one else even comes close.’

‘If I’m guessing right here, there aren’t many women like her,’ Rachel said, thinking of her oldest friend.