Meant to Be Mine (A Porter Family Novel Book #2) (37 page)

She straightened her pink jersey. “Why don’t you take more time to think about this?”

“I could.” He regarded her with kindness. “But my decision won’t change.”

“Oh, Ty. Just take a little more time.” She found her purse and put it over her shoulder. He walked her out. When she glanced back at him on the way to her BMW, he lifted his hand.

Tawny did not make his heart rip open. She didn’t turn him on. She didn’t frustrate him. She didn’t make him the happiest man in
the world. She didn’t stir his anger to the point that he wanted to swallow Vicodin so he could get through the night. She didn’t carry his whole life and future in her hands the way Celia did.

God have mercy on him.

He loved Celia. For him, Celia was perfectly imperfect.

He shook his head. Of course he loved her. Of course he did. This is what love
was
.

Until he’d found Celia again, he hadn’t known that he’d spent his adulthood searching for her. But now he could see it plainly. God had been trying to lead him back to her because he’d been too stupid to recognize what she was to him the first time.

He’d married the right woman in Vegas. It had just taken him years to realize it.

T
he next morning Celia glanced up from the table she was wiping, spotted Tawny entering Cream or Sugar, and groaned inwardly. This, she did not need. She’d surpassed her limit of pretend-friendly interactions with Tawny Bettenfield.

“Hey, Celia.”

“Hi, Tawny.” Celia tucked part of her dish towel into her back pocket and approached.

As usual, Tawny had dressed in a silky-looking top, high heels, and cute jewelry. Her hair tumbled down the front of one shoulder. “Is Ty here?”

“He’s not coming in until later today. He’s with his brothers this morning doing something called a rattlesnake roundup at Whispering Creek.”

“Ah.” Tawny gave a knowing nod. “Sure.”

Tawny, the born-and-bred Holley girl, appeared to be fine with the idea of Ty riding around on horseback and
searching out
rattlesnakes. The Oregon girl was not fine with it. Any sensible person would agree that Ty should leave the rattlesnakes alone in their little hidey holes. The Oregon girl had spent the morning worrying about him.

Most likely if Celia hadn’t been worried and Tawny hadn’t looked
so absurdly beautiful and hadn’t broken up with the pediatrician, Celia would have said good-bye. Tawny would have gone about her business. And that would have been the end of the conversation.

Instead, “Would you like a chocolate chip cookie?” Celia asked. Orneriness had made her do it.

“No thanks.”

“What about a blueberry scone? I made them this morning.”

“That’s okay.” She moved toward the door. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”

Why won’t Tawny eat my cooking?
“Tawny?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Tawny paused. She raised a manicured eyebrow. “Anything.”

Celia stared at her hard. “Do you love Ty?”

Shock slowly separated Tawny’s shiny coral lips.

“Because the rumor is that you’ve wanted to marry him since the first grade. Is that true?”

Tawny said nothing, apparently too polite or too stunned to dignify Celia’s question with an answer.

If Tawny had the bravery to admit that she loved Ty, then maybe Celia should have the grace to give Tawny’s pursuit of Ty her blessing. A “may the best woman win” sort of agreement. Celia opened her mouth to say something along those lines. What came out was “Ty is my husband.”

Tawny’s posture stiffened. Her eyes began to narrow.

Celia dropped her hands to her sides and felt her fingers curl in. Weeks of pent-up emotion and confusion over Ty mounted inside her like lava. She couldn’t help this ridiculous
compulsion
she had to protect Ty—from himself, from Tawny. “Ty’s gorgeous, and he can make your tummy flip with a smile and give you goose bumps with a look. Yes, he can. And so while I understand, very clearly, why you’d love him, I feel compelled to tell you that you can’t have him.”

“Have you lost your mind?”

“
Have you?
Why else would you chase after a married man?”

“You two are barely married.”

“But we
are
married.”

“And for your information, I’m not the one chasing after him. Ty’s been chasing me. For years.”

“Well, not any longer!”

“No? Then how come I was kissing him,” Tawny spoke with slow and articulate venom, “just last night?”

A blistering, unbearably painful silence fell. Tawny’s words, their meaning, the mental image of Ty and Tawny together, sliced through Celia’s brain, her heart. She took two steps backward.
Kissing. Last night
. She set her palm against the cool glass of the bakery display case and groped for balance. Staring at the floor, she willed herself not to pass out or cry or say anything more in front of Tawny.

“Celia?” Tawny asked, tentative. “I’m really sorry I said that.”

Celia couldn’t respond. With everything she had, she willed Tawny to leave. Right when she sincerely thought she might lose it, she heard the clicking of Tawny’s shoes as she walked away. The closing of the door.

The forgiveness Celia had been working to extend to Ty reeled in on itself like a tape measure. And like a tape measure, it snapped closed. She’d known it. She’d known all along that he would do this to her, but like a fool she’d lowered her defenses anyway, and now they were smashed and lying like broken sticks in a circle around her. Worthless.

Oh, Lord. Oh, God
. Again. You wanted me to forgive him! And now he
’s chosen Tawny over me
.

Again.

By the time Ty arrived at Cream or Sugar, Celia’s stomach had twisted into what felt like a pretzel. Her eyes had gone as moist as Death Valley. Her hands had turned cold and shaky.

If she’d had her way, she’d have locked herself in the pantry and cried buckets after Tawny left. But she was an employee. The
bakery’s customers didn’t know about the devastating information Tawny had handed her. They came in for baked goods and coffee just like they always did.

She was ringing up a line of customers three deep when she saw Ty park his Harley. He pulled off his helmet, exposing rumpled bronze hair. Aviator sunglasses.

When he entered, he greeted the people in line, and they all greeted him back warmly. She could feel his gaze seeking hers, but she studiously focused on counting out change.

“Are you Ty Porter?” a child asked. The red-haired boy looked to be just shy of Addie’s age.

“Yeah,” Ty answered. “I am.”

The boy’s face went soft with awe.

“He’s a bull-riding fan,” his mom said to Ty, settling a hand on the boy’s head.

“Good for you.” Ty smiled down at the kid. “Who do you root for?”

“You. I mean, I did. Is your leg hurt really bad?”

“Not anymore.”

“You going to ride again?”

“No, I’m not.”

The boy frowned, his eyes enormous with sadness.

Ty clasped him on the shoulder. “I had a long career. I’m still going to go to some of the events and talk on TV about how the other riders are doing.”

The kid nodded. “You were real good. The best I ever seen.”

“Thank you.”

“Can I have your autograph?”

“If you want it.”

“He collects them,” his mom added.

Ty set aside his sunglasses and helmet.

One customer left, and Celia served the other and then the boy’s mom while Ty handed over his signature and chatted with the boy.

Celia couldn’t believe she was about to break up with someone that young children idolized and asked for autographs. She wished
Ty wasn’t famous, wished he was one of those boring, dependable types who never gave their wives a moment’s worry and weren’t attractive enough to garner the attention of gorgeous brunettes.

No. She didn’t wish all that. She wished Ty was exactly who he was, only trustworthy.

As soon as the mother and son left, Celia went to the front door and taped the handwritten
Be back in
just a minute!
sign she’d prepared to the inset window. Deftly, she turned the lock.

“I’m liking the looks of this,” Ty stated.

“Mind coming with me for a minute?”

“I never thought I’d see the day when the rule follower broke a rule and closed the shop during business hours.”

“Coming or not?”

“Definitely coming.”

She led him up the stairs.

“Now I’m
really
liking the looks of this.”

She continued along the hallway to Donetta and Jerry’s office, the most private room in the place. With a flick, she turned on the lights. Two metal desks formed an L shape. The space would have been ugly, except for the incongruously exquisite old rectangular windows that framed views of the town square.

Celia crossed her arms.

The sight of Ty’s lopsided smile, so full of tenderness, affected her like a dagger. “We can’t kiss anymore,” she said.

He went still, concern etching a line between his brows.

“And I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to work here anymore, either.”

A few beats went by. “Excuse me?” His voice had gone raspy and dangerous.

Her chest tightened.

“Say whatever it is you need to say to me, Celia. Plainly.”

“When we started kissing, I didn’t ask where our relationship was going. I didn’t ask for a future. I only asked for one thing. I asked you not to kiss anyone else while you were kissing me.”

“And?”

“And Tawny came by earlier. She told me that the two of you kissed last night.”

Instant fury filled his face. “Is that all she said? That we kissed?”

“Yes.”

“She didn’t say that
she
was the one that kissed me?”

She’d expected him to have a quick retort, would have been surprised if he hadn’t.

“I pulled away after two seconds,” he said, “and told her that the chance for a relationship between us was over. Did she tell you that?”

“No.”

“That’s what happened.” The room’s stark fluorescent light hid nothing, not a single detail of him. She could see the faint scars on his face, the piercing blue of his eyes, the taut lines of his torso beneath his T-shirt. “Do you believe me?”

Since her confrontation with Tawny, she’d had time to think everything through multiple times. If a friend of hers had come to her with this scenario—a boyfriend who’d kissed someone, then blamed it on the other woman—Celia would have advised her friend to treat the boyfriend with the highest level of distrust. Red flags cropped up during the beginnings of doomed relationships. Celia believed this, believed that women had to heed those flags if they wanted to escape intact.

“Celia?” he asked, tense. “I need for you to believe me.”

“Trust is something that takes a long time to rebuild—”

“I would have given you all the time you needed. But this thing with Tawny has happened, and I need for you to believe me
now
.”

She still had a dash of intelligence left in her brain. She still had a desire to protect herself. Most important, she had a child. She couldn’t afford to be gullible. “Look, I don’t even want to know what happened between you and Tawny last night. It doesn’t matter—”

“It matters a
lot to me
.
”

“This fling between us—”

“Fling?”

“—has been fun, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m going to end it before it goes any further or gets more confusing.”

“I am not confused.” Fierce certainty radiated from him.

“For Addie’s sake, we’ll return to being friends.”

He made a slashing motion with his hand. “I don’t want to be your friend. I have plenty of friends. Everyone in this town is my friend.” Visibly, he struggled to hang on to his composure. “You can’t tell me you want nothing more from me than friendship.”

“I want nothing more from you—“

“No,” he answered immediately. “That’s not true.”

She refused to lose her cool, to let emotion overtake her. Even if it killed her, she
could not
show him how much she’d let herself care about him and how much he’d hurt her—again.

They looked at each other with raw and difficult honesty.

“I love you,” he said.

Her heartbeat thumped. He’d never said those words to her before.

“I love you.” His eyes glittered blue. “And I want our marriage to be a real marriage. I want to be married to you all my life. You. Only you.”

She considered running away—out of the building, as far and as fast as she could go, to flee from her razor-sharp longing for him. “You can talk the talk,” she said haltingly. “You really can.” He’d even talked her into marrying him once. She’d regretted it for years afterward. In her weakness, she’d
wanted
to let him persuade her then, just like she wanted to let him persuade her now. “You say all the right things. And maybe you even mean most of what you say. But think about it. A real marriage between us? Husband and wife? You can’t be faithful to me for a lifetime.”

“I swear to you that I can.”

“I don’t—” Her voice broke. She drew herself up. “I don’t trust you not to break my heart again, and I can’t risk it. I can’t risk Addie having to live through that. I’m not the one for you, Ty.” It physically pained her to speak the words. “There are so many women who’d jump at the chance to date you—”

“How can you say that to me?” Color rose on his cheekbones.

Now she’d done it. She’d pushed him too far.

“I don’t want to date other women.”

She tried to swallow. Couldn’t. “We can co-parent Addie—”

“I don’t want to co-parent! I want to marry you, but I’m an idiot because you won’t give me a chance. And you’re a coward because you want some kind of guarantee when all I can give you is my word. Life doesn’t come with guarantees, Celia. Neither do relationships or marriages. Bad things happen.”

“I’d rather avoid the bad things that I can see coming.”

“I’m standing right in front of you, and you can’t see anything at all.”

She felt frozen inside. Stricken. “Ty . . .”

“Sometimes you just have to have faith, Celia. When Tawny kissed me, I stopped it immediately. She’s not the one I want. I love you and I want to be married to you.
Trust. Me
.”