Meant to Be (8 page)

I checked with my dad first, just to make sure this is okay to do, plus I had to promise him twenty-five doflars (from my next paycheck) so he could use his credit card for my sponsorship of Sarai. I'm so excited about this. I printed out her photo from the website, but they'll send me a packet with more information later. Already, I'm wondering if I should sponsor more kids. And my parents are looking into it too. And who knows what Guilty Guy's letter might inspire others to do. This is so
cool! The next letter I answer isn't quite as encouraging, but I felt like I couldn't ignore it either.

Both of the writers of these letters go onto my evergrowing prayer list, but I underline Totally Hopeless s name, and I spend about ten minutes really praying for her/him. I wish I could send my answer directly instead of waiting for the paper to run it on Tuesday. But hopefully God will watch over this person until then. And hopefully my response will encourage this person to reconsider. I was tempted to write about people who are struggling just to live—like AIDS orphans in Africa or moms with cancer in the U.S.—but I figured that might only dilute the message. Still, I'm not sure.

The snow trip was totally awesome! I'm not even sure what the best part was. Our cabin counselor was Josh Miller's fiancee, Caitlin O'Conner, and she was really great. Talk about a role model—I seriously hope that I'll be just a little bit like her someday. I'd heard good things about her from Chloe, but for some reason I wasn't convinced.

For one thing, she's really pretty. Now I realize that’ it's not fair, but sometimes I don't take really good-looking people too seriously. That's pretty judgmental on my part, but it's just how I am.

Anyway, when I first met her, I kind of assumed that this attractive blue-eyed blond chick might be kind of an airhead. Don't ask me why. I mean, my best friend, Natalie, is a pretty blue-eyed blonde, and, well, to be totally honest, she can be a little fluffy sometimes. Even
so, I totally love her (just in case you're reading this, Nat, which you better not be!!!). And there's actually more to Nat than meets the eye likewise, I discovered that Caitlin has real depth to her too. For starters, she really loves God—like totally and wholeheartedly and would do anything for Him. And she also has a heart for children and is willing to be a foreign missionary. For years she's been involved with this mission in Mexico that runs an orphanage, and she told us she wouldn't mind spending her honeymoon there! She said since she and Josh had already planned to volunteer there this summer, it might be that's where they go after the wedding. Go figure.

And it's not like Caitlin doesn't know how to have a good time. I mean, she totally enjoys life, she's in love with her fiance, and she really knows how to have fun. She was great at getting girls to open up during our cabin times. I guess I was one of the more quiet ones, since I still feel unsure about a lot of things.

And it hasn't helped my confidence knowing that Natalie thinks I'm a “baby” Christian. So I kind of like to just keep my mouth shut when people are discussing “spiritual” things. Partly because I HATE looking stupid, and partly because I learn more by just listening. Even so, I had a couple of good one-on-one chats with Caitlin.

“Chloe told me that you don't believe in dating,” I said to her as we shared a chairlift on Saturday morning.

Caitlin laughed. “Word gets around, doesn't it?”

“Well, I think you've inspired Cesar. You know he doesn't date either.”

“Josh told me about that. And I have to respect him for it. It's not easy for a guy to make a commitment like that.”

“So you really think it's wrong to date then?”

She thought about this for a moment. “It's a totally individual thing, Kim. Something you have to figure out for yourself.”

“So how did you figure it out?”

“Well, I dated for a while in high school. I mean, not much really…it wasn't like I was going out all the time or anything like that. But there came a time when God made it crystal clear to me that it was wrong. At the time I thought that meant dating was wrong for everyone, and I kind of went on this campaign to convince all my friends to give up dating too.”

She threw back her head and laughed loudly. “Man, they'd get so mad at me sometimes. They called me Preacher Girl and even started running when they saw me coming. I was pretty pathetic really I think I'd gotten it into my head that I sort of knew it all—I mean, when it came to God's will and spiritual things.”

“That kind of reminds me of my best friend,” I said without thinking.

“Natalie?”

I nodded but felt embarrassed that I'd admitted as much.

Caitlin smiled. “I think Natalie has a good heart, Kim,
but like the rest of us, she might have some growing up to do too. In fact, she kind of reminds me of how I was at her age.”

I thought that was a pretty nice compliment for Natalie but didn't say as much.

“Its taken time, and I still don't have it down, but I've learned that convictions have to come from God, Kim. If we create our own convictions, we usually fall into the trap of thinking we're performing for God—like we can make up all these rules and jump through these hoops, and somehow it makes God happy. But it just doesn't work that way.”

I consider this, but to be honest I don't totally get it. I mean, I know God wants us to obey Him and to do what's right. I'm just not always sure what's right. “So, you're saying it's okay to date unless God tells you not to?”

“Something like that. But you have to be paying attention too. Some people assume that just because they don't audibly hear God telling them something that He's not. But sometimes He's sending us all kinds of signals and messages, but we're just not paying attention. You know what I mean?”

“Sort of.”

We talked a while longer then somehow got onto the subject of her wedding, and to my surprise she asked me about playing violin for their cerenciony.

“Chloe's the one who told me you were really good,” she said. “But I'll totally understand if you're not interested.”

“Not interested?” I echoed with slight disbelief. “Of course, I'm interested. Do you want me to audition?”

“Judging by what Chloe and Allie say, I don't think it's necessary. But how do you feel about ‘Ave Maria?”

“I think its beautiful.”

“And you know it?”

“Sure.” I had to smile now since not only do I know it, but I recently learned it so I could play it for my mom during Christmas this year. “And really,” I told Caitlin, “I'd love to play it for you and Josh.” Well, I couldn't believe how excited she was about this.

“Its so amazing, Kim,” she told me as we reached the crest of the hill. “Watching the way God is working to bring the wedding details together already. Its like I hardly have to do anything. Everything just seems to be falling into place. But I truly believe its because Josh and I are doing this according to God's timing. That's really important.”

I'm not sure that I'll ever have it as together as Caitlin O'Conner, but like I said, she's a pretty good role model for me to imitate. Although she tried to make it very clear to the girls in her cabin that she was just as human as the rest of us. And while I'm sure that's true, you can't miss the way girls like Chloe and Allie and the rest totally admire her.

Even Natalie was pretty impressed. “If I wasn't so involved in my own church, I'd consider switching over,” she told me as we rode home today.

But it wasn't just Caitlin who made the weekend
spedai. Josh's messages were powerful too. He gave us all a New Years challenge to allow God to become bigger in our lives. Even Matthew seemed to think about this during last night s meeting, although he never really said anything.

Now here's the funny thing. I thought Matthew was going on this trip to mostly spend time with me, and while we did ride a fair amount together, he spent a lot of his free time with Cesar and the other guys. And I actually felt slightly offended by this. Okay, I'm only human and a “baby” Christian at that. But I guess I'd expected Matthew to be a little more interested in me.

However, he was impressed with my snowboarding skill. And that was worth a lot! “I can't believe you only just started, Kim,” he said after we completed a fairly challenging run (at least for me—although I tried to hide it). “You're doing really great.”

“That's probably because I'm so short,” I said. “Someone told me that short people have the advantage to maneuver more easily since we're so low to the ground. But then your weight gives you the advantage to go faster.”

He laughed. “Sounds like you're making this into a science.”

“Well, there is a science to everything,” I said as we got onto the lift again.

“So, you're saying if we race this next run, I'll win?”

“Duh.”

And so once we reached the top, Matthew
challenged me to a race. For some stupid reason I agreed, and that's the last I saw of him for quite some time since he rode the next few runs with Josh, Caitlin's brother Benjamin O'Conner, and some of the other youth group guys.

Okay, I should've been glad he was comfortable with these Christian dudes, but I felt a little left out too. Although it was fun hanging with Chloe and Affie. Those girls are a hoot and a half. Chloe's a really good rider, and Allies a really good sport. It was Allies first time, and she spent most of it floundering around in the snow while we tried to coach her. Finally she gave up and joined the tubers, and Chloe and I did a few more runs together.

Then this morning things with Matthew seemed to change. We knew we only had a half day to snowboard, and I was determined to make the most of it. As it turned out, Matthew was too. So we pretty much spent the entire morning together. And during our last run, Matthew thanked me for inviting him to come on the retreat.

“Josh has given me some interesting things to think about, you know,” he told me as we paused midway on the slope to enjoy the view. “But it's not like I'm going to become a Christian anytime soon.”

“That's okay,” I said as I defogged my goggles.

Then to my surprise he put his arms around me and pulled me close. “I really do like you, Kim.” He hugged me tightly.

I hugged him back. “I really like you too.”

“Even if I'm not saved?” He looked down into my face now.

I smiled. “Even if you're not saved.”

Then he kissed me. Just once, but it was very sweet. “Was that okay?” he asked as he stepped away

I grinned as I adjusted my goggles and put my helmet back on. “Hey, it was better than okay,” I yelled as I took off down the hill ahead of him. I felt like I was flying as I rode down: But I wasn't surprised to see him whizzing past me, easily beating me to the bottom of the hill. At least I didn't fall down.

So all in all, it was a fantastic trip. And when I got home, I went on and on about it to my parents. And they seemed pleased that I'd had such a good time. But then after I came up here to go to bed, it occurred to me (again) that I'd forgotten to ask about how my mom was feeling. But then maybe that's okay, maybe she'd rather not be reminded. Besides, we're all still praying for her. We even prayed for her in my cabin during the retreat, and everyone there agreed to keep praying for her until she is totally healed.

I went out with Matthew tonight. I thought I'd talked him into going to youth group with me, but then he switched gears by suggesting we take in a recently released movie instead. And since it was a flick I'd been wanting to see,
it wasn't too difficult for him to tempt me. Even so, I did feel a little guilty for skipping out on youth group tonight.

Okay, I guess I can offidally say that Matthew and I really are dating now. At least that's what Nat calls it.

“Don't give me that ‘we're just friends’ bit,” she told me on Friday. “I saw you guys kissing after school yesterday.”

“Kissing? It was nothing more than a little good-bye peck.”

“Call it what you like. It looked like kissing to me.”

“So, what's the big deal? Everyone does it, Nat.” I didn't mention that I see couples, on a daily basis, who not only kiss but look like they're going for the whole tamale if you ask me.

“The big deal is he's not saved.”

“So it would be okay to kiss him if he was saved?” I asked.

“Well, it changes things,” she told me, as if she was the self-proclaimed expert.

“Okay, you're right. He's not saved yet. But he's taking me to youth group tomorrow night. And you never know what God might be doing.”

That seemed to pacify her. “Does that mean you're not going to youth group with Cesar?” Her eyes got that hungry look again, like she still thinks she might have a chance with Cesar.

“What difference does it make, Nat? You know where he stands. Why don't you give the poor boy a break? Nothing's changed about him and dating.” I didn't
remind her of how unsuccessful her advances during snow camp turned out to be. Cesar was like a rock wall—immovable when it came to her attempts to soften him up. I also didn't ask her why she thinks its okay to keep pestering Cesar when he's made his position perfectly clear, but it's wrong for me to date Matthew. Because in my opinion what she's doing is worse than what I'm doing. But what do I know since I'm a “baby” Christian.