MC: Pres: Book Four (13 page)

I look down.  “Holy fuck!”  I put my head in my hands.  “Holy fuck.”

“Took you long enough.  Now the fuckin tiara is off talk to us.”  Steve says.

“The last time I was away Kate was waiting for me.  She reminded me it was a weekday and she planned her day accordingly.  This time she had shit to do.  I was pissed.  I just expected her to change her plans.  They were taking my fuckin kid with them and I still expected her to change her plans.  I am so fuckin stupid.  I should have just gone with them.”  I look at them.  No one is giving me anything.  

Petey grunts then asks.  “What happened after, you were at the bar with two whores?”

“I had been drinking for a couple of hours.  They came up to me and I didn’t discourage it.  Someone was finally paying attention to me.  I let them hang on me.  Danny came in and asked me to go talk to him.  I was pissed.  I just wanted fuckin time with Kate.  He got her time though.  I didn’t even think about the fuckin kids.  I just swung.”  I might as well tell them everything.  I’m such a fuckin Pussy.  “I knew he wouldn’t hit me.  I didn’t expect him to take the hit though.  The more he didn’t react the more pissed I was.  He didn’t even shake it off.  He just stood there like it didn’t faze him.”

“There’s something wrong with his plate.  I’m positive he felt it.  He had to save face somehow.”  Rob says softly.

I look at him.  “What’s wrong with the plate?”  

“Since I blew up the road sign he’s had problems.  He’s not shy of sayin.  Why don’t you know?”  Steve says shaking his head.

“I don't know.  I don't really think about his stuff.  Fuck.  Kate said something about an appointment but I didn’t pay attention.”  I run my hands through my hair.

“Went to get advice on the relationship, opened his fuckin life to you.  Takes Jessie no problem.  You don’t know fuck about his son, his ability or his fuckin life.  You’re in it just for Kate, it ain’t goin to work she figures it out Brother.  Makes you look as bad as the Brothers think.”  I can see I let him down; it’s right in his eyes.  Fuck.

“It’s not like that.  I like spending time with him and Kate.  I stopped taking meetings at the house.  I help with everything.  I even took Devan on the morning Tiny didn’t show.  I love being part of the family.”

“When it’s convenient.  Soon as it ain’t played your way you throw a hissy fit and walk the fuck away from them and your own fuckin kid.  You don’t know fuck about anything but what you want.  Did you talk to Jessie when you were gone or just Kate?”  Petey fuckin growls at me.

Fuck, am I doing that?  “I talked to him once the rest of the time I talked to Kate.  I just needed to hear her voice.”

"Whole time in Laconia and after Danny and Kate talked to all the kids even Little Ben.  Every fuckin day."  Steve says.  I'm surprised.  When did they do that?  I don't think I ever talked to any one of them during that time.  He nods at me.  He knows.  "Rich and Patches too.  Always called."  Fuck.

“The relationship you’re in is just wrong then.  Danny sacrificed his happiness for Kate.  You sacrifice nothing for no one.  Not even your son.”  Rob says.

“I want this.  You’re wrong.  I claimed them as much as I can right now.  Him, as well as, her.  I’m changing the wording so his name stays on her cut.  I’m trying to do the right thing.  I just fucked up again.”

“You know Kate won’t wear your cut without his name.  That’s her husband.”  Petey says.

I put my head in my hands looking at the table as if it will give me answers.  “Fuck.  I fucked up so bad.  They’re not going to let me back in the fuckin house.”

“Danny’s a fuck of a lot bigger than you right now.  Said last night you will make the decision on whether you stay.  I would have thrown your fuckin ego and ass right the fuck out.”  Steve says.  Petey and Rob agree.

“Why does he want me there?  He’s fuckin smarter, stronger and a fuckin better man than me.  Why the fuck does he even let me in?”

“Kate loves you.”  Rob says like that’s so fuckin simple.  “Danny will do anything to make her happy.  I’m not sure he realized how fuckin egotistical and narcissistic you are, but Kate loves you.  On top of being better than you he’s a selfless bastard.”  They laugh.  I don’t think it’s fuckin funny.

“He fuckin helps me figure shit out.  He’s the dominant one.  I’m not narcissistic.”

They fuckin laugh more.  “How the fuck am I going to fix this?”  I’m getting pissed with their laughing.

“Could call Danny and ask for advice?”  Steve says making them laugh again.

“Fuckin Brothers.  I’m serious.”

“Do you want to be part of the whole or just you and Kate together with Danny as the fuckin nanny so your ego can fit in the bed with her?”  Rob asks.

“Fuck, I want to be part of the whole family.  We’re good together.”

Rob puts his hand on my shoulder.  “You need to find a way to fix the fuckin mess you made with Danny and clue into who he is and what he does.  Wouldn’t hurt for you to learn about the kids and Rich, Patches and Tess.  You need to be invested in their lives outside of the fuckin bedroom.  Danny has been the same since he rejoined the Club.  You never pay attention to him unless whatever he’s doing hits you over the fuckin head.  Brothers look up to him because he doesn’t walk around telling everyone how good he is at anything.  He just does it.”

“You used to be that way, before you started actin like an ass, always tellin us how you’re Pres.  Like we fuckin forgot.”  Petey says.

“Fuck.  I am like that.  I just decided I deserve whatever I want?”  I look at them.  They’re all nodding yes.  “Fuckin hell.  You have to watch me and clue me the fuck in when I’m being an ass.”

“Ain’t a fuckin babysitter but I‘ll mention it.  You change or not is up to you.”  Steve tells me.

“Danny would be a fuck of a lot better off without you throwing drama all over his fuckin life and family all the time.  I’ll tell you just to stop that.”  Rob says.  Holy fuck he’s pissed at me.

“I got no problem tellin you to get a fuckin clue.  Stay away from the fuckin whores too.”  Petey says.

“I haven’t been with anyone but Kate.  I don’t need the fuckin whores.  I was fuckin drunk!”

“Good excuse but you was drunk cause you were bein an ass!”  He yells back.

Danny walks in and everyone throws him chin.  “Need to talk to Pres if you’re finished here.”  He sits opposite of me.  They get up and leave.

Danny

“You can call me Ben, Danny.  I was a fuckin asshole and I know it.  You did nothing to deserve what I was throwing at you.”  He looks sorry.   I’m not going to let it go that easy.

“Here’s the thing Pres.  I don’t know when it’s appropriate to call you whatever the fuck you want me to call you.  At home I’ll call you Ben; everywhere else I’ll call you Pres.  That may even the playing field and give you the comfort you’re looking for.”  

“I know I fuckin deserve everything you’re about to say but don’t let my fuck up keep this going on longer than it needs to.  You made your point.”  He says it softly.

“Good.  What the fuck is your beef now?”

“I was pissed I didn’t get what I wanted when I wanted it.  It’s that fuckin simple.  I was jealous that Kate didn’t stay home with me yesterday.  I didn’t think about the kids, you or her.  I just reacted, acting like a spoiled kid.  It was pointed out to me that I’ve become a narcissistic bastard.  I’ll be working on that while I see the therapist.”

I hold my fuckin face and laugh.  “Narcissism is a mental disorder listed in the DSM.”  He looks confused.  “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.  I think your ego is a bit inflated at times, but you don’t have a mental disorder.”

“How the fuck do you know this shit?  You’re fuckin dyslexic.”  He’s pissed.

I put my hand up.  “How the fuck can you be pissed because I have trouble reading.  My dyslexia is what helped me learn how to overcome obstacles.  It’s not a disability so much as an ability to figure out a different way of doing things.  Just because I have trouble reading doesn’t mean that I don’t read.  Being dyslexic made me who I am.  Apparently who I am pisses you right the fuck off.  Why the fuck did you throw in with us if you can’t stand me?”  As far as I’m concerned he’s got no fuckin right to be pissed.

“That’s not even close to it.  You’re better at everything than me.  You’re a better man than me.  I respect the fuck out of you.  I don’t know why Kate even loves me with you around.”

“So we’re back to that.  After the way you’ve been acting, I don’t know what the fuck she sees in you, but whatever it is she loves it.  The problem lies with how we’re going to handle being around each other without me ripping your fuckin head off for the disrespect you seem to need to throw at me.  If I had done something wrong, I would understand it.  The fact that it’s there because I’m breathing tends to piss me off.”  I can’t be any plainer than that.

“I know I fucked up huge this time.  I have been trying to work out my issues.  I go to therapy regularly.  I’m making the effort to be a part of this family.  I love being part of the family.  I’ll work to stay there.  No, that’s wrong.  I’ll fight to stay there.  I know you can stop that, but I will fight for it.  I’m sorry for what I did.  If you tell me how to fix it I will.  I need to fix what I fucked up with us before I can see Kate.  What do I need to do Brother to make it right?”  He’s sincere.  His eyes are begging me and I feel like an ass for making him go there.

“You just did.  You have some issues Ben.  Stay with therapy until they’re worked out.  If you need me to go with you to work us out, I will.  You have a couple of things that you need to remember.  Kate is about the kids on the weekends.  That’s her time with them.  I will always give her that.  It’s what makes her such a great mom.  I love that quality about her.  Don’t give her shit about that time.  She’s got seven kids under twelve to deal with.  Rich, Patches and Tess then me and you on top of them.  She doesn’t need any more stress than she carries.  She’s amazing just the way she is.  I won’t allow you to make her feel guilty for wanting to be a mom.  Second, if you ever put your fuckin hands on me again, I will not hold back.  I was serious when I said you got the only shots you are ever going to get.  Third, you need to be at Security to help teach the kids to ride.  They will be there in thirty minutes.  You can’t expect me to keep picking up the slack for you.  This is something their fathers should be doing together.  That’s us and you’re up.  I’ll take three and you take three.”  I stand up.

“That’s it?  You’re not going to beat the fuck out of me?”  He asks making me laugh again.  Fuckin Ben.

I hold my face.  “Not today.  You make me laugh.  I need it.  Next training I want to take your place.  You’ll have to get me up to speed but I’m going.”

“Ok.”  He says not believing me.  This will give him some time with Kate without me being beside them.  I think they need the time and this will work perfect.

“Took business in college too.  I'm not a fuckin moron.  I can do the job if you tell me what they need to know.”

“Fuckin Brother.”  He shakes his head.  I start my bike and ride away.  I’m not into formation or his fuckin ego today.  Steve throws me chin as I pass him going seventy. 

Kate

I have the kids loaded and hope Danny shows up for their lesson.  I haven’t heard from him and from what Nancy said Steve called off church today and a bunch of Brothers followed Danny for a ride.  I don’t know what to think about Ben.  If he is so set on me not being with the kids, I’m not sure he’s the man I thought he was.  I put Danny through all this for nothing.  I can’t believe I misjudged him so badly.  My husband deserves a freakin medal for putting up with me.  I breathe a sigh of relief when I see Danny in the lot.  Ben walks out the door and watches me.  At least they're in the same lot.  Danny comes to the door before I shut off the suv, he has my door open and smiles as the kids jump out running to Ben.

“I’m glad to see you honey.  I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

He smiles with his hand on his face and kisses me.  Sparks run through me.  I smile up at him.  “Everything’s fine baby.”

“Thank you for that.  I’ll be glad when you’re not in pain.  Is this going to aggravate it?”  I put my hand on his face.

“No baby.  Ben is going to take three and I’ll take the other three.  It will work out fine.”  He kisses my head.

I feel my eyes burning.  “Thank you.”  I look over at Ben, he’s watching.

“Go ahead baby, it’s all good.”  He turns me toward Ben.

Tears fall.  Danny made it better.  I walk up to Ben.  Danny calls the kids to him as I make it to the stairs.  “I’m still pissed at you.  We need to talk but I’m glad you’re here.”

“I deserve it and more.  I’ll work to make it up to you.  I’m sorry for the way I acted.  You were right in everything you said.  Will you give me another shot to get it right?”  I can see he means everything he saying.

“Ben you don’t need another shot.  I already love you.  You need to prove that I wasn’t wrong to give you my heart.  My kids mean everything to me, that isn’t going to change.”

“It shouldn’t change.  I love you just the way you are.  I’m sorry I put doubt on you and I’m sorry I disrespected Danny so badly.  I know that hurts you too.  I will work to fix all of it.”  He’s serious.  I nod and hug him.  He kisses my head.