MC: LaPonte (6 page)

"Quit being sappy. We are
not crying tonight. This is the new Kate." Tracy slaps Jess'
arm.

I crack up, "love you
guys." I tell them and stuff a forkful of chicken in my
mouth.

Danny

"Glad to see you've come
to your senses. I was dreading Rich coming home seeing the man you
turned into. No honor in the way you've been acting, your boy don't
need to see that." Petey looks at me and I can see the
disappointment in his eyes. Fuck.

I look away. "I moved back
home last night Petey. I need to find a way to keep
Kate."

He scoffs, "didn't think
you ever wanted her."

"Fuck Petey. I know I
fucked up, but I care about her." I still can't look at him so I
fiddle with the plug wires he just pulled out.

"You got a funny way of
showing it Brother. Seems you only cared when someone else picked
up what you dropped. You sure it's Kate you care about and not that
you may have to share her?" He says low.

"Yeah I'm sure. I always
knew I would end up with her. I just fucked it up thinking she
would wait." Fuck I'm such a selfish dick. I deserve all the shit
I'm going to get from the Brothers. How long did I think she'd wait
for me to finish fuckin anything with a pussy? I've been fucking
around for two years, seeing Kate for more than half of
that.

"I'm thinking you need to
let her decide what she wants to give you right now. Jared is a
Brother. He's waited just as long as Kate did. Always treated his
old lady right. Never touched a whore while she was alive. Kate's
not wrong giving him a shot. He's a good man." What the fuck? Am I
the only one that didn't know fuckin Jared is waiting to snatch her
up?

"I'm not?" I growl at him.
What the fuck?

"Use to be." He looks
right at me.

I turn around and walk
out. Fuck! What the fuck happened to Brothers having my back? 'Use
to be' a good man, no fuckin judgment there. I used to be the
number two fuckin soldier. Now I’m the douche that dated Kate so I
get nothing from my Brothers?

I hit the R&R. Rob is
behind the bar helping out the Prospect. Just what I fuckin need,
should have gone to The Plank.

"Danny, what can I get
you?" He looks resigned. Fuckin great.

"Shot of jack, thanks." I
turn and look around. Thank fuck there are no brothers
here.

"Didn't think it was my
place to call you yesterday. I hope you understand."

Fuck. I look back at him.
Every fuckin bit of this is my own fault. "Wasn't you're place to
call me. You did the right thing." He gives me chin. "I got to
figure out how to get her back." I say almost to myself.

"Danny you were a good man
when she fell for you. Get back to that guy, she'll be there
again." He isn't harsh with his words, they sting more because if
it.

Fuck, everyone really does
thinks I'm a fuckin douche. I was a good man, he's right, my son
and sister looked at me with love, with respect. Today Jess and
Petey looked at me disgusted. I slide the shot back to him and
throw a twenty on the bar. "Now's a good time to start." I turn to
leave.

"That's the fuckin Danny I
know. Good luck Brother." I throw a wave over my
shoulder.

Heading home I swing by
Kate's, Jess' suv is still there. I keep going. I need to talk to
her but I don't need an audience or another fuckin lecture today.
I'll call her later. I know I deserve the shit that's thrown at me
but not tonight.

It's almost ten. I call
with my heart beating double time when she picks up. "Kate, please
don't hang up."

"I wasn't going to." She
doesn't sound pissed.

"K, I use to be a guy
people looked up to. I fucked that up in the worst way. I was a
selfish bastard, I'm ashamed of the way I acted and treated you. I
never cheated on my ex; once I was free I acted like a fuckin dick.
I don't want to lose you and I know I've got no right to ask." I
take a deep breath. "Can you give me some time to get my life back
in order, us back in order? Get back to the guy people liked having
around, someone you can be proud of." I let out the breath and
wait.

She hesitates, fuck, I did
this to my beautiful Kate, put this doubt in her. "There are some
things we need to talk about that have to do with me, not you." She
pauses. "I think I'd like to see the old Danny while I'm figuring
them out." She says almost shy like.

The breath I was holding
whooshes out, "thank fuck. I know I don't deserve a second chance,
you won't regret it."

"Danny we need to talk,
really talk. I see where I've let this whole thing with you change
me. I don't like what I'm seeing. You may not like what I need to
do in order to make a decision about us." She sounds like she's
frowning. Jesus, my shit not only hit her but fucked with her
life.

"I'm sorry I put you where
you are right now. Whatever you need, I'm behind it. I'm not asking
for a decision Kate. Just a shot before you make one. We use to be
friends. I'd like the chance to start from there." My brain is
chanting 'say yes'.

"I'd like that. I have a
couple of days off, would you like to take me to breakfast
tomorrow?" She's back to shy but I hear her smile.

"I'll be there at nine.
Thanks for the shot Kate." My throat is tight. Fuck.

"See you tomorrow." She
says softly and I get dead air.

Fuck. I sit on the porch
going over everything I can remember her saying. I'm going get back
to the guy I was and win her back.

Chapter Six

I'm just walking out the
club doors with the last of the shit from my room when I feel a
hand on my shoulder. "Danny I need some help man. I got a run
Friday but I have to be in court. Can you take it for me? Just
running from Boston shipyard to Providence. Group of eight
going."

"Sure Bob. What time?"
I've done this run before it's just a ride along.

He visibly relaxes. "Guys
pull out at six thirty am. I appreciate it man." He slaps my back
and heads back inside. I won’t tell him but I love subbing for
him.

I make it to Kate's and
she's waiting for me on the porch before I can put the truck in
park she's opening the door. "I would have got that." I'm not sure
what to do here.

"I got it, no need for you
to get out." She clips her belt without moving toward
me.

"I was wondering what to
do here. If I would get a kiss but maybe that was too
presumptuous." I watch for her reaction.

She looks at me and sighs.
"I need to figure out what I want Danny. I don't think I should
cloud my judgments or feelings anymore by jumping right back to
where we were. I'd like to talk to you but I don't want to do it
right here in my driveway."

I shift and pull out.
"Ok." I drive to a diner across town. The silence is stifling. What
the fuck am I supposed to say? I park and she waits for me to get
the door. Thank fuck that didn't change. I'm feeling so low opening
her door gives me a lift. Fuckin pathetic.

After we get our drinks I
tell the waitress we'll let her know when we're ready to order.
Kate takes a drink and looks at me. I'm scared shitless and wait
for her to start.

"Since we've been seeing
each other I have not been with anyone else. We never talked about
exclusive so I can't even be angry at you seeing other people. I'm
hurt that you would be so blatantly open about the whores when I
know most of the guys from the club and see them regularly. I think
I'm more humiliated than anything else. It was a conversation I
overheard that clued me into your exploits with other guys and more
than one whore. When the guys look at me with pity, now understand
why, I never got it before. If I'm not enough for you, I think you
should have the balls to end us. Humiliation is not a mask I enjoy
wearing." She looks at me with tears in her eyes; she's trying to
blink them away.

"I never meant to hurt
you. I didn't set out to hurt you Kate. I'm so sorry I did." She
nods but doesn't say anything. "When I got free of De I still had
Rich to look after. I did nothing that would show him anything but
how to be honorable and live with integrity. I wanted him to have a
good role model. I was determined to be that for him. When he left
I was free for the first time since I was nineteen. I was living
every fantasy I ever had. I never once thought about how that would
touch you. I always thought we'd end up together. The longer I
played the more I did. I was a fuckin selfish bastard assuming
you'd wait as long as I wanted you to. I didn't think about how my
shit would hit you and how much that would hurt. I have absolutely
no excuse to give you. I shouldn't have taken you out when I was
still planning on living my fuckin fantasies. I tried to stay away
from you but I couldn't. You're the polar opposite of De and I
wanted you. I could see myself growing old with you. I fuckin
strung you along acting like one of those fuckin selfish bastards
that I always hated. I was never trying to get rid of you." She's
not throwing her drink at me so I wait for what's going through her
head.

"It was selfish. I
remember you not calling me after the first time we went out. Again
we never had the exclusive talk, as a matter of fact; we never had
any kind of relationship talk. I allowed you to treat me as if I
was a convenience. While doing that I let myself down, I became
one. I turned into the woman that didn't believe she was worth any
effort on your part. I wanted you to feel the same way I did and
allowed you to fuck me twice a month without even the pay that the
whores draw." She says so matter of fact. Fuck. I wince.

What the fuck have I done
to her? "Never were you treated like a whore Kate. I never treated
you like..." She waves her hand at me.

"You did. You fucked me
twice a month after wining and dining me. Never promising or
agreeing to anything more than a text about the next date. You
don't call me in between, don't check on me to see if I'm alright,
never called me on my birthday or even when we have a lockdown. You
give me nothing but a few hours each month and I accepted that.
After the last date when I asked you for more time and you left so
fast I decided I would start dating again. We didn't have exclusive
rights to each other and I can't go on like this. I want a family
and a man that loves me every day. I spent my whole life alone. I
want to be number one in a man’s life. I want to make a man number
one in mine." She looks so fuckin hurt. Fuck! I hold her
hand.

"I'm sorry I made you
doubt your worth. I want to make it up to you, start over and show
you what you mean to me. Doing it the right way, with my head out
of my ass. I don't want you to be embarrassed to be with me. I need
to go back and be the guy you'd be proud of. I hate seeing the hurt
disappointment in your eyes. Knowing that I put it
there."

She nods and gives me a
sad smile. "I told you last night that I'd give you a shot before
making any decisions. I will but while you’re figuring out how to
be Danny again, I'll be dating." She watches me. My body freezes, I
hold my breath. "I need to know that it's actually you I want to be
with or if it's the idea of the guy that use to be you. I need to
feel worth something again." She watches me. Fuck. Her dating is
going to fuckin kill me.

"I did this. I made you
feel worthless and I can't tell you how sorry I am. I'll take
whatever time you're willing to give me. I fucked us up. I'm going
to work on earning your trust and respect back Kate. There won't be
other women or whores while I'm doing it. I promise you. You do
what you need to while I'm working on me and us. I won't make you
regret giving me a shot Kate. I don't want to lose you, I'll make
sure I do it right." I let her hand go. "Can I call you and take
you out, not on dates but just spending time with you until you're
ready for a date with me?" My fuckin brain is chanting please say
yes.

She hesitates. "I guess I
can't say no to that. I agreed to give you a shot. I want to be
clear, no sex, just friendship until I'm ready to make a decision.
I can't go there with you. It clouds my judgment."

"Fair enough and thank
you. I won't fuck it up." I'm hoping she can trust me enough to
believe me.

She nods. "Can we get
breakfast now? I'm starving."

For the first fuckin time
since yesterday I breathe easy. I smile and squeeze her hand,
"Yeah, me too." I call the waitress over. She looks put out. I
smile at her. "I fucked up and had to renegotiate our relationship.
Sorry it took so long but I fucked up big. Thanks for being
patient."

She smiles at Kate, "Good
for you, it's always the GQ looking guys that screw it up. Make him
work for it honey." She's not fuckin helping. I just didn't want
her to spit in our food because we made her wait. Kate laughs and
tells her what she'll have. I give her my order and she gives me a
look. Fuck. Kate laughs again.

"I just didn't want her
pissed with our food back there. Now I'm not so sure she won't spit
in my food, I think yours is safe." I'm watching the woman put our
order in. Kate cracks up.

Chapter Seven

I pull up to Tiny’s and
hit the horn. He lumbers out with a funky fishing hat on. I can’t
help but laugh. His piercings and tats just don’t go with the
grandpa hat he’s wearing.